36 Resolve

I somehow got inside the white space without willing it.

Those words that she said, really did affect me a lot huh.

At the distance, the purple vortex floated as usual. Looking closely, there's something near the vortex.

What's that?

After I neared the vortex, midway there was some strange purple silhouette...

Is that me?

It kinda looks like myself before I got transferred to this world. The silhouette was crouched in natal position, as if it was a baby.

Realizing what it was, it slowly rose and changed into a standing position.

This... doesn't feel good.

The silhouette was closing in, and used one of its hands to reach towards me.

I tried to resist and move myself, but I can't even twitch a single finger.

Strangely, I didn't feel any pain, but I felt being pushed, then fell into a black space.

What's happening?

I saw the purple silhouette once more, then it transformed into a child...that also had my silhouette.

The child slowly grew until it became about five feet, then another silhouette formed on its side.

I couldn't make out its features, but the silhouette formed a little girl's form, as if it mimicked... Three; which I haven't seen for a long time.

Her silhouette also slowly grew until it reached about five feet, before the two silhouettes held hands, intertwining their fingers.

Seeing that, I could only grit my teeth. Seems like this purple silhouette is trying to show me some parts of my desires, but I'm not entirely sure.

After that, another person formed in between them, until there were three of them, and tried to remove our hands from each other. If I'm correct, it's probably Three's father and uncle. I'm not sure who the other one is, but if it's Sorn it should have been bald but it has a hair...it must be that so called 'young master' that was glaring at me when we were about to leave town.

Three's silhouette vanished as our hands got separated, followed by the others that also vanished like smoke.

After that I could see the silhouette return to a child's form, before growing once more.

This time, another silhouette formed, but it was around the size of between an adult and a child, before it grew about a little taller than mine.

They embraced each other, before she let go and turned around---catching a purple spear that tore a hole within the middle of her chest.

NO!

Why!?

Why do you have to remind me of what happened!?

I don't want to see this.

I already steeled my resolve within those days that I was conscious and couldn't do anything, yet seeing this scenery once more.....I feel my chest heavy. I feel dense. Something thick...within my chest.

Kirllia... sorry.

...

...

...

I recovered a bit after some time, before another silhouette once more appeared. It grew taller than mine once more, then this figure was somehow composed of a lot of colors that almost resembled a rainbow on static. This one was enveloped in a massive purple light for a few seconds, before the light vanished and revealing the rainbow figure in a white silhouette, which also had a purple vortex orbiting around him.

After that, he went near my actual body and patted my head, before kneeling and enveloped me within his arms.

Why?

Why are they appearing right now?

Is it because of what Yona said earlier?

After the figure vanished, I could finally move my astral body and could only clench my hands tightly within this black space, and crouch to a fetal position... before letting out a scream that resounded all of the black space within, shaking everything.

***

Both women were waiting for him to wake, when all of a sudden, a transparent film of light started to come out of Kaff like a flame that burned his outline. His whole body looked as if it was vanishing, fading in and out within sight.

"Is he undergoing some kind of breakthrough?"

"Will he be okay!?

"He has a unique magic, and only he could help himself. If there's a way I can help..." Yona positioned his hands over Kaff, gathered red light on her hands, before slowly forming a magic circle with a single symbol on the center. Light came out of it, wafting and channelling towards Kaff's head as his whole body stood in place.

...

Time seemed to pass for a long while before he got back to his senses, and realized that he was still inside that black space.

A purple silhouette once more formed in front of him, and it turned into an adult woman's figure.

The woman's figure just vanished in an instant after Kaff tried to chase it, only to reappear a bit far away.

He moved yet he wasn't chasing after, and the silhouette only vanished and reappeared once more, but is now further away from his sight.

Seeing that, he let out a faint sigh before lowering his hands to his sides, along with his head that drooped down.

***

Even Mom's silhouette's in here.

Why?

The scenery changed in an instant, and before I knew it, I was holding my arms in front of me, and I somehow opened my eyes.

The familiar desk, the soft padded chair, the pain in my shoulders, then my officemate on the side.

She really looks a lot like Aunt Arc, but there was a lot of difference such that she had make-up on, which I dislike.

"Oh, you dozed off again, huh?"

Stunned by her words and familiar voice, I replied as I scratched the back of my head.

"Yeah, yeah." I opened my e-mail application and saw my Inbox having two thousand emails. I remember that we have to finish reading all of these within the week.

Once I got my bearings, I started to sort the e-mails by importance and by date, before starting to read them, and taking notes on the side one by one.

Spam, delete. Ah, this one issue again...

...

After a bit of time, lunch time was over and a lot of people started to swarm inside the room once more, some of them tapping my shoulders while greeting me.

"Yo, J."

That's my nickname.

I greeted them back as I continue to work on my e-mails, before swapping back and forth to my IDE, checking out the currently opened code, analyzing them a bit and once more going back to my e-mails.

Seriously, why do we have to read all of these when I'm only just included on the CC?

I checked the Sent folder instead, before being reminded that I sent a few documents to Sharl a few hours ago.

"Sharl, have you finished reviewing the docs I've sent earlier?" I whispered to the side as I scroll through the screen, checking out the other sent e-mails.

"Only one remaining. Haaah... I don't know why your lead wants to keep sending back to you when it's already perfect."

"Not sure either, but 'can't really do anything about it. I even finished the code for it already, but as long as this specific step isn't approved, we can't upload the code on the server to even test check it."

...

Hours later, I've finished reading four hundred e-mails, before finally excusing myself for my own scheduled break. Since we all could take a break anytime, I decided for mine to be some time on the afternoon so I wouldn't have to deal with the long lines when I have to eat.

Of course, Sharl also had the same thinking as I did, and we went together at the convenience store within the building.

I can see a lot of people staring at us, but most of the guys only look at Sharl.

Well, that explains a lot. I'm not sure why she decided to always mingle with me, but I feel really disturbed when things happen like this.

"Say, Sharl."

"Yes?"

"Could you tell me why... You've been hanging out with me?"

"Ah! Why? Am I bothering you?" I can see her eyes slant inwards with a tone of worry.

"No, not really. Just curious because... it's impossible for you to have no other friends right? I mean everyone seems to like you."

"That's...a difficult question to answer. We could instead 'chat' about it... if that's alright."

We bought food and dined on a few tables outside the store, and talked about things not related to work, like music, anime, games, and cosplay stuff---the last one which I'm really not into. We were sitting side by side, and I talked only facing forwards, not really looking at her. I really have that habit, huh?

Now that I realize it, I looked at her after I put the spoon in my mouth.

Seeing her smiling as she talk and munch on her rice, it makes me feel warm.

"Are you listening?" She pouted as she asked, which looked a bit cute.

"Yeah. It's just that it's the first time I've really looked into your eyes."

"Ah! Uhhh...." She blushed for a bit and the words that I just said...hocrap!

It felt like a confession!

My face burned and my ears and the back of my neck turned cold...before I took in the last spoon of rice and finished my drink.

"Well...that's true. You always avoid eye contact."

"Yeah, I guess..."

Man this is awkward.

"Should we get back?"

"There's still a lot of time. Well, nobody else is really around, so maybe I can talk about why I always... hang out with you."

It felt like time stopped as she glanced towards me, with a faint red on her cheeks. One of her hair locks fell forward and she parted it to the side.

My chest felt tight.

"Hey is that Sharl?"

A man's voice struck like thunder as I almost freaked out; my heart jumped as fast as zebras galloping.

"What's up?"

The man suddenly came up behind our seats, and we could only turn our bodies a bit to the side.

Then his hand held her shoulder, and slid down more below, grasping that left *something* on her chest before smelling her neck.

"Why you together?"

I felt my chest tighten more, and felt my whole body burning...before I felt a cold sensation on my head, and dripped down until I felt it flow towards between my eyes and reached until above my neck.

"Oops. I thought there was a plant over here."

A different voice came from the other side, and there were two more guys as I turned my head towards the voice.

*pak*

"Don't touch me. Why are you here?"

"Oh, c'mon. I know you missed me."

Ugh. I've had enough.

I stood and the guy started to grope her tightly after even getting slapped, before Sharl also stood.

The guy in the side won't go away, so I glared at him.

He backed off a bit while smiling, before I stepped forward and let Sharl go before me.

"Run, don't look behind."

"But..."

I gave her a pat on the head and looked at her eyes.

"Just go."

"Wow, playing hero now? Is wimpy guy actually going to fight back now?"

Why can't I remember this scene from my memories?

I glared at the guy who touched Sharl, and he just chuckled and beckoned to me.

I beckoned at him in return, rising my hand as high as his face.

His face contorted in an ugly way, then he widely swung his left fist towards my face, so I blocked it with my right backhand, along with my left palm, and gave him an uppercut on the chin using my right.

He staggered and quickly followed up with another uppercut from a crouch as he groaned.

It felt heavy. His whole body is heavy, yet the blow somehow hit him square on the chin, but he was still standing.

I know I could only struggle this much, before I pulled my leg in front of me, and pushingly kicked him, making him topple a bit, and fell onto another table, dragging it with him as he landed on his side along with the table falling on him.

After that, one of the guys held me on my arms, but I raised my arms, slidding downwards before running away after I stepped on the guy's body as I ran forward.

I can hear them swearing and cursing as I ran. They'll reach me in no time, and as if encountering bad luck, there weren't many people where I could slip in and blend with. The coke they poured on me also stood out, leaving me no choice but to run to wherever I could.

...

About fifteen minutes passed, and I made it inside the building, and got to check in within the time.

People were all staring at me as I entered the corridors, but work is work so I continued to stride towards my desk, only to see Sharl nowhere.

Oh, now I see.

The scenery changed as fast as I realize that this was all an illusion, and it forwarded where I was watching the news where a woman was found crying and half undressed.

Why?

Why do I have to be reminded of this memory?

She wouldn't respond to my messages, and even when I called it would end up unanswered until there was a busy tone.

I only found out later that she... was once more on the news a few days later. This time she was only covered with a large blanket as the news blurred everything, before telling that she was already dead.

The scenery changed once more before I was sent to the black space again.

Ah...

If only I were stronger.

If only I hadn't ran back then.

Why?

Can't I deserve love?

Why are the people I feel close with... somehow get taken away from me?

Is it my luck? Did my previous life had a bad karma? Do I even have a previous life besides this?

Is it the work of a certain godlike being, torturing me specifically?

Do I look like a pushover that much?

...

If more of these things would happen to me more in the future, then I should just stop loving anybody else.

Should I live in solitude?

Should I just shutdown my emotions?

Should I let everything bad happen to me?

...

I recollected all of the visions this black space gave me, before I finally had a conclusion.