I appreciate you guys

It's been like a week since I've given you guys a chapter, and I can't really tell if that's good or bad. So I just wanted to spend this chapter talking to you guys, though I wouldn't call it talking.

Because as sad as it is to admit I know 98% of you don't care about me, and only care during the short 1 - 5 minutes you spend reading my shit once in a blue moon. And I know I will basically never meet any of you in real life, and I know only like 5 of you are people I would actually call friends. But I appreciate all of you.

This all started as a frustrated teenager trying to find a way to vent about his problems. Instead of spending my time wallowing in self depression, I would wallow while giving an audience content to read. And honestly, if this book didn't get traction, I wouldn't have my discord friends with me. And as sad as it sounds, I needed people to talk too.

As I've said before I live in the country, my best friend moved away to Arizona, and all of my other friends live 20 minutes away from me, and most of them probably hate me. So having a place to talk into, and friends to talk with. I honestly have never felt happier.

And I swear i'm not just saying this due to the sappy ass music i'm listening too. I genuinely have never been happier in the last 10 years than I have been now. Sure I may be super fucking bored, but at least i'm not bored and suicidal.

I mean look at me now. I'm a kid who has turned a stupid thing into a hobby I find taking hours away from my daily life, I spend more time writing than I do playing games sometimes. I now have 3 books. This one, my fantasy one, and a romance one I am currently working on.

And I wouldn't have done all this had it not been for that one strike of boredom, that one straw that I broke. That one discord link my friend sent me... I just feel grateful, and I don't know how to express it.

I have always had a hard time expressing emotions correctly. I would say I have something very similar too Alexithymia, basically I struggle with expressing emotions correctly. For any weebs it's basically a less severe Kuudere, fucking weebs, I say as I wait for my Resin to recharge in Genshin, anyways.

I have always tried expressing emotions, but I seem to only have 3 emotions. Sad, Happy, mad. And sometimes it's only happy. My mouth acting like a prison to how I truly feel, my brain smacking it's fist against the bars trying to get my real emotions out there for anyone who could understand.

I always act happy, the best example being when my puppy died. My beautiful puppy Jess, who I treated as my daughter died of a stomach issue that couldn't be diagnosed, yet I didn't even cry. No matter how sad I was I couldn't shed a single tear, yet my father was balling his eyes out. My instincts to not show emotion overrode my immense sadness. Forcing onto me this stupid fucking resting bitch face I have. Hell my father was mad at me for not being sad enough, all because I couldn't express it well enough...

But with you guys I can pour my heart out all I want and not worry. Sure I could get doxed, though I doubt anyone of you would do that. I can use my typing to express my pain and have an audience read about it. Even if you guys don't comment. Just seeing the View number rise is nice, showing that you have read that new chapter and read how I feel, giving me a feeling of sweetness.

I can say anything without being judged, and even if I am judged, I can just ignore it or delete it since it's the fucking internet.

And the reason I am saying this is because my second book Infinity X Infinity will be recommended tomorrow on Encouraging Novels, which I have no fucking clue what that is, all I know its that it will be recommended. And I am just really happy dude, and I was feeling sappy.

This will be the only chapter like this for awhile so rejoice while you can because you won't get the opportunity again...

Fuck now my back hurts dammit.