15 Concept for new novel

"Come talk to me when you learn how to give respect!"

A disappointed voice rang out from a room. a room with the only sound after that was a fan, no sounds indicating movement. nothing, just silence.

"respect. huh, when did that disappear from me? when my dad was beating me? when they used me to get money from you and my mother? or the fact that I'm surrounded by retards, in home i never had someone to talk to, sure i can give orders to my younger cousin or have a fucking verbal battle with the older one, but when have i had a discussion for no reason? i can have a discussion and it may just be a cover for something i want. honestly tell me have i actually smiled for no reason? sure i laugh or grin at stupid shit. but have you seen me in a pleasant mood just because? No. only time you saw me having fun with a subtle smile on my face was when you left me to my own devices, i didn't need other people to have fun. at the age of 6 i went from being pampered to a foreign place, 1 year later i am already being forced to stay awake because i need to stick with my father at the same time i would sometimes receive beatings or just harsh verbal abuse. heck i even saw that bastard attempt suicide. Pussy shit, instead of a gun or a noose he choose to drink a fairly slow acting drug. Pussy shit. he didn't have enough guts, he needed to get drunk. how did that affect me? i learned people can do dumb shit.

I lost my bestfriend unknowingly. i found out the reason 1 year too late, his former almost girlfriend took fancy of me, and even then that bitch forgot me within a few months.

I face humiliation and people often comment on my behavior sure i may not be disciplined but when have i caused outright trouble? I AM SICK WITH THE COMMENTS OF I AM WASTING MY CAPABILITIES THAT I'M WASTING MY BRAIN. I AM NOT SMART! YOU RETARDS ARE JUST SO FUCKING STUPID! I SOMETIMES EXCEL BECAUSE I TOOK A LIKING TO THE SUBJECT TRUE, BUT THERE IS NO DENYING YOU FUCKERS ARE RETARDED YOU BITCHES EVEN GAVE UP WITHOUT EVEN ACTUALLY TRYING IT PUBLICLY, WHO THE FUCK THINKS THAT A LANGUAGE IS HARD WITHOUT EVEN PROPERLY TRYING TO LEARN IT."

the room maintained its tranquility, the outburst of profanities only happened in the mind of a person, that person has an apathetic and indifferent face, as if his most loved family member didn't just outright say she was disappointed in him. he proceeded to just read more, he wanted to get lost in the fantasies of novels, of games, of anime. his only solace in life was his fantasies.

he lived a life not too hard but it severely affected his mentality the first time a family member of his died, he was only complaining about being forced to do the ceremonies, after the ceremonies were done he was back to his fantasies.

2nd time it happened it took a closer one to his heart, he didn't cry yet again and he even skipped out on the ceremonies to play with friends, they didn't know immediately that his uncle died. he maintained his slightly aloof expression.

Like a noh mask he maintains his expression. he was a stoic individual rarely showing his true thoughts, it has only happened a few times and those times it was when he let out pent up stress. his mental state during those times where in a complete mess he couldn't hide his feelings.

He rarely cried, in regards to real life his classmates didn't see him cry not even once, even as a catholic when he was met with the movie the passion of christ hard ships that were depicted on it the hardships of their 'savior' he didn't cry, he only commented 'that must've been hard to act out'

at the age of 13 when his class was in a retreat to a different place, more christian bullshit was on his mind, they went into a place reminiscent of a monastery, the guide was a male and female giving speeches about 'people' 'love' 'saved' 'blessed'. Before they departed for the place in school they were tasked about informing their parents to wright a letter to them he didn't bother listening he didn't plan on informing his father, he hazily remembers the fact that the letters were something about. what they truly thought about them the hard ships how much they love them.

When it was finally time to open and read it, it was in the middle of a video showing the hardships of people around the world, and even then the people with unfortunate circumstances still with a smile on their faces or love by their side, they were tasked to read said letter, the group of grade 6 students consisting of 3 classes, all of them cried except one.

he always thought 'what would the feeling of death be? would it be a cold embrace, or maybe even a confined space? maybe at most a blank slate.'

would it be an instant cut off. would he still be able to think, what do bullets feel like when they go through your head?

the teen finally moved, he was called to dinner, that he did he ate with a vigor to get out of that place, for every second he spent there was grating his ears.

"why do the damn retards need to speak as if whoever they were talking to was 10 feet away, no more so why do they even bother speaking when eating, and why does that damn spoiled brat always fucking wastes food, she is fucking spoiled, she screams like a fucking basnhee when playing with her friends, but becomes deathly silent when asked by me my father and when asked the tell the truth. WORST IS SHE LIES HOW MANY TIMES WAS I CONFRONTED ABOUT LEAVING DOORS OPEN ABOUT NOT SHUTTING OFF LIGHTS WHEN IT WASN'T ME WHO CAUSED THEM, I FUCKING SAW HER DOING THAT SHIT, I WAS THERE, SHE WAS ME, SHE STILL ACCUSED ME, AND WHEN I TOLD THAT TO THE FUCKING OLD DYING RETARD HE DIDN'T FUCKING BELIEVE ME HE ONLY ASKED HER 'he said it was you now tell me the truth' 'it wasn't me...' AND HE WOULD PROCEED SAYING HOW COULD A CHILD LIE. ONLY YOU AND YOUR GOOD FOR NOTHING OF A FATHER WOULD.

he was so fucking enraged that he didn't even bother, he walked off and proceeded to his room, he was confronted, and even threatened, but he didn't care and he even thought 'punch me kick me provide me evidence to put you behind bars. atleast my father allows me to do what the fuck i want' and it never came. he even once told his cousins "wouldn't it be so good when that old retard finally kick the bucket?" he was told on and was threatened even more so, the 'old bastard' screamed in close proximity, hurting his ears. but even then he quickly calmed down.

but after that he would burst into tears thinking how unfair, how it hurts so much, how his grandfather didn't believe him. how he is judged because of his drunkard of a father.

the stress of his 16 years of existence puts him in a path.

he asked to see the gun of an family acquaintance, proceeds to kill himself.

'i always wondered how severe blood lost feels like, i feel like im being drained, as if i was deflating, and the biting cold quickly creeps up on me, the cold feels nice, i always liked the cold somewhat, the lose of feeling reminds me of how they say some drugs can cause this, if drugs could cause this feeling of me being weightless i would have become an addict. ah the embrace of death, i can barely move now, i am positive i won't be saved in time, that shotgun was strong huh...'

as he lay down in a puddle of blood with his 'family' rushing out to see source of the sound and seeing him laying down in his puddle of blood they panicked.

'even retards who biased me will panic when seeing me attempt suicide huh. ah the pain, is being washed over by the embrace of death...'

then darkness, for him it was still, he was sitting in a space of endless darkness, he was able to think, he wasn't able to move, scratch that, he wasn't sure if he was moving.

'this sucks, do i spend eternity recalling my past life?'

This is a concept to start a new novel with a dark mc with somewhat of a messed up mindset. you guys like it?