1 Chapter One

Chapter One

The cold winter morning did not distract Ilarion Lavski from going out to his usual morning walk in the nearby park at the exclusive suburb of villas in the capital, known as Eden Suburb. His magnificent villa in the same suburb did not miss green areas and long trails, but he liked the little changes.

 He walked worried while around him, in the snow, his Great Dane was merrily running. The shiny golden yellow hairs of the dog reflected the morning sun beams on the white background as polish. The surrounding unselfishly offered idyll to human soul, which would have been accepted completely if it had not been for the turmoiled social and political conditions in the state, whose awfully threatening smell even here, at the peak of the hill, disturbed the peace of the economic and political elite.

 The lonely walker had survived many right wing revolutions and counterrevolutions in his sixty-two year lifetime, which essentially did not change anything in the situation of the financial oligarchy, except for the small part of it that fought between themselves for political power. And just when it seemed that the country had found itself on the way of stabilizing under the government of the first democratic regime, a very strong guerilla appeared with an extreme political orientation, whose seriousness and massiveness threatened the fragile democracy.

 Democracy without economic success and prosperity that common man would feel is the biggest ally of the extreme social turnovers. And that was just happening to his country.

 The tortured people tired of unfulfilled promises of the right fluctuating parties, facing the danger of establishing a cruel war dictatorship wanted to try the convincing promises of the left wing, presented by the party Democratic Way of the People.

 Ilarion Lavski understood the strife of the people completely. Maybe, and for sure, he would have his wishes (he had them, just not that part of wishes how to improve the situation) when he would be part of the common population.

 The corruption, shameless abuse of power to get rich and cover the affairs where people in power were involved, the negligence for improving the situation in the country and humiliation of the people and big unemployment were such that human life in the country was practically worthless and meaningless.

 He personally supported the changes. If there were some uncompromised political party from the center or reasonable right wing, he would have joined it. But they were all compromised. Their obsession with communist threat blinded them to see that the biggest danger for their survival in power were actually they themselves with their behavior.

 He did not support the left wing because he did not approve of their idea to redivide the social wealth (nationalization) and he was afraid of "the dictatorship of the workers" (self-power of the great leader).

 Nevertheless, although he was appalled by the existing social situation, he had to admit that he himself abundantly used the situation for getting rich. "If you cannot beat the stream, go with it in order not to be drowned", was one of his business principles he stack to in certain situations that did not go against his moral principles.

 He had got rich earlier as well. He had been doing it for ages because he loved wealth and luxury.

 This going back to the social past renewed in him memories of his own wild past, especially one period of his love life, at the time he started the glorious career of writer, big and mysterious, author of some thirty-seven novels translated and sold all over the world, some of which became moral conscience of the society and individual. Despite all authorship greatness, he remained unknown as a personality for the public. Even the publishers did not know his identity. Between them and him stood his agent and his many pseudonyms.

 At the beginning it was different, of course. Ilarion Lavski, a twenty-two year old student of economy discovered the world around him that day when he gave the manuscript of the large novel to his publisher, and when he passionately fell in love immediately after that.

 She had long curly hair down to her waist. He loved the long hair with women and he was weak for her attractiveness. She studied literature and was about to graduate. He approached her in the college cafe and attracted her attention immediately with his charm and attractiveness. Alexandra Lukoska, that was her name, turned out to be a very interesting person. A little stubborn, but as a whole the friendship with her was an enjoyment for him. He saw himself in her: proud aristocratic posture, white complexion, regular noble features, depth and intelligence, broad-mindedness and understanding, independence, and yet a certain degree of emotional dependence that showed her feminine nature.

 Yet in time, the idyll discovered different life visions of the lovers. The small things from everyday life adjusted them with yielding and understanding. But, the view of the future put a sparkle of mistrust with them, mostly with Ilarion Lavski.

 Alexandra Lukoska was under the influence of one of the many currents in the feminist movement and it was the one whose existence was only guessed and whose extremeness promoted and stood for the idea of "women without men". With a special talent she talked about the size of the enterprise of those women who took care of their children alone, fought the destiny alone and did not allow male chauvinists to turn them into household gadgets specialized in cooking, washing, cleaning and sexual enjoyment.

 "I admire those brave women, their boldness to reject the accepted social opinion about the relationship of the sexes. That is truly a heroic deed to be admired..."

 "And love? What about love?! What about man's feelings?" he reassured her.

 "Oh, can man feel the creation of the new being, and is he aware when he has created it?" shrewdly answered Alexandra.

 "He can't, but his feeling awaken the mother in a woman. The child is a fruit of love, not a selfish interest. What kind of a woman is the one that in the name of some idea and singleness denies the faithful love and hurts the beloved one. I can't understand the attempt to do anything to get to a child. Of course one wouldn't ask some stranger for help in it. It is against woman's nature and her feelings. She has to love, to cherish grace towards somebody to accept the child."

 "You can't understand the magnificence of their sacrifice for a new future of the humanity." Alexandra Lukoska insisted on defending her attitude. "They are establishing new relations and the sacrifice is small compared to the interest of the humanity."

 "And the identity of the father?"

 "That is an attitude of the individual."

 "That is an attitude of the egotism and her abnormal psychological establishment. How will that child develop with the capricious denial of father's love. Where will it get to know the relations that exist between the sexes and its own sex first of all, and the relations that exist in a normal family and everything they give him. I'm convinced that there is a deeper emotional insecurity or disappointment behind that wish. That's where the cruel and tough resistance camouflaged by such an idea comes from. It's about the vanity that finds its satisfaction by identifying with the child. But the child doesn't replace anything in life. It brings change, but doesn't replace anything. That's the difference. The child of such mothers replaces man's love. I doubt their care has anything to do with motherhood. The child is but a toy in their hands. To justify, as some do, that they are able to love, and yet they are against life in community although it's nice to be in it, in order to avoid the routine of the everyday life and leveling of the opposites that looks senseless, is really a weak argument. Of course, if their partners are not people with really unacceptable characters. But, we don't look for extremes, we look for a partner more or less similar to us. Isn't that an open admission of our own doubt in the permanence of our own feelings, understanding, and sacrifice. How does your idea give meaning to life. Marriage is basically the most important factor for putting meaning in life. One shouldn't even mention the advantages a father offers the child in its life. Yet, every woman like that should think over the rearing of the child before making such a decision. What feelings will such a woman plant into the child when she is stuck herself into some, most important feelings to love and be faithful. How can an emotionally degraded person raise a healthy child", Lavski stubbornly destroyed the theory of his beloved. "She will show him only the female world and female views of the world. I could even go into some assumptions. Let's assume that because of not knowing one of the parents there will be an incest tomorrow. And that could have been avoided. Because of an imprudent thing to destroy somebody's life, and the life of the new person. Nobody has ever proved that lunatics will be born, but nobody has ever proved that they won't be born. And what will happen if the marital partners discover one day that they are closely related. Who can describe their traumas?..." he bitterly convinced his lover, led by the love to keep her for himself tearing her apart from the ideas about "a woman without a man", and yet he had the feeling that his words were not heard.

 He saw it himself not long after that.

 At the end of every bitter conversation, he would helplessly call their association "an association of madwomen", and he would add, hugging and caressing her, "that he was not against single mothers no matter how and why they had chosen that way of life, but he was afraid that kind of family setting to become generally accepted social rule". Eventually, in every demoralized society numberless ideas and movements appear. With the love and attention he covered her with, and the complete dedication of his own personality to her (she had her charm she seduced him with, and it could not have been separated from his genuine male egotism, which he had not overcome yet, it was better for him to keep her for himself than give her to somebody else's arms), he saw the future completely certain with her, in the same way he was convinced he had to fight his subconscious cautiousness of her attitudes, preparing to dive into the adventure called marriage.

 He lived in a rented attic, and he lived on the money his family sent him from the province, the honoraria from the newspaper agencies, and writing for a firm of "ghosts writers".

 The hot romance increased his idealism, and the passionate love blinded him, and he fantasized it was time to offer her marriage and call her to permanently live with him. He imagined and he was deeply convinced in the advantages of the new situation compared to his loneliness. Her support would increase his energy and persistence in the work, and as an honest and faithful partner she would be a real support he could lean on in difficult moments.

 He needed her to fulfill completely his feeling of success (the belief that the experienced success would come). He was convinced that he would become a millionaire and famous writer. He was convinced that everything would go as he had imagined.

 He had a short chance to meet her parents. An old, wealthy married couple who provided a lot of life comforts for their daughter. The father, an engineer, was in his sixties, and the mother, who was a housewife, was ten years younger. They accepted him well.

 But, it did not help him convince Alexandra to continue her life odyssey on his attic. With an independent spirit and belief in the idea, she preferred the independent destiny. At least it was readable in her behavior, unless he consciously accepted self-deceit. There was not any other excuse. To stand against yourself, your own weaknesses, it needs a lot of effort. But he loved her without reserve, and he was that much hurt by her sudden disappearance.

 Their one year love association ended sadly.

 Lukoski family left abroad together with their daughter. His unborn child went together with them. Such a thing was hinted to him by a good friend of hers, a member of "women without men". Alexandra did nothing to show that she intended to leave him forever and that she had his child. She stole him as ruthlessly as she destroyed his dreams.

 He tried to find their traces, but without success. After a while he had to admit himself he was not persistent at all and intuitive in his investigation. And there was not reason why. A person like Alexandra did not deserve his love and dedication. The closeness faded away in his heart and the search had no meaning.

 He was fooled, betrayed. He was naive. He realized that it is the little words that reveal human character, not the big ones that usually hide the real nature.

 He had to overcome his disappointment soon, aware of the temptations life put before him.

 A year after the secret and sudden escape, a letter came from Alexandra Lukoska.

 "I have a daughter and she is yours." And nothing more in it.

 The postal seal was from the country. But, something told him she was not in it. That was proved by the negative answers of her friends.

 The open wound in his heart was soon healed. He had to accept the reality that he had a supporting role in somebody's life, although he thought and it all seemed that he had the main role. And that what was taken from him, no matter how much it hurt him, was still not that attached to his heart, because there was no time to establish some emotional closeness. And that would give him the right to leave his memory to the patina, except for the pain he suffered from the betrayed love offered without reserve.

 The novel brought him the first capital. The first step to the top was made. Later on, it was all a successful, dynamic dream. The books went by, and the capita! increased through smart investments. In three years he bought his first factory. Not long after that he bought another one. His business spread all over the world, and in that way he secured himself from the changeable and inconstant economic policy in the country. With an intuition of a natural born businessman he provided his place among the five richest people in the country and the one hundred richest in the world. At the same time he would show his generosity and open-mindedness through unselfish donations. He would sponsor universities, children care centers, finance promising and ambitious individuals. He made good deeds to ennoble his soul.

 He did not get married, although he was surrounded by young and beautiful women. He lived royally luxurious, but reserved. In public eyes he discretely spent his money.

 He traveled around the world. He stayed to live in some countries for several years. But he would not spend all of the time during one year in the country. Half, and even more of the year he would spent at those places, in those countries, at those continents where the business, the wish for good time, or romance would take him. Finally, what is the meaning of wealth except the power it brings: to make life easier, nicer, more diverse, and to provide all benefits to its owner. Therefore, he enjoyed completely.

 After every picnic he would go back to his base, the wonderful palace on top of the hill in Eden Suburb, and he continued practicing his old habit of walking through the near by park.

 The barking of the dog coming from thick green bushes took him away from his thoughts. The tone of it made him believe Aga had found something interesting.

 He approached. He spread the boughs, went through under them, and found a rare unpleasant sight. On the dry ground, next to the pine tree in the middle of that natural tent of bushes, a girl lied shriveled. He had never been a witness of somebody's misfortune before. But he read in the papers, and listened to the neighbors about the awful happenings in their park. They were of course not that numerous as in other parks, because their park was safer, with police patrols more often.

 Next to the girl there was a big bag.

 He immediately noticed the black, waist long hair, spread on the ground as a carpet. The girl was very young, some twenty years, with a gentle and white face. The short expensive fur coat of brown leather and her leather pants in the same color could not hide her slim body from the experienced eye of Ilarion Lavski, who would always start the visual contact at his first meeting with a woman from her legs upwards.

 The licking of the dog and its examining sniffing woke the girl up. She moved. Then she relaxed again. As if she wanted to continue with her sleeping. But, not long after the relaxing, she moved again with a bigger wish. She rose up a little. She slowly moved her left hand towards her head. It was then that Lavski noticed the red spot on the left side of her forehead that was obvious when her hair moved.

 The girl touched that part of her head for some time, examining it, and after she was convinced that there was not any bigger injury, she tried to get up. Ilarion took her left arm, and she startled and opened her eyes, looking at him scared. Until that moment she was not aware of their presence.

 Seeing his noble face and his expensive clothes, the fear in her eyes gave place to a more indifferent expression, and the cramp disappeared from her face. She silently let him help her leave the place. She allowed him to help her shake off. Ilarion with a special pleasure took off several strays of grass from her wonderful hair. The girl barely stood on her feet and had no strength for some serious movements. Her exhaustion was noticeable. While Lavski came back with her bag, her strength left her and she would fall unless he hold her.

 "You were sleeping and the dog found you." He hurried to explain his presence.

 The girl did not answer. She stood indecisively. As if she was reconsidering what next. Ilarion used this moment to take a better look of her. She was up to his shoulders, some one hundred and sixty centimeters was her height. Although she was exhausted, there was a sensational attractiveness shining from her. That long black hair, those smaragdine green eyes, and a fragile body reminded him of a familiar face. His first and only love. The mother of his only child. Alexandra Lukoska.

 But soon the impossibility of her still being so young after some forty years tore him away from his memory and it disappeared

 The girl still stood there indecisive. Finally, she decided it was time to leave and she took the handle of the bag.

 "You are not well?!" again addressed her Lavski. "You need help. I'll be happy to help you."

 The girl just smiled at him tired, as a gratitude for the help given, shook her head to the one offered, and turned.

 And while she was leaving with an insecure step, Ilarion Lavski felt a need to see her face once again and stroll her rich hair. After her unstoppable leaving, he felt helpless. He thought whether to do something to keep her longer by his side to discover her identity, but surprisingly, something stopped him, something uncommon for an experienced lover. In that stiffness, a sparkle of hope comforted him with the belief that the capricious destiny would make a miracle to keep his friendship with the girl.

 That was what happened.

 The girl who was going in the wrong direction, towards the side of the park that ended with a big wall above a abyss and river, where there was a beautiful view of the valley and the eight million city, staggered and fell.

 Ilarion ran to her and lifted her up. He had to hold her well because the unhappy girl could barely stand on her feet and she was shaking.

 "Are you OK? Did you hurt yourself?" he asked her concerned. "You're not well. You can barely stand. I'll help you. Where can I take you?"

 The girl smiled again, just this time it was an ironic smile on her own unhappy situation. Ilarion read her message. Nobody sleeps in the park is they have their own home.

 "I live near by. I think it would be smartest for you to have a cup of worm tea. It'll bring back your strength. You can use my phone." Suggested he. "At this moment my suggestion is the best solution..."

 "Yes, yes." Murmured the girls and let herself into his arms