How to Attract a Dragon By Doing Nothing

I sat in silence watching the nightlife of Vale. With a sandwich and soda can. I took a bite out of my sandwich. Tasted bland. Munching the tasteless contraption, I wondered what could be my purpose in life.

I sighed, sitting on the edge of a tall building did nothing. "Should I help people? Beat thugs? Get a life? Get rich and wealthy? Or enjoy some damn good entertainment?" I muttered. Vale was going to shit in Volume 3.

I could stop it. But at what cost? Salem, Cinder, and other baddies going after my ass? It was a troublesome life, so nah. I can't just let the shitstorm of Volume 3 hit the fan and get Pyrrha, Penny (wait she got revived in Volume 7) killed.

Bad karma for letting that happen.

"My life's so dull..." I muttered to myself, recalling my past life. It was a life full of excitement, rush, new, and adventure travelling in the multiverse doing stuff I didn't want to do. I really wanted... was to have friends and a family.

Too bad that all got away. Everyone I remember I call them friends and family were either killed from me or forgetten. I wasn't... wishing for a harem of beautiful anime girls, the most powerful being, or become the greatest person in the entire multiverse.

I was just... there. Wondering how I got into this mess in the first place. A simple boy in a complicated world.

I sighed. Thinking about the purpose of my life wasn't going to do much when you can't answer it. I'mma focus on catching Hush. Where was he? I checked my tracker. Naught. Nada thing happened.

I cracked my neck a bit. "Either I'm crazy and bored enough to excuse Onyx was Hush, or the Author's messing with me..." I muttered, wondering if Onyx was Hush. Onyx definitely was Hush. I could feel it, dealing with masquarade psychos gave me experience seeing right through their masks.

Although Onyx didn't look he was wearing a mask, but I feel the odd sensation coming from Onyx as well. A slight speck. What if there was two? What if Onyx wasn't related and instead it was just one crazy fan worshiping Yang?

"Maybe I should forget about that and modify my suit..." I thought about the current batsuit's durability. I needed a suit that could tank against at least a shot from a tank. Bullet-proof wasn't going to cut it when you had girls that could tear apart a military tank mech.

...

So, next day, I hid myself using a Kakashi-mask, sunglasses, a hoodie, and a pair of makeup so nobody would notice me. First I needed resources, tech, equipment, and some Dust. Got that, and I have to build another new batsuit, aren't I?

I browsed through the Dust section. Fire Dust, Electro Dust, dust, dust dust... Ooh, a firearm. I got another one so I won't be needing that. I hummed a random tune from my nose.

Ah, Premium Grade Explosive Type 12 Gauge Shells. A bit of a mouthful, but useful for propelling people of how powerful the impact it does. I'm considering using a secondary weapon as a shotgun, since I'm not going to be throwing around batarangs in plain sight...

I reached my hand to grab the box, another hand had reached out and grabbed it as well. We both turned around who was grabbing the box.

"Ah." "Ah." Yang's lilac eyes stared me with awkwardness.

Right, I forgot Yang uses these type of shotgun shells for her weapon. It ain't a coincidence that I had to meet Yang someday. Judging by her expression, she doesn't notice me.

"Sorry, am I getting in your way, miss?" I spoke with a muffled voice so she wouldn't notice my voice. She smiled and waved it off.

"Thanks, don't mind if I do!" She accepts the offer and took the box. Her tone doesn't tell me she's interested, so I'm safe from assumptions. Yang took another box as well and put them in a counter.

"How much are those?" She asked the counter register. They told the price as Yang dug her pockets for her wallet. I watched as I was reading through a magazine, stuff mostly about weapons. It was no surprise when Yang tried to get a discount using her boobs.

I blinked when I sensed a heart-pounding hesitation of Aura. At the corner of my eye, I saw a dirty man in a beanie moving towards the counter with Yang. I grunted and began rolling the magazine into a roll.

Yang did not see it coming. A gun (revolver) was pointed to her head as she froze. "Lien, money, now!..." The fearful tone of the guy shook the barrel. Even Aura couldn't protect from a point blank range. The counter guy hesitated, suddenly threatened by a man.

"Lien, NOW! OR I'LL BLOW HER BRAINS OUT!!" Impatiently, the gun of the barrel shoved to her head as she took her breaths to calm herself. She could take on the guy right now, if it wasn't how close the barrel was to her head.

"Alright! Look, just take the money and-" I twisted the man's gun arm away from Yang and smacked his face with a rolled magazine. He stumbled with a cry of surprise as he pulled the trigger.

I twisted the gun downwards from his palms and punted him to the face. He crashed on the counter as I threw the gun away and arm-locked him to the counter. He howled from the pain as I held him.

"It wouldn't be wise to point a gun to a lady." I told him, holding him off as Yang suddenly decked the man into unconsciousness to my expectations. I glanced at her.

She raised an eyebrow. "What? He pointed a gun at my face, he really had it coming." She argued, making an excuse for assaulting the man for self-defense. I made sure my finger was blocking the hammer when he pulled the trigger, eliminating the activation of the bullet casing.

"Okay... how much is the magazine?" I changed topics and handed the magazine roll to the counter guy. Dumbfoundedly, he stated the price of it and I handed him the money, about to leave the store.

"Wait! Hey, thanks for saving me back there. Name's Yang. Yang Xiao-Long." She called out. Okay, I have her interest. That's baaaad. I merely nudged my head to her and spoke.

"The name's Simon. I'm sorry miss, since I'm in a tight schedule, I'll be off. Hope we meet each other again." Like, not EVER. I turned around away from her waving a small goodbye to her. Even though the hoodie covered my hearing, I could hear Yang's voice.

"Simon. What a interesting guy..." I could feel her smirking at me. I increased my walking speed faster. I ain't dealing with Yang, EVER.

...

After the encounter with Yang, I bought myself in the batcave with chemistry sets, tools, illegal and legal compounds and some chlorophyll plants. I needed to expand my gadget variety, and the fastest way to take out a hunter, was by anesthetic gas.

Aura couldn't make a person immune to toxic gas. But, it could help them fight it off from the effects. That's why this gas is to be used when the person is low in Aura. Though, gotta make sure I don't accidently kill them by overdosing it too much...

Breathing through a miniature rebreather, I made sure not to hit myself with anesthetic gas by accident. Wouldn't want that.

'Hey, I'm the former greatest detective second after Batman and I hit myself with sleeping gas!' I imagined myself. After a couple of trials and errors, I made sure I had made it non-lethal, but effective.

Anesthetic gas pellets.

I got some new toys to my utility belt. A tazer, prototype miniature boost rocket pads (the ones from Batman: Under the Red Hood), flash-freeze ice pellets, laser torch-cutter, bolas, light grenades, a small portable grenade launcher, fire pellets, and liquid pellets (friction-less oil, acid, etc).

Though it was beginning to bug me out since Pyrrha. Pyrrha, the Invincible Girl capable of controling polarity to her will. Anything metallic would likely be pulled or tossed away anything I throw at her.

For all she has her impressive skills, everyone has their limits.

"Hmmm..." I hummed as I turned around my spinning chair (who doesn't love spinning chairs?) and glanced at the holographic panels of the whole entire city of Vale. God, there were thousands of surveillance cameras throughout Vale, and Ozpin didn't thought to use any of them in the first place...

I saw Yang. Obviously minding her own business with her sister and partners, from what it looks like they were talking on a subject I didn't want to know. As for Onyx or Hush... I expected him to either spy on her, but computer says nothing. Not a single matter.

He was still at Beacon. NOW that, was very fucking suspicious. I know it's because he's anti-social to most people except to Team RWBY and JNPR, but this was getting out of hand. What's he hiding?

I can't get him to draw out from his cave. Unless I do something towards Yang. I bit my lips. The plan, was to use my 'Simon' identity to get closer towards Yang so I could draw out Hush, since she was interested in 'Simon'.

Hush either makes a move towards me by killing or murdering me, and that's where I exactly wanted him. Sorry- not sorry Yang, your relationship and feelings will be missed, either in pieces or ashes.

Now, how to become Yang's boyfriend. That's easy. While her thrill-seeking and loud personality may want a type that's the same as hers, in reality, she prefers men that's... actually, I really don't know her type is. I guess she's lesbian, or that she's not interested in most men. A person that's handsome, cute, dorky, and with a good personality maybe?

From what I can remember, Yang didn't even bat an eyeslash at Neptune, who 'enchanted' Weiss through his face, the coldest member of RWBY in no time at all. I guess it's safe to say Yang's lesbian. Though thinking about it, I doubt Yang would be interested in a guy who covers their whole face in the middle of daylight...

So going closer towards Yang's sex life is scrapped for now. Didn't want to put so much effort trying to like a girl I didn't want. Though, with enough effort and skills, Yang could like me and have me as a boyfriend if she wanted to. That is, and I'm not much of a ladies man...

Hush. Why does it have to be so difficult to catch him? He's got two faces, Onyx and Hush, two different personalities, and they're both fucking annoying as hell. Though, I heard rumors from Beacon saying Onyx was bit of an asshole to weaker and younger people. Only small rumors.

Why the hell did he have to have two different fucking personalities? Obnoxious as fuck. I sighed, sipping on the mug. I blinked and stared at my empty cup. Nothing.

God I missed having the luxary of a butler. Especially Alfred.

"Do I have anything to drink in this goddamn cave?" I huffed and lifted myself from the chair and went to the refrigerator and dove the contents inside. I grabbed a cold glassy texture on my palms.

It was a bottle of whiskey.

When the fuck did I buy this? I don't remember bringing it or buying it...

I stared at the bottle of whiskey. It was an alcoholic beverage that I typically liked. I had a high alchohol tolerance due to my artifical body, but that was changed after I drank one in Junior's and became Jack, the Guitar Lad.

If you can't remember, had a hangover, and shown your other personality, then it's either me being drunk or it doesn't classify as me being drunk.

Because of my asexuality caused by my multiple mental breakdowns from the pain of breakups, divorcement, and the deaths of my former girlfriends and closest ones that were female, I never got a single woman to be sexually close to my relationship.

Either I would steal their hearts and break them earlier on, I decided to never get someone close to me. Female or Male. Yes, I was once homosexual. Billions of years old, remember? And that means I am no way a virgin.

Ehem, off-topic... I just had an idea without me getting remotely closer to Yang but magically becoming friends, now to 'together-together'. I was sure this was going to work, my Billion years of attracting the chicks and ladies were more than useful.

I hope I don't wake up on the other side of the bed with a certain blondie sleeping next to me... That's going to be extremely awkward.

...

Yang wondered for the first time of her life. She would rather brush her frustrations off by punching and venting them to the nearest punching bag, but not matter what she did, it bugged her.

Simon.

The mysterious guy who saved her when she was held at gunpoint yesterday. He felt oddly familar for some reason, but it felt like Simon had something to hide, especially when he wore a hoodie, sunglasses, and a mask in broad daylight like someone was going to drop on him.

As a friend with P-money (Pyrrha), she always had to disguise herself away from fans, paparazzi, and haters. No wonder Pyrrha wanted to be a normal girl. She would've wanted nothing but freedom, away from all of it.

Was that why P-money was so into Vomit Boy (Jaune)? Because he really didn't care about her fame and fortune and treat her as a normal girl? Poor girl, if Vomit Boy wasn't so dense from her feelings, she would have a year of teasing between them.

Back to Simon, it was possible that he could've been a very popular celebrity. But which one? There wasn't any popular celebrities in Vale except for P-money, and she must've overthought it and decided it was a really weird dude hiding something.

"Have you heard the latest album released by Jack?!" "Yeah, I heard! He looked so handsome in the vid, tho." "I want to marry him..." A couple of girls ran past her murmuring. Jack?! He really released an album?!

Jack, as everyone called him, was a very popular celebrity among students because of his music and songs. Some cried, some were excited, all of them were excited as hell. She liked Jack's music because it was exciting. Heart-thumping. Like she was a supersonic woman out of you~

She wondered what he was like. Jack. She wanted his autograph for being the total beast of a man to shred the notes, sing like no one has sung before, also he was kind of handsome, but like a raging fire just her style. She grinned at the possibility.

Sadly, not only was he very good at music for getting the chicks, he was very secret. Not many people see him or notice in Vale. Rumors said he was a devilish handsome boy hiding in the sun. Like a vampire, striving in the night picking up chicks like it was breathing.

Yeesh. Not only some rumors were flat-out ridiculous, like him being a Vampire? Yeah, right. Those were the old monsters! The Frankengrimm! The Werewolf! Aah, she missed the heart-tensing cheezy movies. They weren't scary anymore, but they were ridiculously funny.

"Hey, Yang." Onyx called out to her. Ugh, it was getting annoying from the constant 'heys' and 'hellos' from her old friend. Onyx, all the sudden, was mysteriously worried for her to the point her old friend had creeped her out.

"What is it, Onyx?" She asked, as Onyx became a spluttering wreck when he looked like he was failing to give something to her. She raised an eyebrow.

"I'm... worried of you Yang. Why are you going outside more often? You should stay in Beacon, away from the trouble." Onyx said in a worried tone. After the gang's attempt of catching Torchwick got overboard, Onyx was horrified that she got punched by a robot controlled by Torchwick.

"Why are you so worrying so much? You know that I can handle myself pretty well, and I'll be fine. I won't be going after Torchwick after Prof (Goodwich) scolded us like it was the culling of students, so don't worry about me too much! Alright?..." She said softly, knowing Onyx's fears of losing his only closest friend. He still looked unbelieved as he huffed.

She smiled, Onyx reminded her of a very cute puppy worried about her. She ruffled his hair warmly as he was shaken from the act as he pouted and blushed. She laughed at his expression and gave him a surprise noogie.

"Y-yang! S-stop it!" He whimpered, as Yang let him go. His face was lit like a tomato. She smirked teasingly. He averted his eyes embarrisingly away from that grin. He was so cute to tease around.

"Seriously, Yang. You need to stop treating me like I'm a little puppy like when we were kids! I'm not a kid anymore!" He huffed out. Yang gave a devilish grin on her face as Onyx paled when he knew it.

"Aww, is the little puppy a big boy now? You're a big boy now, yes you are~" Yang ran up to Onyx and messed up his hair. Onyx struggled against her grasp as he pulled out of her to her surprise while fighting a massive blush.

He recomposed himself and crossed his arms. "Hmph! If you're going to act like this, I'm not going to be worried for you. You just had to waste all of your brain cells on those two melons when they can't get yourself a man." He pointed at her breasts.

Let's just say Onyx had a very sharp tongue for roasting people when he was VERY embarrassed. No matter who did it, what race or gender, Yang Xiao-Long was no exception.

"PPPPPFFT!!" A stream of milk was forcibly spat from the powerful roast. Ruby spat her milk out, knowing Onyx's personality of not holding back to a roast, even to her sister. Meanwhile, Weiss and Blake had to check up to Yang and they were fully caught off-guard when Yang just got roasted.

"H-ha..." Honestly, Yang had it coming. She just got roasted by her oldest friend. That was the part where she respected Onyx's snarkness. Recomposing herself, she had to come up a comeback.

"Alright, alright... that was a good one... Roses are red, violets are blue, you wouldn't even get a girl, cuz they all gonna hurl." She bit back. No response came from Onyx as he was... grinning?

"Seriously, Yang? You're going to use a poem? Not your own style? Man, I thought you were pretty. On the outside..." He smirked. Cue the coughing coming from the audience on the roast. Yang's eyes visibly twitched.

"If I'd say you were either pretty or dumb, I would say both. Do you know why, Yang?" Onyx had his signature victorious grin that would make Pyrrha jealous. Yang kept her cool, not falling for his word-games of her oldest friend. The audience needed an answer, as silence wasn't going to put it.

"Come on, ask me, Yang. You 'scared' that you can't ask?" Onyx teased. Yang wanted to punch him and crack his annoying little glasses if it wasn't for the fact she was his oldest friend. Yang wasn't afraid of anything, and she didn't dared to back up from a challenge something stupid like this!

"O-okay... why both, Onyx?..." Yang crackled her knuckles to scare Onyx off so he would mess up his final roast but it wasn't working. Onyx had already won, and she knew she f*cked up.

"It's because... you're, 'PRETTY' 'DUMB'!" He finished. That was it. Yang was so done. The audience bursted like an explosion.

"WWWWOOOOOOOAAAHHHHH!!!!" "AAAAHHH!!!" Yang felt weightless, getting roasted by her oldest friend was the worst thing to happen in existence. Ruby and her teammates caught her from the roast as Onyx remained victorious.

"You need some water for that burn?" Weiss smirked smugly. Yang did not like that smirk.

"Shut up, Ice Queen. You don't know how it's like to be roasted when it'll go around your head since you're so cold and flat. Just like your portable kitchen board on your chest." She snarked back. Another round of coughs and roasting came towards Weiss as she was properly offended and caught off-guard.

"I-I... y-you!" She fumed, steam rising from her ears as she was pissed. Unable to get a good comeback, she was held back from Ruby and Blake holding her arms as she muttered multiple curses and unintelligable words in a rapid pace even Glynda gasped in shock.

"Miss Schnee! That was highly inappropriate in school grounds!" Glynda scolded her, Weiss immediately realising as she did a grave mistake. She deeply apologised to the Professor, as she turned to Yang who was whistling innocently and Onyx hiding in Miss Rose's red cape.

"Mr Smith... Miss Xiao-Long..." She warningly called them out. Reluctantly, Onyx came out from hiding inside Ruby's cape and said a small thank you to the red reaper and stood towards the Professor, just like Yang was.

"Yes, Professor?" He began. Glynda's eyes frowned as she crossed her arms.

"While you two have your long relationship to each other, please do not make a scene to others. You are dismissed." She huffed and dismissed them. Yang and Onyx were bickering for each roasts ranting and respecting their insults.

"Seriously, Yang. You gotta stop spending your money on shampoo when they're going to fall anyw- OWW!" Onyx rubbed his arm on where Yang had hit him. Yang darkly grinned, Onyx backing away from the grin as he sweated.

"Onyx, I would like that you wouldn't put my hair into this..." She warned seriously. Onyx hesistantly nodded. They both stared at each other for a moment, then bursted into chuckles then to laughter.

"Don't worry about me, Onyx. I've got my friends when you aren't here. Speaking of, you really need to come outside and join us! Come on! I've got so much places we'll have fun with!" Onyx's smile froze as he frowned. Yang dropped her smile.

"No... no... I think I'll be alright here. I'm fine." Onyx formed his fake smile at Yang. It made her angry at herself being so stupid. Onyx was afraid to go outside since he had a trauma when he was young in the Commerical District.

It was an accident. When Onyx's parents took him into the deeper parts of Vale, what she saw was beyond horrifying. She fought back a wince and a frown recalling her memories.

#Flashback Starts#

"Onyx? Onyx~ Where are you? Mom?" Yang looked at her mother's guilt filled expression on her face. Summer Rose wasn't one to be sad or crying, as she was normally positive and happy to be gentle to everyone, as if saying 'everything will be alright'.

There was a crowd murmuring where she last saw Onyx and his stupid parents. They were mean and bad to Onyx, and they were worse than her own mommy (Raven Branwen) when she left her. Ruby was in her mother's arms.

Then, she realised. "Yang, I... I'm sorry." Summer confessed in guilt. Fear and dread came to her senses as she wanted to run. Run. Ignoring her mother's protests as she ran through the crowd, and the police line wasn't going to stop her meeting Onyx!

"Onyx! Onyx! Where are you?!" She shouted desperately. She didn't realise she was standing on a puddle of blood. Her eyes widened when she saw her first lifeless body in front of her. It was Onyx's parents. Dead.

She didn't care about his parents. She cared about Onyx. Gritting her teeth, she called back through the dark alleyway, ignoring her own fears inside as she was beginning to be scared also.

"Onyx! Onyx! Where are you?! It's me...! Yang!" Tears came out from her eyes from the regret and terror of blood. She had to endure this. She HAD to find Onyx. A scrapping sound came from the darker parts of the alleyway as Yang froze.

"Yang....? That's... a very.... beautiful name, ain't it?" It felt so distorted that even Yang fell in complete terror as she witnessed a monster that frightened her every single time. It was a very, very, tall man. Covered in bandages, blood, and sickening flesh wounds that give her nightmares.

"Say... that's a pretty face you've got there..." She quivered when the man got closer. Get away. Get AWAY! GET AWAY!! He grinned, darkly as he neared his hands close to her.

"I'll make sure it'll be the prettiest face in VALE!!! AHAHAHAHA!!-" She closed her eyes shut, waking up from his nightmare but she felt nothing. She cracked open her eye to see supermom holding off the monster's big scary knife.

"And I'll make sure yours is going to be the ugliest! YAAH!" Summer twisted her blade away from the monster's knife away. The monster scowled, screeching a unnatural howl from his lungs as he charged on.

Summer had to make it quick. With a swift stroke, she lopped the monster's head off from his shoulders. Yang had already closed her eyes. Summer immediately hugged her tightly to reassure nothing was going to hurt her anymore.

"H-ha... It wouldn't even... matter... I would... still... be... alive, once more...." The monster's head began talking, as his eyes were lifeless as he was properly dead. Summer glared at the head and kicked it away, too gruesome for a child to see.

"M-mom... I want to see Onyx! PLEASE!" Yang cried out, desperate to save her friend. Summer took a moment, and her silver eyes determinedly steeled and rushed inside the deeper darkness.

She walked through the darkness with Yang in her arms. Summer ignored the feelings of negativity and focus on finding... Onyx. Her silver eyes widened, watching a bloody child on the ground barely alive.

"S-sooo... c-cold..." The child barely spoke out. Yang got out of her arms and immediately reached to Onyx. Yang cried, wailed as she hugged Onyx, ignoring the blood as she held him tightly.

"I'm here... I'm here, Onyx..."

#Flashback Ends#

"Just be careful, alright?" Onyx's gentle voice snapped her out of her thoughts. She smiled, giving a light hit to Onyx's arms as he subtly said 'ow'. Onyx glared, rubbing the arm as Yang teased around.

"Hey, I didn't become the second top student in Shade to save your ass." Yang grinned back. Onyx blanched out, his eyes showing blankness.

"I can handle myself. You should be more worried of your hair." He teased back. Yang enjoyed those moments of her oldest friend. She liked Onyx Smith as a friend and someone who could relate to, since they both had shitty mothers.

"Aah, just shut up. See you later!" She did her final messing up of Onyx's hair as she ran off following her teammates. She waved back, same as Onyx subtly waved too. Inside, she hoped that Onyx would open into more friends, because she always wasn't going to be out there for him.

...

"Hmm, do you think this fits me well?" I asked to the lady staff member of the clothes store. She beamed, grasping her hands in awe as the clothes fit just right.

"I think it fits you so well, sir!" The lady said in agreement. Giving a gentle smile in response, I switched to my casual outfit and handed her the Lien. I refused the discount from the lady in respect and gentlemenship, as I held the bags and walked out of the store.

"Please come again!" She waved. I smiled. Whiping up my sunglasses, I covered my eyes from the sunlight as I walked through the streets with a sense of freedom I didn't feel for a long time.

"Hey, who's that?" "He looks so cute~ is he a celebrity?" "What a handsome devil..." Murmurs of women were heard as I tried my best to ignore them, cursing my enhanced hearing for this.

All they were interested were my looks. It's understandable and confusing, as why would women like a man because of their good looks. What part of their 'good looks' interests them in a sexual manner? Alas, no one has answered that.

"It doesn't matter, I have... well, I'm going to need a cup of coffee." I said, sensing the lack of caffine inside my veins. Searching up the best and cheapiest cafe, I walked into the direction.

"Oh. Oh, hi." Lilac eyes stared back inside the cafe, watching Yang as I walked inside the store. She seemed surprised, grinning in interest as she leaned closer on her table.

"Oh hello, handsome~" She slurred.