Chapter 36

You vaguely register the hard frame of the armchair digging into your back. You stare blankly at the wall behind Shinobu, attempting to process the sordid tale she has just finished recounting. What shocks you so severely is not the content of the story, you've heard similar tales from people you've worked, but the person who had bore that suffering.

"…I never expected Kanao to have that kind of childhood." The solemnness of your tone unreflective of the seething fury in your gut. You fight down the thoughts of tracking down the slave traders to pummel them into mush with much difficulty. "Now I understand why you needed time to think. Would I be right in saying that you wouldn't have told me about any of this if she hadn't interrupted us last night?

"Yes, I wouldn't have breathed a word." Shinobu's figure radiates fatigue, like she'd been battling an army of demons, not sitting on a chair and detailing the past of a girl under her care. "While I am Kanao's guardian, telling you about her past without her permission is not a commendable act… even if I hold good intentions."

You heave a sigh. You want to comfort Shinobu, but you can't deny that. No one would be happy to have their secrets spilled, even if the person doing it is someone they deeply trusted. Especially when they're deeply trusted. You direct a reassuring smile at Shinobu, who continues to stew in a guilty silence. "If there ever comes a time where I'm left with no other choice but to admit that you told me, I will do my best to explain your decision. I know you did it because you wanted me to understand Kanao's point of view."

Your next sentence stalls on the tip of your tongue as you wonder whether to say it. You settle for a hesistant, "Actually, Shinobu…" Shinobu, if you had told me everything because you were worried I would hold a grudge against Kanao, I think you shouldn't have done it. I am not that kind of viciously petty person.

Shinobu looks at you. The guilt and relief, warring within her tired eyes, is plain to see. You know for a fact she would not show this to anyone, only you. You swallow your words. "And thank you," you say. "For telling me. I had guessed Kanao had a legitimate reason for blowing up as she did, but it is good to know it has more to do with her old ghosts than me, personally. You wouldn't have risked breaching her privacy and trust, otherwise."

Shinobu nods, slumping deeper into her armchair. If she burrowed any deeper, you think she'll become fused with the cushions. "I'm relieved that you can see where I'm coming from." Shinobu lifts a hand to rub her forehead. "To be honest, Ryuu, I'm still unsure if telling you was the right decision. But as easy as it would have been to keep you in the dark, it's better you knew the truth. Kanao isn't protesting against this courtship for trivial reasons, like worrying that you might break my heart."

"Come now, courting one of the most important figures in her life can't be considered a small matter. It's still pretty darn important." You cross your arms, sighing deeply for yet another time. "Though if her issue was simply that, I would have a better idea of how to solve it."

If only the reason behind Kanao's belligerence was that straightforward. Seeing as Kanao's deep enmity towards anyone involved in trade, regardless of if they deal in humans or actual commodities, has yet to fade after many years of living in the Butterfly Mansion, you have a sinking feeling the situation will get worse before it gets better.

You look at Shinobu, who seems inordinately preoccupied with her empty teacup. There is tension in her jaw, and her eyebrows thoroughly knitted. "Well, let's look on the bright side," you say leisurely, "We've at least learned something good from this."

Shinobu blinks, confused. "And it is…?"

"That Kanao really loves you." You marvel at the sheer guts it must have taken the girl to speak her mind last night. "If she feared me more than she cared for you, she wouldn't have lost her self-control. Looking at it from Kanao's perspective, she was frightened of me but still risked her safety to change your mind." You lower your gaze to your hands. "If she'd spoken up just a few weeks ago," your mutter, voice so low it nearly disappears into the tense air. "I'm sure Shinobu wouldn't have…"

If Kanao had been quick to inform Shinobu of her dislike toward you, Shinobu would have snuffed out her burgeoning feelings for you without second thought. You would have come back from Kakunodate to lukewarm reactions, and while Shinobu would have still helped with your wounds, your confession would have been one-sided. Turning down the love of an acquaintance was correct if it meant you would upset people you held dear to your heart.

After sharing in the warmth and safety Shinobu has offered, and in turn giving you a chance to share yours, it scares you to think how easily everything would have been impossible if the timeline was even slightly altered.

"While I am happy you're trying to make me feel better," Shinobu says, dragging you out of your quiet monologue, "It makes me ashamed to admit I don't know what else I can do to ease the situation."

"What do you mean? You've been a big help already, telling me about Kanao's past," you point out.

"I mean that I haven't offered anything that can be of tangible use," Shinobu says glumly. What little you read from the outline of her figure is enough to give away her inner turmoil. "I could barely bring myself to tell you about Kanao's childhood. If you ask me for anything else… Ryuu, if helping you means going against Kanao, I won't able do it."

You bolt upright in your seat. You want to hit yourself! Seriously, you've been so caught up in how the situation has made you feel that you haven't offered to listen to Shinobu's own anxieties.

"Shinobu, I'm sorry. You've helped me so much, and yet I haven't asked what is it I can do for you." You get off the chair and walk towards her. Once you're beside her, you cautiously take her hand into yours. Looking at Shinobu's stunned expression, you elaborate, "I was never planning to ask you for further help on this matter. Kanao is your younger sister, and it's only right that you take her side. We both know I'm not the villain she assumes I am, and until she stops seeing me as one, it's normal that she sees anything you do for me as a betrayal to her."

Shinobu's fingers curl into your palm, giving the barest of twitches. "Yes, things would be smoother if you helped," You say, "But I won't ask that of you. Not when I know it will harm your relationship with Kanao." Even if it means braving an unwavering torrent of hate, you will never ruin a familial bond. Let inflicting that sort of pain be another person's legacy. You give Shinobu's hand a firm squeeze. "You won't have to lift a finger. I'll deal with it on my own."

"I wish you did not have to," Shinobu replies breathlessly. She lifts your intertwined hands and presses the back of your hand against her cheek. Her skin is warm to the touch. "I truly wish the situation was not this complicated. I had suspected Kanao might not take too well to you, but this is outside of my expectations. If I'd realized it earlier, I could have done something to ease her into things."

Shinobu looks at you, her gaze is apologetic. You lean down to kiss her, pressing your lips to hers. She tastes of fragrant tea and something savoury, the latter the sole hint of the meal she'd recently eaten.

"We might not be able to choose our obstacles, but it remains our choice whether or not we will try to overcome them." You lift your head. Her lips a breadth's apart from yours. "I'll do everything I can. You can count on that."

You aren't as confident as your words make you out to be, but when the worry lines on Shinobu's face melt away with the force of her relief, you know you are right not to let it show. Seeing her this hopeful, you vow to keep to your words. You understand that plans don't fall into place based on optimism alone, so you'll need to take care not to be afraid to take action.

There is a small part of you that acknowledges what you're attempting can be considered… twisted, in a way. Adults meddling with Kanao's life for their own ill gotten gains is partially the reason she's reached this point. Your intentions aren't malicious, but you are definitely meddling. Still, what is there to be done? It's not as if you can ignore that Kanao's opinion, even if it is based on her own experiences.

… ah, what a headache. You haven't begun and you feel like a villain already.

You let go of Shinobu's hand when you notice your palm starting to get clammy. The mind is too capable of forming justifcations for any actions one takes, and in this matter, you could come up with countless reasons if you desired.

"I think it's time I leave you to rest, Shinobu," you say. "Thank you for the talk, but I really shouldn't be taking up any more of your time. You're probably exhausted."

"What I had to tell you was necessary," Shinobu says. "And I enjoyed your company. You could stay longer if you'd like. I don't mind."

"I'm supposed to be doing everything I can, remember? I'll start by heading back to my room to think about my next move." You start clearing the empty bento and the tea cups, ignoring Shinobu's protests. "Showing Kanao my good side won't be easy when she's determined to hate me, and I doubt approaching her normally would make her stop to listen." You flash Shinobu an apologetic grin. "Not that it's Kanao's fault. I'm her walking nightmare. It must not be easy to see me often, given I'm always hanging around the mansion."

"Come look for me if you want to talk," Shinobu says. "I might not be able to help you, but you are still courting me. Leave me alone for too long and I might just toss you out of my mansion." You snatch the choptsticks out of mid-air when they go rolling off the bento box. You turn to shoot her a half-hearted glare. Shinobu smirks.

"What a lie," you grumble. "If you were angry, I'd probably be left to hang from the roof in my underwear."

Shinobu's fake gasp is laughable in it's pretentiousness. "My, all this stress seems to have made you bolder. That suggestion was scandalous."

"Why are you surprised?" You pile the bento onto the tray that holds the teapot. You glance at Shinobu over your shoulder and screw up your face in confusion. "I've gotten confident enough to act this way because of what you did, not because I'm stressed."

"And what have I done to make you this way, Ryuu Kuroshio-san?" The use of your full name sends tremors down your back. Partly from fright, the other part from a feeling you refuse to admit while it is still light out.

"You gave me a beautiful haori." Now it's your turn to enjoy Shinobu's blush. You return your attention back to your task of clearing the tray before Shinobu gets it in her head to make you twice as embarrassed. "Which I have yet to thank you for, by the way. The material and craftsmanship is splendid, and I especially enjoy the detailing on the inner lining."

"As you should. It earned me an odd look when I requested it," Shinobu says. If you hadn't seen her face, you would think she's acting flippant. Forcing herself to speak evenly like this must be tapping into the willpower the Demon Slayer Pillars are reknowned for. "I am happy to hear that you like it."

"I really do." You grin. "More than you think." You keep your grip on the tray steady. There is plenty of space for the bento, pot and cups, but you'd prefer to play it safe. Aoi had given a rather serious warning about breaking anything – she rather liked this pot since it was a gift from Shinobu-sama for one of her birthdays. "I'll be off, then. See you soon, Shinobu."

"Before you leave," Shinobu clears her throat. "I wanted to hear about what you planned to do. Personally, I don't think you need to prove that your innocence. But perhaps, showing Kanao your sincerity might help to change her opinion, however slight it may be."

"I won't overstep, so you don't have to be too worried," you reassure her. "For the time being, I just start with getting her used to my presence. I'll forewarn you though, that Kanao might be vocal about her complaints since I think I'll be occasionally turning up at the places she usually frequents. Wherever they might be." This calls for research and information gathering. You haven't done that in awhile.

"I know you won't," Shinobu says. "But as an older sister, I can't help but worry. It's too ingrained in me to fight it, if that makes sense."

A faint memory claws out of the depths of your mind. In it, you are chubby cheeked, your gangly limbs beginning to put on a slight outline of muscle. Hauling rice is backbreaking work, but despite the aching pains that linger after a day with your father ends, you scramble to keep up with a small scamp of a figure that darts out the back of the house.

Her figure is a blur as she runs into the wooded grove, and then she goes sprawling when she trips on a jutting root of an old tree.

The sudden swell of fright in your chest feels as clear now as it did that day.

You hope the smile you give Shinobu doesn't waver like your trembling hands.

"Yeah," you say. "It does."