1 TIME OUT!

Bright and cloudy sky, the scorching rays of the sun, and the bare presence of the wind: these things colliding to dominate today's weather. Odd! Definitely odd! Just like these thoughts rumbling in my head. A multitude of thoughts that cannot be fathomed is now circling and roaming inside this chunk of cells called the brain. "Why am I still here?" This question haunts me for many years. Ever since I always think and believe that I don't belong to where am I now. It is so unfair for a person who contains a multitude to be encapsulated within a tiny place. Isn't everyone has the right to pursue and discover their own myriads of potentialities and as much as possible, actualized those are meant to be so? I never get tired thinking of these kinds of stuff. However, I did not figure it out yet on how will I make these phantasms be part of the reality. Perhaps it is not yet the right time. Perfect moments always take place in the perfect twitch of time. What I need to do now is to have patience and wait.

"Wait!" For me, it is one of the most terrifying words ever invented by humans which I hate to utter. It always signifies either you are being left behind or you were already left behind. I remember this instance when I was in my Orientation Year within my seminary days. During that time, we had this program called home visitation where we visit one another's house and meet one's family. If my memory serves me right, it was our first home's visitation and it was held on our brother from Bamban, Capas, Tarlac. We were told by our department director that we will leave at exactly 11:00 am. However, we are much confident that Filipino Time will prevail and we will leave around 12:00nn. Moreover, our department director stated the time of our departure in a bluffing manner. In conclusion, we procrastinated and spent our time chatting and doing non-essential things instead of preparing ourselves. Indeed, time runs wild! It's already 10:45 am when we began to prepare ourselves. In our building, the comfort room consisted of five shower rooms and four toilet cubicles. We are nineteen persons by that time and each took at least 8-10 minutes in taking bath. As a result, 11:00 am came and only a few are done and ready to go. Sadly, I am not one of them. When I was finished grooming myself, I went to the garage area to check the vehicle we will be using. Astonishingly, the vehicle is already moving and my brothers shouting for me to run and try my best to catch them. I couldn't believe that time I successfully run 50 kilometers for a few seconds since I don't want and I hate being left behind. Gracious God, I successfully reach them (thinking I was the greatest buzzer-beater by that time) and our department director laughing viciously though I still thank him because he slowed down the vehicle so that I will be able to catch them. (P.S: There are still few who were left behind and didn't make it) Taking a glimpse of this entire experience once again, I can't remember how many times I uttered the word "wait." I am also not sure what I really meant for uttering the word either a command or a form of begging. But knowing the kind of person I was before, it is a command.

The word wait can be a command if you have the authority to do so. It shows that you are the boss or a VIP and your presence is a must. Hence, for those who are willing to be with you, they should pay the price by spending their time waiting for you. However, this only applies to the chosen and privilege figures in the society. Not everyone is highly valuable in the sharp eyes of humanity. Some people who think they are diamonds are just a product of their wild delusions, a form of escape from the cruel reality that they are nothing but dust and to dust, they shall return. Aside from a form of a command, wait also serves as an act of begging, of pleasing. We beg and please others so that we will be spared a fraction of their valuable time and we will be able to catch their phase, to be with them, and walk in the same line at the same time. However, this kind of opportunity is not always given. We are living inside a globe filled with diversities. We, human beings, are and will always be different from each other. Some choose to be kind but others prefer not to be. Why is that? Undeniably, because it lies in the instances or circumstances we are and whom we are dealing with. Another reason falls in what and whom we value. If the begging person is dear to us, then without any second thought we will spare him the time he asks for. But if the begging person does not fit in our standards of what value is, then we tend to neglect him, and usually, we opt to leave him behind. Though, sometimes, the little voice of conscience tickles our hearts. It asks us, at least, to turn around and have a final glance to the person who was left behind, perceive and comprehend the situation he has been. In other words, conscience asks us to practice not just the art of sympathy but profound empathy. What if we put ourselves in their situation? Will our actions be still justifiable? What if we had the wrong perspective? Isn't much acceptable to give him the benefit of the doubt? Our sense of sight is very limited and sometimes misleads us. That is why before giving a certain judgment and performing a certain action, we need to see and grasp the whole picture. In that way, there would be justice on both sides. Otherwise, things will go awry. Misinterpretation will appear and lead both parties into misunderstandings. Nonetheless, the bond between them will become thinner and thinner until the final string of connection will be torn. This predicament can only occur when conscience swallowed by pride. Pride is a sinister part of the human person. In the scenario we have, it drives a person's conscience away and convincing him there is nothing wrong with what had been done. At some point, it can be hard to distinguish from innocence or worst, it takes the skin of innocence but the thing inside of it is already rotting. Personally, I am not sure about what is the difference between them since I am neither that wise nor intelligent. But considering the experiences I had within my existence, innocence always brings something that is good and pure while pride always leaves wounds that even time finds it hard to be healed.

To be healed is the primary desire of the person either the one who was left behind or the one who left somebody. Both of them have their own consequences that need to be faced because compromises will take place for every choice we make. One should be always ready to pay the price for every decision he makes. Well, all of these are just part of the great cycle of life. Whether we are spared or not by somebody's valuable time, whether we choose to or not to wait for someone, there is a greater purpose behind those bitter or sweet experiences. Certainly, we cannot appreciate the circumstances right now but when we see the grandeur of the greater picture, tears will turn into laughter, mourn will turn into joy, and tragedies will turn into victories. In that way, we will have a taste of a finite bliss — a piece of heaven — and that would be the best part we could have in this life before the arrival of the unwanted time out!