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When Lee Bareun had asked her out for the first time, she had been stunned, simply amazed, then so excited she'd kept fearing she would throw up, literally throw up, during their evening together. But gradually her excitement had turned to disappointment as she realized that Lee Bareun was not aware of her as a person, that he never saw or heard her, that he merely wanted a silent respectful audience, a role she played so well.
After disappointment came self-reproach. She asked herself how she ever could have thought Lee Bareun would be interested in her anyway. Was she good at conversation? Was she worth listening to at all? Did she have anything worthwhile to say, to give, to share? The silent questions, asked and answered on many sleepless nights, were like hammers, padded in soft velvet, striking again and again at her face, leaving no visible scars, but numbing her; in that numbness she found an odd sense of relief.