11 Chapter 11

"Charlie, I love you." She smiles, taking Collin's hand and stretching the other for Matthew to hold, which he quickly takes, having both of them by her side.

"I love you both, so much, I want you two to promise not to commit suicide because of the pain. I want you guys to get along and live life. To defeat the pain and live with the happiness you both deserve." They both promised and allowed her to continue. "I'm dying, I know it because I can feel it. I don't want you to wear black like everybody else, and I have told you what I want before. If you want to speak at my funeral, then you may, but you don't have to. If you do speak, make people smile, make them happy the same way you made me happy. I'm leaving, and I'm so sorry. I wish I wouldn't, but I have I because it's my time. I love you, don't be stubborn, tell each other how you feel, and get along. Friends, best friends, brothers, or whatever more you should be together in the time you both need someone because you have both gone through very similar events in life. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I'm putting you both through so much pain but always remember I love you both so much." Both Matthew and Collin said I love you too at the same time as she closed her eyes. She smiled and gave them both one more squeeze to their hands as the monitor announced her last heartbeat.

A/N: Please don't be mad and keep reading

The nurses took Collin back to his room with Matthew following close behind. Once the nurses left, Matthew crawled into Collin's bed and hugged him as they both cried into each other's arms. Matthew knowing three languages fluently, couldn't explain how much pain he was feeling. He could try to explain it, but those words would underestimate the actual pain he was feeling. Words were too weak to explain the immense feeling of sadness and pain both Matthew and Collin were both feelings. Collin's mind couldn't wrap, couldn't grasp, the tragedy of knowing that he could've died the same night his best friend did. That he could've caused more pain then he intended, he could've left Matthew alone. Alone in a judgmental, cruel world where there are close-minded people that don't understand him and will hurt him as much as they could to have the pleasure of being superior. The superiority that doesn't exist to those who believe that everyone is equal. Equality, what does it mean? What does it stand for? In a world where the poor are less, and the rich are more? Victor walked in with a sad expression on his face. He tried to hide it by giving a half-smile, but it was noticeable he was sad. Collin was just confused about how anyone would try smiling in a moment like this. Was it in hopes that one smile might make themselves feel better? Collin was in love, and now, more than ever, he wished he wouldn't lose Matthew like he lost Charlie tonight.

"She's a fighter, and the doctor did all they could. They were able to get her heart to start beating again, but it seems she has entered a coma. The doctors are trying to find the explanation, the reason for how she's still alive."

"Why are they questioning why she is still alive? I mean, they brought her back to life." Collin said, confused, wiping his tears off his face trying to calm down.

"You see, that might be true, but it seems that she came back to life five minutes after she had died cured. They examined her, and she's healthy. Everything is normal, and there is no trace of cancer ever taking place in the first place. They are calling it a miracle and are trying to figure out how long she will be in a coma." Matthew hugged Collin, feeling relief that she was alive, not awake but something was better than nothing. Matthew felt like he was happy again, happy, and wanted to spend time with Charlie. They were both so happy to be given a second chance, both Collin and Charlie live was one of the best things that have happened to both of them. Matthew was happy, he barely heard Victor say that he was going to go home and rest. Matthew didn't know how to express his happiness. It was overwhelming and relieving. Matthew held on to Collin firmly, and pressed his lips on Collin's cheek, and laid his head down on his chest. There was silence, Matthew felt stupid for kissing him, but it was much too late to do anything now. Matthew was trying to come up with the right words to say, but he didn't even know why he had to say something in the first place. Collin tried not to, but couldn't, when he felt his lips on his cheek, he instantly was red. Collin was shocked that Matthew would ever do that, but he was more focused on why he did it. Before he could say anything, the door opened, revealing Joshua. Joshua looked at Matthew, making him feel uneasy about being on Collin's bed.

"Could you leave us alone? We need to talk privately." Matthew quickly nodded and got up, heading to the waiting room. He turned on his phone, seeing more harsh texts from his dad but a few from his mother. A few harsh but others asked how he was doing and if he was okay. Once he finished explaining what had happened to his mother, he felt like he should go home and finally rest. He said his goodbyes and walked down the hallway towards the elevators. Before he could exit the hallway, he was pushed up against the wall by none other than Joshua.

"I told you to get away from him, but you can't get your faggot self away from him. Now he's in love with you, and it's all your fault. Why did he fall in love with you? You are just some lame wannabe loser that seeks everyone's attention. Why couldn't he fall in love with someone else? Why couldn't it have been with someone who has always been there for him? Why couldn't it be someone that knows all his secrets? Someone who knows who he truly is inside? Why couldn't he fall in love with me? What's so special about you that is not special about me? Tell me, Matthew, why does he love you, show me why he loves you." Matthew didn't know what to say, he felt scared and shocked that Joshua was in love with Collin and was blaming him for the reason why Collin doesn't love him back.

Joshua grabbed Matthew's hand and dragged him to the elevator pressing on the button that would take them to the first floor. Matthew was nervous, nervous about why Joshua wasn't saying anything. What was he thinking? He was scared he would get beaten again, but as of now, he could tell that wasn't his intention. It seemed like the anger was controlling him on making bad decisions involving Matthew. The elevator opened, they were only on the tenth floor, and it made him anxious having to be in the elevator with Joshua along with the group of people that came in. Joshua's grip was tight on his hand and he did let him out of his sight. Joshua just kept staring at Matthew, making Matthew feel claustrophobic and red. The elevator opened again, the 6th floor, and everyone got out. Usually, he felt elevators get to their destination fast, but right now, it felt as if he was in the world's slowest elevator. Joshua stepped closer to him, making Matthew step away from him. He kept backing up until he was cornered by Joshua. He was hoping the elevator would reach the first floor faster until he felt it stop. It wasn't opening, and they were only on the 4th floor. There were no cameras of any sort, but there was a phone. Joshua left Matthew's side to call for help. Joshua was talking, but he couldn't hear his voice. His voice was muffled, and the memories seemed to come back to him. He remembers the night after he had told his parents Andrew had molested him. Remembering how his dad beat him outside and locked him inside the shed. How his dad forced him to call Andrew and apologize for 'not accepting his true self.'

"Matthew, are you okay? Matthew?" Joshua shakes Matthew out of his thoughts but decides not to say anything. He sits down in the corner of the elevator, having Joshua do the same thing and taking his hand in his once more.

"Joshua, why do you keep holding my hand?" Joshua sighs but then takes a deep breath.

"Sorry, it's just that my best friend I have been in love with for years told me he's in love with you, and it makes me feel better. It feels like hell to know that he feels the same way I do for someone else. I'm sorry I was mean to you but I was jealous. I was jealous that it took me so long to finally get him to think about me more than just a friend, then out of nowhere, he starts developing feelings for you. It hurts, more than you could imagine, and I don't want you to make him feel the way I am feeling. Don't lead him on, if you love him tell him if you don't also tell him. It will hurt him a lot more if you give him hope then take it all away because you don't feel the same. Tell him the truth, the truth will set you free along with him as well." the elevator continues going down, they both get up, and everything seems to be going at a normal speed. They reach the first floor, and without another word, Joshua leaves Matthew alone with his thoughts.

Collin was wide awake after tonight he couldn't find sleep anywhere close to him and his awake state. He felt horrible, horrible that he had broken his best friend's heart, but he couldn't keep the secret from him. Joshua was still his best friend, and he couldn't hide the fact that he was in love with Matthew much longer. He hated that he had to break his heart to say the truth, but he couldn't help hiding it from any longer. They both had left, leaving him alone, restless, afraid that the worst would happen without them being there. He didn't know how to feel, how to feel, about how Matthew cared so much about him that he was willing to pretend he was someone he wasn't to be by his side. The doctors couldn't describe it anyway what had happened to Charlie or why so all they could say was she was healthy again. Her parents didn't care how but believed that it was a miracle that they could have their daughter alive by their side. Boredom and loneliness seem to consume Collin as he cried himself to sleep.

"Collin, Collin, wake up. It's me, Matthew." Collin opens his eyes, green eyes looking at him intensely as he is still trying to stay awake.

"Hey Matt, how are you doing? What are you doing here?" Collin sits up, rubbing his eyes, opening them to see that Matthew is only a few inches away.

"I'm doing fine, just wanted to see how you were holding up." Matthew's eyes held this look that Collin has never seen before. It was sweet, caring? Loving?

"Well, physically, I'm doing better than they expected me to be. They say I'll be able to leave as soon as it heals since my head hit the floor pretty hard when you cut the rope. Emotionally, well, I could be better but finding out Charlie is going to be okay is wonderful news." Collin half-smiles, trying to hide his love and pain he was feeling with Matthew's presence. Collin looks down at his hands, digging his nails into his skin to stop himself from showing what he felt. Matthew put his hands over him, stopping Collin from hurting himself but he avoids looking at Matthew's eyes.

"Stop... please, Collin, I know it's hard, but don't hurt yourself for being who you are. Pain is temporary, it will soon heal with love and affection. To be honest, the pain will always be there, it's how you react to it that makes you who you are. I know I'm bad at speaking, bad at everything, really, but I want to let you know that everything will get better. Everything is going to be okay." Collin keeps his gaze on their hands, feeling the warmth embracing it because it might be the last time they will be able to be like this.

"I still love you. I'm sorry, but it's true, and I wish it wasn't. If you are going to insult me, hurt me, and make fun of me, then go ahead. It will help me get over you and realize that the person I fell in love with isn't you. You are kind, sweet loving, but even the most delicate people have the power to kill someone with one word. The word being no, no, I hate you, no, get away from me, no, you are not normal. I'm sorry for all the horrible things I've done, I mean it, from the bottom of my heart. You're amazing, you're are beautiful, you're everything I search for. All the strange and crazy things that happen every day, I'm sorry for all of this. I'm sorry being around, you're everything I want to be with. Not only do I love you, but your silence is deadly. I waited for an agreement or disagreement, but there's nothing. Silence is deadly, Matthew, either hurt me or not, but I want the truth. I'm sorry, but if it's a sin to love you, then I confess that I have greatly sinned. I'm not perfect, far from it, but I'm willing to be away from you if it makes you happy. All I want is your happiness, with or without me in the picture." before Collin could continue speaking, he is interrupted by Matthew's lips. Butterflies, fireworks, dragons, worms, or whatever people can come up with were bursting with emotions inside both of them. Matthew put his hand on Collin's cheek and pulls him in more to make the kiss firm and pleasing. Collin was in shock, he kissed him back, but before anything else could happen, a knock at the door made both boys pull away. The door opens, and the nurse walks in with Collin's breakfast. Collin thanks her, red cheeks, and swollen lips couldn't be hidden easily, but the nurse doesn't seem to comment or acknowledge it.

"Collin, I'm going to check if everything's going well and then have the doctor come in and ask you a few questions, okay?" Collin nods, and Matthew takes advantage of the moment and leaves Collin's room before Collin could start questioning him. Matthew didn't exactly know why he kissed Collin, but the urge was stronger than it had ever been before that he couldn't hold back. He loved Collin, he wanted to tell him soon, but the day Collin had confessed he loved him he was too shocked to say that he loved him too. He thought it was it was weird that Collin hated him, then he liked him, then went back to hating him. It made no sense to him until he confessed his love for him in the music room. It took Matthew a long time to realize that all this time he had loved him more than just a friend.

"Matthew, Charlie, would like to speak to you." Charlie's dad calls, having Matthew's attention immediately. Without hesitation, he learns the room number and runs towards her room. He enters, seeing that Charlie looked healthy, a bit underweight but healthier than before.

"You wanted to talk to me?" Charlie nods, having Matthew get close to her and sits down on the chair next to her bed. "Matthew, I thought I was dying, and I was, but I don't know why I'm still here. It's like the universe knew it wasn't my time, and it let me live another day. Matthew, I love you, but you need to tell him the truth. He needs to know before he tries to kill himself again." Charlie was worried, tired, and stressed out with all the drama the odd group of friends had. All she wanted was peace and tranquility at a time like this.

"I... well, I kinda told him, but I didn't use any words." Matthew looks at his feet, blushing, remembering the kiss that had happened not long ago. "I ... he was so sweet and kind. I couldn't hold back any longer and kissed him. Before he could respond, I broke the kiss because the nurse came in, and I left before I could explain myself. I was too scared to speak, so I walked out and came here to tell you." Charlie smiles, finally what had hoped for had become a reality.

"Matthew, there is a thin line between love and hate that can easily be crossed. Even though you are now 'friends,' don't you think you guys should make it official and finally be together?"

"I..." Matthew hesitates and sighs, "I don't think any of us are ready for this change. I think that it would be best to stay friends for now. Then if we both still have feelings for each other then we can get together." Charlie shakes her head but ends up agreeing with him anyway. Time passes, and finally, both Charlie and Collin can leave the hospital healthier than ever. It was a Sunday when he finally decided to go and visit him since his release from the mental health hospital. Matthew knocked on Collin's door, and a very sleepy Collin opens it revealing his messy room whispering 'come in.' Matthew enters and sits on Collin's bed and waits for him to fully wake up from his nap. Collin goes back on his bed, laying down, wrapping himself with covers, not caring to see who he had let inside of his room. After a few minutes, Collin convinces himself to see who it is. When he sees Matthew, he quickly sits up, shocked to see him on his bed.

"Matthew? I, umm, sorry, I thought it was my uncle with food or something, so I didn't care to acknowledge you. Umm, what, what are you doing here?" Matthew laughs at Collin's awkwardness, knowing that both of them were much too awkward to have a conversation without hesitation.

"I came to see how you were doing. Joshua is nice to me now, and there is an art show coming up, so I didn't hesitate to sign us up. I hope you don't mind, but I thought that it would be great to focus on something new when you come back to school tomorrow. I know Charlie came to drop off your work from class since I was too busy at home, but I came here to make sure you understand what you are learning so you won't fall behind in any of your classes. I was going to come here Saturday, but my parents grounded me for not accepting I was gay and for supposedly hiding my secret relationship with you. I tried to explain it to them, but they wouldn't listen. I'm sorry I put you through so much pain. I don't know what to say to make you feel better or what to do in general..." before Matthew could continue rambling on, Collin kissed him softly. Matthew was surprised but didn't hesitate. Matthew thought that it couldn't get better, but it did. It seemed like the first feeling he had when he kissed Collin somehow multiplied by three and would not leave him and his happy state. Their lips seemed to fit perfectly as if they had finally found the missing puzzle piece to create the perfect picture. Even though both had kissed before, it was nothing compared to what they were feeling now. They desired each other's touch, weren't forced, and everything just seemed to go away. It seemed that all of their worries were gone, and all they had in mind was the love they had for each other.

"I knew it." Matthew and Collin pull away to see Victor smiling at the doorway that Collin forgot to close.

"Ever since Matthew first came into this house, I knew that you both had feelings for each other. You boys make a wonderful couple, and Collin, I would have never thought about anyone better for you than Matthew."

"Wait?" Collin looks at his uncle, confused. "You're not mad? I, I just assumed that you wouldn't be accepting like Ethan." Victor shakes his head and joins them on Collin's bed.