4 The Dad I Had, The Father I Never Knew

I was shocked as I read the letter my mother slipped into my hand upon her death bed.

Shocked and angry.

It turns out, my entire life has been a lie. One lie built upon a web of lies that HE and my mother created. A web of lies that I now had to face unraveling and finding my identity, my TRUE identity.

I was raised in church, my mom and dad stressing upon me the fact that maintaining my faith and relationship with God was vital. They both beat into me honesty is the best policy and always keep Jesus first.

Turns out, Mom wasn't really big on the whole honesty thing.

My childhood was pretty great. I had loving parents. I was an only child and pretty much had everything I wanted. I'm not saying my life was a bowl of cherries, but it had WAY more ups than it had downs.

My Dad nicknamed me Fritz, short for Snicklefritz, because I was a pretty mischievous kid. I was all about playing pranks on him and my mom, as well as my "Uncle", who was really a family friend. He was the best. He did pretty much anything I wanted and was one of my best friends and idols. I remember that he always made time to watch HR Puff-n-Snuff with me after school. It was our thing.

He's gone now and so is my mom.

And the secret is out.

He wasn't just a family friend.

He was really my father.

Evidently, for 45 of the 50 years my mom and dad were married, she was having an affair with my father. According to the letter, they were madly in love, but couldn't acting on that love because of their respective spouses. So, they lived in secret, never really marrying, but being more in love than they were with the ones they did marry.

I was a product of that love and their only child. Ever.

I sat in my car, crying because my mother was no longer with me. Crying because I just had my life tipped upside down. A familiar jingle came on and I found myself sobbing. We always sang this together, my mom and I.

As I drive home and think about my kids, I find that I can't be angry. I just can't. I understand why they did it. I would never want to know if my kids weren't mind. They are my world, my everything. Walking into my house, I look at my little boy and girl, giggling over a game or something on their iPad and I know they made the right decision.

"I forgive you, Mom and Dad. And I love you for it...."