4 Hide And Seek

We should not be upset that others hide the truth from us, when we hide it so often from ourselves.

***

The books displayed in the professor's office didn't actually surprised me, but it indeed caught my attention.

It was obvious that the professor loves to read.

I smirked. Because of her interest in books, the professor kept on sending us indirect signals about what she knows.

She's really hiding something up in her sleeves.

"Books aren't something where you just read words in. They're also a tool to adjust your senses." Mrs. Sandoval said that made me smile.

"Cut it." I said while showing her a sweet smile. "What do you want?"

Okay, that's just. . .rude.

The professor just smiled, then she continued. Not minding what I said.

"The feeling of the paper that you're touching with your fingers and the momentary stimulation your brain receives when you turn pages, isn't it wonderful, Xaye?" She said as she looked into my eyes.

"It is." I simply answered.

It was quite noticeable that the books inside the office are those about law and the principle that our academy has. "Though, following the book doesn't always give the best results. You should know that." I added while taking a look at the books in the professor's shelves.

No dust in it. She always read these, huh?

Tch.

Well, maybe its time for you to just bring back your books to its shelves, Mrs. Sandoval.

"There are times when you can't solve the problem by following the manual. Yes, you are a professor and that gives you power. And I know that you should use that power in a way that is favorable to the system, since they are the ones who gave that to you, but. . ." I smirked. "Don't mistake borrowed power for your own ability." She continued.

I felt Mrs. Sandoval stiffen.

Bullseye?

Too early to be certain.

I peeked the surrounding. On her table, is a book that piqued my interest. I was about to go near it when the professor spoke.

"You know, Descartes once said that there are those who can't make a decision because either their desires are too great or they lack intellect." Mrs. Sandoval looked at me with a bleak face. "Which do you think am I?"

"Oh, I'm certain you forgot something. You know, fear is a physiological reaction so powerful as to make anyone abandon their pride and convictions." I saw Mrs. Sandoval's downcast eyes but it didn't last long. "Some people lose the ability to think clearly because of fear. And wretchedly, you are one of those 'some' people." I smiled mischievously.

Mrs. Sandoval nodded to her answer. "You really are an interesting person, aren't you?" She gave out a wan laugh. "Xaye, maybe it's just that, it's not me who is destined to make things right."

Not destined, huh?

I never believed in destiny. For me, destiny is just a lot of puppet strings. Puppet strings that can be cut.

. . .because we are the ones responsible for our future.

The future always belongs to us.

"Maybe you're right. Because what needs to be done is done by those capable of doing it. And I don't think a coward is capable of doing such a move."

Ooh, trying to be persistent?

Deep inside, I know she wants to fight. I know that she's capabale of doing something.

But something is just holding her back.

Fear?

Power?

I'm not really certain.

I walked near her table and brought the book on her table back on its shelf.

My eyes didn't let the sight of the clock pass through without having a thought.

The little hand of the clock pointed the number 9, while the longer hand pointed at 30.

15 minutes 'til her next class starts.

I better make this quick.

While the professor is fixing her things that she'll surely use for her next class, I chose to get a book from one of Mrs. Sandoval's shelves and I turned the pages without reading it. Then I spoke.

"The thing about our system right now, is that everyone is suffering from violence that is referred to as healing." I said without looking directly at Mrs. Sandoval's eyes.

There are lots of questions---hows, whys.

And wretchedly, there's not even a single answer to it.

But that's the thing about this world, right?

The only thing certain here. . .are the uncertainties.

That thought alone terrifies me. But well aware that I shouldn't be.

I erased all the other thoughts in my mind.

'Xaye, focus on Mrs. Sandoval. You got this.' I mentally told myself.

"Mrs. Sandoval, you are not just a cog in the machine. Even if society pressures you, as long as you have the spirit to resist, you are a human being." This time, I gave the professor a genuine smile. "Society won't determine our futures. It is us who will determine our society's future."

Then, I decided to look at the professor. That's also the time when I noticed that she's already done preparing her stuff for her next class.

"If defiance is your final answer, don't pretend otherwise from the start." I added.

She checked the time. 09:34

Nice, she still has some time.

Since she can really assure herself that it won't be a great view to saw a future lawyer being late to her next class.

The professor stopped what she's doing, to stare at me. She seems to be analyzing something. . .

"I've read a lot of books. And most of it says that the answer is always hiding in your story."

My forehead creased.

What is she trying to imply?

"Xaye, tell me, what do you think about having power?" She asked me. I just looked at her, confused.

We really can't be direct with each other, can we?

"I dont think it's a big deal whether you have power or not. It doesn't matter as long as you're confident about yourself." I plainly answered.

Now what's the deal with having power?

"Sometimes, you may think you've escaped the pain and forgotten it, but all you have is stagnation." Now, it's Mrs. Sandoval turn to smile mischievously. "You can't move forward."

"What are you talking about-" Mrs Sandoval stopped me by saying,

"You know in yourself that you also have the power to make a move --- a difference. So be careful." The professor took her bag and started walking towards me.

No, it wasn't towards me, but towards the door.

Is it time to leave already?

Who knows? I can't look at the clock. I'm too spaced-out to think of anything.

I followed her steps 'til we reach the exit, not blinking, not even a bit.

How did she- what does she know?!

And as Mrs. Sandoval turns off the light, she continued her advice,

"For people who possess overwhelming power tend to inspire instinctual fear."

That's it. I'm doomed.