29 YOU DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO

ROSABELLA'S POV

No.

No, no.

Absolutely fucking not.

This couldn't be happening, right?

Not again.

Not after all those years.

I couldn't be having a panic attack, right?

But my pounding heart suggested otherwise.

My breaths shortened, as I tried to breathe.

Colin's cold body laid there in front of my eyes, and yet I couldn't do anything.

He saved me.

That man saved me.

Yet, I failed to return the favor.

Yet I failed to fulfill my responsibility as his queen.

It felt as if something was shattering inside me.

My hand immediately took support of the headboard of my bed, as I tried to balance myself.

I could hear the blood pound in my ears.

The walls were closing in.

I couldn't breathe.

I couldn't watch Colin like this.

I couldn't keep looking at those familiar curves of letters.

The handwriting I read for years.

Fuck

I wanted to sit.

I needed to sit, or I knew I would fall.

My legs were giving up on me.

It felt too crowded.

Even though the only other person in the room was a dead man.

I forced myself to walk towards him.

I needed the note.

I needed the proof, in case people think it was just a hunch.

I needed it.

I ignored the stench that filled my nostrils.

I ignored the way Colin's eyes just stared at me.

Life less cold eyes.

I ignored the way the blood stained the borders of my white dress.

The sight of his dead body had already stained my soul.

How were there no guards outside my chamber?

How was there no one to protect this young life.

He could have had so much.

A family.

A post

A life.

I shook my head as I lifted the note off his still chest and stuffed it into my corset.

I had dealt with way too many panic attacks in my past to know how to get work done while having one.

I could be fighting with a damn warrior, while my mind was fighting with itself.

But I still didn't know how to stop one.

I had to compose myself.

I couldn't.

I couldn't let anyone see me like this.

Not after everyone here already thinks I am weak.

I swallowed the built up in my throat and wiped the tears that had flowed down my cheeks.

With shaky hands, I opened the door to my chamber. I needed to find someone.

Colin should have a proper funeral.

He deserved one.

I ran through the hallway, and only now realized that the entire corridor leading up to my chamber was completely empty.

I had sent Colin to get everyone.

To get the maids and the children and get them safely underground.

He could have come to my chamber to get my maids too.

C- Could that mean?

Could that mean I sent him to his death?

No. No, that was just my head.

I continued running.

Maybe because I wanted to find another living soul.

Or maybe because my feet wouldn't stop.

I didn't know.

All I knew was that I needed to get far away from there.

Far away from that chamber.

That damn chamber.

I ran into a rock hard chest but my shaking legs wouldn't stop running.

I felt cold hands grab my arms, as my eyes tried to look at who was it frantically.

It was hard for my mind to process anything else.

Especially when all that was going on in my head was the different ways Colin met his death.

"Your Highness!?"

I recognized that voice. I recognized it.

Edward.

"Ed- Edward."

"Yes, Your Majesty. It's me. Is something wrong?"

How?

How could I tell him?

I didn't know if there was an easy way to get this out.

His hands shook me a little to get me back.

Tears continued to run down my face, but I didn't think I could keep up anymore.

My legs were again going weak, as my hands immediately went to his shoulders.

I could smell his freshly washed hair.

For a few moments, it felt as if my senses were heightened but at the same they were giving up on me.

"Your Highness, it's your guard, isn't it? Colin?"

How?

How the fuck did he know?

I trembled when I heard those words spoken from another's mouth.

I nodded frantically even when I wanted to believe that those words were not true.

"Edward. Ed- It's him. They got him."

He nodded and removed his blazer jacket.

"O- Okay. Okay, Your Majesty. I got it. I- I got you."

He placed the jacket on my shoulders and took my hand in his.

He boldly intertwined our fingers, and began to walk away from that wretched room.

He didn't speak for a while, and I was glad for that silence.

When we exited my wing, he immediately took a sharp right turn instead of walking towards the other wing.

He probably knew I didn't want to be seen like this.

I saw a jet black car, waiting outside my wing.

I guessed it belonged to him, when he took the keys out of his right pocket.

The jingle of the keys made me want to cry.

It reminded me of the jingle in my dad's office. He had attached the wishing bells to his door, after I had gifted it to him.

He helped me sit inside, and then quickly went towards the driver's seat.

I wanted to thank Daeg for the heater in the car. My hands were so cold, that they were beginning to turn numb.

He turned the ignition on, and began to drive towards a place, I didn't even care to ask.

I was too occupied with the thoughts that had given me this panic attack in the first place.

One of his hands left the steering wheel and came to my lap.

I almost jumped out my seat when i felt his cold hand touch mine.

He grabbed it and intertwined our fingers together.

Again.

He squeezed my hand tightly.

For some reason, I wanted him to do that again.

I looked outside the transparent glass because I couldn't bear to look at him anymore.

We stopped a few miles away from the palace. There were series of houses, one after the other.

He brought me to his house.

God, I can't even imagine the rumors that would spread tomorrow.

"Your Highness?"

I turned toward him, wondering why he had called me.

"Yes?"

Because that was all I could manage to speak right now.

"My hand."

My cheeks reddened when I realized I was still holding onto his hand.

I immediately let go of it, even though a part of me wanted him to hold it again.

He got out of the car, and came towards my side, to let me out. I tried not to look at the dark red border in my white dress.

"Your Highness.."

He walked with me towards the third house on the street and used a similar key to unlock the door to his house.

It was one of those modern houses.

The ones with the best quality AI robots.

"Welcome home, Edward!"

Came a robotic voice.

He looked at me with embarrassment clearly covering him all over.

He closed the door, as I walked into the living room. I tried not to look everywhere, but the interior made me.

It had a minimalistic look to it.

There were a few paintings here and there, but other than that, the walls were empty.

"Welcome, Your Highness."

I sat down on the couch, as he grabbed a chair, and sat it in front of me.

"Would you like a drink?"

Before I could reply, he was already out of the living room, and probably on his way to the kitchen.

Just a few seconds later, he walked in with a bottle of red wine and two glasses.

He placed them on the table next to the couch.

He handed me a glass filled with wine, while he poured our some for himself.

I enjoyed the silence while I could.

I knew the questions were coming.

I sipped the dark red liquid, and almost moaned at the way it hit the back of my throat.

It had a nice burn to it.

Surprisingly, he didn't say anything. We just looked outside the large window on the right wall. The setting sun could already be seen from here.

I rested my back as and closed my eyes.

The anxiety wore off, and my hands had stopped shaking.

I took in a deep breath, trying to let go of the weight on my chest.

"Are you feeling any better, Your Highness?"

I didn't want to open my eyes. I knew if I did, I would remember everything that had just happened.

And there was certainly no way, I was doing that

"A little."

I replied in a small voice.

I hadn't opened my eyes, but I was sure that he had nodded.

I heard a little shuffling sound, and almost opened my eyes when I felt the couch dip beside me.

"I apologize for reading your mind earlier. I didn't mean to do any of that, but I wanted to know how I could you help you, Your Highness."

Oh, so that's how he knew about it.

About him.

I should have worked that out on my own. After all, his father read minds. Telepathy ran in his family.

"I- It's alright. I understand why you did what you did."

I opened my eyes. I was scared I might just fall asleep if I continued to stay that way.

"Thank you, Edward."

I should have thanked him a long time ago. I was thankful that he was the person I had run into.

"You don't need to thank me, Your Highness."

"Call me Rosabella, please."

He looked at me with shock clearly written on his face. I smiled, even though my eyes felt tired.

"Alright then, Rosabella. Rosabella, it is."

We stayed silent for another few minutes. The sun had set completely now. After a split second of darkness, the lights were switched on.

"You need to rest."

I looked up and saw him staring at me. His wet hair had dried up, but they still had looked smooth enough for me to easily run my hands through them.

"Huh?", A tired whisper left my mouth.

He stared into my eyes, like he was trying to read me. Funny, how he could be doing that right now, and yet, I would never know.

"Rosabella, you need rest. Your wound needs to heal."

Fuck.

What was that trance?

For a second, I forgot everything. I forgot how there was a bruise on my ribs, and how there was a bleeding wound on my abdomen a few hours ago. I forgot about Colin, and his lifeless eyes. His cold body, and oh Daeg, the stench.

The sight and the stench.

I forgot about everything.

All I could see were his dark blue eyes.

It almost felt like I was staring into an ocean, I could swim in. And I knew I wouldn't drown it.

He felt safe.

"Rosabella?"

"Yeah?"

I waited for him to say something.

Anything that would let me know that I wasn't the only one feeling what I was.

"There's a spider on your face."

For a second, I couldn't comprehend what he had just said.

"Huh?"

"There's a spider. On your face."

The second time, I heard it clearly. My eyes widened as my hand immediately touched my face.

My heart was beating erratically at the thought of an eight legged insect on my face.

"Where? W- Where is it?"

I rapidly touched my face, trying to find it. Edward's face transformed from a worried to an almost comical expression.

He smiled as if laughter was just bubbling out of him.

"What? What is it? Oh Daeg, is it on my head?"

He shook his head as his chest rumbled from a deep sound of laughter.

"T- There is no spider."

My hand dropped from my face as my face clearly depicted annoyance.

"Seriously!? Oh, Edward! I can not believe you would do that."

He just couldn't stop laughing as I folded my arms against myself.

His hair fell onto his face as he shook his head once more.

"I- I am sorry. It's jus- just that- Oh god, I can not get your scared expression out of my head. The queen's scared of insects, isn't she?"

I shook my head at his tactics but I couldn't help but laugh too. I wasn't sure if I could ever express how grateful I was for the way he had managed to make me feel better.

Under the white light, the silver necklace that he wore glimmered.

I wondered if it had any significance, or was it just an accessory he liked pairing with his outfit.

What was it that we were even doing right now?

A few days ago, he was just a cheery son of a councilmen, and right now, he was the only one who knew about my panic attack.

It felt surreal.

All of this.

Me becoming the queen. Hale no longer being Hale. The attack. Colin. Edward. Everything just felt like a movie. A movie targeted to break the main character.

And I was the main character.

"I had my father inform his family, you know?"

I looked up at him, and for some reason, he just felt exceptionally close to me.

"Colin?"

He nodded and looked away. There was a slight pause before he spoke.

"The family already collected him. The funeral will be tomorrow evening."

It almost felt as if the weight that I had forced away was back on my chest.

My guilt made it hard for me to breathe.

"You don't need to go, alright? You can just take some rest, and get back the day after tomorrow. You're the queen. You are busy. They will understan-"

"No. I will be going. Inform the family about my presence."

He didn't speak for a few seconds, but just looked at me.

I was the one to look away this time, because I didn't want him to look at me.

Not like this.

Not this way.

"Are you sure, Rosabella? Seeing him like this was already traumatic for you. Going to the funeral, it would- it would just push yo-"

"Just push me over the edge?"

He looked down ashamed at his choice of words.

"Edward, the way you saw me today? The panic attack, it isn't happening for the first time. And I am a hundred percent sure, it wasn't the last too. I have had it way worse, and I have seen way worse. I just thought, that maybe the crown. The reign, it would keep me safe from all of this. I was clearly wrong. It was a mistake on my end. And I don't want you or anyone else paying a price for it."

I got up from the couch, and looked over at the window. The moon had come out, and the stars were scattered scarcely over the dark sky.

The sun long gone.

My back was facing him, and I was glad I wasn't looking at him.

"I didn't mean to offend you. I was just trying to look out for you, Rosabella. Colin's death was not your fault. Nor was the attack. Don't blame yourself, okay?"

I chuckled and swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat.

"But it is. Don't you see, Edward? I am their Queen. I am supposed to protect all of them. I was supposed to protect those people who were killed by the rebels. I was supposed to protect your father. I was supposed to protect Colin. I was supposed to be there for you, and not the other way around."

For a few milliseconds, I thought Edward wasn't going to speak.

He walked a few steps near to me, so that he could look at me.

He just stared at me in a way, that made me want to run away.

Run and never look back.

It felt as if his eyes were reading me and I was written in his mother tongue.

"What about you?"

"What about protecting yourself, huh? What about fighting for yourself?"

I turned my face, so that I was looking right at him.

A sad smile etched my lips as I spoke softly.

"I had to learn how to stitch up my own wounds. That's what happens when you are responsible for lives other than your own, isn't it? You do what you have to do."