3 Baby Talk

Six months after his birth, Laszlo Omari (formerly Alan Smith) settled into his life as a baby. He was able to stay awake more, but he was mostly stuck in his carrier or playpen. He could crawl a little bit now. He was very bored on most days at the same time he enjoyed the feeling of having no responsibilities. He could do whatever he wanted and his parents would take care of the rest. In return, he did his best not to disrupt their sleep. This was very exciting for his folks, they couldn't stop talking about what a good baby he is.

It never occurred to Laszlo that he would experience life as a baby. He was put through so many embarrassing situations. It took him a couple of weeks to come to terms with having his diaper changed. Breastfeeding was such a weird experience. It was unfortunate bottles didn't exist in this world, or formula for that matter. The worst was how everyone thought he was so cute! He was constantly man-handled and passed from one person to another. He dreaded his mother's tea parties with the other ladies. Every week the other affluent ladies in the area took turns hosting tea parties. Mostly the women gossiped, talked about their husbands, women's issues, and showed off their babies. The babies were sent around the room by the women and eventually, all of them were placed in a "play" area. Mostly, the babies just rolled around, made strange noises, and made poopy diapers. Sometimes there was throwing up, crying, and random laughing. The random laughing often caught the attention of the women who would come over and remark how cute the babies were. The mothers would pick up their babies, pass them around, and then return the babies to their place on the padded floor.

Time with Dad was much more interesting, but where time with mother was too long, time with Dad was too short. He always found his father's warrior talk with his friends interesting. He learned a lot from those discussions and being a good quiet baby his father would typically leave him in the room. However, invariably someone would challenge their friends to either a test of strength or a drinking contest. When this happened, Laszlo was immediately removed.

Laszlo always had a knack for language so it didn't take him long before he picked up the local language. As a baby, his vocal cords were ready for speaking and he didn't have any teeth. However, by three months old he was saying "Mamma," and "Dadda." He would have like to say "mother" and "father," but he had to seem like a baby, not an adult. His language accomplishment allowed him to listen in on conversations which allowed him to learn a lot. He learned his parents were much older than they looked. It was hard for him to believe but it sounded as if they were hundreds of thousands of years old. They had many other children in different galaxies and realms. It seemed the pair liked having a baby every now and then and once the kid was old enough to look after themselves they would leave for parts unknown. The couple was extremely powerful and it seemed like they were just messing around. It looked like he had until about age ten to prepare for his parents leaving him. There wasn't much he could do now to prepare since he was just a baby, but once he could walk he could become more proactive. For now, he would just continue to gather information.

One day, Laszlo was laying in his pin contemplating life when he felt a shadow cover his body. Looking up he saw two red eyes staring at him! Laszlo was startled by the creature. It was some kind of monkey as far as Laszlo could tell. It wasn't much bigger than him, perhaps a youngster? Depending on the species it could be its full size. Laszlo searched his surroundings for a way out or a weapon. He was in a very dangerous situation. As a six-month-old baby, he could only crawl. He was in his pin so getting out was really tough. The animal hadn't attacked yet it was staring intently at Laszlo. Finally, a plan came to Laszlo's mind. Grabbing his rattle, Laszlo threw the rattle at the monkey while rolling to his left. Once he hit the edge of the pin, he rolled as fast as he could to his right. The pen was slightly elevated off the floor and when Laszlo crashed into the side, the pen fell over forcing the monkey to jump away and allowed Laszlo to escape from his pin!

Immediately, Laszlo crawled as fast as he could towards a small table against the wall. The monkey recovered from its surprise and ran towards him. Just as the monkey was about to grab Laszlo's ankle, Laszlo grabbed a table runner, pulled it and managed to pull a heavy bowl from the table onto the monkey's head. The monkey was hit in the head and stunned. Laszlo grabbed the now free table runner and wrapped it around the monkey's neck letting gravity aid him as he pulled to suffocate the monkey to death. Laszlo was really cool-headed. This saved him many times in his past life, and right now he needed to be the cool-headed killer. The monkey was turning purple in the face when Laszlo heard a voice in his mind. "Agent Smith, please stop chocking me! It's me, Maloke!" Laszlo was stunned, the monkey was his former guardian angel?! Oh, he should stop strangling it it was about to pass out. Laszlo loosened the table runner a little to let the monkey catch its breath. "Convince me you are Maloke!" Laszlo roared in his mind. "Agent Smith is Agent Smith, I can't believe you're still so deadly even as a baby!" This time the voice came directly from the monkey's mouth. Laszlo wasn't expecting the monkey to actually talk. It turns out monkeys in this world can talk, how surprising! Laszlo released the fanboy monkey.

Maloke quickly recovered and gave a big monkey smile to the little former agent. "Wow, I didn't think human babies were so strong," said Maloke. "We're not, I just used gravity against you, all I needed to do was hold onto the table runner. Even with my depressingly weak muscles, I was capable of doing this," said Laszlo in his mind. "It's amazing, absolutely amazing. What are you called in this world?" asked Maloke. "Laszlo Omari, I'm the son of a pair of warrior hobos," Laszlo said with all seriousness. Maloke wasn't sure if he were joking or not but remembered that Laszlo only joked when he was killing people or hitting on the ladies. Laszlo crawled to a spot out of direct eyesight of the door and sat on the floor to chate with Maloke. "Why are you a monkey?" asked Laszlo. "I'm a spirit monkey! It's really fun being a monkey. I'm only a few years old and have all sorts of wild monkey energy! The other spirit monkeys call me Spaz, but I'm not really settled on the name," said Maloke. " I wouldn't settle on that name either if I were you," said Laszlo. "I don't know what else to call myself," said Spaz. "I guess we'll call you Spaz, it's fitting," said Laszlo.

"What's been going on since you arrived here? asked Laszlo. "This world is really big! It's so much fun here! I like it a lot more than being an angel. I haven't been able to explore much, mom and pop monkey don't let me go too far, but I've been sneaking out looking for you. I knew we would both wind up somewhere near one another," said Spaz. "You seem adapted to being a monkey," commented Laszlo. "Listen Laz, being a monkey is a lot more interesting than being a human. I've watched so many humans for countless years. Believe me, this was the right choice," said Spaz. "Right choice? I thought they were just going to shove you somewhere randomly," said Laz. "Being a guardian angel for so long gives us certain benefits. Some of those benefits are having lots of friends. A friend of mine worked on the rebirth process and let me choose my species and where I was going to appear.

"Now that you are no longer my Guardian Angel what is a relationship?" asked Laz. "I'm no longer your guardian angel, I guess we could be friends," said Spaz with a smile. "Friends?" Laz thought about it and decided it wasn't so unusual. He remembered Ramkol telling him having a spirit beast as a companion wasn't very unusual. "Ok, let's be friends." smiled Laz to his former guardian angel and a new friend. "Haha, I knew you would agree," beamed Spaz. "Well, as of right now, you're the only possible I can talk with," Laz said.