1 Lying In A Ditch

A peahen screamed. Was her call a summons for her chicks? A warning of approaching danger? An expression of overwhelming zest for life? Deeb neither knew nor cared. The only thing on her mind was that she was awake and she didn't want to be. The gray walls of her bedroom muted the bright sunlight just enough. She reckoned she needed to do something about the dust as she watched it settle on the old teal curtains. The other peahens and a few peacocks echoed the initial call. And didn't stop. Deeb ran out the bedroom door, through the hall, and past the worn couch in the living room. The birds fled into the treetops as she burst out of the house in her Spongebob pajamas to yell at them to "SHUT THE EFF UP OR I'LL FRY YOU WITH 11 HERBS AND SPICES!" She didn't know when people started frying poultry with 11 herbs and spices, but all the octogenarians seemed to love it and the post-fallout generations had never known any other way, though the grandmas would sometimes whisper of the old times. Ironically, the very invention that saved the survivors probably killed the millions who perished. Mutually assured destruction prevented nuclear warfare for decades. The second the SorbSMART TRAPlock Ultra was released, it was just too close to fun and games. Humanity kept a desperate foothold as the dominant species on the planet because those big heavy metal jawbreakers were still slowly releasing their pent up radiation in their hideous lead and concrete bunkers. But even with the threat of radiation sickness held at arm's length, an explosion is an explosion. And several explosions are several explosions. That's what they weren't counting on. The radiation was the least of their worries. Radiation means nothing to humans if the humans aren't around to feel its effects. The death toll was so massive, it was easier to count the survivors. In a struggle for nations to prove dominance, they did away with nations altogether. Townships were the most effective organization now. Not a single person could be wasted on bureaucracy. Deeb marveled how stupid humanity was less than a century ago. She wondered if they might still be so stupid. But she didn't have much time to muse on the stupidity of her ancestors. It was Wednesday and work started in an hour and a half.

Getting dressed was no glorious affair. She yanked on her jeans, a stretchy green shirt, and was sure to grab her early spring thickness sweater. Her patience was indeed running thin. Having slept fitfully, she was not in the mood to spend that extra three seconds adjusting her shirt to fall just right. Makeup was no more artful of an affair. She usually didn't wear full coverage, but she hadn't been sleeping well and it showed under her eyes. Her wings wouldn't be sharp today, but they did exist, and that was enough. She turned off the bathroom light with satisfaction and made her way to the kitchen. She checked the news while half paying attention to the instant oatmeal she was eating. There was nothing important going on, as usual. Almost to the bottom of the feed since she'd last checked, something caught Deeb's eyes. Somebody reported howling in the forest at the border of town. She had seen the standard animals come out of the forest before: Deer, rabbits, squirrels, various small birds, those goddamn peacocks, coyotes, bobcats, and turkeys. But there had never been anything in there that howled, as far as she knew. Perhaps it was just a paranoid grandma. But Deeb knew it wasn't. She wanted to believe that was the explanation. But despite being miles from the forest, she heard the howling too.

Deeb went to unplug her car and noticed with dismay that she hadn't connected it correctly the day before. She'd never make it to work on such a low battery. She plugged it in properly and ran to the nearest bus stop. She'd barely make it on time, but she would make it. Waiting at the stop, she fished 4 quarters, 6 dimes, and 3 nickels out of her bag. It was a murky looking day. The sky was gray, the ground was wet, and her hair was frizzy. She couldn't see it, it was wrangled in the most secure bun she could manage, but she could feel the little red strands popping out of their wave groups. The bus stopped with a faint squeal of the brakes and Deeb stepped on, handed the stony faced driver his $1.75, and found a seat with relatively few people around. The disused factories and plants looked especially ominous in the overcast lighting. Humanity had its priorities when rebuilding. Medicine and farming came first. This left many manufacturing plants with nobody who knew how to use them. By the time there were appropriate numbers to operate a factory, the bigger ones had fallen into disrepair from 40 years of disuse and ran on an obsolete power grid. The one problem with using explosive based power is that in the case of an explosion, the secondary explosions of the power plants will keep you in an outage for decades. The age of the hulking machines was over. It was hard to imagine them when they were functional when the current reality was massive silos leaning on each other like drunk women, collapsed kilns being taken over by vines, and broken windows revealing the rusted guts of a long dead beast.

As the fields of Ozymandias passed, Deeb could see the hulking beast of her generation rising in the distance. The power plant. Unlike the crumbling relics, the dam was alive. The sound of the motors over the roaring water was deafening, but she loved it. This place powered the whole town. She put on her earplugs and edged her way past a slightly sunburnt man with russet hair. This was her stop. Climbing to the top of the dam was always a tiring expedition, and was no less tiring in the warming spring air. The top was always cool and breezy though. Deeb got a visual on the turbines and the dam as a whole. Nothing was broken or stuck, so she sent the daily all-clear and hunkered down for the rest of the day. She had her little office on the east side, but of course she hardly spent any time in there.

Deeb was watching the water gush out of the turbines when she was greeted by bouncy blonde curls, a blue button down, and a veiny set of gray eyes. "Morning, Deeb! How's the dam this morning?" Deeb was always happy to see her friend. "Morning, Shelley! It's a beautiful morning on the top of the dam, albeit a little cold. As for the dam itself, we have to shut off flow this afternoon for turbine cleaning." "I saw you ordered an inspection of turbine 4-c, is there something wrong with it?" "I don't know, I just feel like there's a problem with that one." Shelley laughed brightly. "Hey, I'd question your intuition, but your gut feelings are never wrong when it comes to the dam!" Deeb whispered. "I would schedule for the 4-block to be down for the next few days." "I'll pencil it in." The women giggled. "Fuck almighty, you look tired, Deeb." She rolled her eyes. "Ugh, tell me about it." Shelley smirked. "I hope whoever's keeping you up is well worth it!" Deeb rolled her eyes. "Ha! I wish! … but no. It's the visions." Their faces fell. "You're still getting those?" "They're getting worse. Last night was a terrible howling, accompanied by a ton of flinging dirt." "Weird, but not too alarming, at least." "Well, it's also calling me into the forest." Shelley's eyes went wide. "Deeb! You can't go into the forest of ghosts! You'll never return!" "I know, I know, that's why it's so hard to ignore the calling!" Shelley's face fell. "Deeb. Promise me you're not gonna do something stupid. Please." Deeb liked to think she was better than that, but she wasn't so sure these days. "I promise I won't do anything stupidly, but I can't promise I won't do something stupid, if you get what I mean." "Uh, not really. No." "I may do something that seems like a bad idea, but I promise I'll think it all the way through first." Shelley rolled her eyes. "I guess that's good enough." Deeb leaned over the railing and watched the water gush into the creeks below, where they would rejoin the river later. She turned around and flashed a tilted smile. "Isn't boss man Rob gonna wonder why you've been out here so long?" "Oh, he knows we like to chat. He wanted me to ask how you're doing, even." Deeb laughed. "Tell him I'm doing just fine, and that's that, thank-you-very-much!" Shelley wiggled her shoulders. "You know, I think Rob has taken a liking to you…" Deeb gave her best straight face. "I think Rob is 7 years older than me. Very nice, certainly, but a little old to be dating 21 year olds." "Well then I'll tell him you're just fine and that's that." "Thank you very much" "Thank you very much, of course."

Rain was falling, dripping down the leaves of the peach trees, battering the young flowers. There was a steady plunking of the runoff into the irrigation ditch. A splash. A gush. A red ribbon wove through the grass. Ripples. Wakes in the shallow standing water. The red water flowed thick. The ripples phased out. The wakes calmed. She could see the body now, blankly staring up at the weeping clouds, four pronged gash on his chest bleeding out, making only red ribbons in the water once more. He was cold like a rock disrupting the flow, but the water was warm with his blood, being soaked up by the peaches. The sturdy wool sweater, once a mustard yellow, was now stained with mud and rusty orange. The unseeing eyes were growing cloudy, battered by the rain. Graying black hair saturated with rain hung limply askew. The sweater frayed at the gash edges, being pulled apart almost imperceptibly slowly by the water moving out to the irrigation creeks.

Deeb snapped out of the vision with a gasp and a shriek. Her phone was ringing and she hastily picked it up. "Deeb here, hope I didn't keep you waiting too long!" "Not long at all!" "Oh, hey, Taymar, what's up?" "There's some rain coming from the west and the computers just went down. Can you manually up resistance?" "On it!" "Thank you!" She hung up the phone. There was no time to catch her breath. She could see the rain approaching.

The elevator to the control room was terrifying, and slow to boot. She ran down the stairs, three flights to the control room. As she got deeper into the concrete monolith, she could hear the pushing of the turbines louder and louder. It wasn't going to be a big storm, not much flood risk, she only had to turn up the resistance a little bit. As she turned the dial wheel only a centimeter, she could hear the turbines become just a little more difficult to move and the water rush just a little slower. It was enough to prevent a flood, which would prevent a famine.

As Deeb walked up the stairs, she thought about her vision. A body, lying cold and bloodless in an orchard ditch. She knew it probably wasn't real, but it felt real. She hoped someone would find the body quickly, if it existed. Rotting in a ditch couldn't be pleasant. Seeing a body rotting in a ditch wasn't pleasant either though. It wasn't a sight she could just forget. The visions had always been a little odd, but she'd never seen a violently affected corpse before. She'd seen some dead animals, quite a bit of trash, a few injuries, and one time, a couple doing something she couldn't unsee, but never a bleeding corpse. As she emerged into the sunlight, which was dampened by the rain that was just reaching the dam, Deeb realized she didn't have an umbrella and was about to get soaked on her way back to the little office. The tenth of a mile sprint was not hard, and she only got a little soaked. She dialed Taymar on the office phone while she squeezed the water out of her bun with a fistful of paper towels. "Hey, Deeb, did you up the resistance?" "Yep, just a few PSI, let me know if the computers are still down when it's time to turn it back." "We've got people working on the computers, they'll probably be back up by then. Thanks for your help, I know you're busy up there!" "Hey, I'm the structural technician on call, it's my job! Though yes, I am busy." "As usual. I'll let you know if the computers are still giving us problems around shift change." "Alright, bye now, good luck with the computers." "Thanks, bye now."

Deeb signed off on the exit inspection and greeted the 5:00-1:00 watchman. She shot him a wink. "Hey, Spence, I took a strawberry danish from the break room downstairs for you. It's in the fridge." "Why don't we ever get strawberry danishes?!" "Because there aren't many of us up here. I know, it's unfair." "Thanks for grabbing some for all three of us, every time I try to sneak down there, Becky catches me and reams me out!" "I know Karen knows I'm taking them, but she's never caught me, so she can't say anything." Spence dramatically swooned. "I just feel bad for Brian. He has to deal with PHILLIP!" Deb's eyes widened and she covered her mouth before talking. "I heard Phillip is more of a bitch than Becky and Karen COMBINED!" He whispered back. "I've only met him once and I needed a five hour nap." He cocked his head and took a good look at her, then stopped whispering. "Speaking of five hour naps, you look like you need one." Deeb frowned to accent her deadpan answer. "Gee, thanks." Spence threw his hands in the air. "What?! It's true! You look tired!" She looked down. "It's been a rough few weeks." She was going insane. He put a hand on her shoulder. "Listen, if you need to talk to someone, I'm here." She laughed morbidly. "I think I need to figure out what's going on before I can tell anyone about it." She looked at her watch. "The bus is gonna be here soon, I'm seeing my family tonight." "Get some sleep, Deeb. Please." She waved. "I'll try my very best, Spence."

The rain had stopped falling an hour ago and the skies were finally clearing up, just in time to catch a little sunlight before the sunset. Deeb only got to enjoy the warming light intermittently while the bus wove through the fields of Ozymandias. It wasn't a full fledged vision, but an updated sight of the corpse kept blinking in and out. She wanted to scream, but all she could do is try to hide her terrified heavy breathing. She couldn't expose her descent into madness in view of dozens of people on public transit! She briefly rethought seeing her family. She could just head home and try to go to bed and hope that the visions didn't colonize her dreams. But she promised. And Kalika would be upset. And being alone with the visions was probably not the healthiest thing in the world either. She was relieved when the bus reached her stop. It was not a far walk to her parents' house from there. The flashes began to ebb and she breathed a sigh of relief. She jiggled her key in the lock and opened the door. "Hey, guys! - Oh, it's wash day!" Her mom's hair was in rollers, drying while she put Kalika's hair in twists. She was 10, and growing every day. Sasha finished the last one, and wiped her hands. "Oh my gosh, you're already off work, I lost track of time!" Deeb hugged her mother and little sister. Kalika grabbed her bun. "Deedee! Your hair!" Deeb chuckled. "Yeah, the humidity is not doing it any favors." Kalika threw her hands in the air. "It's wash day! Come on, your hair too." Deeb resisted her little sister's pull to the bathroom. "It's alright, Kalika! I can-" Sasha shot her a look. "Oh, alright, I suppose it IS wash day!" Kalika squealed with glee and Sasha smiled satisfactorily. "Arnold, delay dinner half an hour!"

Deeb took her hair out of its bun and it fell in tangled clumps. "Now Deedee, I know you have to do wash days two or three times a week instead of once a month, but what the heck am I looking at here?" "I was running late this morning and it gets really windy on the dam, so I tied it up and left it like that." "This is haphazard. If you're going to keep it in long term, keep it in braids." Kalika turned on the faucet to fill up the bathtub. "Now, you know just as well as I do that my hair doesn't stay in braids like yours does. They last three days, max." Kalika rolled her eyes. "I know you can't do cornrows… well, neat ones anyway. And box braids are a no go. But a French braid to keep everything from getting tangled and keep your curls in formation shouldn't be too difficult!" Deeb chuckled again. "I'll keep that in mind."

After her hair was thoroughly washed and deep conditioned, Deeb and Kalika started in on the leave-in products and the blow drying. "The last time I saw this much red was the last time I went to the butcher's with mom." "I know, I know, it's thick! You're the one who begged to deal with it today!" Kalika narrowed her eyes. "I have NO REGRETS!" She tried to grab a lock to wind ornamental ribbon through, but it slipped away. "HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH HAIR THIS SLIPPERY?!" "The same way I deal with skin this light. I do what I can, hope for the best, and pray for no damage!" It was no longer frizzy and tangled, her bronzed maroon hair fell in thick, glossy, well grouped waves. Deeb took over the ribbon winding while Kalika braided beads into a lock. When they were done, they went back out into the living room. Sasha clapped her hands. "Much better!" The girls high fived. "Teamwork!" Arnold told them from the doorway that dinner would be ready in 10 minutes. "Dad! You're home at a reasonable hour!" He smirked. "Hey, the boss suddenly decided to stop being a jerk!" She hugged her dad. "I wasn't expecting to see you until 8:00!" "Well, unless my boss gets possessed, it's 5:00 from here on out!"

While they waited for dinner, Deeb helped Sasha take her hair out of the rollers and separate the curls. "So you got woken up by peacocks this morning?" "Yes, and I almost ended up with rotisserie peacock on the menu." "I don't know how you can stand to live near that forest." "It's fine when the peacocks are in there instead of my front yard!" Kalika very seriously looked at her. "The forest is where the monsters live." Deb dramatically raked a set of curls. "There's no such thing as monsters. The forest is full of dangerous animals, possibly ones descended from those in fallout zones, but certainly not monsters. I'm safe as long as I don't go farther than my backyard." Sasha tried to stifle her laughter, but couldn't help a snide comment. "All we're saying is there's a reason the house was so cheap." Deeb threw her hands in the air in exasperation. "Come on, mom! You know it's safe! You went with me to the open house!" "I know, I'm teasing, just never forget where your gun is." She crossed her heart. "Never."

It was 9:30 and Kalika was sleeping like a rock. The adults gathered in the family room, which was smaller and a bit more cozy than the living room. The yellowed lighting gave it a relaxed ambience. Arnold started the conversation. "So… how are you doing?" Deeb sighed. "The visions aren't going away." Sasha frowned. "Sweetheart, you look tired. Have they been keeping you up?" Deeb rubbed her hands down her face. "No, they've just been making me sleep fitfully. And they're getting more disturbing. I saw something terrible today. It was a dead body. It used to be just once or twice a week, now it's multiple times a day, and they're rarely ever anything good, and I feel like I'm going crazy." She looked up and Sasha's heart broke upon seeing the genuine fear in her daughter's eyes. "Am I going insane?" They knew they had to tell her eventually. Sasha decided to gently broach the subject. "Deeb, sweetheart, you know we don't have a family history of psychotic illnesses. But… it's entirely possible that you could be… Oh, God, I don't know how to say this." "Deeb, you're adopted." "We know this must be really difficult for you to proce-" Deeb was dumbfounded. "What? No! Of course I know I'm adopted! I've known for like 17 years!" Sasha gasped and slammed her hand against her chest. "You knew this whole time?! Who told you?!" Deeb was somehow even more dumbfounded and was showing it with her hand gestures. "What?! What do you mean who told me?! You guys are BLACK! Your foundation shade is Dark Cocoa and dad is even darker than you! You know what my foundation shade is? NATURAL BEIGE! I know how babies are made, there ain't no way in hell I am your natural born child!" Arnold frowned. "We really thought we had convinced you that sometimes genetics just mix weird. Like our cousins with the blue eyed daughter." "I'd believe the rare case of blue eyes, or I guess greenish gray in my case, but come on, I'm very clearly white. I look nothing like you guys!" Sasha got them back on topic. "We have no idea who your biological parents are or where they are. We tried finding them, believe me. It was like you were dropped from the sky with nothing but a name on your blanket. We can't verify whether or not you're predisposed to psychotic conditions…" "But it takes a certain insanity to abandon your baby." Arnold's face fell. "Exactly."

Deeb raked her hands down her face. "This has been a great clarification, but we still haven't gotten anywhere on the issue at hand." Sasha was clearly uneasy. "If you really think you're having a psychotic episode, there are therapists who can help. But… usually people who have psychotic episodes only can self-recognize the signs after experiencing several episodes and/or after extensive therapy to help distinguish hallucination from reality. This is the first time this has happened to you. And you've never been to a therapist." Deeb felt hopeless. "What are you trying to say, mom?" Sasha let out a frustrated sigh. "I don't know. I really don't know. We don't know how to explain this." Deeb cast her hand to the side in an annoyed gesture. "Great. I don't have an explanation for this, you don't have an explanation for this, I might be going crazy, but I also might not be, and nobody knows anything, and I'm seeing dead bodies!" Arnold… didn't know how to respond to that. But he managed nonetheless. "Deeb. You're going to get through this. No matter what it takes. And you may be an adult, but we're still your parents, we're still your family. Anything we can do to help you with this, we're gonna do." She couldn't take it. One tear, then two, then she was sobbing. "I feel so hopeless." Sasha held her hand. "Sweetheart, you just have to weather through it until you can figure out what's going on and we can figure out how to fix it. Just take it day by day. Day by day."

Deeb finally got ahold of herself and after an hour of pleasant distracting conversation, she realized it was 11:00. "Yikes, look at the time, I better get going. The bus starts running less frequently at midnight. I can't believe I didn't connect my car properly last night." Sasha gasped. "No, no! You can't be walking to the bus stop! Your dad will drive you home!" Deeb was confused. "What? Why? This is a safe neighborhood, why can't I walk to the bus stop?" Arnold furrowed his brow. "Didn't you see the news? There's some kind of large predator on the loose. They found a man lying dead in a drianage ditch at Reymar's peach orchard this evening. His entire torso was gashed up. They don't know what kind of animal it could be. Terrible scene, they had to blur it out on camera." Crap. Deeb already knew she wouldn't be sleeping well that night.