Chapter 23

You spend the next three days resting in relative peace, drifting in and out of sleep after each new round of medicine. Your first assumption is that the constant drowsiness is a side effect of the drugs you're given, but it is dispelled when Shinobu reveals they are antibiotics, a precaution to prevent your weakened body from catching an infection.

Your body has finally started retaliating, you realize. Amidst the drama of your homecoming, you'd forgotten your injuries were far from healed. Nothing can be put off forever, and there's not much else but to let nature run its course. You willingly submit yourself to sleeping the days away. Aside from leaving the room to wash yourself, you're happy to spend all your time in this private ward.

In the times where you spend awake, however, you reflect on how your lengthy bouts of rest have been the perfect balm to all the trying situations you've experienced. And looking back, you can pinpoint the exact moment where things started to go wrong. Fuji wasn't directly responsible for your error of pissing off Shinobu and your mission to Kakunodate, but he's been involved in all your problems so far.

You never want to see him again… but you will eventually have to deal with the animosity between you both. But that's a problem you are happy to leave for a later time.

Aside from drowning yourself in reflection during your fleeting gaps of wakefulness, you spend most of it gorging yourself on food. Meals with light foods like porridge, soups and udon are delivered usually delivered by the mansion's kakushi. Their timely deliveries make you suspect Shinobu has assigned a watch on your room. There is no other explanation how your meals arrive right as you wake up from your mini-hibernations.

You're touched by the gesture. Your meals arrive steaming, freshly made no matter the hour. Finding a steaming hot bowl of dashi with mushroom and seaweed at the door after waking up in the middle of the night is an experience you never thought you'd have. Unfortunately, good as things have been, you're getting tired of your forced isolation.

Lazing about after each meal, falling asleep with a warm belly to the calm rustling of grass, is only enjoyable the first time. You've done it so many times you're beginning to feel like a lump of meat. You've never stayed immobile or inactive for this long. What compels you to follow Shinobu's orders is that you'd never had your body run through with a foreign object, and that your broken ribs still ache like no one's business.

But above everything else, the worst part about your situation is that you have yet to speak properly with Aoi and the girls.

Your inability to meet them is not for a lack of trying, but with an unpredictable sleep schedule and the newest influx of wounded Slayers, you can only stand aside to wait for the dust to settle. The closest you've come to a proper reunion was when you'd spied them at the other end of the hallway. They waved at you energetically before rushing to their next destination, and you had to hold yourself back from running after them.

How could you? You don't want to distract them. Not when the cause of the newest surge of patients is rumoured to be one of Muzan's Lower Demon Moons. The state of the surviving Slayers, you hear from gossiping kakushi, have been absolutely awful. Missing limbs, chunks of flesh missing and ripped apart. Savage claw marks from collar to hip. Bodies peppered with bullets. Knowing such a strong demon lurks nearby makes you nauseous with worry.

The demon, a beastly wolf of some kind, was apparently the one responsible for past few surges of patients as well. It's been awhile since it's made its reappearance, and it's now hunkered down in a nearby territory, mauling and killing the unlucky Slayers who were assigned to kill it. You can't help but worry. Why is it there? Why did it choose to come this close to the Butterfly Mansion?

Your rational mind knows there's not a chance in hell the demon will find this place, but your idleness makes you prone to making up all sorts of nonsense. You're lucky Shinobu's constant presence in the mansion keeps your depressing thoughts at a minimum.

The last thing she'd allow is for a demon to come anywhere close to her homem and if you had to drag your body out to fight her, you'd do it.

You push out of the futon and move to sit crosslegged at the dresser. You've been lying in the futon for some time. Better to get yourself dressed just in case Shinobu visits.

You raise your arms above your head for a stretch. You feel muscles and tendons pulling. You immediately stop when your back gives a sudden and biting throb. You sigh, and let the sound dissipate in the silent air.

You used to groan whenever your back hurt, but the sheer pointlessness of it quickly forced you to stop. It also provoked your ribs into aching, which made you feel worse, like an old man with one foot planted in his grave. This helplessness won't stop anytime soon. From the results of the last checkup, you know there's still a long way to go.

You glare at your reflection. The contempt in your eyes refracts back at you. You roll back your robes and on the buffed surface of the bronze mirror, the gauze on your shoulder reflects back in blinding white. You hide it with a firm tug and you mutter a silent curse when your shoulder throbs at the rough movement.

You'd trade more broken ribs to get rid of that shitty bite wound. No matter how many layers of bandages and gauze you bury it under, you can still see it in your head. That hideous mess of regenerating scar tissue, gradually growing over and around puckered flesh where sutures hold it together. More than its ugliness, it is your failure to prevent it that irks you to no end.

You make to curse the demon. You want your voice to reach it in the deepest level of hell. It is Wareta's teary voice, an echo of your memory, which stops you. The memory of husband and wife perishing in a single night makes you recoil, and your inverted self does the same.

You meant to save him, you think. You would have, if your life hadn't been in danger. But what was the point of saying it now? Wareta was likely already dead. Burnt to ash.

Guilt burns bright and sharp in the hollow of your chest, like the blaze that must have eaten him alive. He'd poisoned you and killed other Slayers to feed his delusion, but his wrongdoing does not make yours right. That thought mitigates the worst of your negativity but fails to quench it completely.

You lean back, head rocking up. Your eyes trace the narrow crack in the ceiling. You dredge up your master's words and repeat them in your head to assuage yourself– the person who wields a sword must also be willing to die by its blade.

The first time you killed a man, you thought you deserved to die. Bandits had ambushed your cart on that fateful night, and the man who failed to dodge your warning blow had bled out on the ground after you slashed his throat open. Your master proved bare moments later how baseless your line of thinking was when he killed the other bandit who'd nearly beheaded you from behind, and sent the rest of them scattering.

Be kind but not weak, your master had said as he slid his katana back in its sheath, silver splattered with blood.

Thinking of him eases more of your stabbing guilt. Your biggest concern is what Shinobu will think of you when she finds out. You had omitted this detail in the letter she brought to Ubuyashiki-sama, but you don't want to hide it from her. Though she's one of the few who accepted your philosophy of survival at a certain cost, you can't help but worry. Wareta was a murderer, but no matter how you despicable he'd acted, he was still human.

If it was anyone else, you'd have forgiven them, but would Shinobu forgive you?

"Frowning like that will give you a headache," a warm breath brushes against the shell of your ear. Your hands slip. You would have fallen onto your back if there wasn't a weight holding you up from behind. "Be careful, Ryuu. I doubt you want to add another injury on top of currents ones."

"And who's fault would that be? With a doctor like you, I'm getting a little worried for my health." Your shoulders sag. Shinobu's frame trembles as she laughs, like she hadn't purposely crept into the room to scare the spirits out of you. You push yourself into a better position and turn to face her. "Good afternoon, Shinobu."

"Good afternoon," she says, kissing your cheek. You really have to stop blushing whenever she does that. "Oyakata-sama has received your letter. I'm here to inform you that he wishes to reward you for completing your mission." Shinobu shows you the scroll held together by a red string. "When you've recovered enough to travel, you should pay a visit to thank him in person."

Your smile wryly. Shinobu speaks about visiting headquarters like it's something everyone can do when they have free time on their hands. That's a Pillar for you. You watch her undo the knot, setting the twine aside before unfurling the parchment. "I'm honoured, but is that necessary? It's normal for Slayers to complete missions they're assigned. Getting rewarded for something that should be done feels unjustified."

"You forget that you didn't just fulfil your objective. You managed to uncover a hint of Muzan's whereabouts when there hasn't been any information about him in years!" Shinobu's voice ripples with excitement. "In any case, Oyakata-sama would not rewarded you if he thought you were undeserving."

Her words reignite the guilt simmering in the pit of your stomach. Better to tell her about Wareta now, before she announces whatever rewards Ubuyashiki has decided to bestow upon you. You shift closer to her, and she stops fiddling with the corners of parchment to look at you.

"The copy of Oyataka-sama's letter I gave you," you ask. "Did you read it?"

"I did. It would have caused a stir of the other Pillars were with me. We haven't had a sighting of Muzan in such a long time, but Oyakata-sama wants to keep it a secret for now." Shinobu tilts her head, regarding you with curiousity. Your desire to speak probably shows on your face.

"There's something else I think you should know. A piece of information I didn't include in the letter."

Shinobu's eyes widen, and the shock in them genuine. "Oh my, did you purposely omitted something important from Oyakata-sama?"

"Nothing that changes the outcome of my mission," you tell her in a measured voice. "It just concerns the man I briefly mentioned. The guard named Wareta." The roiling of your stomach is more discernable than before, and surprisingly, the discomfort helps to ground you. You're anxious but not to the point of hysterics.

"The man who was partially successful in feeding you to the demon?" You nod at Shinobu's clarification. "What about him?"

"I probably killed him." Your mouth seems like it's actively trying to sabotage you. Wincing, you hasten to clarify, "As per my report, I immediately fled the scene after taking care of the demon. Due to my condition, I wasn't thinking about anything other than getting out of there alive, and I certainly wasn't going to stay in the burning building."

You thread your hands together and rest them on your lap. Both you and Shinobu are seated in a seiza, but next to yours her posture is impeccable. "What I didn't mention was that I'd left Wareta-san behind. My memory is slightly fuzzy, but though he'd been attacked by the demon, I believe he was still alive. The flames were already out of control when I escaped the basement… which means he must have perished there."

Shinobu's gaze remains fixed on you for a long, tumultuous moment. You wait for her judgement with bated breath, your heart nearly beating out of your chest.

"Would you think less of me if I said he deserved it?" Shinobu finally says.

You blink owlishly. Finding your voice, you say, "No. I wouldn't." You rub the back of your neck. "It's despicable that he killed people for his selfish motives, and if he's dead like I think he is… his victims will be able rest in peace."

"In my eyes, those who willingly take the lives of others to further their own goals are no different from demons." Shinobu gives you a thin lipped smile. You hear a hint of self-deprecation in her tone as she says, "I'm not as forgiving I look. I hope you aren't disappointed at my answer."

You've never cared about how people lived their lives, and it's certainly not your place to judge anyone. "I would never be," you assure her, quietly happy that Shinobu holds a view similar to yours. "Now, you were talking about a reward? I want to know what I'm going get."

Shinobu pats the empty space of the futon beside her. "Come closer and I'll tell you."

You roll your eyes but fold your body into a kneel, moving to sit in the area she pointed out. "How unkind of you to order your patient like this. What if my wounds get worse?"

"There's no need for worry. If you feel any pain, just tell me and I will do my best to heal you," Shinobu says with a coy undertone that entices you to reach out to kiss her. You fight down a scowl. Your thoughts are getting out of hand. "Oh dear, you're a little red. Did you catch a cold?" Without warning, Shinobu presses a hand to your forehead. "You feel hotter than usual."

Shinobu giggles as you gently bat her away. "Stop teasing or I'll read out the letter myself."

"That won't do! Hearing it from a Pillar would make things more official." Shinobu focuses on the parchment, her eyes skimming over whatever is written there. "Would you prefer if I read the entire letter or shall I go straight to your reward?"

You doubt the letter was written by Ubuyashiki himself. That sort of treatment would be reserved for the Pillars or someone of equal standing. You've dealt with plenty of 'offical' letters when you first joined the merchant guild, and they're usually full of wasted ink. You have a feeling this is the same, so you say, "Just the reward," and settle in to listen.

"Ryuu Kuroshio," Shinobu reads in a voice like a wind's caress. "For your excellence and dedication to the Demon Slayer Corps, we announce that from this day forth, you will no longer be of the Tsuchinoto rank." Your heart goes into freefall. Oh no, are you being demoted? No, wait, Shinobu clearly said this would be a reward. You chatise yourself and continue listening. "You are hereby promoted to Tsuchinoe. Congratulations. May you continue your exemplary performance, and may demons continue to fall in your path."

You stare at her, slackjawed. Shinobu puts down the letter, her expression bright as a sunbeam.

"What? I'm no longer a Tsuchinoto?" You point to it and say, "Can you read it again? Are you sure you aren't making a mistake?" You immediately stick your face into the parchment she hands over, but rereading the printed black kanji serves to hammer the point home. "No way. I've really been promoted to Tsuchinoe?"

"Why do you find it hard to believe? Your reputation isn't the best, but given your track record I think a promotion is long overdue." Shinobu gently plucks the letter from your grip, taking one of your hands into her lap. Her gentle stroking on numbs some of the overwhelming shock. "I'm happy for you. If this isn't enough of a reward, Ryuu, would you like a personal one from me as well?"

You hold up your hand. "Shinobu, don't say anything else or my head might just explode." This is the second time your chest feels full enough to burst, and it's been just a handful of days after you made up with Shinobu. "Tsuchinoe. Wow, I can't believe it. Tsuchinoe. I'm really a Tsuchinoe…"

Two whole years of watching your comrades sprint ahead to the ranks beyond. Though you shouldn't be this excited for a single leap in rank, you can't help it. It might be a small step for other Slayers, but it feels like the beginning of something new for you. You've finally, finally left Tsuchinoto behind. You thought you were fine remaining as you were, but apparently…

Your sober up at the memory of your master's smirk. He would be proud. He had never made it past Tsuchinoto before he was forced to retire.

Shinobu giggles, gently patting your hand. "I thought it was unlucky your kasugai crow couldn't be reached, but it turned out to be a blessing. I wouldn't see you acting like this, otherwise. Absolutely adorable."

If you didn't know Shinobu was generally an upright and moral person, you'd think she planned this. You cover your face with your free hand, suddenly made aware that Shinobu was holding your other one captive. Her lap feels awfully comfortable, and you think you're touching her thig – no, don't think about that.

"A blessing for you, but bad luck for me," you bemoan. You have yet to see a tail feather belonging to Tomi after you'd pissed him off, but you think better to summon him again. He'd probably peck your eyes out, but��� it might be better to lack an eyeball than have Shinobu see you like this. "I just shocked. I never thought… I mean, I feel like I haven't done enough to earn it."

"You've done plenty," Shinobu replies. "You said it yourself, we have time to change. This is proof of your progress, even if this isn't the kind of change you were expecting."

"This was definitely not what I was referring to," you agree. "But you're right. This is a good turn of events. I'm happy with it." Overjoyed, more like, but you've lost enough face already. You clear your throat. "I'll read the rest of the letter later. I'd rather spend time with you instead of mooning over my promotion."

"Goodness, your silver tongue is making its reappearance." Shinobu lets go of your hand. You take it back with some reluctance. "I hope it won't turn too vigorous once I show you what I've brought along. Several kakushi retrieved this when they realized the horse they took in belonged to you."

Shinobu takes out something large and brown from behind her. You take a second to wonder how she'd hidden it from you before you realize what it is. The object is unmistakable. Your recovery period has left you awfully muddleheaded, such that its location had entirely slipped your mind up till now. So it turned out your knapsack had been left on the horse Nagiri helped you purchase.

"That's indeed my bag you're holding." You let out a disbelieving laugh. "You're making me a very happy man right now, Shinobu."