13 Tears or blood

Yes I know I should just let go and walk away from him but it's not that easy it's a lot harder than what others make it. Yea they say it's easy to walk away but it really isn't, it's so hard to walk away from the things that are bad for you but makes you feel so good. Yes im a fool for letting him back in and I admit that it was a stupid mistake but he is my fiancee after all and I'm gonna have to act like I'm happy with him. "Jade you didn't let that thing do that to you did you" Jax called out angrily "it was a mistake" I mumbled "why" jax cried "he had a picture of us next to his bed and he told me he missed me" I replied. "And you believed that" Jax yelled "I thought" I yelled as I turned to face my brother not realising there was a crowd watching us. "You thought after all the shit he put you threw he wanted damaged goods" jax replied "His my fiancee I've got to act like it" I yelled as my eyes started turning black "It doesn't mean you have to sleep with him" jax yelled. "that's a lot coming from you" I scream "what" he said "Some hoe broke your heart than a week later you were in her bed again" I yell as my eyes turn completely black "That was different" had mumbled. "How ha, cause I lasted longer than getting into there bed" I laugh "No cause I didn't try kill myself" jax yelled at me, my blood boiled my hands trembled my eyes turned watery my voice cracked "No your right you didn't, cause you werent getting bullied, you weren't told you were ugly and worthless constantly were you" I shouted. "jade" jax said "I HATE YOU" I yelled in hatred as I turned to walk out the door I felt hot I felt sick and dizzy "leave me alone" I scream as I felt the a hand on my shoulder. "your right you know about the girl and the bullying" Jax said "I know you were going throw shit and I wasn't there for you and maybe if I was I could have prevented all of it" jax said. "You were never there, no one was and no one will ever be" I say as I push his arm away and walk out the door and vanish. I'm in my new room in the house in the woods I get changed into gym clothes and go down the slide. I start punching the punching bag it had titanium inside of it so it wouldn't break from my punches I was ignoring the pain inbetween my legs. As my fist kept swinging at the bag I felt my hands starting to throb in pain I swung my right arm at the bag and as my fist hit the bag my knuckles started to bleed. I went up the stairs and rinsed my hand under cold water and went to my room and went into the bathroom and threw up, I sat next to the toilet my knees were in my face. Tears running down my face and blood dripping from my hand and my arms wrapped around my legs I closed my eyes wishing I had never gone to that house on this night. I lifted my head and put my head in the toilet and vomited once more I stayed like that for a while until I got up and flushed the toilet. I rinsed my face and stripped off and turned the shower on the water was cold and I just say there on the floor crying. My blood on my hand was being washed away with the water just like my tears but the pain was still there. I finally got up and tured the taps off and put a towel around me, I got changed into a white dress and went into the garden. I stood there for hours looking at the trees, felling the breeze in my hair annd the tears still running down my cheeks. I finally looked up at the stars and saw the bright lights they made in the sky, the branchs danced with the wind, the wind sounded like an angel singing to the beat of the twigs dropping of the forest floor.