Happy Start?

What is everything to you? Most people will talk about their family, their pet, their relationship and how they will eventually find happiness, some may not know and be lost and have no option but just to answer with.. "i don't know" so what does that mean? It means that everything means nothing and nothing means everything.

No matter how well a human performs in their life there will be shackles that were put upon by other humans, to prevent them from getting something that the first human cannot. Meaning that no matter what humans are imperfect.

"What do you think a perfect person is?"

Said the teacher in the classroom.

I did not want to answer since it would make me look crazy.

"So no one knows?"

In my silent thought i realized how stupid her question sounded like.

I went home and then had a normal day as usual. Waking up, eating, shitting and doing normal things. But something felt like it was missing. The more days passed the more empty i became. I do not know how this started, i was normal i had friends, i was myself and no one else. Now i am an empty shell my thoughts are disturbing and i do not know what to do with them. Some may choose to find help from someone but i didn't because i had a selfish nature that made me not rely on anyone but myself. Around my family i am normal and pretty relaxed but the moment i see someone make a slight interaction with me, my anger explodes.

I knew at a point in time that i was destroying myself that i was there changing the shade of my heart, but i had no reason to change it. I fell in love with the darkness and no matter what i tried to do to get rid of it, it stuck to me like glue there was no way of letting go since the only constant feeling i had was it.

While watching tv i saw a news report talking about how the sky is black and how it's raining black water. I went to the balcony to check it out, and funny enough it was actually raining black liquid. Upon excitement something within me snapped, kind of like a small thin sheet of glass. It broke but i felt that what was there "that missing feeling" regained itself and i gained relief.

The next day at school everyone started to act different, but since there were a few like me who remained the same i did not bat an eye. When the school day ended i was excited to go home and finally have some time to rest since my darkness faded. With a very excited grin on my face i opened the door wanting to hug my parents and tell them what happened and how i finally regained myself. But what i saw "would" have scared me for life. It was my parents killing each other, they were dead.

The look on my face was the most depressing thing ever a person, a human, could imagine. No one and nothing made me react this way before. My eyes were balling dehydrated from the amount of tears i shed. Truth is, i thought about suicide before numerous amount of times but i was never more bent on that thought before. But now, i had no reason for existing. Before long i decided to kill myself and looked for an object to which i could take my life with. Next to my parents body i saw a camera, it was still recording. I opened it, stopped the recording and watched it. It was very graphic but my parents were there saying that i should live and that they knew about my struggles all along but they kept it to themselves and that because of a debt they had to kill each other so that at least my life would be saved. Supposedly a lone shark had done this to my family, i honestly had no motivation to continue, i had no motivation for revenge since all the anger that has been built up all of that time has turned into grief and sadness and it returned. The feeling returned. I had no emotions i had no drive. I had nothing. No emotions, no desire. I had even forgotten my name, i did not know what i was called, i forgot about them, i had created a split personality that was not affected by no one and nothing. I had no purpose yet. So i tried to keep just one promise, that i would keep living. No matter what i will live. I will try my best and i will not let anyone or anything, any deity, any god, any individual, an army, an illness nothing will kill me, although living is already as if i died, that is the only thing i will do.

I decided to change my life, to use all that pain all that anger, all that sadness in order to live a better life, a life that would be mine and not someone else's. I cleaned up my house. I buried my parents. I learned how to cook, i went to school, and i found myself again. I made mistakes. I made adjustments. I renamed myself. I was born again, and again and again and again. Each time i became better. I became more human.

After about 6 years since the incident i was a new man. I was better, i was kinder, i was joyful.

Someone had knocked on my door i did not know who it was. So i opened it. It was the most gruesome encounter from the universe that was made and given to a human, i saw my parents. I thought i was going crazy again. That i was hallucinating. So i played along, i gave them a seat and i talked with them thinking that i may have gone a bit too far, i accepted reality. They talked with me about how they missed me and how i was improving myself, how i became better and how i was doing. I talked with them. I had a pretty good conversation. Though it may have been only with me. So eventually i asked them..

"Why did you kill each other?"

Killed each other? What? You haven't realized it yet have you? We are not dead, we faked our death.

What? That is ridiculous i told them, you are an illusion, you are not real.

"Oh we are very real, more real than you at least."

At this point, i knew that something was wrong. So i asked..

"Ok then, if you are real and you have faked your death prove it."

They made me follow them to the garden where i buried them and then made me dig out their corpses, i was hesitant but i still did it since i had no reason to refuse. I unwrapped the cover on the corpses.. they were.. dolls.

Dolls. I screamed. As much as i could. I didn't stop. I didn't. And once again the darkness came back. It has already happened so, so, so many times. But each time it comes back it's stronger.