Episode 7-Ender's Game (11)

I rose from my bed in an instant. I fell asleep hours ago and just woke up, but I didn't feel a hint of grogginess.

(What the fuck was all that?!)

[Time Dilation is deactivating!]

[The Constellations have entered the chat!]

[Constellation "Secretive Plotter" has sponsored 100 coins to Incarnation "Ethan Nakamura."]

[Constellation "Egyptian Thought" has sponsored 100 coins to Incarnation "Ethan Nakamura."]

[You have received 1000 coins from the Constellations.]

I felt relief from the money pouring in. It was quite shallow, but seeing all of the coins made me feel rich, which brought some form of relief.

[Constellation "Defender of Virginia" is interested in your scenario.]

I glared at this system message, but made sure to hide any contempt towards this Constellation.

(I need to get up.)

Right now, we had to study. I was horrible at math in the real world, and the mathematics here were quite advanced.

(My dream said that my language comprehension was too high, and my mathematics score was too low.)

After that, I didn't know what the hell to do.

(I can't get kicked out of this simulation yet.)

Thanks to watching the Dokkaebi speak, I knew that I had to make it to the end of the book. That meant that I had to follow the novel precisely, and that I had to be smart enough to do so.

(It's scary. I almost feel motivated.)

I hated being homeschooled. It was a lonely experience, so I didn't try as much. I even had a mental breakdown due to stress.

[I ca n help.]

(Fragment of the 4th Wall?)

[It 's me.]

(Are you... saying you can help with math?)

[Yep.]

I had some doubts in the Wall. They appeared to be some outer, divine piece of rock that allowed me to take advantage of the scenarios. Math is a fundamental language, and Neil DeGrasse Tyson proposed that aliens could communicate with us by using math.

(Although... that's metric math, which isn't used by the U.S. and two other countries in my world. Fraggy, can you help me with math?)

[Sure....]

With that, Fragment of the 4th Wall helped teach me math.

(If I have Fragment of the 4th Wall, maybe my life at Battle School won't be so bad.)

***

After a month or so, all of the other boys were rushing to put on their clothes. As training, we were ordered to find efficient ways to put on our uniforms. As a teenager, I already knew how to put my clothes on, but the some of the other boys were jealous of me.

The suits we had to wear were different from the regular clothing we had, and the other boys had a hard time putting them on. I didn't have that issue, but of course, they began to bully me for that as well.

I slept with my clothes on, so they wouldn't see my naked body. Sadly, there was another kid in our dorm that was bullied, and his name was Shen. Bernard would comment about his butt, and how it wriggled. It took a lot of willpower to not snap at them, but it fueled my rage. Thankfully, I had already quelled Bernard's massive influence on the other boys by humiliating him.

I did so by hacking into the system that the Launchies used; Fragment of the 4th Wall also helped me. In the novel, Ender described the system as child play. When I first looked at the system myself, I quickly found out the coding language and generated alt accounts.

I used names like "God" and "Death" to bully Bernard, which was amusing to me.

In the original novel, Ender made fun of Bernard by sending a message to everyone that said:

-I LOVE YOUR BUTT. LET ME KISS IT.

I also did the same, but that was in the original novel. In this version, I made an alt account called "Death" and sent a message that said this:

-BERNARD WILL DIE ONE DAY FOR HIS FOOLISHNESS, BUT HE CAN AVOID THIS FATE BY ACTING WITHOUT ANGER AND VENOM.

This really scared Bernard. When everyone read this message, they freaked out. When Dap came, he had to console Bernard that a different Launchie may have hacked into the system. After that, people began to avoid Bernard after he lost his influence, and began to fear the fellow Launchie that could write such a heinous message.

(All of those years of bullying are stacking up, huh?) I thought sarcastically.

I didn't want to call myself a victim, but I've been ruthlessly bullied before. It was no surprise that it was happening again. So, it was satisfying to see a bully such as Bernard appear bone-white when a message from "Death" said he was going to die.

I quickly put on the rest of my suit, and made sure I was ready to go. Sergeant Dap came, and he told us it was time to check out the Battle Room.

Bernard - the boy whose arm I broke - was glaring at me. He made sure to make it very poignant that he was blaming me for his injury.

"Sir, what about me? My arm broke once? What happens if it breaks again?"

Bernard was saying this in an innocent voice, but he was doing it intentionally. He was trying to evoke sympathy, probably not from Dap, but from the other children. It was an obvious tactic that Ender understood on a fundamental level.

I understood as well. It didn't take a lot to manipulate children. All you have to do is find their pressure point, and squeeze them in a certain way. The strongest pressure points in young children are jealously and anger.

(I will have to mitigate such a situation,) I thought.

To be truthful, I wanted to kill Bernard the minute he hit me in the head, but I had to hold back due to the situation. There were multiple Constellations watching, such as the Savior of Corruption; he was actually an archangel of the "Eden" Nebula. If he reported me, then I would be marked as evil.

There was also Black Cloud members, who were under the infamous "Abyssal Black Flame Dragon." I knew they were watching my scenarios since they messaged me directly. If I actively engaged with them, then the other Constellations would mark me as evil.

Right now, I had to be level-headed Ethan, and level-headed Ethan was smart. It was Anger Lord Ethan that was a real dumbass.

(I don't have my Anhedonia skill.... If I don't control myself, I may try to kill some people.)

It was stark. I had come from an apocalyptic survival situation to a space-opera. It just reminded me that TWSA and the Anna Croft side stories came to life.

(I'll need to calm my rage. All the trauma I've accumulated needs to be put on hold now.)

It was an idiotic thought; trauma doesn't work that way, but I was confident that Fraggy would suppress such trauma.

(For now, I need to keep my problems to myself, and rationalize my problems alone.)

These were all the plans I made while lost in thought. The only thing that shook me out of my thoughts were Dap's words.

"Soldier, do you think that having an injury is going to stop the training?"

Dap said this in a serious tone. He continued to speak and said, "Good soldiers don't whine and complain about something being too hard. They receive medical attention, they heal, and they go back to the fight. Just because you broke your arm once, it doesn't mean you can slack off now, Bernard."

That last sentence was very punctual. Usually, we would only be referred to as boys, or Launchies, but knowing our names... it created this type of intimacy between us and Dap. I reflected on his words; how he said to call us his mom at Battle School. I didn't take it too seriously, but he's probably one of the few empathizing people in Battle School.

(He's a good character in the original novel.)

Dap continued to address all of us now and said, "In real life, handicaps don't give you a free pass in war. In reality, that handicap is an advantage to your enemies. So, boys, you are going to work with handicaps. Those are called the Battle suits; those heavy little things."

Dap turned his attention back to Bernard and said, "I'm sorry, but this is a necessary orientation."

All of the classmates turned their attention back to Bernard. No one said anything though. In their eyes, Bernard was kind of a hero. He hit Ender/me in the back of the head, when I was praised by Graff. When I broke his arm, they saw it as a battle scar from that demon-child named Ender Wiggin. So, seeing him undermined by Dap was satisfying for me, but surprising for them.

Bernard appeared angry; it was obvious - he was a child - they can't properly control their emotions. The other children thought he was angry because he had to train, but I knew what he was angry about: he couldn't make me appear as the villain anymore.

[Fragment of the 4th Wall has circumvented the parameters of "Ender's Game: Simulation!"]

[You can now identify all of the characters in "Ender's Game!"]

[You have a immense understanding of Character "Bernard!"]

(That little Shaft is staring at me....)

All of sudden, I began to hear Bernard's thoughts. He was glaring back at me, which showed he was angry at me.

(That little Shaft that broke my arm.... It hurt so much....)

For all the time that Bernard was here, he would always say he was alright. Bernard said his arm didn't hurt at all. I knew he was lying, but to feel his venomous thoughts.... it was an entirely different thing.

I slowly turned my attention away from Bernard. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing that I was cowed by his glare, or his thoughts. I also had to appease the Constellations, who think I'm strong enough to deal with this situation.

[Constellation "Secretive Plotter" wishes to know what the Battle Room is.]

[Constellation "Egyptian Thought" still wants to know how Incarnation "Ethan Nakamura" survived his near-death experience.]

(Thoth still caught up on that.... Sheesh....)

***

We were in the Battle Room. Constellations sent a whole bunch of messages to me, but I ignored them.

-[Ethan. Hey.]

It was Herald. I was apprehensive to talk to him.

-[Herald, how long has the simulation been going?]

-[I just had my lunch break. When I came back to work, I saw that your scenario automatically went live again. I'm just checking up on you. Right now, only a few hours of real world time has passed.]

I felt genuine concern from Herald, but I doubted the sincerity; I didn't know what the "Probability Monitoring Agency" was, but Herald seemed to be an agent of PMA.

(I need to be much more careful of him.)

-[I'm glad that you are here, Herald.]

-[I'm just making sure that the top Incarnation of my channel is doing well.]

-[I have confidence that you're channel would do well, regardless of the fact I was here or not.]

It was a very dangerous thing to say. I didn't know Herald's true feelings; nor did I know about his intentions for me. I hinged my plan of approaching him because he appeared as a low-grade Dokkaebi, but the Herald I saw looked humanoid at the Dokkaebi Bureau. The size of the Dokkaebi actually showed how much power they had.

(It means that he is much more powerful than I originally thought.)

-[Well, Ethan.... I like your scenarios. They are one of the most unique ones I have seen in a long time.]

-[Herald... Will I ever make it to the end of the scenarios?]

-[Wha?]

I could hear the shock in his voice through Dokkaebi communication.

-[Can I ever stop making scenarios for the Constellations and other Dokkaebi?]

This was a test. Depending on the sincerity of his voice, I could tell if he was telling the truth or not.

-[Ethan.... Star Stream is a fundamental thing in the universe. The only way to escape the gazes of Constellations.... You would have to go to outer planets in the far regions, or some dimension where the Constellations can't view. Although... you're famous now. Incredibly famous now, so people will hunt you down.]

-[Like whom?]

-[I can't tell you, Ethan.]

-[By not telling me, you only give me more dread.]

-[Just focus on the scenario....]

Dokkaebi Communication cut off. I felt angry. I always hated it when people wouldn't tell me the truth.

(Another immature thing about being a child....) I thought sarcastically.

I went back to my scenario. The only consolation I had was this: Dokkaebi Herald actually seemed shocked that I asked an upfront question.

***

I spent thirty-minutes in here. I got to know the character Alai, who was an Indian boy. Out of all of the boys, he was the nicest and seemed to be the most talented in null gravity. We didn't make dull conversation, but we tried a tactic together.

(In the original novel, Alai isn't sadistic as Bernard; he's more amiable.)

Right now, we were too busy blasting the crap out of the other Launchies. After some trial and error, I was quickly zooming around the Battle Room, firing the laser gun that all of the other Launchies had.

It took to some time to figure it out, but the laser gun had two settings; one setting allowed to shoot a thin, singular laser, while the other setting allowed me to shoot a wide beam in the form of a flash.

After that, Alai, Shen and Bernard joined us, and we finished shooting the other boys. I enjoyed shooting the other children, and freezing them in place. Soon after that, Dap came and unfroze them. The other boys complained, and said, "It's not fair, they shot us first."

I promptly shot that boy in the face with my laser gun.

"Ender," Dap said, "please, we must organize a game."

After a light scolding, Dap began to address the other Launchies. Soon after, we were placed in different teams. Alas, I wasn't made a leader.

(I'm glad.)

Alai was better at acrobatics in null gravity, and Bernard still had substantial influence. I just made sure to watch all of their games, and stay on the sidelines. It wasn't until I was shot at that I began to worry.

(I was never in a gun-fight before....)

You always hear about them. Aiming the barrel of your gun at someone, and shooting something until it died. I remembered playing games about it, and having it sensationalized. But... it felt different. Whenever I heard the boys scream, whenever I saw them freeze in place.... I was afraid that they were actually dead. The Battle Suits allowed us to stay safe, but receiving a concussion or hitting something too hard could seriously injure us.

So, whenever I shot someone.... To be truthful, I couldn't do it.

"Ender, why aren't you playing the game?!" Bernard shouted.

I simply didn't want to. It was painful to do so. I never killed a child before, especially when the scenarios began.

(I only killed a boy when I came into this simulation.)

Sadly, as time went on, I felt all of the boys become real. They had the ability to think, and feel, and become angry. It was hard to shoot them, even if this was a game of pretend. Sadly, I had to swallow this feeling, and fire.

I was shot too many times. I felt the Battle Suit tighten around me, and constrict my movements. I collided against the walls of the Battle room, and against the obstacles called the "Stars."

[Constellation "Abyssal Black Flame Dragon" is wondering why you suck.]

[Constellation "Secretive Plotter" is supporting Incarnation "Ethan Nakamura."]

[Constellation "Egyptian Thought" doesn't understand outer space one bit.]

[Constellation "Demonic Judge of Fire" doesn't like space.]

[Constellations have donated 1000 coins to Ethan Nakamura.]

I ignored the messages. I had to shoot the boys. I was smart enough to do so. I made sure to confer with Alai, and we created strategies and tactics. I wasn't as athletic as Alai, but when it came to strategy... I could make plan within plans, all the while hiding my emotions.

After all of the boys were frozen, I drifted off someplace else, and felt alone. It was sweet, exciting, but sad. These were all of the emotions I felt as I floated through through the Battle Room. As I did, I came near the see-through walls, and saw the Earth below. It was really beautiful....

I saw the deep ocean blue of the Earth, the dusty dunes of the deserts, and the glittering lights of the sprawling cities that decorated the globe. If this was my actual home, then my home state - Washington - would be located in the U.S. It would be located on the far west of America.

"Enjoying the sights, Ender?"

I didn't answer at the call. It wasn't even my name in the first place.

"Ender!! Hey!!"

I felt a hand push against me; I turned around and saw it was Alai and Shen.

"Why are you just staring at the Earth?"

"Because it is beautiful."

"Oh," Shen said. "How so?"

"I don't know... but... whenever I look at it, I appreciate it's beauty, and I'm reminded that I'm not alone."

"Oh... that's pretty... deep."

"Just like your butt, Shen."

"Shut up, Alai!!"

As they began to bicker back and forth, I couldn't help but smile. They felt so real, even my repressed human emotions couldn't help but feel touched.

(I'm sorry. I'm going to have to leave you one day.)

After a tiring day, a tiring lunch, a tiring dinner, and some social interaction, I was able to finally go to sleep. I prayed for peaceful sleep, but I didn't receive any. I couldn't hope for any because I felt deadened by this world, just like so many other people.

***

My safe space. The flaming eye. The burning star. Once again, I was floating in nothing, and the only things that could see me were the Fragment of the 4th Wall.

(Y'know, this is just like lucid dreaming.)

I never lucid dreamt before the scenarios. I had a few here and there, but none of them could allow me to travel the world, or view the past. I was surprised. When did I even fall asleep in the first place?

(Perhaps it's because of Fragment of the 4th Wall....)

All of my abilities came from Fraggy, so I couldn't help but feel grateful. I was alone in this world, but in this world.... I had one friend who could stay with me 'till the end.

[I'm so rry...]

(What?)

[H e's c om ing.....]

[A fellow Fragment Holder has found you!]

[Their Fragment of the 4th Wall is larger than yours!]

(Hello, Ethan....)

I turned my attention away from the void, and saw the one person I hated most in this world: Mathew McFarland.

If I could feel my blood, could I feel it run thought-out my body? Could I feel any sort of pain? Could I feel anything that could release me from this situation? Since he had gained a Fragment, I couldn't view Mathew McFarland's skills. I was able to view him like the character he was, and be safe from the omniscience I was blessed with.

(Oh, Ethan. If you really read all of those "stories," you know that I'm not an actual character.)

He came closer to me. He walked towards me, which didn't make any sense. This was my safe place, it could never be penetrated....

(Didn't you hear your precious Fragment, Ethan?)

I tried to float away from him, but he pulled me closer by some strange gravity. I tried to drift closer to the flaming eye and the white star, but they were becoming more distant as time passed.

[A fellow Fragment Holder has found you!]

[Their Fragment of the 4th Wall is larger than yours!]

I saw these stupid messages float in front of me. It was the equivalent of that dirty joke between males; they would joke about how their penis would be larger than their friends. Sadly - for some reason - men would kill each other if someone else's penis was larger than theirs.

That is what I felt when Mathew McFarland came towards me. It felt as if he was trying to take some part of my body. I knew what he wanted. He wanted my Fragment.

(Ethan, Ethan. If you want to avoid pain, then you should listen to adults.)

I felt a hand grab my shoulder.

(Or there will be consequences.)

I felt my body shift towards McFarland. He was taller than me. He was stronger, better, charismatic and handsome. I felt two hands being placed on my shoulders now.

(Consequences, such as these, Ethan.)

(Huuuaaagahhhhh!!!!)

In a moment, in a blink of an eye, I felt McFarland choke me in my dream. I felt every bit of pain, and I couldn't escape from here. My Fragment of the 4th Wall was quiet. I was alone.

(Is this how people.... who are sexually assaulted feel? Violated, destroyed, taken? With no one else in sight, to save them?)

I felt the hands clamp harder. My airway closed. I felt my airway close, and I couldn't breath, but I knew one thing that McFarland didn't... this was my dream, and I controlled it. With new found anger, I began to redirect my thoughts toward him.

(Oh, Mister McFarland... Are you going to choke me... like how you CHOKE YOUR WIFE AND DAUGHTER!?!?!)

(What?!!)

(Uwaahhh!!!)

Using all of my mental willpower, I pushed the bastard away.

(Watashi wa subete o nikumu... kono sekai ga kiraidesu.... demo anata o motto kiraidesu!!!)

I began laughing like a madman. How did crazy people exist in a modernized world? It was easy, they made sure that no one could see them. They hid their thoughts, their heinous actions, and disguised themselves as better people. This is what I've done for a long time: hiding myself and my murderous urges. I never wanted to kill people that I didn't want to, but in this world.... you end up doing so.

I looked at Mathew McFarland. How do you kill a man? It was easy. You kill what they love the most. What happens if this person is a literal psychopath: a person who couldn't even feel basic human empathy? There was another solution. Inflict your pain onto them. Scar them for life. Some people decided to do this by pointlessly hurting others, such as sexual assault or murder.

I knew a better way. Destroy their mind. Thankfully, my mind was the most heinous thing in this dream. I flipped through all of my shame, all of my anger, all of my regret, and all of the sympathy and empathy I've felt in my life.

I turned my attention back to Mathew McFarland and thought towards him, (Here McFarland. IF you are truly real, and if this IS a dream....)

I smiled again.

(Please, read my lovely story.)