1 My pathetic life

"After you drink your water I need you to bring in the rest of those carts" I heard my manager say from beside me as I purchased my bottle of water with beads of sweat already dripping down my head. " I got it. I got it." I said quickly as I walked away chugging down some of my water. This was my job pushing carts at a local grocery store that was in walking distance of my very small efficiency apartment. Wasn't such a bad job as far as the work goes but pushing carts on a parking lot in 103 Texas Heat didn't just suck it felt dangerous not that the managers cared.

I mean I get purchasing our own snacks but the least they could do is provide water to us on days like this. Couldn't complain too much it was good exercise. I already lost 15 lb since I started working here 2 months ago. Lots of movement plus less snacking time. That was my real weakness snacking not particularly because I was always hungry but more I was always bored. Couldn't even afford Wi-Fi with this minimum wage job. All I could do was barely paid my rent and electric bill keeping myself entertained with discounted books or Manga.

Hell everybody had smartphones but me however it was just a prepaid flip phone. Maybe one day I could get a better job this place felt like a dead end. " come on Jacob there's no cards in the store don't make me do it myself!" I heard my manager call out to me. There was some times when the asshole would call out to me like that where I had to restrain myself from chunking whatever was nearby at his head. Saying that crap to me when his favorite cart Pusher was just over flirting with a chick at customer service.

However I didn't bother saying anything I just went outside and went to work. You really sucked going outside from an air conditioned stored to the scorching Sun. Good motivation to break the rules honestly. We had nothing to help us push carts and the rules said you couldn't push more than five at a time. Screw that. Most of us grab at least eight at a time if we can help it leaving the extra at the front of the store only bringing five at a time inside the store. Probably risking getting a hernia but it wasn't that much more difficult besides it equaled less time out in the sun.

" here you go!" Said some jackass shoving their cart towards the Corral making the cart slam into the side of it. " inconsiderate jackass..." I said under my breath and I rushed around to grab the cart before it could roll away. I started to realize pretty fast that being a cart Pusher was a job that most people should work at least once for about a month. Then they would stop pushing their carts half hazardly in the parking lot or leaving them in random places. Couldn't be too mad it wasn't like I was much different before I got the job.

" hey how long you here for?" Said the familiar voice of Joseph a coworker of mine. " I just got a couple more hours and then I'm out of here. " crap I'm going to be mostly alone aren't I? I'm working 5 hours today. Not that I'm complaining I'd work more hours if they would give them to me." Joseph said as he leaned up against the Corral. Joseph was a nice guy decent worker and a couple years younger than me at 23. " me and you both dude. I just paid my rent but if they don't give me more hours than last month I don't know how I'm going to pay it again. I know they refuse to give us 30 hours but couldn't they just give us all 29? It's dirty of them but at least we'd be making more probably be less shuffling around too." I told Joseph as I put the 7th cart at the end of the row before I prepared to push it up the parking lot.

" nah never going to happen. I don't know why but they like shuffling us around and making things complicated. Pretty sure they want us to quit eventually..... I'm not sure how that benefits them but it's the only thing I can think of." Joseph said as he went to the head of the carts to help steer it to the front. " I don't know either but something's got to give." I said as we continued up until we were in front of the store in reached out to grab five cards to lead inside. " all right well I'll see you in a little bit I got to go clock in." Joseph said as he went in ahead of me as I brought the carts in.

With Joseph's help the last 2 hours of my shift were a lot easier. Once we got all the cards in taking turns getting the cards every 15 minutes certainly helped a lot. I said my goodbyes to Joseph wishing him good luck and telling him that I would see him next time that we work together before heading off towards my apartment.

I said before that they were efficiency apartments but in actuality they were originally motel rooms that had been changed into efficiency apartments. They were terrible the neighbors were all so terrible save for the man next door to me but they were cheap. " Hey kid how did you fair in this weather." Said Mr Johnson sitting on a patio chair next to his front door. He was an older bpackgentleman I think somewhere in his 60s. He usually sat outside in the afternoon with a small cooler sipping on beer. I didn't know what to make of the old man when I first moved in. That was until the day he stopped me after work and offered me a beer. " I'm supposed to say not too bad but in all honesty this heat has got to go." I told him as I leaned up against a support being for the upper walkway.

" working this heat earns a beer you know!" He said with enthusiasm and a chuckle reaching into is cooler in passing me a beer. One thing I appreciate it about the old man he didn't skimp on his beer. Told me once that he wasn't a teenager he had no plans on wasting his afternoons with cheap beer. " thanks." I said using the side of my pocket knife to pop the top tossing it in a small trash can he kept by his front door. The first sip of beer was a long and savored one. " you feeling all right today Mr Johnson?" I asked him to which he replied at first with just a shrug. " my back doesn't hurt as much today. Be doing a lot better if they would raise my disability. Maybe I could get one of those halfway decent Apartments." He said before Downing the rest of his beer and dropping it in the trash can. " you know they have programs that will get you into a pretty nice apartment or even a house with your disability." Saying that earned me a moment of a stern look before he shook his head. " I ain't fixing to deal with all their rules. My apartment's clean enough nobody's going to come check on my place once a month or tell me I can't drink my beer outside enjoying the afternoon." With that I simply nodded my head understanding his point of view a bit.

He was more about maintaining his pride and dignity. Something I could even respect. From what I understand he was originally from around here but he spent a good 10 years in Alaska working for a Logging Company until some accident broke his back. Wasn't so bad to permanently paralyze him he got the use of his legs back however he can't lift much and sometimes needs to rely on painkillers. It all left him no choice but to get on disability and move back home. " things got to change around here kid. I got disability but you and I both know most of the people that move out of this place it's not to go to a better spot." I didn't even have to ask I knew what brought this on. " someone else got kicked out today?" Mr Johnson nodded getting another beer and using the side of his chair to pop the top. " Shelly and her son..... poor kid crying and everything not knowing what the hell is going on and why all these strange men were pulling him and his mother's crap out to the curb." He had a somber look the same sad somber look he got every time somebody got forcibly evicted.

" yeah well maybe if she took her meth money and put it towards rent it wouldn't have happened." That earned me a sharp look in a raised eyebrow before I raised my hand to explain. " Carter with a pipe in her mouth behind the place when I took out trash a few weeks ago. " Mr Johnson just grunted in reply. He agreed with me but at the same time all he could think about was that child being homeless and I couldn't blame them one bit for it. I didn't like it either but they were the cold hard facts. We spent another 15 minutes or so in idle chatter while I finished my beer before I gave my farewells and headed inside.

There wasn't a whole lot inside my place. There was a small used mattress that I had to disinfect after saving it from the trash. It had bed sheets that were a gift from Joseph after he got a bigger bed somehow. Besides that there wasn't much else just a lamp on the floor next to my charging cable for my phone, a handgun left me by my father under the mattress of course and a growing pile of books with no shelves to put them on. About once a month I will put $5 or $10 towards a book. I wasn't exactly a fast reader so depending on the sides of the book it usually took me about a month but it kept me entertained.

Walking into the kitchen area which was a very small stove tiny amount of counter space and a fridge that I'm pretty sure was older than I was. Opening it there was some food mostly gotten from a food pantry. I like my apples cold and this last time there was a few apples at the food pantry to put in my fridge. Peeling off my work shirt and kicking off my shoes I tossed them up against the wall and grabbed an apple. I sat down beside the bed staring at the opposite wall as I ate my Apple.

It was the moments like this that I dreaded the most. When it was quiet and I was alone. I hated the quiet where only my own thoughts were allowed to be present. It's why I had to at least get a book every month I need something to fill my head but right now I didn't feel like reading. I hated my pathetic life. I was overweight and in pain from it. No real friends from what I could see just mostly acquaintances. No furniture can barely buy my own food. I'm not living. I'm just on autopilot barely surviving....

I hate this....

My pathetic life.....