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A/N: I'm new to Webnovel, please be kind :)

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"I'm sorry."

It's okay.

"I'm sorry. She..."

It's okay.

"I know. Please, don't worry about it."

I gently caressed my lover's cheek with a gentle smile.

"It's okay, really."

He looked into my eyes as if to search for any evidence of the contrary.

Disappointment. Bitterness. Envy. Anger.

But my eyes are clear.

He heaved a sigh of relief and smiled contentedly, drawing me closer into that familiar embrace of old, his breath tickling my neck.

"Thank you."

"Thank you, Ruan."

That nostalgic voice resounded in my ear, full of emotions as his arms surrounded me in a full embrace.

***

The bell rang and I started to pack my things to leave the lecture theatre.

"Ruan Er!"

A voice called out.

The loud brown-haired lady had walked up to me to slam her hand on the table, shouting angrily.

"I cannot believe that b*stard!"

I sighed in my head as I tossed the pens and highlighters back into my pencil case, moving notebooks back into my bag, ready for her tirade.

"Ruan, I saw him again with that b*tch outside. She was crying in his arms in a cafe openly. Even if you pay me a million dollars, I won't believe nothing is happening between them! Ruan! Just dump that a**hole!"

Qing Qing angrily ranted, her hands waving with big gestures, as if it could help in venting her frustration.

My emotionless face did not reveal the weary feelings I had.

Not with regards to her words.

But rather, I was weary because of my friend's good intention.

"Qing Qing, like I said. I know about it."

"Then why do you stay with that cheating two-timing b*stard?? Ruan'er. Let this big sister tell you! There are other fishes in the sea!"

Her big eyes were flashing brightly while I tried not to avoid her dark gaze.

"Qing Qing, like I have always told you. He is not cheating on me."

Qing Qing screamed in frustration as she grabbed her hair irately. Her cap was askew with more hair turning loose from her tied up ponytail.

"This damn fool!! This big sister saw it with her own eyes. If I did not treat you like my own sister, I wouldn't even bother with this imperial palace drama!!! Aarrgggh!!"

She practically grabbed me by my shoulders as I looked away from her burning eyes, averting myself from this mad woman.

"Girl! He was looking at her with love!! Such doting eyes, even if this grandma has yet to find true love, I know it when I see it!"

She held me tightly.

"Your man! Your fiancé! He loves her!!!"

As she continued shaking me frantically in frustration, I couldn't get angry at her. I know she deeply cares for me.

And she's right.

He loves her.

He does love her.

And I know it.

***

We were childhood playmates.

Awkward children of very rich parents. Born in a wealthy household, bred in an empty lonely mansion, left to play on our own.

We didn't know anyone else but our nannies and our maids.

As children of such families, we were thrown to the corner to be pampered by those not of our blood, those who simply give into our whims and fancies anytime.

It was a lonely existence.

And so, we knew each other.

Knew.

Because we are of the same mould.

And that is something people don't understand.

We are cut out from the same cloth.

***

On the first day we were introduced to each other, both of us were warmly held by our parents, held out like a treasure to be shared. Me in a frilly western sky blue dress holding onto a plush bunny with a big red ribbon and he with his smart shirt and shorts, grasping his toy closely. Our eyes had both widened.

We both knew, we were the same kind of person.

As if our soul had found the other piece.

And now it was complete.

No longer alone. And even if we were alone, we shared that loneliness.

---

We were together ever since then.

Even when he eventually had a cute younger brother seven years later.

Even when I still remained an only child.

We knew that we would never be apart.

---

And it was natural that our families had tied our fate together.

Betrothed since young.

Formalised at 18.

To be wed right before he takes over his company and I take over mine.

But now we were 25 years old and I had shared this man's love for four years.

For he met her at 20. And his love for her became steadfast at 21.

***

"Ruan Er!!! Are you listening to me."

Before Qing Qing could shake me further, I held her tightly by the shoulders.

"Qing Qing! Stop!"

Surprised at my stern tone, which was rare for me, Qing Qing actually stopped in surprise.

Looking at her expression, I sighed inwardly again.

"Everyone is looking," I whispered.

Qing Qing finally had the awareness to realise that several of my classmates were staring at us curiously.

"Let's get out of here and talk."

I held onto the crook of her arm.

"My treat." I smiled.

Qing Qing looked at me before smiling with relief.

But her eyes were still full of sympathy and pain for me.

But I mean.

I'm really fine.

But I guess I can see why she would feel that way.

I dragged her out with eyes forward, not looking back.

***

When his mother died, I had rushed into his room.

He was emotionless.

Lifeless.

Calm, with no expression on his face, barely showing grief as he held onto the picture of his smiling mother with a straight back and filial respect written in his bearing.

We had gone through a long mourning session that started early in the morning, with the family walking beside the car that held his mother's body, proudly escorting her to her burial place.

I saw him smile and comfort the visitors, relatives, family friends, acquaintances, business partners. A friendly demeanour and respectful politeness. Even a smile occasionally graced his face, to comfort those in tears.

As his unconfirmed fiancée, I had no right to stand next to him. But I too felt grief at seeing an auntie who had watched me grow up pass away.

When the coroner and the lawyer finally left the office room, I had rushed in.

He looked at me in surprise.

And then in a moment.

Tears pooled in his eyes.

And he broke down, that prideful man.

I held him in a tight embrace as if to envelop himself into me and share half his sorrows while he trembled and cried in my arms, his body exhibiting the pain his heart felt.

This man.

Whom I grew up with, sharing joy and sorrows.

We knew each other in and out.

Even till now.

How can I leave him?

***

She does not love him.

This I am very sure of.

I don't know to convince you of how reliable that was.

But I can only say it is intuitive.

She does not love him.

---

She is the fiancée of someone else.

Someone from our clique.

Hence, we first heard of her by association

At least, I did.

For him, he only realised that she was related to us in this intricate network of rich heirs and heiresses only later on in their friendship.

He knew her before I met her.

And had fallen in love with her before then.

***

It's pitiful, don't you think?

My friends call him the second male lead.

My readers even coined it the term "second male lead syndrome".

'Why doesn't the fiancée of the 2nd ML just leave him??'

Alternatively, some readers even wished the 2nd ML would divorce his hanger-on fiancée as a show of his love for the heroine.

But I digress.

My life is not a novel.

And I am not a character.

And my life is not reflected there.

Because, people cannot understand that he can love her more than me. And still love me greatly.

That he would always prioritise her above me but would give everything to me.

That his whole being is devoted to her. But he is also a part of me.

And I?

I love him.

I love him fully with my entire being.

Even when he does not love with equal value.

Because when we are together, we love each other 100%.

Like I said. We are cut of the same cloth.

We are the same being.

***

"Ruan jiejie, it's a pleasure to see you again."

She was wearing a sleek black dress. Mermaid cut. Crystals embedded to glitter with small movenents. A trailing but eye-catching necklace that shimmered with every turn.

I nodded and smiled.

Her cheery disposition could not be hidden by the somber colour.

She was smiling contentedly, lighting up the dreary social banquet hall.

Her hand gently rested on the crook of her fiancé's arm, whose calm cold gaze fell on me and he nodded slightly.

I smiled gently back and nodded at him.

"Good evening, President Han."

And turned to beam at her.

"Similarly, it is lovely to meet Miss Ming again."

I turned to look at my adroit fiance, who couldn't help smiling brightly at the two.

"I'm so pleased to see two of you back in good graces."

That iceberg thawed at my fiancé's words and genuinely smiled as if smiling at a good brother.

Ming Jie shyly smiled as she drew her iceberg fiancé closer to us.

"Ruan Jiejie. I apologise that I took gege away from jiejie. Please don't misunderstand."

She grabbed my hands into her own soft slender ones.

"I did not mean to tell him."

She resentfully look at the iceberg next to her.

"It is just that "President Han" here was being too overprotective of me ever since he found out about my pregnancy."

At that, she then turned to look down shyly, that bashful expression was adorable.

"Of course, pregnant women are emotional and gege was caught in our crossfire."

She then looked at me with utmost sincerity and with, this I can't help but respect, absolute determination.

"I just wanted to tell Ruan Jiejie this in case you might have heard it from someone else and misconstrue our pure intentions. Gege loves only you."

Her hand grasped mine firmly, as if to transmit her sincerest intention.

I smiled at her tenderly and gave her a hug. Before handing her a present that I had to nudge Mr Adroit here to pass to me.

"Of course I know. Miss Ming does not need to clarify. I trust the two of you."

I grasped her hand as she held the gift, my eyes and smile warm.

"This is a belated congratulatory gift for the baby!"

She teared a little, touched by the gesture.

"Ah crying again. Silly me. Emotional preggy women."

Her iceberg turned to comfort her while the two of us shared in their joy of becoming expectant parents.

***

I don't really recall when he met her exactly.

He told me the date and the story.

But I can only vaguely remember the story.

I was studying at a prestigious women's university while he was studying in the Imperial University of Economics then.

We rarely met up except for the ocassional functions we had to go.

But those functions were enough for us to catch up and comfort each other.

I think it was around that time.

When he came back from a study trip one day in a daze.

And he apologetically looked at me and told me.

"I love her."

---

Of course, I was shocked.

Startled.

Surprised.

Betrayed.

But not for long because immediately after, about one week later, I met her at the function.

And she was introduced as the girlfriend of our peer.

And it was also then that I realised that even if he loved another, I still loved him.

Because I felt greater pain seeing his face crumple up at the realisation that his love for her is doomed.

So much so that I realised, I would rather be with him than not with him.

***

He did offer to end the engagement.

My lover, ever the gentleman, was unwilling to allow me to marry a man that was not able to put his wife first.

It was the very first fight we had since we broke away from out adolescent stage.

So huge that our families were alarmed.

His younger brother had to call me to ask what was happening.

It was only after our fight had finally lead to our first night together, that he had to accept my loud request for him to take responsibility.

I chuckle still at the ludicrous memory.

I guess it was a good thing we fought.

In any case, to make up for his misplaced love,  he cherished me ever the more after.

***

Let me see.

He missed three birthdays.

My graduation.

And my nanny's death so far.

As long as he doesn't miss our wedding day, I'm fine with it.

All these are peripherals in high society.

Celebrations are means of showing wealth and never sincere.

But the silly apologetic man always came back the next day with a guilty smile and a great gift.

So silly.

The greatest gift was seeing his funny expression to me.

I admit.

I'm a sadist this way.

As long as he doesn't forget about our wedding day, I'm okay not having anyone celebrate my birthday with me.

***

Our wedding day was organised with great aplomb.

Of course, we did not outshine the "Han" Wedding of the Year.

But it was all I had ever wished for.

My favourite lavender was the flower of choice. And the flower was littered everywhere in the wedding.

Sweet smelling, calming and unassuming.

When I looked into his teary eyes, so full of joy, my heart felt full.

No.

Our heart felt full.

I held his hand tightly.

And subconsciously held my tummy.

The gem-encrusted ring he had personally designed, glittered in the sunlight.

We had a very passionate night that day.

And the very next morning, he woke up.

With worry from the ringing of the phone that was never switched off in case she were to rang.

And with the sound of sobs, my husband pulled away with an apologetic smile, and begged for forgiveness before dressing up to leave at 4am.

I smiled at him reassuringly then fell back to sleep lazily.

Having the time of my life.

***

It was shocking to hear that Ming Jie had a miscarriage.

I had felt somewhat upset to not have rushed to see Ming Jie with my husband.

When I arrived at the hospital with a thermos of hot porridge, I saw her looking blankly on the bed.

My heart ached for her as I subconsciously held my tummy.

She looked so frail as if to disintegrate.

Iceberg was not there at the moment, taking a short reprieve to settle things while my husband sat at the chair beside her, whispering comforting words.

I went up behind him and placed the food on the table and one hand over his shoulder.

When Ming Jie looked at me, she burst into tears.

I grabbed her and let her cry in my arms, me tearing up together with her.

It was an unexpected accident. A maid had fallen near her and she had tripped to fall down the stairs.

The baby itself was unstable and even before the accident, there no guarantee that it could last till full term.

It was only by her insistence to attend our wedding that she was removed from her ban of leaving the bed.

I recall her cheering wildly and even giving a little dance when I walked down the aisle.

What a pity that our happy ocsassion had led to a tragedy.

My husband held my hand in a tight grip, the pain in his eyes so obvious.

I hugged Ming Jie, whispering to her comforting words, that she would heal sooner.

And that, hopefully, the child returns to her in another way or day.

***

"Ruan Er, I... She..."

I smiled comfortingly at this silly man.

"It's okay. It's fine."

He gestured apologetically, hand holding mine as if begging.

"It's a hard time for her. The doctor says that a second pregnancy is nigh impossible."

My heart ached at those words.

My hand touched my tummy again.

"It's okay, dear. I would want you to be with her."

I caressed his face gently.

His eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep.

"I know you are the closest person to her. Ming Jie has no parents to be there for her. I know you are the only one she can trusts now."

And we both knew that we had to fill in the gaps between President Han's busy schedule.

My husband bear-hugged me tightly.

His warm breath tickling the crook of my neck as always.

"You are the best woman in the world."

I laughed.

This man curried favour with me all the time.

He breathed in deeply and hugged me tighter.

"I love you, Ruan."

I turned to smile at him, our position as if we were back to our days of childhood innocence.

"I love you too, Ren."

Of course.

As life continues to make jokes of us all.

Those were the last words said to each other.

As I closed my eyes, breathing heavily as blood pulsed out from my veins, feeling consciousness slipping.

I moved my bloody hand to my tummy again.

As if to imbue to it strength to live in whatever way I could.

My eyes turned heavy as my vision clouded.

The sound of pedestrians crowding and the screech of the car speeding away left my ears slowly.

My tears slipped from my eyes.

"My baby..."