7 [iii] When I Have the Courage

Xiao-Fen lifts a small shot glass full of his priced liquor and gulps it down, breathing out happily. It was his first sip and he already acted drunk and uncontrollable. He digs his fingers in his hair and sweeps it back, turning to a group of women near the table and winking at them. They giggle among themselves and I roll my eyes. "You're disgusting," I said as I watch the bartender fill my shot with the same liquor. Xiao-Fen waves his hand at me, "Don't tell me what to do." I push the shot away towards him and request a glass of juice. Xiao-Fen gives me a puzzled look.

"Don't you want to drink, Li Jun?" he asks.

I shook my head and sip the refreshing juice. It was probably cranberry or strawberry but either way, it was good to drink. "Not a fan of alcohol. You know that Xiao-Fen," I replied.

He laughs, "Ah, yeah. I remember the first time you drank alcohol. You couldn't stop crying because you didn't want your friends to leave. You're such a softie, Li Jun."

"Shut up, Xiao-Fen."

He puts down his empty shot glass and signals the bartender to bring more. He leans in closer and says in a quiet voice, enough for both of us to hear, "Does Mei Zhen know about your little childhood trauma?"

I stop mid-way from lifting my glass of juice. I put it down, trying to narrow my thoughts down to a reply. "She doesn't know. But I plan on telling her when I have the courage."

Xiao-Fen nods. This time, he looks at me seriously, without a hint of foolishness. He knows what happened. He was there when it happened. We were both only kids and when it happened, no one expected it except for the older ones. We were both clueless and the reason why this happened was unfair and that was the one thing Xiao-Fen and I agree on. He turns to face me and sighs. "I was quite surprised to hear that you were going to marry a Zhou."

"I'm surprised Father made me marry a Zhou," I added. I frown. "But there's something about Mei Zhen that makes me change how I look at the Zhou's. Especially the night after Father and Mother met Mei Zhen's parents, they were also surprised about how they treated them."

Xiao-Fen scowled. "They're still the same, Li Jun. Don't be swayed by the Zhou women's beauty. Mei Zhen is just like them. We're just about to realize that."

"Don't speak of Mei Zhen like that."

He stood up furiously. "Just because you married her?! Li Jun, it's as clear as day. Your parents married you to a Zhou just so we could be in peace with the rest of them. It's our sign of surrendering, accepting a Zhou to be your wife."

"No, Xiao-Fen. You don't know Mei Zhen."

"Neither do you," he points out. "Just wait, Li Jun. She'll bring those traumatic memories back and you'll start to form a phobia with paintbrushes."

I smashed the table with my palms, the shot glass hopped in the air and crashed down, glass everywhere. I grabbed him by the collar, fists shaking, teeth grinding. Everyone around us screamed while the bartender hopped over the bar and tried to break us apart. The bartender quickly pulls me away from Xiao-Fen, who looked shocked and hurt, emotionally.

"Don't you ever mention anything about painting," I said in a sneer, my fists balled, ready to strike him in the face.

"Scared Grandfather will rise from the dead?" Xiao-Fen taunted.

I reached for him, only to be pulled back by the bartender. He shouted, "That's enough!" but all I heard was my urge to punch Xiao-Fen. Xiao-Fen merely blinked. He smirked. "Let's not ruin your honeymoon, okay?" And just like that, he walks away, back to his room without turning back at me. The bartender lets go of me, whispering, "I'm sorry, Prince Li Jun. Xiao-Fen is very fond of starting fights here in the bar. I wouldn't be surprised if he fought his own family." I nod, not listening much to what he said. I pay him for the drinks and walk back up my room, only to realize that I had small cuts on my palm, probably from the glass shards of the shot glass. They were small but many and began to bleed.

I reach for the door with my other hand and rush to the bathroom, washing my hand with the cold water. It slightly stung but I resisted the pain. Then I hear Mei Zhen, "Li Jun? Is that you?" I quickly dry my hands on my robe and walk out, finding Mei Zhen in her own bathrobe too. Her hair was tied back neatly. "Are you alright? I heard some noise downstairs."

I nod, "I'm alright. Did you eat dinner?"

She shook her head, "No, not yet. Someone came up and prepared some food outside by the table. I was hoping you would join me."

I smile, "Sure. Let's eat."

She smiles and walks out to the table. I didn't glance back at my hand and followed her. I sit down across her and began to unwrap the leaf-wrapped dishes on the table. Mei Zhen suddenly gasps, "Li Jun, you're bleeding!"

I immediately put my hand down and laugh, "I'm alright. Come on, let's eat."

Instead, she stands up and pushes her chair beside me. She takes my hand and examines my cuts. She looks up at me, her brown eyes full of worry. "What happened downstairs, Li Jun?" She asks, softly begging for an honest answer.

I sighed, "I had a fight with Xiao-Fen. I broke a shot glass."

She shook her head in disapproval. She stands up and walks back into the room, coming back with a small leather kit. She opens it and pulls out a small vial full of brownish liquid. When she pulls the cork off, I could smell something strong coming out. She pours some on her palm, dips her finger on the liquid, and dabs it gently on my scars. At first, I felt a pinch and I flinched.

Mei Zhen narrowed her eyes, "Sorry. Please stay still."

I sat still, watching her gently adding the ointment, her fingers almost dancing on my palm. It was soft and quiet and the pain almost faded away. I lean in closer to look at my hand covered with the medicine. I look up and her face was just an inch away from mine. She locks eyes with me, our noses nearly touching. , Her lips were almost close to my very own and my heart began to beat rapidly, I could feel it trying to burst out of my chest. She blinks and leans back, face tinted red.

"I-I," she stammered, "I'll put this back and we can have dinner."

My face was probably red too but I froze in my seat, my mind still recalling back to the moment we had. I looked down at my hand, neatly covered in the ointment.

Her eyes were brown, almost like polished wood. It may be common but she wore it in her own way, a way that immediately struck me in awe. I wanted to tell her how much I admired her in the last two days we were together but it was too soon. I'll tell her at the right time.

When I have the courage.

"T-Thanks," I whisper.

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