1 Best Friend

when did we become so..... distant?

i was happy.

you were there at my lowest

you did'nt abandoned me

your pats gave me solace

i was glad you stayed

not until i heard the words you uttered.

you made fun of me.

you thought lightly of my sufferings.

i dont want to admit it.

i was in denial.

and so i believed that you said it unintentionally

but the doubts never fade

years passed

its still the same

but i never forgot that day.

it was etched on my head

like a curse pestering me every night

i laughed at morning

i cried at night

those have become my daily routine

but i was satisfied

being with you is enough

i was satisfied but you werent

is that why you suddenly became so.. distant?

i thought we clicked

we have the same likes and hobbies

but why... why did you change?

did i do something wrong?

am i boring?

were you tired of me?

am i... not enough?

i wanted to ask those questions

but seeing you so happy and content

i cant bring myself to ask why

because even if it hurts i have no choice but to accept

you're better off without me

you dont need to think of sad things

no need to be serious all the time

with them, you can be as happy as long as you want

im hapy as long you are happpy

is what i portayed

but deep inside

within this facade of mine

my heart aches everytime i see you

it hurts

its unbearable

i want to scream

i want to throw eveything around me

but i cant.

i can no longer show you my weakness

as i know, ill only feel betrayed

ill have hope

hope that will lead me to despair

and so i watched from afar

i watched as you laughed with them

i watched as you change your seats

i watched as you started to walk away

leaving me behind

i saw your back

it used to be a sturdy wall that protected me from any harm

but now it turned to be a wall that trapped me into this never-ending pain

time passed

i started to become used to this pain

it wasn't easy

but i somehow managed

out of nowhere

we're on the same group

i dont know how to talk to you

surprisingly, you did it first

you talked like nothing happened

it pained me

knowing that your fine without me

i know im selfish

but i hoped you werent okay

talking to you made me realize something

you are happy.

Your eyes no longer held the sadness

i used to see

Instead it shines brighter than it have ever been

finally i realized.

we wont go back to the way we are

you are genuinely happy

you wouldn't want to be with me

who only knows sadness

It felt bitter

But i accepted that painful fact

yet i cant stop watching you

im trapped in this abbys of yours

walking around without knowing anything

no source of light that will guide me

im all alon-

"hey! what are you doing? come on lets get some food"

i looked back

i saw them.

the people that accepted me

for who i am

right.

im not alone.