1 Chapter 1

            "How would you like to die?"

            "No! Please spare my life. I need to live for my kid." The woman kneel in front of the man. Her hands were clasps together, with trembling lips she utter a prayer.

            "May the God Almighty forgive you." Those where her last words before she was shot in the head by the man.

            I let out a loud huff and look at my wall clock. It's already 3 three AM and I have no plans on sleeping. It's my final days on earth today and spending it lying on a hospital bed is not on my bucket list. I'd rather travel the world if we had enough money.

            "Shouldn't yo be resting right now?" my mother asked. I didn't notice her entering my room. I must've forgot locking it. Oh wait. I checked it ten times! But how did she get in? I don't remember her having a spare key since I've change the knobs when I had to.

          "I used to work for Sherlock Holmes, Chandler. So silence that pretty head of yours." I gave her a small smile and closed my laptop.

           "Hindi ka pa ba matutulog 'nak?" tanong niya sakin sabay yakap. She patted my shoulder as if, she was comforting me and shielding my against the demons. But we both know that the demon doesn't live inside my room. It roams around with me, it lives with me, and it is also the reason why I am still awake.

            "Ma." tawag ko sa kanya. She shush me and just hugged me tight. Her shoulders were shaking. I can feel the back of my shirt was wet with teardrops. This is our situation everyday or I should say every night.

            "Normal ka, okay?" Yumakap rin ako pabalik sa kanya. I patted her back, trying my best to comfort her. We both know I can't be normal. We were never normal in the eyes of many. Even my dad wasn't normal. And I hate to think that everyone is mean to us, just 'cause we are different.

            "Ma. Pagwala na ako ikaw bahala magsabi kina papa, ha?" bulong ko sa kanya. Napahagulgul siya at mas lalo niya hinigpitan ang yakap. Napaluha rin ako sa nangyayari.

            I am sixteen and yet may taning na buhay ko. Kailan ba ako naging normal? Siguro noong di pa namin nalaman yung totoong nangyayari sa katawan ko. Ngayong kidney failure yung kalaban ko ay wala akong magagawa kundi ang magdasal para sa mapayapang pagkuha sa akin ni Lord.

               "Sun rise." bulong ko. Nung nakita kong 5 am na sa wall clock. Naka tulog si mama sa tabi ko pagkatapos niyang umiyak. Habang ako naman ay nanood na lang ng mga pa labas habang hinihintay ang pagsikat ng araw.

               Agad kong kinuha ang tukod ko at maingat na tumayo mula sa kama. Maka ilang hakbang ako ng sumakit naman ang aking tyan. Impit akong napasigaw, at tinuloy ko na lang ang paglakad papuntang dulo ng kwarto kung saan naka pwesto ang wheelchair.

               Pagkasampa ko ay mas lalong tumindi ang sakit na aking nararamdaman. Bumuhos ang sandamakmak na luha ko habang kinukuyom ko ang aking tyan. Hanggang kailan ba ako magiging ganito? gusto ko ng bumalik sa dati. Gusto ko ng kumawala sa wheelchair na ito.

                Pinaikot ko ang gulong ng wheelchair gamit ng aking mga palad. Tinungo ko ang labas ng aking silid at pumunta sa terrace kung saan kitang kita ang pagsikat ng araw mamayang mga ala sais.

                "Good morning, Chan." ma sayang bati ni Mang Korde, ang naghahatid ng mga dyaryo sa bahay bahay namin tuwing umaga. Kumaway naman ako bilang pabati. Pagkalipas niya ay ngumiwi naman ako dahil sa sakit ng aking tyan.

                As usual I didn't scream even if the pain was Killing me slowly. I didn't get used to it but I learned to surpress it. I don't want to bother everyone in the house just because of my condition. My father has anxiety and seeing me like this won't do any good for him especially now that he had found a stable job.

                  I found a way to smile through the pain when I saw the sunrise. All I ever wanted to see I this before I leave this earth, and my mum was kind enough to let me be here. Gusto kong nandito lang ako palagi sa bahay, I want to see and hear my brothers before they go to work. I want to bond with my mom without stressing her much, and to face time with my daf without the white walls of the hospital room.

            "Kanina ka pa ba dito?"

            Napalingon ako sa direction niya at napangiti. Kahit nasa bingit na ako ng kamatayan ay nandito pa rin siya para bisitahin ako palagi. He was wearing his navy blue slacks and white polo shirt with his school logo.

               "Yeah. Mga thirty minutes na." sabat ko sa kanya. Sinuklian niya ako ng malapad na ngiti at pumasok sa Gate namin. Tumahol naman ang alaga kong asong si Nax, na kanina pang naka bantay sa Gate.

            "Nax!" tawag ko. Napatawa naman si Lexus at umakyat na sa hagdan patungo sa terrace namin. Medyo naka-elevate kasi ang bahay namin.

            "Oh? Pasok ka na sa Uni?"

            "Oo eh. Naga galit nga si Mommy, palagi na raw akong late. Hahaha." kinurot ko ang braso niya at napahiyaw naman siya.

                    "Para sa babaeng palaging naka-wheelchair, parang di ka nauubusan ng energy na kurutin ako." napa-iling na lang ako at natawa rin sa sinabi niya.

                "Kidney ko lang may balda, Lexus di yung mga braso ko." kinurot naman niya ang pisngi. Napa-ngiwi ako sa sakit at agad naman siyang tinahol ni Nax. Napatawa siya at ngumisi naman ako.

            "Nax, tackle." I commanded my dog. He obeyed me and bit Lexus slacks. Alam ni Nax na kapag si Lexus ang kasama ko ay tackle lang ang gagawin niya. Harot lang. Pero pag-ibang tao naman, for sure ay ABC talaga yung bagsak namin. Gagasto pa si mama ng ilang libo for anti-rabies.

            "Hey, big guy!" Lexus greeted Nax, after he playfully bit his slacks. He wagged his tail and bark, a sign of greeting. Lexus patted his head and Nax went inside the house when kuya called him.

            "Saan ka mag-tatransfer?" tanong niya sa akin nung kami na lang dalawa yung naiwan. Umilung na lang ako at di nagsalita.

            "You're not gonna stay here forever, Chan."

            "I'm dying, Lex." I whispered look at his onyx eyes. His face went sour and sighed.

            "No. You are not. Baka nakakalimutan mo? Nangunguna kana sa list ng next na bibigyan ng transplant." his voice was filled with sincerity and hopes. Some things that I don't have.

            "But that doesn't mean, I will live. There's also a chance that it will fail."  I look at the ground, ashamed to tell the truth about my condition. My doctor told me frankly that there was only a little chance I will survive the surgery. Kahit na oooperahan ako ngayon ay hindi pa sigurado if makaka survive ako.

            "Hey. Hey. Listen." he lifted my chin. I look at him again with teary eyed. He frowned and wiped the tears that were falling from my eyes.

            "Hindi ka pa mamatay okay?" he smiled sadly and hugged me. Humagulgol ako at niyakap siya. "Lord will give us a way for you to live longer."

                "Kain ka muna ng Almusal." Yaya ko sa kanya matapos kong tumahan sa ka kaiyak sa bisig niya. Basa na ang kanyang polo at hiyang hiya naman ako. Umiling naman siya at sabing nagmamadali. But I insisted, at wala siyang nagawa dahil posibleng huling araw ko na ito. He does not want to live in regrets if ever something might happen to me.

             Lexus is one of my dearest friend. He live in a few blocks near our house, kaya everyday he would visit me and I will be there in the terrace with Nax, waiting for him and the sunrise. But days passed after his last visit, he never show up, so is the sun.

            I was still waiting for him even if the rain was too strong. Even if days has passed we still waited for him and he never showed up. I asked Mang Kanor one time if he was still in their house, but he said they moved out. And he never said good  bye to me.