8 Reliving the Past

I wake up and take a deep breath before I open up my eyes. It smells very... fresh. Like I'm by some trees. 'Something isn't right...' I think, and I open my eyes, to see that not only am I still laying on the ground, but Xan is just inches from my face. I blink a couple times and look at his face. He has strong features, which look softer while he's sleeping. I notice that he has a few freckles, not a lot, but enough to be noticable up close, but not from a distance. I smile faintly and move to lay on my back, and I start to think about all the things I haven't seen or done since I got here, and then I hear Xan take a deep breath and do one of those really good stretch noises, and yawn.

"Sleeping on straight up ground was a bad idea." He says, sitting up and cracking his back. I laugh.

"Try having a boot that goes to the middle of your shins." Xan smiles and looks at me.

"True true. So," he says, stretching a little, "what exciting adventures are we going on today?" I smile.

"Oh I dunno, maybe we should just stay here for once. I might not get hurt then." Xan laughs.

"Very true. I'm fine with that. Besides, all the men need a break after the fight yesterday anyway." I nod.

"That's probably for the best." My stomach growls slightly, and me and Xan sit there silently for a moment, almost thinking something is about to attack us, and then I realize it's just me.

"I guess I'm hungry." I say, laughing slightly.

"Well, I guess we should see if they've started making breakfast then." Xan gets up, and holds out a hand to help me up, and I take it and pull myself up. I don't move for a second, and then I let go of his hand. We pause for a moment, looking at each other, and then Xan blinks and turns slightly. "Well, we should go check out the situation in the food department." I nod and we start walking out of the tent and to the rank house, which isn't very far away.

When we get there, we are greeted by the smell of some sort of meat being cooked, and eggs. I look at Xan, who looks back and smiles. We go over to the table they set up for all of us to get some food, and fill up our plates with eggs and either ham or pork... or neither. Hard to tell. Anyway, we go and sit down at an empty table, and start eating. After a moment, I hear Xan laugh slightly, and look up at him. He has a mouthful of eggs that he thought was smaller than it really was, and I smirk.

"Bit much?" He nods, trying to chew it to make it more manageable. I shake my head slightly, and go back to eating. After a bit I finish mine, and look up to see Xan just looking at me. I blink a couple times. "What?" He shakes his head.

"Nothing." I look down for a moment, and then back at him and blush ever so slightly. I see him smile, and blush more. He fiddles with his fork, and I look at him. He looks like he wants to say something.

"What's on your mind, General?" I say, slightly teasing. He laughs slightly, and then he sighs slightly, scratching the back of his neck. I tilt my head, raising an eyebrow to keep prompting my question. He takes a deep breath, and shakes his head.

"It's nothing. I never asked, how are your parents?" I look at him skeptically.

"Good. I'm actually going to have a sibling in a few months. My dog misses me, as expected." Xan nods.

"That's great. So, how do you think we can...?" I lick my lips.

"It's either from what they did, or... maybe it could be... but there's no way. It would be a one to a billion chance, probably." Xan looks at me.

"What do you really think?" I look down at the table, looking at the pattern of the metal, which almost looks like wood in the sense that it has lines running through it, as if the parts didn't cool at the same time, or weren't poured at the same time.

"I... found something the other day... at the Gragzul camp, when I was in the tunnels... it was something a Gragzul was holding... I took it after I looked at it..." I pull the folded up picture out of the pocket on my chest in my shirt and hold it in front of me, slowly unfolding it, looking at it again. I notice my hands are shaking slightly, and I close my eyes tightly, trying to steady myself. I feel Xan's hand touch my arm and I hear him speak.

"Adraxian... you don't have to do this if you don't want to..." I open my eyes slowly, and lock eyes with him.

"I should," I say quietly, almost whispering, "because it might change everything... or nothing." Xan takes a deep breath. I can see him trying to think of what to do. He looks down, and lets his hand slide down my arm, and I swallow. He looks at me.

"If you feel like you can do this, then I guess you can." He says quietly. I put the picture face down on the table and slide it over to him. He looks from me to the picture and back again, picking up the picture. He looks at it, and then realizes who it is in the picture. "There's no way. It's gotta be a fake. They could just have put it there as a bug." I shake my head.

"Already checked. Not a bug."

When me and Xan go back to the tent, he hands me the picture, and says, "I guess... it explains some stuff?" I shrug and sit on the cot, looking at the ground. Xan hesitates, then crouches, looking at me, and says, "I still will be here. You probably guessed as much, considering I always take care of you when you get hurt," I smile slightly as he says that, "and I don't plan on leaving you alone or in anyone else's care until you can at least get off the ground by yourself." I smile slightly, blushing a little. He smiles and gets up. I look at him as he does, and I lean forward slightly, and I smile at Xan. He goes over to the sleeping bag and sits down. "Since we have nothing else to talk about, tell me about yourself Adraxian." I shrug.

"Not much else to know about me. What specifically do you want to know?" Xan thinks.

"Hmm... I don't know. Just, talk I guess." I think for a moment.

"Well, I was always quiet, and never really stood up for myself. I can't say anyone stood up for me either, until I met Korax. He basically found me, sitting on the curb, bleeding from some cuts on my face, and he said 'Buddy you ain't lookin so good. Are you alright?' and that's how him and I met. After that, we were inseparable. After a few years we graduated from school together, and then he went off to war, and a couple years later, I ended up here." Xan looks at me and tilts his head.

"Wait a minute. You graduated when you were, what, 16?" I nod.

"I was a smart kid. Still am." Xan smiles but it quickly fades.

"So what do you think about this whole deal between Korax and Cordia?" I sigh slightly.

"I don't know. I haven't heard much from Korax about any of it." Xan looks like he wants to say something again, but I know he won't. I get off the hammock and crouch in front of him. "Hey, what's wrong?" He smiles slightly, and he puts his hand on the side of my face, and I feel myself blush. Everything instantly slows down. We look at each other for ten minutes straight, at least, and then I gently bring down his wrist, and look at his hand, and slowly, as if I'm performing a surgery, I lace my fingers with his. He blushes and a hint of a smile appears on his face. He gives my hand a gentle squeeze and lets go of my hand, and stands up, and goes over to the sleeping bag. I snuggle up in the cot and roll to look at him. He smiles wider and blushes a bit more, then crawls into the sleeping bag, and blows out the lantern, putting us in complete darkness. I fall asleep with a faint smile on my face.

I wake up and take a deep breath. I open my eyes and see that Xan is still sleeping. I look at his face, which almost seems completely different than usual. He looks a lot younger. I smile and sit up a little bit, yawning. After a moment, Xan wakes up, and looks over at me.

"Morning." I say quietly, smiling.

"Morning." He says back, smiling widely. We sit there in a small silence.

"Xan?"

"Hm?"

"How did you get those scars?" He sits up, and I notice he had taken off most of the stuff he had been wearing when he originally went into the sleeping bag. Now he's just wearing black shorts, and his dog tag. "Well... I was walking home from school once, I was about fifteen, so it was just a few years ago, and these kids walked over to me, and stopped me. I didn't pay attention to the things they said, I knew I'd heard it before. But I snapped to attention when one said for me to take of my shirt. I looked at them in shock. They all had almost evil smiles on their faces. I slowly took off my backpack and set it on the ground, knowing that it would be easiest to listen to them, no matter if I didn't know what the consequences would be. I slowly took off my coat, even though it was spring, I still had a light coat on. They told me to go faster and I took a deep breath. I took off my shirt, and suddenly all three of them were on top of me. The three of them had knives. I think you can piece together the rest." I look at him.

"Oh my god... I... I'm so sorry." Xan shakes his head.

"It's okay." I slowly get off the cot and slowly go over to him, and stumble slightly, and he catches me. I blush a little and smile slightly for a moment. I hug him.

"No. It isn't."

Some time later, I say, "Have you ever noticed that the stars here are different every night? They always show different things, like an ever changing picture." Xan looks at me, caught off guard.

"Uh y-yeah, I have. I thought I was the only one that ever actually looked to see what it was..." I smile awkwardly, and look at the ground and then the entrance to the tent. I suddenly get an idea, and smile, gently sliding off the cot.

"Give me your hand." I hold out mine, and Xan does the same hesitantly, and I pull him out of the tent, barely letting him get on his feet. I look up at the sky and once me and Xan get on top of a nearby sandy hill, I shove him down with a smile, and I get down and lay down, a little clumsily due to my boot. I look at the sky, and then at Xan, who is looking at the sky. I look back and see something and point to it and say something about it to Xan, and he points out other things as well.

Soon, the sun rises. I look at the horizon, and mumble, "Holy shit. We stayed up all night. This was a mistake. We should... we can't," I get up quickly, sliding down the sand slightly, "you should get back to the command center and I should... go back to the tent or something." I hear Xan slide down the hill after me, and he stumbles into my sight, but I keep walking, but he grabs my forearm, making me stop dead in my tracks. I look at his hand and then at him. He looks either confident or like he's made the biggest mistake ever. I turn slightly, and he loosens his grip.

"Adraxian," he says quietly, as if we are sharing confidential information that no one should hear, "what are you running from? What is it you don't want to show?" I blink.

"What are you running from? What are you hiding? I could see it on your face before I asked about the stars." Xan falters, letting go of my arm, and he looks away, and I huff slightly, "That's what I thought." I turn and keep walking away.

Xan watches Adraxian as he walks away, watching him with his weird limp sort of walk, due to his boot. He sighs silently, and runs a hand through his hair, which is due for a haircut soon, because it's starting to get long by the military's standards. 'Do something idiot!' He thinks to himself, but he doesn't move. He just stands there, at war with himself on the inside, but on the outside he looks almost calm. He lets his hand fall down to his side and looks at the sandy ground at his feet, and he moves it with his foot, making a little sand dune for any small insects that would inhabit this unruly terrain. He slowly goes to the command center tent, and when he walks in he is greeted by a very shocking surprise: the current ruler of the Cordraxians.

He turns to look at Xanthos, and the look on his face is stone cold, just like his grey eyes. The outfit he is wearing is one of a well decorated soldier and leader, and he has the battle scars on his face to prove it. He even has an eyepatch, because in one of the battles, a Gragzul swung at him with an open hand, and scratched right across his eye, mutilating it horribly. Some say he can still see out of that eye, but if you were to see it, you would know that that is just a rumor. He has slowly darkening brown hair, with grey at the ends of his sideburns. He is about as strong as Xan, but he definitely looks stronger. He has broad shoulders, thick arms that are almost bigger than a basketball. He is towering over the few people in the tent, being over seven feet tall. Xan feels his heart skip a beat, and he swallows, his throat tightening.

"W-what are you doing here?" Xan stutters. The man sneers, and speaks with his raspy, deep voice, tinged with anger.

"We have a lot to talk about, son."

I walk into the tent and get in the cot, not caring if it can hold the weight of me and my boot - which it can - and put my hands on my face, and try to calm myself down. I feel like I want to just scream, or break down into tears, but I know I can't even manage to do that, which makes me more upset, knowing that I physically couldn't take the strain. I lift my hands off my face and look at them. They're shaking badly, but I can't seem to calm down. I take a deep breath, trying to calm down, and I yawn, realizing how tired I am from staying up all night watching the ever changing mural of the stars with Xanthos. I slowly drift off to sleep, and finally can get all the thoughts out of my mind, so I can finally have some peace.

"What do you mean?" Xanthos says, feeling more like a general than a moment ago, "I had a successful battle but two days ago! What could possibly be going wrong to you?" His father snarls at him and speaks, with a hint of almost a growl.

"They are moving all the other camps here. You are about to be the biggest damned target in this entire fucking war. I just want to know if you are strong enough to do what's right." Xan glares at him.

"And what would that be?" His father walks around the table and stands over him.

"Kill them. All of them" He says furiously. Xan takes a step closer, inches from his father's scarred face.

"That's mass genocide. I figured you would already have known that, considering you-" Xan can't finish his sentence as his father backhands him with such force Xan falls down, stunned for a moment. He glares up at his father and puts a hand on his jaw, and without even a flinch, he pops his jaw back into place.

"You never talk about that. Ever. I will not tolerate it. You will act like a proper fucking general while I'm here, you lost cause. Understand?" Xan slowly gets up, and looks at him.

"I understand." His father tilts his head toward him.

"I understand what?" Xan tries not to react as his anger flares up slightly.

"I understand, sir." His father nods sharply, and leaves the tent, bumping into Xan as he walks past, and Xan glares daggers into his back, and he curls a hand into a fist, trying to calm down. He always gets like this around his father. He never liked him, and vise versa. Especially after... the incident.

I wake up slightly as Xan walks in the tent, pulling the entrance flap shut, and he sits on the sleeping bag and basically flops down, laying on his back. I yawn and sit up a little.

"What's wrong?" I say. Xan looks at me, then sighs and looks up at the top of the tent. After a long pause, he speaks.

"You should go sleep in your tent tonight. I'll check on you in the morning." His voice has an edge to it, but I can tell he's struggling with some sort of emotional battle.

"What-"

"Just go!" He says, louder than before, and I look away and sit there silently, and I hear Xanthos sigh, and then he says, "Just... I... just go." I get up and leave the tent without a second thought, and I start going to my tent. As soon as I get to it I get in the cot and lay there, feeling more awake then I did before, but soon, my exhaustion catches up with me, and I slowly fall asleep.