7 Chapter Seven

Matthew wasn't doing so well either, after leaving Charlie's house. He came home to his parents yelling at him to accept that what he did was wrong.

"James is a good boy if anything I bet you forced him to do those horrible things with you. Own it Matthew, we all know you are gay." His mom said in a voice of disappointment.

"What?" Matthew says dumbfounded. "What does my sexuality have to do in this? Just because I'm supposedly gay doesn't mean I would forcefully kiss James. Do you really not believe me!?"

"Yeah right, just like Andrew right? I'm sick and tired of you blaming these poor boys for your sexuality. Just admit it and own it instead of trying to cover it up. First you say that Andrew molested and raped you. Now you are saying that your friend kissed you which cause you to have and anxiety attack? I don't have time to be dealing with your nonsense." Matthew's dad says as he walks off into his bedroom.

"Really, Mathew? Look I know we said we didn't like gay people before but we have changed. It's okay honey, just say the truth and we will accept you just the way you are." Matthew's mom hugs Matthew in an attempt to comfort him but all she was doing was making it worse. Matthew pulls away, he just can't take any more of this.

"But I am saying the truth. He molested me and tried to get me to have sex with him. Andrew raped me, mom! Do you really think I would lie about such a thing?" Matthew's voice cracked doing his best not to sob and go for comfort in his mom's arms even though she didn't believe him.

Matthew's mom shakes her head in disappointment. "I thought that you knew better not to lie to me but clearly you don't care about ruining someone's reputation for your own selfish needs. You disgust me, I thought you were better than this. You are a disappointment, a disgrace, and I wish I would have raised you better so I won't have this sad of an excuse as a child."

Matthew's mom raises her hand up close to Matthew's face pulling back making Matthew wince and closes his eyes ready for the hit but it doesn't come. He slowly opens his eyes and sees his mom shake her head and put her hand down.

"You don't deserve any of my effort in changing you. No one should touch you and your horrible ways. I would have accepted you for who you are but now you are just a sad excuse of a child. I wish I would have listened to your grandmother and sent you to a military school then at least you would have been disciplined." With that, she leaves and goes into her room to join his father leaving Matthew wondering what he was going to do.

Matthew heads upstairs with no hesitations convincing himself it is what he has to do. He takes out a suitcase and packs the essentials he needs. He hesitates, do I really want to leave? I have to, there is no other way to get them to understand if I stay. I have to leave, solve this with the law and come back to hopefully more understanding parents. He shakes all of his thoughts out his head so they won't somehow convince him to stay and heads down the stairs. His dad opens the door of his room seeing Matthew with the suitcase heading towards the door and rage fills inside of him.

"Where do you think you are going?!" He yells at Matthew mad at the sight.

"I'm leaving, I can't stand being here with people who don't believe I am in actual pain."

"The hell you are! Matthew you are not going anywhere with that because I bought you that so you leave with us not without us." Matthew groans, and sets the suitcase down and continues walking out the door towards his truck, then hesitates.

"You know what?" Matthew asks turning around facing the door to look at his father at the entrance, "I guess I can't take this truck either, actually you can keep everything you have ever given me because I don't need you just like you don't need me." Matthew puts his hand inside of his jean pocket and takes out the keys out and throws them towards his dad landing right in front of his dad's feet.

He starts running, away from his house, his neighborhood, ignoring his dad's screams that were towards him. The next thing he knew was that he had called Charlie and her car appeared in front of him before he could notice where he was. He enters the car and arrived at Charlie's house. He takes off his shoes, goes straight to Charlie's room and lays down on her couch and falls asleep with tears rolling down his face at the memories of what happened all day.

Collin woke up to his uncle shaking him awake with a smile making him feel bad for what he had done the night before. He gets up and smiles back at his uncle feeling a pain in his stomach because he was hiding such a messed up thing for his very supportive uncle.

"Good morning Collin, wake up and get ready for school." Collin sighs and gets up. Once his uncle leaves the room he gets ready, he knew that he trusted his uncle but he didn't want his uncle to see or know. He was ashamed of his actions but he couldn't stop, he knew he needed help but his psychologist only made it worse. He knew he need help but his psychologist had other thoughts in mind. He remembers the day he walked in and what had happened only making him lose trust in men even more. His words filled his head but he knew he couldn't break down, not here, not here where his uncle could come in and ask what's wrong only making it worse.

"Collin, I'm heading to work! Will you be okay if I leave you here alone?!" Collin's uncle yelled from downstairs opening the door waiting for Collin's response.

"Yeah Uncle Victor, I'll be fine! Good luck at work!" and with he reassured him and closed the door leaving. Collin waits, making sure he hears the car drive off and screams letting tears go down his face as the memories come back.

Flashback

"Collin are you sure you are not confused about your sexual orientation?" Collin looks up at the doctor and tries to speak calmly.

"Dr. Hidalgo I..." but Collin doesn't get to finish his sentence

"Christian, you can call me Christian if you'd like," Christian says leaning in setting his hands on his desk getting closer to Collin who was sitting feeling insecure across from him having a small desk separating them.

"Christian, well I don't think I have to question my sexuality. I have always known what my sexual orientation and I don't feel like it has changed at all" Christian gives him a questioning look and Collin feels a knot in his throat starting to form.

"What is your sexual orientation Collin?" Christian asks curiously, too curious for Collin's liking. He feels a weird sensation in the pit of his stomach but ignores it.

"I'm heterosexual Christian," Collin answers like it is the most obvious thing in the world.

"Are you sure? How can you be so sure after what has happened? Are you homophobic?" Collin was surprised, thinking why Christian was questioning him so much.

"No I'm not homophobic, I just know who I am," Collin says rubbing his left arm with his right hand because he felt uncomfortable.

"Do you know yourself?" Christian says getting up from his chair and walks around his desk in front of Collin. "I don't think you know who you are, actually I think that you just don't want to embrace who you really are." Christian crouches down to be at eye level with Collin. "I believe that the only way you will be able to trust men again is to fall in love with a man. Collin, just embrace who you are and do what makes you happy." Christian was close to Collin, too close for his liking making him anxious. Christian then holds Collin's chin and kisses his lips.

"Don't say no and just go with it." Collin was confused, his psychologist was crazy. He was kissing a minor, Christian then was intensifying the kiss just making it truly known that Collin didn't question himself and didn't like what Christian was doing. Collin pulled away but Christian pulled him back towards him. Collin was confused, Christian made it seem it he wanted to kiss him which just made him panic even more about the situation and pull away. His heart was racing at the fear and was having trouble speaking his mind.

"Christian I can't please stop. I don't like you, I don't like anyone, please get off me." but as much as Collin pleaded Christian would not. There was a desire in his eyes with want and need making Colling cry. Collin was shaking and didn't like the way he was touching his body without his consent.

Finally snapping out of it he pushed him off and ran out of his office. Tears running down his face thinking that even those who are supposed to help him hurt him every time. They didn't care about him, all they cared about was their selfish need and desire without taking into consideration how he feels.

Collin stopped remembering what had happened that day, that was just the first day and Collin didn't have the guts to tell his uncle that Christian wasn't exactly helping his situation but making it worse by his desire to be with Collin in a way he shouldn't desire. He looked down and again it was a pocket knife which was the one he had used when he got back home from Christian's office. No words were formed on his thighs, just random marks, some on the same places scars had faded away so that they could stay visible for long. He sighed, he wished he could control himself but sometimes he would zone out and the second he would zone back in he would find a knife in his hand covered in blood and cuts on his thighs.

Time passed, after Matthew and Collins project Collin avoided him the most he could trying to be with Charlie the most he could because their treatment wasn't working. It hurt him to think that his best friend was slowly dying but still having a smile on her face being there for him and his mixed emotions. Collin walks into the art room before the first period started, getting his art piece down and ready to present later today. He was nervous because he caught a glance of Matthew's piece in the process and it looked amazing even though it wasn't done. He finished, adding his signature in the corner like he always does and puts it in a safe place.

Collin hears the door open and turns around to see Matthew at the entrance and feels butterflies in his stomach. He stays expressionless on the outside even though he was feeling everything on the inside. He walks towards Matthew, each time feeling more and more nervous, Matthew looks at him in the eyes and Collin tries to read his expressions but he can't tell what Matthew is feeling or thinking. He reaches the doorway, Matthew still standing still in the same spot Collin had seen him when he had turned around.

"Excuse me" Collin whispers to Matthew but Matthew doesn't move, he stays still not showing that he is planning on moving.

"Matthew... please move." Collin whispered feeling upset and butterflies from the fear of being so in love with the person in front of him.

"Collin why have you been ignoring me? I thought that we were finally getting along and then you go and ignore me for a whole week. Are you okay?" Matthew looked concerned and another feeling was there that Collin couldn't quite grasp at that moment.

"No Matthew... I'm not okay. I'm anything but okay." Collin looked down at his feet avoiding eye contact with Matthew feeling emotions he thought he would never feel for anyone.

"Why? What's wrong? What's bothering you?"

"What's bothering me? What's bothering me is you." Collin then pushes Matthew causing Matthew to stumble back and fall on the floor. Collin storms out, tears running down his face because he knew that Matthew would never feel the same way. He tried to get over Matthew by focusing on his flaws but instead of hating him he stopped liking him. It seemed good at first but instead of liking him he started to fall in love.

He walked to the restroom, freshened up to make it seem like he didn't cry the most he could. It took him a while but at least now he just looked like he didn't get enough sleep. He walked to his next class, theater arts, it pains him deep down inside that he misses going to Photography class and seeing Matthew smile and laugh at him trying to pose the way he wanted him to still not being able to place his body the way he wanted it. He loved yet hated the tingly feeling he would get when Matthew would grab him and place him the way he wanted him to sending chills down his spine.

"Collin are you okay?" Collin zones back in to see Joshua with a concerned look. Collin shakes his head no, not letting any words flow in his voice or mind. He looked at Matthew walking towards his direction, their eyes connect making him feel a pain in his chest. He turns around and heads to next period ignoring Joshua's cries asking what's wrong.