10 A different definition of normal (1)

Author's note: this chapter is from Seraphina's point of view

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Before curling up in my bed, I checked three times that the door is locked and that all the windows are closed, including the French doors that lead to the balcony.

I was still shaking as I hugged myself.

I hate this feeling of being helpless, frozen from fear, like a lamb in front of a wolf… staring death in the eyes, and being unable to do anything about it. I wanted to run, but my body refused to move. I wanted to scream, but there was no air left in my lungs.

Am I really so useless that I can't stand up for myself even if my life is on the line?

Sure, Lazarus only hugged me and sniffed my neck, but I was confident that my life was in danger.

Just, what was that?

Lazarus moved faster than my eyes could follow, and his hold was unbreakable. Even when I pushed against his chest, it was like pushing a hard rock or a mountain. And I swear that for a moment his eyes glowed golden. I was petrified and it all happened within two seconds, but I know what I saw.

I took repeated deep breaths while trying to relax and ignore the sensation of all my nerves being tense to the point of snapping.

To make everything worse, I had a feeling that this is not the first time I was in this situation. It was something like a déjà vu… the firm grip, the golden eyes, and the feeling of helplessness, but I could not remember the first time. It was weird and terrifying at the same time.

A tinge of doubt appeared in my mind. Is my déjà vu connected to the time I died? Is it possible that Aldus is right and that I was murdered and he revived me?

Aldus is telling me that I am special, and I can see every time I cut myself that the wound heals rapidly. We do this test at least once a day: cut my forearm using the same knife, and Aldus has a stopwatch to measure if there are any changes in time needed for my wound to heal. But… did he revive me? Am I unique?

I don't know what to think. What if I am imagining all this? Doesn't everyone want to be special? Television is full of reality shows that feature people who believe they stand out, but the only thing they do is make fools of themselves for the entertainment of the masses.

I closed my eyes and tried to find my happy thoughts, something that will dispel this fear from my heart.

It didn't take long for my mind to drift off toward the boy from my dreams. I exhaled in defeat.

"It seems that you are the only one who makes me feel welcome…", I mumbled while talking to Duke who warmly smiled at me in front of my closed eyes.

I told myself that what I'm doing is stupid. I don't even know the guy, yet I am thinking of him like he is some kind of savior. In my mind, he is the boy who loves me unconditionally, and I know that is not true, but it is a lie I am willing to believe in. It sounds more believable than super-fast and super-strong people and me being a unique super-healing woman who rose from the dead.

I imagined that Duke is sitting at the edge of my bed and watching me, protecting me from everything bad that could happen. I reminded myself not to open my eyes because then I will see that he is not there. Sometimes imagination is better than reality. And with those thoughts, I drifted off to sleep.

"If you keep on lying with your eyes closed, you will sleep off…", I heard the familiar voice.

My eyes fluttered open and I smiled at Duke, happy to see his warm blue eyes that can see inside my soul.

We are lying side-by-side on a hard surface with an open sky above, it seems we are on the rooftop of a building and I knew that it's high school.

"There is nothing wrong with some extra beauty sleep.", I said cheekily.

"You are already beautiful. I have my hands full keeping other guys away from you."

I snorted at this sweet-talking. "Right. They are lining up to ask me out."

Duke turned sideways to face me and propped his head on his elbow. "Are you saying that no one asked you on a date so far?"

Suddenly, I became aware of his proximity and that we are lying next to each other, and my breath hitched. My cheeks heated and I prayed silently that he is not noticing my blushing. Ah, even my ears are burning!

"No one that counts.", I responded in a half-whisper.

He licked his lips nervously. "What would you say if I ask you out?"

"It depends… would you ask me for real, or would it be one of your conquests?"

His eyes flashed in panic and he shook his head vigorously. "There are no conquests. Someone is spreading rumors." He paused and looked into my eyes. "So… what would you say?"

Everything turned dark and I cursed inwardly when I realized that persistent knocks on the door woke me up. My soul screamed to say 'yes' to Duke, and I almost did it, yet someone ruined it for me!

"Who is it?", I grumbled without getting out of my bed.

"Serina? Can I come in?" It was Aldus.

I didn't want to open, but I know that he will not give up, so I scooted out of the bed and dragged my feet toward the door. "Yes?"

"Can we talk?", Aldus asked as soon as the door cracked open.

I released the door handle and moved to let him in.

Aldus got inside my room and closed the door.

He noticed my messy hair. "Did you sleep?"

"Uhm… yes…", I mumbled while running my fingers through my hair.

"Any dreams?"

I paused. There is no way that I will tell him about flirting on the rooftop. "Yes. But nothing new."

Aldus exhaled as he understood that I don't want to talk about it. "Maybe not now, but you should write it down. The seemingly random pieces might become important as part of the bigger picture."

I nodded in agreement, happy that he didn't pursue this further.

Aldus examined my face carefully as if he is searching for something, before asking: "How are you doing?"

At his question, I remembered Lazarus and events from the garden.

"Uhm… confused.", I admitted. "That happens a lot lately."

Aldus sat on the sofa in the sitting area and patted a spot next to him, indicating for me to sit there. "Tell me…"

I sat next to him and I was not sure what to say. Will I sound crazy? But he is expecting to hear what is on my mind, so here it goes…

"Why does it seem that my dreams are more real than what is happening around me?"

"Maybe because dreams are part of your past and you are resisting to accept your present.", Aldus gave me a political answer.

I knew that he will say something like that. Aldus said that he will not hide things from me, but unless I ask specific questions, his answers are vague to the point of being useless.

I am aware that he is right. I refuse to accept his answers because they sound crazy. Maybe it's time to talk openly and hear him out, and then to decide about the next steps.

"You said that I am unique. Am I sick? Is something wrong with me?"

Aldus was visibly surprised by my questions. "Why would you think that something is wrong with you?"

"Because… When Lazarus moved toward me, I didn't see his movements, it was like one moment he is there, and in the next one, he was next to me. Like he teleported in an instant, or I lost a second or two. And then when I tried pushing him away, I had no strength…"

I stopped talking when I saw that Aldus is struggling to control his laughter.

"Is something funny?", I asked.

"I find it amusing that your instinct is to think that something is wrong with you. What if I told you that the only thing wrong is your definition of normal?"

I was afraid to hear the answer, but I had to ask: "Can you elaborate?"

"Serina, I am trying to tell you since you woke up ten days ago that not everyone who looks human is human. And since you woke up in my lab, you are not exactly human either..."

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