4 TRACK 4

In the middle of the night, I felt a tug at my shorts.

I jolted awake and opened my one good eye with a squint. In the blur of it all, I could just make out a vague image of a hand, this time, pulling at my tank top.

"Mommy."

Mommy? What the?

Nothing would ever make me get out of this sofa. So, I closed my eyes to try and drift back to sleep.

I felt another tug.

"Mommy," Mai-mai drawled. It was followed by a gulping sound."

My eyes popped wide open, including the swollen one. I sat upright, grabbed Mai-Mai's hand and covered her mouth with it.

"Oh no you don't. Keep that nasty stuff in there 'til we get to the toilet!"

I cradled her in my arms and sprinted to the bathroom. I lowered her to the tiled floor next to the toilet bowl.

"There. Give it all you've got."

She unleashed a volley of vomit, each one getting louder after the other. She had spent about a minute or two throwing up until she quieted down.

I tapped her shoulder."Hey. Are you done?"

She was hugging the toilet and her cheek was kissing the mouth of the bowl. I cringed. I would clean the toilet twice a day but still... gross.

I leaned forward to pick her up and then wiped the sides of her mouth with tissue. Lifting her up, I grabbed a plastic cup from above the sink, filled it with water and placed it near her mouth.

"Here you go. It'll be nasty waking up in the morning with that stuff still in your mouth."

She gargled and spat the stuff onto the ceramic sink. And then, I carried her back to bed.

The adrenaline rush from fear of having vomit anywhere in my room was starting to wear off, so I just collapsed to the side of the bed and leaned my back against the wooden frame.

Combo Jumbo walked up to me and curled on my stomach. I stroked his back.

"What a weird day this was, Combo," I said with a yawn.

Combo answered with a purr and then, I closed my eyes.

The next morning, I went to check on Mai-mai. I knocked on the bedroom door and opened it gingerly. Next thing I knew, a pillow was flying, heading straight for my bruised face. I dodged it and it hit the door instead. What happened next was something I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy.

She came charging at me and kicked me in the nuts.

I fell to the bedroom floor and remained in fetal position as my eyes rolled backwards in pain. I held on to what's left of my procreation devices.

Good God, why me?

Eyebrows furrowed and hair messed up, she stood in front of me with both fists placed on her hips.

"Why, did you take me here?" she asked with an authoritative tone.

She kicked my shin when I didn't answer.

"Ow! Ffffff! Stop it!" I rubbed the spot where it hurt.

"Answer me, Lolo."

"You were drunk. Some creeps came and tried to take you! I took punches for you, you stupid girl!" I screamed as I writhed in pain.

"Oh... Is that why you got the black-eye?" Mai-mai covered her mouth with her hand. "I'm sorry."

"Tell that to my testicles!" I turned to my side and grimaced. "What an idiot!"

She kicked me again for good measure.

"Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky!" I shouted.

"Stop cursing!"

"Then stop kicking me!"

The Bangus fish sizzled as I dropped it on the pan. It reminded me how my sperm must've sizzled and popped when the stupid girl kicked me earlier. I winced and hissed, remembering it.

I turned my head as Mai-mai walked into the kitchen with a fresh shirt - one of my old Senior Class shirts from Webster High that was obviously over-sized for her tiny frame. She was fidgeting the heart-shaped pendant of her necklace.

"How do you like your eggs, Mai?" I asked her as I wiped my hands on my black apron.

She looked away without answering.

"Okay, silence means sunny side-up." I turned my back and took a couple of eggs from a carton of six.

"As for me... I'd like my eggs to be medium well and un-kicked."

I heard her stifle a laugh with a snort.

"Oh! That's funny to you, huh?" I cracked an egg on the side of another, smaller pan and dropped it with a sputter in the hot grease. Then, I sprinkled pinches of salt, pepper and some herbs.

"I'm sorry," I heard her mumble.

I paused and looked back at her. "You should've done that to those perverts last night."

She bit her lower lip. I turned my attention back to the frying eggs, flipped one and left the other simmering. "That's okay. I took care of them. Lucky, I saw them before they were able to take you away. You should only drink the amount you could handle, Mai-mai." I pointed a spatula at her.

"It's Dee now, Kuya Jared. No one calls me Mai-mai anymore."

"Oh. Dee. Yeah. Where'd that name come from?"

"My second name. I'm Margaux Dee. Don't you remember?"

"Oh yeah." I paused. "Why not Margaux, then?"

"It tends to get mispronounced."

"Hmmm... Margaux... Mar-gow. It's not that difficult."

She shrugged her shoulders. I placed the fish and eggs on a serving plate then, turned off the stove.

"Grab a chair. I'm almost done here."

Wood scraped against the ceramic tile as she pulled out a chair and sat down. Her eyes moved around my flat as I served the food on the table. Then, I gave her a dipping sauce made of Toyo and Kalamansi for the fish.

I sat down, opposite her. "Eat up, Mai- I mean..." I shook my head. "I mean, Dee. Sorry. I'm just not used to it. We've always called you that when you were a kid. I didn't even know your actual name was Margaux."

"It's okay," she murmured before taking a bite of fish with her fork. Then, she winced and pressed her fingertips on her forehead.

"Hangover's a killer isn't it?"

I poured hot water on her cup and grabbed a sachet of 3 in 1 coffee mix from a carton on top of the kitchen cabinet.

"You drink coffee, right? 'Cause I don't have any Milo with me."

She nodded.

I poured the contents of the sachet to the cup and stirred it with a teaspoon.

As we continued eating, only the clinking noise of spoons hitting the ceramic plate broke the awkward silence between us.

She paused in mid-chew and pointed the fork at me.

"You know this changes nothing, right? You tried to destroy a girl's dreams. Your best friend's sister's dreams!"

She gobbled up a spoonful of rice and egg.

I lowered the spoon and fork on the table and exhaled. "Believe me, Dee. I don't like unpleasant encounters like last night but you really put me in a very difficult position. I didn't write those songs for the world to hear. Those songs..."

I choked a tear.

"They were... your way for coping with the loss?" she asked with a low tone.

"Yeah, you could say that," I murmured.

Combo Jumbo purred from under the table. I rubbed his head and smiled as he turned his attention back to his meal.

"I'm really sorry, Kuya Jared." Dee lowered her head. "I thought that voice sounded familiar."

"What do you mean?"

"I've listened to that tape a lot ever since Mama picked it up from Ate's grave. She would cry every time she'd play it."

A tear rolled down her cheek and she wiped it off with her hand.

"One thing is certain though. It helped with my recovery. I just didn't expect things to come to this."

Well, this changes everything.

"I didn't know you were sick."

"I was. For a very long time."

"No wonder I didn't see you too often in your house." I toyed with a slice of fish dipped in soy sauce and some rice on my plate. "Your Mama kept playing my tape even when you were in the hospital?" I asked as I fixed my gaze at her.

"Yes."

"Hmmm..." I turned my attention back to my plate.

"I didn't mean to steal them, Kuya. I'm really sorry. I just decided that the world needs to hear it."

I looked at her again. "You didn't think someone would come for it?"

"I did at some point... but"

I lowered my head. "You didn't think it would be me?"

She shook her head.

"And you didn't wonder why your Mama would cry whenever she hears the songs?"

"I thought she just really liked the songs."

I snickered a bit. "What was the first song you learned?"

"Hmmm... I think it was Sweet Uncertainty. I thought it was an easy song at first."

"It is. It's in the key of G. The most common and popular key."

"Yes, until the C minor and F chord," she said with a frown.

I chuckled.

"I didn't understand why you would throw very difficult barred chords in a key of G song. They didn't even belong in that key! My fingertips bled because of that song." She held up her right hand and showed me the callouses on her fingertips.

"You're a rhythm guitarist. You're supposed to develop callouses."

"Yes, but not with songs in the key of G!"

I squinted my eyes. "My... song."

She bit her lips, said sorry and continued eating.

"Speaking of which, that song... I mean those songs weren't meant to be heard by anyone other than Macy."

"You really love my Ate, don't you?" she asked me with an intent stare as if looking straight into my soul.

I felt a slight needle prick on my chest. I bit my lip and gripped the spoon in hand. "I'm sorry. Can we talk about... something else?"

"Sorry, Kuya Jared."

There was a complete silence at the table. We avoided each other's gaze. We just met and started off on the wrong foot and then things just went crazy... which reminds me.

"Have you heard from your friends? They were out cold last night. The must've put up a good fight defending you."

She shook her head. "I hope they're fine."

"They're boys. They will be. You however, you need to be more careful especially with your alcohol intake. Who knows what those creeps could've done to you if I hadn't been there."

Maybe I wouldn't have gotten this nasty black eye too.

"Hey! Back off. You're not my dad." She raised her voice.

"Well, it's true. It's a jungle out there, and with a face like yours..." I clicked my tongue.

She sighed. "I just wanted to experience life. I've always been hospitalized when I was a kid."

"That's still not an excuse to be reckless, Dee."

She exhaled again, blowing some of her bangs upwards.

"After hearing your songs, I've started dreaming of becoming part of a band. Our family, when we were still... complete, our house was always filled with music. Papa and Ate Macy, especially. Papa had a vinyl collection of The Clash, Sex Pistols and The Descendants. He also had tapes of the first wave of punk bands in the Philippines like Chaos, Betrayed and Wasted Youth."

"Oh. Good bands," I remarked.

"But, because I was sick all the time, I never got the chance to play music at school so, I just learned guitar on my own... learned your songs."

"Why didn't you just write your own material?"

"Well, honestly, I don't know how, Kuya."

"I could teach you... if you'll stop playing my songs."

"Don't you think it's much more selfish if you hide such beautiful songs from the world's ears?"

I rubbed my forehead. I was starting to regret making that tape. It was my only way to deal with Macy's death but now, looking back in hindsight, it seemed... stupid. It brought nothing but more pain.

I felt another jackhammer ache on my head. I cocked my head backwards and closed my eyes.

"Are you, okay, Kuya?"

"Yeah. I'm alright. It's just... I'm still feeling the effects of last night."

"Let me wash the dishes, then." She stood up and took my plates. I placed my hand on top of hers.

"No. You're my guest. Just stay put. I really need to stand up anyway."

As I washed the plates, I contemplated on whether I was being too hard on Dee. They're just songs.

"They're just freakin' songs," I muttered under my breath.

I turned off the tap after washing the last plate, rubbed my hands on my apron and turned to face Dee, then cleared my throat.

"Mai- I mean, Dee."

"Yes?"

"Alright."

She frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I'll let you play my songs."