1 When her world turned gray

'He died.'

'He's gone.' she silently whispered.

Zia bit her lips while staring at the message on her phone.

-He died during the operation. His heart fails while the doctor was performing the surgery.-

Zia's tears started to fall unceasingly.

'Why? Why did you leave me?'

'Why did you not wait for me?'

Zia tried to hide her face through her hair and she put her hand on her mouth, she was afraid to make any noise and her seatmate might hear her sob. She immediately ran to hide under the stairs. She is still in class when she heard the news.

She could not hold the heartbreak and she hit and flopped on the ground. Her hair is disheveled as her grief poured out in uncontrollable tears. She clenched her phone as tears escaped her eyes. The tears coursed down her cheeks like a raging river in the middle of a storm.

Zia found herself pounding the floor. The tears won't stop and the pain is killing her.

'Why couldn't you just stay?'

'You promised me.'

'You promised you'll be ok.'

"Ahhhhh…..why?" Xia silently screamed while she grieved.

'What happened to your promises?'

'What about us?'

'What about our promises?'

'What will I do now?'

Zia was still under the stairs even after the class is over. She keeps staring on her phone while silently crying. It seems her tears won't stop until she exhausted herself.

"Hey Zia, it's ok to cry. Cry all you want, if that will help you reduce the pain." Midori whispered into her ear while she hugged her friend, Zia.

"He is gone." Zia whimper.

"I won't be able to see him anymore."

"Ahh.. Midori, he left me." Zia started to sob loudly.

Midori felt helpless. She cannot do or say anything but give Zia an embrace.

Zia was still weeping, though she didn't refuse Midori's embrace, Zia is not comforted.

The feeling of emptiness makes Zia pushed away all her emotions, she's numb but Zia can still feel the pain.

Her eyes are blank and became spiritless. Her listless body is like a puppet that loses its string. Her tears continued to flow on her cheeks as if it were endless.

Her eyes are puffy and she cannot breathe anymore as her nose is so clogged due to her intense crying.

He was her first love.

She gave all her love to him.

'Why was he taken immediately?'

'He is still so young.'

'Why not me?'

'Take me instead of him.'

'I can't take this kind of pain.'

'Why...'

At that moment time stood still for Zia. She confined her love for him and keeps it like a treasure.

Zia tried to hug her knees.

She looked so vulnerable and defenseless.

Midori couldn't say anything but looked at her friend like a statue. She knows there are no words that can help to soothe what Zia is feeling right now. All she can do is give Zia her shoulders for her to cry on, her sympathetic ears to listen to her woes and be a silent companion until she gradually calm down.

What comes next, Zia tried to calm herself.

'I need to stop crying. If I go home like this they will certainly ask for a reason.'

Zia looked up. She is trying so hard to control her feelings and to stop her tears. Every time she breathes, every time she blinks, Zia's tears started to well up in her eyes, and soon the tears flows and she is crying again.

She is like a doll that only knows how to cry.

Zia keeps on looking up. She keep on staring above with heavy breathing, she clench her hand and bit her lip until it bleeds.

'I need to stop. I need to calm down.' She repeatedly told herself.

Little by little, she finally calm down. Zia went to the restroom to wash her face. She looked in the mirror and saw a girl with messy hair and unkempt uniform. Her eyes dimmed as she convinced herself not to cry again.

'I still have to go home. I have to act normal or else my parents will know.'

Zia started to fix herself and directly went home.