70 Such an Asshole

As I drive away from Zayn's apartment I take a second to think about what I am doing. I know I left Zayn to go to find Harry, but I really need to think about what will happen next. Harry will either say terrible things to me, curse at me and make me leave or he will admit that he has feelings for me and that all these games he has been playing are just his way of not being able to deal with his feelings and express them in a normal way. If the first situations happens, which I mostly expect it to, I will be in no worse of a state than I am in now. But, if the second happens am I ready to forgive him for all the terrible things he has said and done to me? If we both admit the way we feel about each other will everything change? will he change? Is he capable of caring for me the way I need him to and if so, am I capable of putting up with his mood swing?

The problem is, I can't answer any of these questions, not a single one. I hate the way he cloud my thoughts and makes me feel unsure about myself. I hate not knowing what he will do or say. I pull up to his house, this dammed fraternity house that I have spent way too much time at. I hate this house. I hate a lot of things right now and my anger towards Harry is almost to it's boiling point. My car is parked on the street and I rush up the steps and into the crowded house. I head straight for he old cough Harry is usually perched on but I don't spot his mop of hair, I duck behind a heavy set of guys before Steph or anyone else spots me and I rush up the stairs to his room.

I bang my fist against the door, annoyed that once again he haz his door locked.

"Harry! it's me, open the door!" I yell and continue to pound again. No answer. Where the hell is he? I don't want to call him to find out, even though that is obviously easier than trying to find him but I am angry and I want to stay angry so I can say what I mean and not feel bad about it.

I call Liam to see if Harry is at his fathers, but he isn't. The other place that I know to look is the bonfire but I doubt he would still be there. I don't have another option right now so I drive back to the stadium and park my car. I repeat the angry words I have saved for Harry over and over to make sure I don't forget any of it in case he actually is here. Almost everyone has left by now, the field is nearly empty and the fire is almost out. Just as I decide to stop looking, I see him leaning against the fence by the goal post. He is alone and he doesn't seem to notice me walking towards him as he takes a seat on the grass, he wipes his mouth with his hand and when re removes it, it is red. Is it bleeding? His head snaps up as if he can sense my presence, the corner of his mouth is bleeding and the shadow of a bruise is already forming over his cheek.

"What the hell?" I say and knew down in front of him.

"What happened to you?" I ask him. He looks up at me and his eyes are so haunted, my anger dissolves like sugar on my tongue.

"Why do you care?" Where is your date?" He growls. I roll my eyes and move his hand away from his mouth, examining his busted lips. He jerks away from me but I bite my tongue.

"Tell me what happened." I demand. He sighs and runs his hand over his hair. His knuckles are busted and bloody. The cut on his index finger looks deep and very painful.

"Did you get in a fight?" I ask.

"What gave you that idea?" He snaps.

"With who? Are you okay?"

"Yea, I am fine now leave me alone."

"I came here to find you." I tell him and stand up, wiping the deed grass off of my jeans.

"Okay and you found me so go."

"You don't have to be such an asshole, I think you should go home and get cleaned up. You might need stitches on your knuckles."

He doesn't respond to me but he stands up and walks past me. I came here to yell at him for being such and idiot and tell him how I feel and he is making it very hard, I knew he would.

"Where are you going?" I ask and follow him like a lost puppy.

"Home, well I'm going to call Emma and see if she will come back and pick me up. She drove."

"She left you here?" I don't like her at all.

"No, well technically buy I told her to."

"Let me take you home." I say and grab his jacket. He shrugs me off and I want to slap him. My anger is returning and I am more pissed off than before. The table have turned, our...whatever this is has shifted. I am usually the one running from him.

"Stop walking away from me!" I yell and he turns around. Eyes blazing.

"I said let me take you home!" I scream. He almost smiles but he frowns instead and sighs.

"Fine. Where is your car?" He asks.

He follows me to my car and climbs into the passenger seat as I start the car. I turn the heat on and rubs my arms to heat up. His scent immediately fills the car, only now there is a hint of metal mixed in. It is my favorite smell in the entire word.

"why did you come here?" He asks as I pull out of the parking lot.

"To find you." I try to remember everything I had planned to say, but my mind is blank and all I can think about is kissing his busted mouth.

"For what reason?" He asks quietly.

"To talk to you, we have so much to talk about." I say, I feel like crying and I have no idea why.

"I thought you said we didn't have anything to talk about." Why is he making this so difficult?

"Do you love me?" The words come out rushed and strangle, I had not planned on saying them.

His head snaps to the side to look at me. "What?" His tone shocked.

"Do you?" I repeat, my heart might pop right out of my chest.

"You are not seriously asking me this while we are driving the street." His eyes are focused forward.

"What does or matter where or when I am asking, just tell me." I practically beg.

"I...I don't know...No, I don't. You can't just ask someone if they love you when they are trappped in a car with you. What the hell is wrong with you?" He says loudly. Ouch.

"Okay." Is all I can manage to say.

"Why do you even want to know?"

"It doesn't matter." I say.

"Tell me why you asked me that, now." He demands.

"Don't tell me what to do!" I shout back. I pull to his house and he looks towards the crowded lawn.

"Take me to my dad's." He says.

"What? I am not a damn taxi."

"Just take me there, I will get my car in the morning." His car his here so why not just drive himself?

I don't want our conversation to end yet so I roll my eyes, but drive away towards his father's house.

"I thought you hated it there?" I say.

"I do. But I don't feel like being around a lot of people right now." he says quietly.

"Are you going to tell me why you asked that? Does this have something to do with Zayn? Did he say anything to you?" He seems nervous. Why does he always ask if Zayn said something to me?

"No...it has nothing to do with Zayn. I just wanted to know." I lie. It doesn't really have to do with Zayn, it has to do with the fact that I love him and I thought for a second, he may love me too. The longer I am around him, the more ridiculous that seems.

"Where did you and zayn go when you left the bonfire?" He asks as I pull into his father's driveway.

"Back to his apartment." I admit. Harry's body tenses and his bloody fits clench, tearing the skin of his knuckles further.

"Did you sleep with him?" he asks and my mouth falls open.

"What? Why the hell would you assume that? You should know me better than that by now! And who do you think you are to even ask such a personal question? You made it clear that you don't care about me so what if I did?" I shout.

"So you didn't?" He asks again.

"God Harry! No! He kissed me, but I wouldn't have sex with someone I barely know."

He leans over and turn my car off, clenching his bloody hand over the keys and pulling them out of the ignition.

"You kissed him back?" His eyes are hooded as he seems to look straight past me.

"Yea...well I don't know, I think I did." I don't remember anything except Harry's face in my mind.

"How do you not know? Have you been drinking?" His voice is louder now.

"No, I just..."

"You what!" He shouts and turns his body to face me.

"I...I just kept thinking of you." I finally admit. His stone features soften tremendously and he brings his eyes to mine.

"Let's go inside." He says and opens the passenger door. What? "Come on." He says again. I climb out of the car and follow him up the sidewalk.