Chapter 37

When dawn breaks, light spilling through your windows like yolk through a broken membrane, you sluggishly crawl out of your futon to start your day. Your daily schedule hasn't changed much since Shinobu cleared you fit to return to some semblance of active duty. Depending on your mood, you'd start with either breakfast first, or exercise, and then spend the rest of your day dealing with your large backlog of merchant duties, occasionally broken up by walks in the garden to loosen your stiff joints.

You have been itching to restart sword training again, something you normally do during mission downtime, but your backlog has gotten too much to ignore. You'll be finished with it in a couple more days, and though your eagerness to get back in the habit of training, you will admit that you're dreading it. You're not under any illusions that getting back on your feet will be easy. The long rest has probably already ruined much if your ingrained reflexes and form.

Thinking about the amount of drilling you will have to put yourself through is enough to make you nauseous.

Daylight passes relatively quickly once you shed your morning blues. The day is one of the more peaceful ones you've experienced recently, and despite spending it hyperaware of your self-proposed task to gather information on Kanao, you can say that you quite enjoyed it. Like you had promised Shinobu, you didn't start off with anything drastic. You simply observed Kanao whenever she happened to be in your immediate vicinity, taking note of her behaviours.

By the time you retire to your room for the night, the moon having clambered up from the deluge of clouds that filled the sky, your brain is close to overflowing with a day's worth of discoveries. After getting ready for bed, you whip out your trusted journal and start a fresh section on an empty page to note down everything you've observed.

Now that you're actively looking for Kanao, you notice how little you actually see of her throughout your day. You marvel at how daft you must have been previously not to notice. However, when you consider that Kanao's avoidance is much subtler than simply walking the other way when she sees you, your lack of awareness could be probably be forgiven.

Kanao's actions never draw much attention, but as casual as she tries to act in your presence, you can see through them by virtue of your experience. You feel a little villainous, because after all, it isn't fair for her to be pitted against you, who has been apprenticed into reading and deconstructing body language since childhood.

Your pen scribbles lightly on paper as you note down Kanao's blatant evasions. In the morning, it had been the unsually large distance she placed between both of you during breakfast in the communal meal hall, her choice of sitting two tables away from you despite plenty of free seats in the afternoon, it was the way she turned her head to avoid looking at you after seeing you in the hallway, and the distinct way she tried to flatten herself into the wall when you strode past. In those moments, seeing her react so viscerally hadn't felt good in the slightest. You barely restrained yourself from cornering her to apologize profusely even if you hadn't done anything.

Keeping in mind what Shinobu has told you about Kanao, cornering or being alone in an enclosed space is definitely something you plan to avoid. Aside from setting off her instinctual urge to flee, which wouldn't be good since you're supposed to get her comfortable with your presence, the thought of frightening Kanao in such a way makes you feel awful. She has experienced too much hurt than a child should have to, you don't want to do anything of the sort even if by accident.

Your pen glides over the journal paper, completing your sentence not with a statement, but a question. With so many actions off the table, what can you do?

Minutes tick by. Ten minutes, and you flip your journal shut to better think about the issue, trying not to give into frustration. It doesn't help much. Your mind drifts into meaningless overthinking once more, and you find yourself wondering if it was a good thing to have found out how much Kanao disliked you. If she hadn't said anything, you and Shinobu would have carried on with the courtship without much opposition until both of you made the decision to reveal it. And by then, you're sure the relationship would have been stable, strong enough to weather anything naysayers would have thrown you .

You know you're pointlessly faffing about, thinking useless thoughts like this. You slump over your journal. This is the silent equivalent of whining, and you consider it so because it doesn't offer anything useful other than clinging to visions that will never come to pass.

"I'm just upset," Maybe voicing your thoughts will loosen their hold. "She's acting like I'm an invasive parasite clinging to an unwilling host. That is clearly untrue… I don't know how she can miss that the relationship between Shinobu and I is a symbiotic one." You throw in a term Shinobu had once explained. Conversations you've held with Shinobu have taught you much about science and about herself, and likewise, you've imparted precious and well-tested knowledge from your own field.

If Shinobu truly disliked you as Kanao suggested, she could've gotten rid of you easily.

And you're back to whining. Sitting up with a aggrieved sigh, you flip open your journal again. Venting doesn't seem to help very much when you lack a listening ear. You decide to take another, more positive approach. If voicing your thoughts won't work, then you'll simply channel them into a written reflection.

The nib of your pen resumes flowing across the textured paper. Your words begin to form with less frustration, and the knotted mess in your chest slowly begins to unravel. When the page is crowded with scribbles, you start on a new one and fill that up. By the time you've emptied every piece of information you deemed useful, you set down your pen to analyse everything you've written.

On the whole, it seems the day spent observing Kanao can be considered a success. You've managed to suss out several places in the mansion Kanao tends to frequent in her daily schedule as Shinobu's pseudo-shadow. Outside of infirmary and the training hall, the other areas she spends time in are widely spaced and open. They will be useful for you when approaching her– you won't box her in like you're cornering her, and you can place plenty of distance between both of you in order to keep Kanao from feeling too uncomfortable.

Determining the baseline of Kanao's animosity is also useful in giving you a goal to work towards. For now, you ought to concentrate on getting her to tolerate your presence for longer than the duration of a meal, and start with several surprise visits to the open areas you've noted down.

Finally finished, you let out a weary sigh and flip your journal shut. You're exhausted. Rather than figuring out how to get an aggrieved child not to despise you, you feel like you've been drawing up a plan on how to best deal with a nest of demons.

Both situations aren't the slightest bit similar, except for the gnawing fear that failure will cost you something precious.

"I've done everything I could to prepare," you tell yourself as you head towards your futon. "If effort isn't enough, then I can only leave it up to fate."

---

The start of a new day dawns brighter than the previous. Suppressing your general morning crankiness, you saunter out of your room, deciding to start with breakfast before anything else. Much to your luck, you end up coming across a certain someone in the halls.

Kanao immediately skirts the edge of the hall when she sees you. Her shoulder is close to brushing against the wall, but she doesn't seem to mind it as long as she doesn't come near you. You keep your gaze straight as you walk, and unlike your usual tactic of letting her pass without saying a word, you whip around the moment both of you cross paths.

"Good morning," you say. Kanao freezes mid-step, halting in place as your greeting echoes solidly throughout the empty hallway. "Today's weather seems rather pleasant, doesn't it?"

From Kanao's tensely drawn shoulders, you know better than to expect a response. As swiftly as you delivered your greeting, you turn back and quicken your stride, speeding towards end of the hall. Rounding the corner, you stop for a moment to gather your breath. Perhaps a swift escape hadn't been necessary, but you'd never know if Kanao would turn around and rebuff you.

You had hoped to start your plan on a good note, and as far as your opening move is concerned, you think it turned out pretty alright! Even if all you did is one-sidedly greet her, you're pleased to have taken that first step.

And so, your plan to earn Kanao's trust and admiration has begun.

Resisting the urge to peek around the corner to see if Kanao has resumed her motor functions after the shock you've inflicted, you resume your route to the dining hall. You hope your luck will hold. Your schedule for the remainder of the day is stretching out before you, and if it is anything like yesterday, you should be able to see her on several more occasions.

Your good luck must be overflowing today, because you do. Multiple times, in fact.

When you take a break from sorting through documents and go for a walk in the gardens, you bump into Kanao near the flowerbed. She is squatted before the numerous rows of plants, watering can grasped loosely in one hand. Her head is bowed, so you can't make out her expression, but she can't be feeling anything other than peaceful blissfulness.

Knowing you're about to interrupt it, your chest pangs with a quiet apology as you walk slowly to the other side of the flowerbed. You casually observe the seasonal herbs, tiny shoots sprouting from the wet soil, until Kanao looks up and sees you.

Kanao doesn't say anything, of course. But you do. "These look familiar, but I can't recall what they are," you say. "It is great to see that they look healthy, though." You offer no other useless observations as you bend down to look closer at the pinkish plants. When you next look up, Kanao is gone.

Later the afternoon, during your second favourite time of the day, you so happen to walk past Kanao's table. She's opted to sit near the dining hall's tray return for lunch, and it isn't strange that you'd have to pass her table to hand over your used dishes. Taking advantage of the opportunity, you stop at the head of her table for a lengthy pause.

When Kanao notices your presence, she looks up from her soup and stares suspiciously. Before she can write you off again, you point to the distinctive pile of green lentils pushed to the edges of her plate.

"You should really eat your vegetables. Good nutrition is a necessity if you want to grow well."

You walk away, leaving a flummoxed girl cupping the bowl of warm miso between her hands. After you've returned your tray, you retrace your steps to leave the dining hall. You pass Kanao's table again. This time, Kanao is too preoccupied to notice you, finishing up the rest of her rice and eating it with her chopsticks in small, birdlike bites. To your surprise, and quiet satisfaction, the vegetables you pointed out earlier are nowhere to be seen.

"Meals are always something I look forward to," you say. "Almost everything that comes out of the kitchen tastes like something made exclusively for royalty."

You immediately wince when Kanao drops her chopsticks and starts thumping her chest as she chokes on her food. On the fourth thump, she lets out a desperate, wheezing breath. Convinced that you won't be leaving the girl to choke to death, you swiftly flee the scene.

Alright, so you maybe ought not to speak to her when she's eating. Shinobu would probably knock down your door, threatening to poke you full of holes if you've scared her little sister half to death.

You don't see Kanao for the rest of the day after that, but after that debacle at lunch, you're too embarrassed to try seeking her out. For what it worth, though, you feel as though you've managed to make some decent strides forward today. Moving from 'thoroughly hated' to 'major annoyance' might not seem a step up to others, but you will take what you can get.

---

The next several days follow the footsteps of the first, sans scaring Kanao into choking on her food. After getting over her initial confusion at your overly talkative demeanour, Kanao seems to have caught on.

Luckily, Kanao hadn't done much but try harder to ignore you, but the mansion was still remarkably small compared to a village. There were simply too many times where both of you would cross paths by accident, and you milked every chance encounter to your advantage.

"I wonder what they're serving for breakfast today?"

"Ah, are you headed for the garden? Me too."

"The breeze is surprisingly chilly. Everyone should probably start looking into preparing for winter soon."

"It seems Shinobu-sama has a green thumb. From how healthy these plants look, you seem to have it, too."

"How did you find the meal? It was good, wasn't it?"

"Oh, sorry, were you trying to take a nap? Sorry for interrupting. I'm just here to soak in some sunlight."

The next time you sit down to make a new entry in your journal, mission turn-around has been going on for about a week. It is yet another cloudy night, the weather cautiously treading between chilly and downright freezing. Winter looks set to be colder than usual this year.

Sitting cross-legged on the tatami, you flip your journal to your latest entry. Rereading your prior thoughts and worries, a silly grin tugs at the corners of your mouth. You were previously so pessimistic. Now that you've tasted progress, it seemed odd, like reading the thoughts of a stranger.

Only a mere seven days have passed, and yet, so much had changed. Your initial low hopes were now buoyed to greater, optimistic heights. Pen in hand, you begin to summarize the current situation. Your kanji is writ in an excited scrawl, the paragraph quickly taking shape as you write furiously.

Where Kanao had studiously any and all attempts at communication before, your uninvited weeklong commentary was successful in breaking her silence.

Moments where she deigned to respond to you were scarce, barely passing for proper interaction, but it was still a momentous change from her chilly refusal to spare a word beyond glaring.

In hindsight, you wrote thoughtfully, the trick to rousing her interest should have been obvious. The best way to grab someone's attention was to talk about something they were interested in. And Kanao, as you discovered, had certain topics she was deeply interested in. Your random babbling ended up hitting upon one of them by sheer luck, which had given you your biggest win.

Getting Kanao to willingly approach you.

You pause your writing to let out a disbelieving laugh. It humbles you each time you recall it. Kanao did not speak to you because your earnest behaviour had inspired a change of heart.

The first time she spoke to you was because of sweets. Or to be more exact, Ramune.

On one of the days, you had left the mansion early and made a trip down to the nearest village to post your business letters. After leaving the tiny structure that passed for a local post office, you happened to come across a merchant from Osaka peddling his wares to an excited crowd. Upon closer inspection, you found out he was selling sweets he'd bought from the capital. Seeing the swarm of eager children reminded you of Kiyo and the rest, and so you had gone ahead to buy several bottles of the sweet carbonated drink.

Despite the cool weather, the trip back had left you sweating and spent of energy. You popped open one of the carbonated drinks you'd bought, sipping it as you returned to the mansion. You had cut through the garden to avoid removing your footwear at the mansion entrance, and ended up running into Kanao.

When Kanao saw you, her gaze had immediately zeroed in on the bottle in your hands. Approaching you was a shock in itself, and the next one came when she retrieved her coin to give it a hasty flip. When she caught it heads up, the question she asked in a near quivering voice was "Is that ramune?"

After you managed to respond with an awkward nod, Kanao's eyes had begun to sparkle. But the brief moment of lightning striking a tree, her moment of vulnerability disappeared no sooner than you'd witnessed it. Kanao retreated into her usual, taciturn self and walked away.

However… the allure of ramune seemed to be a powerful lure, because she continued to throw glances over her shoulder all the way up till she entered the mansion.

When you divvied the sweet spoils to the girls later that day, you would learn through Aoi that Kanao had been one of those who turned up to receive her share.

Who could have known Kanao had such a weakness for those fizzy drinks?

If you weren't confident that you would come off as trying to buy her affection, you would have immediately drawn up plans and found someone to open a sweet stand in the village specifically to sell Ramune. It would have been a sinkhole of costs, but with the profits your grain business turns in every season, it would've been painless.

Plus, you're pretty sure Shinobu would chastise you for enabling any unhealthy snacking habits. Better to not try something so drastic until you've cleared it with her.

---

"My, my. So that is what you think of me. Have I always acted like an overbearing tyrant towards you, Ryuu?"

Your brow rises smoothly, counter to the cold sweat gathering on your back. Shinobu's smile might be lovely, but the slight twitch of her brow warns of her rising temper. "Hey, don't go putting words in my mouth. You know that's not what I meant," you reply mildly, raising the tea cup to your mouth. "But don't act so innocent. Remember my first night at the mansion, when I helped the girls finish their vegetables? I'm pretty sure you were trying to threaten me back then."

Shinobu plays it off by turning up her nose in the air. "Oh my, don't blame me for your assumptions. I wasn't threatening you. I was warning you! It is quite sad you weren't able to tell the difference, Tsuchinoe-san."

"If you say so, Hashira-sama," you quip back. Seeing her cup empty, you reach over, lifting the tea pot to give her a refill. The smile Shinobu gives you this time is tender and sweet. It is a world of difference from the previous one, which had been sharp as a blade. Warning, your ass.

"But like I was saying," you continue. "If I'd known Kanao loved Ramune so much, I would have gotten more. That was probably the happiest I'd seen her. Isn't that sad? If I hadn't bought that drink on a whim, I wouldn't have known she could get so excited."

"It was certainly a lucky coincidence. Kanae-neesan and I discovered her love for it in a similar way," Shinobu says. "Such moments remind me that while Kanao does not wear her emotions on her sleeve like Aoi and the other girls, she is still a child at heart."

You nod in agreement. Shinobu is right, of course. The fault in Kanao's actions is simply that she does not know better. You can't blame her for the circumstances that shaped her when they were out of her control. "So, on the topic of opening a ramune stand… is that a firm no I'm hearing?"

Shinobu shoots you a look. Seeing you wait patiently, she sighs. "Not for now. While supplying Kanao with her favourite drink will endear you to her, it will only work up to a certain extent. You don't want to come across as trying to buy her affections, after all."

You sit back with a groan. "I thought so too, though I was hoping you wouldn't say that." You sip at your brew again. You've mixed in quite a few cubes of sugar, so the tea is suitably sweet. An enjoyable pick-me-up for a cool afternoon. "It feels too much like something Fuji would do, doesn't it?" Shinobu's answering laugh makes you grin. "Whaaat? I'm not wrong, am I?"

"Money does not make someone likable. If you had not been a merchant, I'm sure Kanao would have considered you her older brother by now."

That thought gives you pause. You haven't been someone's older brother in a long time… "You flatter me, Shinobu. But speaking honestly, that ramune really helped. Kanao is…how do I put it? She seems less averse to speaking with me, now. Kanao actually answers my rhetorical questions, for one. She never did that before."

Such incidents were a fairly recent development and few in number, but it was a sign of progress. Seeing the look of interest on Shinobu's face, you explain, "It's nothing too out of character. She doesn't say much, just one-word answers like 'I see' or 'Is that so'. And I've noticed she tends to respond to subjects pertaining to medicine or swords… though there might be a chance it is demon slaying she's interested in and not the weapon itself."

"I'm happy to hear about your progress, Ryuu. But do not speak too much on the topic of demons," Shinobu says. Her tone is grave, and you can't help but notice the sudden tension in her face as she speaks, "I want to make sure Kanao stays away from it. Not just her, but Sumi, Naho and Kiyio as well. Like Aoi, I hope they can dedicate themselves to saving lives through medicine, rather than putting themselves on the frontlines. You of all people should be aware that the rewards we reap are less than substantial for how much danger we put ourselves in."

"You have my word." You reach over, covering her hand with yours. "Don't worry."

The stress on her face eases, and she's back to her usual, smiling self. "I am happy to hear you have been getting along better with Kanao. If anyone is able to change her mind, it would be you." Her tone becomes teasing, "However, do make sure it won't take too long. Eventually, I hope I can show you off to the world without worrying that my siblings secretly detest you."

"That's a lot of pressure." You pretend to cradle your head. "Haah, I'm glad I've recovered enough to train again. How else am I going to handle all these expectations without snapping?"

"You've started training again?" Shinobu blinks, apparently surprised. Oh, right. You haven't met her for some time.

"Ah, yes, a couple of days ago," you say, groaning when Shinobu levels you with a look of suspicion. I'm not doing anything particularly dangerous, so don't look at me like that… My regime is mostly made up of body conditioning for my stamina, and sword practice to get my reflexes back. I would be an embarrassment to Slayers everywhere if I failed a mission because a demon outran me, don't you agree?"

Shinobu giggles. "As long as you do things in moderation, you'll be fine. Not slacking on your training is a sign that your promotion was well earned, Ryuu."

You puff up at the praise. "On that note, Hashira-sama… I wish to ask if you would be willing to put up with me for a training session." Seeing Shinobu's eyes widen at the implication makes your ears go warm and your stomach tingle in anticipation. "As a recently promoted Tsuchinoe, I feel that I would benefit from some guidance. If you're willing, of course."

Shinobu's eyes are half-lidded as she gazes at you. "A bold request. I am worried I would be accused of favouritism… but for you, Ryuu, I will make an exception."

You raise your arm, bringing her hand with it. Turning your grip, the back of her hand comes into sight. You bring it to your lips, keeping the touch featherlight. If you weren't looking closely, you might have missed the tremble that runs through her.

You grin. "Then it's a date."