It was an eventful morning. Ken found out about my secret. While walking home with him, I gradually opened up to him about how I came into playing this game. And how I always returned home with mud all over but with the brightest smile. I was scolded by mom for getting hurt. I unknowingly started telling him about my childhood. Childhood memories are the best and sweetest. Anyone will be smiling when talking about childhood. Not because it only consisted of happy memories but because it is balanced by both happy ones and at the same time sad ones. Happy memories become happiest maybe because we have experienced some sad ones.
As usual we went to college together. Before I attend class, I went to my locker to get some books. I opened my locker to find my books in mess. Who did this? Why me? Everyone is already maintaining their distance from me after my confrontation with Jess. I wonder if this is one of Jess' warnings that she told me. I looked around and found her sneering at me from across the corridor. UGH!! I am tired of her batters. I should take the matter into my hands if she does something like this again. I am not someone to take it all lying down. I cleaned up my locker and went to class.
Ken was already there. He smiled at me as I was sitting down. I somehow feel like we are closer than before after what happened this morning. May be its because he knows something about me that nobody knows. It has already become a habit that I make lunchbox for him. Unknowingly I was getting used to being around him. Maybe more than I think I was.
I didn't tell Ken about what happened today morning or anything about my conversations with Jess. I don't want him to find out and feel guilty for me. It's enough that I am getting hurt, he doesn't have to get hurt too. So, I intend to hide it as long as possible. I wonder how long.
During lunch, I went and sat behind him. Not too close and not too far. He was facing the other side. He wouldn't even know my presence. I heard some of his friends' words here and there. Then suddenly one of his friend started saying. "You know the girl who is with you? Jess has targeted her because she seemed too close to you. HAHA!! This Jess never changes. She is still obsessed with you." Then all the other friends also started laughing. I immediately dropped my spoon upon hearing this.
They stopped when Ken abruptly stood up. Ken asked his friend angrily. "Where is Jess? " Then one of his friend answered, "She must be somewhere nearby. Why are you getting serious over nothing? This is not like you. You know her. Let her be." Ken retorted angrily, "This is not nothing. Just tell me where she is. This is different from before. She has gone overboard this time."
Tears welled up in my eyes. I immediately wanted to run away. I grabbed my lunch box and shoved it in my bag quickly. Then I saw one of his friends pointing in my direction. I don't want him to see me in this state, so I walked away fast. Somehow he was in front of me when I was rushing outside the cafeteria. His face showed that he was worried. He asked me "Are you alright? " I nodded and brushed away his hand which was reaching my arm and walked away.
Why did he have to find out so early? Moreover when I wanted to hide this from him. Why did I suddenly feel like crying? We always cry when someone cares about us even though we wanted to be tough. All the talk about courage goes to garbage when we start feeling some warmth. We all crave for warmth but we try to avoid it mostly. Maybe we are afraid of going weak. Emotions are sometimes too complex to understand.
After lunch, even though Ken tried to talk to me, I gave him some curt replies. I know I shouldn't be like this to him. It's almost like I am blaming him for what has happened. I avoided him mostly, even though I didn't want to. It's more like I avoided having a proper conversation with him. It may be because I am afraid to know what has happened between him and Jess. Even though I am curious, I didn't dare ask because I am afraid to know whether he has supported me or her. Ahh!!! It's so infuriating.
Later I heard people gossiping that Ken warned Jess to not to bother me and be away from me. Seems like he also suggested that he wouldn't tolerate it this time. It seems that Jess was furious and threw a tantrum. Ken totally ignored her. I think she won't bother me anymore. But I don't have the courage to face Ken. It's awkward now. Maybe it's because I didn't say that to him when he even said that yesterday that I should confide in him. What will he ask me when he sees me? Will he be furious? He won't stop talking to me right?
Today it'd be better if I just walked home alone. I think my mind needs some peace after all the drama today. First of all Ken found out it was me playing football. He also found from someone else about Jess' warnings. Although what happened eventually turned out to be good, my emotions went over a rollercoaster ride. I was happy once and then sad. I was also furious but I also cried. Why am I like this? I need to take control over my emotions.
I slowly walked home with no rush. Just casually enjoying the cool breeze. Though I thought a lot my mind was at peace. Maybe I should stop over thinking and take it all as it happens. It suddenly feels like its been days but it was just this morning that I was walking together with him. Now see, I am walking alone. Such a big contrast like day and night. It's so different without him.