Lucid Dreaming

This dream is a bit ridiculous. But nonetheless, here I am, standing in front of a tower so tall I can't see the top, and wider than a large city at the bottom. The forest around me makes it seem all the more out of place. Well, it's just a dream, and such things are easy to imagine, but the detailed carvings on the black tower are so much more pristine that any dream I can recall. Were it not for the insanity of the situation and the fact that I can recollect falling asleep, I wouldn't think it a dream at all. I can feel, see, smell, and think rationally. Perhaps I should try pinching myself, but that seems a bit lame. Plus, if it were to work, I would wake up, and not be able to experience this again. It seems like an interesting dream, one way or another.

*Snort*

A sound comes from behind, returning me to my senses. A turn reveals a pig-faced creature, some kind of goblin. It's twisted, disgusting face and blood-splattered weapon give it quite the meanencing appearance. How typical a fantasy can this get? I chide my creativity for coming up with such a typical opponen-

"How do you do there, stranger? You shouldn't be wandering about outside the tower. There's a lot of dangerous things out here."

The goblin seems confused by my surprise, as if he couldn't even conceive of the idea that I would think him an enemy. Trying my best to leave the awkward situation, I thank him and begin walking quickly towards the tower.

"You know, the nearest entrance is actually this way," says the goblin, sounding a bit concerned for my sanity.

"Ah, I… uh… of course." This is too weird. He looks like he wants to kill me, why is he so nice? WHY? Just let me run away in peace!

The goblin frowns at me. "Here… I'll come with you. I'm headed back, anyways."

Dammit.

The tower is guarded by the least intimidating monkey you've ever seen and... a gigantic dragon. They nod to us as we pass them. Alright creativity, I'll admit it, you've surprised me. Throughout our walk, the goblin, who calls himself "Rogue", has seemed like a real nice guy. Apparently he uses his brutish weapon to go around squashing red spheres, as they occasionally contain valuables. It's a dangerous job, since there are a lot of things to trip on and the scenery makes it easy to get lost. The animals are also apparently quite dangerous, but they don't appear too often. At least that was in line with my expectations. But I've started to get used to Rogue. I can almost let my guard down while walking near him. As I took my first step into the tower, I had to admit that he wasn't such a bad guy. Actually, I kinda liked -

"PWEZZZ"

The magic-y sound does not interrupt my thoughts NEARLY as much as the ray of light that hits Rogue, seeming to vaporize him instantly. I scream, turning to bolt, but an invisible wall stops me. Another bolt of magic zooms past my ear as I take a valuable second to access my surroundings. I'm in a town, with short, fantasy buildings. Atop one in front of me is a mage dressed in black, preparing another magic bullet to shoot me down. Before I can even find a good place to run to, I feel a rough tug of my hand.

"This way!" The voice is unmistakable - it's Rogue! I sprint in the direction of the tug, dodging another magic bolt. The goblin is nowhere to be seen, but I could feel the creepy, calloused goblin hand tugging me. Towards… the mage.

"I'm invisible. When we get in the building, I'll go up the stairway to knock out the mage. You take the small fry."

The goblin sounds very confident. How he already knew what the interior would look like, I did not know. Who I would be fending off, I did not know. But I had little choice but to follow his lead. Narrowly avoiding a few more bolts of light, we smash through the front door.

A burly man stands before a counter, equipped with heavy armor, a sword, and a staggering set of muscles. How am I supposed to take him on? Well, this is dream, right? Anything's possible. I just need to imagine myself -

"Welcome to the Tavern, what would you like to purchase?"

-.- What.

:| "We've got burgers, milkshakes, fries...."

-.- "O-Oh. I guess… I'll take some fries."

:| "Sure. Small, Medium or Large?"

-.- "Uh… small. Wait, WHAT'S HAPPENING???"

The man behind the counter seemed confused by my surprise, as if he couldn't even conceive of the idea that I would think him an enemy. Wait, I've thought this before. I'm not overly suspicious, right? This isn't normal, right???

"Err, I mean, what's with the getup? Surely you don't need full armor to sell food?"

The man thought for a second as he walked to the frier, dumping some cut up potatoes in. "These days, there's all sorts of dangerous things about. You can't be too careful."

"Oh, you mean like that guy on top of your building who shoots bolts at anyone who passes?"

"Guy? Oh, you mean Erica. She is just watching the gates, as she's a bit paranoid. That said, she wouldn't shoot anyone, though, unless they were obviously evil." The man pulled out the fries, which were somehow already done cooking. A perfect golden brown, he slid them into a neat container and put them on the counter in front of me.

"What? Isn't that what the guards are for? And why'd she shoot at me?"

Hearing this, the man stopped, and pulled out his sword. I suppose I said the wrong thing?

"I don't know what guards you're talking about, but I can only presume it's because you were judged an enemy. I don't know how you got past her, but PREPARE TO DIE."

AH-HA! I knew I wasn't insane. He does intend to kill me. My psychological condition improves significantly. Time to use my dream powers to survive. I imagine myself not being chopped down by a gigantic sword.

... it doesn't work. I am chopped into two by a gigantic sword. For the briefest of moments, I feel the greatest pain I've ever felt, and then… nothing. Lights flash before my eyes.

I wake up. What a nightmare, I think to myself. But finally, I'm back to reality. It's a peaceful place, really. I can't even remember who I am after all that, but my surroundings are at least familiar. The area has a nice, tavern-esque feel to it, and the smell of fresh fries is present in the air. Across from me is a man in full plate armor, who for some strange reason looks very mad at me. He has a giant sword an-

WAIIIIT a second. Is this dreamception or am I really awake? Thinking about it, I have NO TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT! DODDDGE!!! I manage to not get hit by a downwards swipe very similar to the one which had previously hit me. But who am I? I can't recall anything prior to this. Some kind of amnesia? Is this the real world? Why did I assume it wasn't? Well, because… it feels unfamiliar. I decide to investigate this realm of thought further, but not now.

The armored man is readying for another swing, so I step back a bit. Luckily, he's behind a counter, so it's not really so easy for him to give chase. Demonstrating a severe lack of acrobatics, he clumbers slowly over it. I am compelled to use the precious time to dive back in and grab the fries. This move turns out to be a mistake on my part, as this pins me between the man and a wall.

The man pulls out his sword again, but before he can strike, he is beaten down by a crooked weapon. A goblin appears out of thin air. It's Rogue! The goblin engages in an intense battle with the enemy, throwing the man on the ground and pummelling him, only to be thrown against the wall. I watch, a bit too nervous to actually do anything. Rogue is clearly less well equipped, but his surprise strike had hit very hard, and his foe is stumbling in pain. After an intense melee, Rogue emerges the victor.

"I thought I told you to kill him!" A bloody Rogue seems exasperated. How could he have expected me to kill that guy? Nonetheless, he seems shocked that I didn't throw my life away. Luckily, I have prepared an appropriate excuse.

"Actually, you told me to get a small fry. And I did." I hand him the potatoes.

Rogue looks at the potatoes for a full ten seconds before realization dawns.

"I see… so that's how you resisted my hypnosis. That's quite clever. Maybe you're not quite the idiot I took you for. Wait… could it be... perhaps… did you set up that mage? In which case… you really are dangerous. To have deceived me so completely… me, the king of deceivers! And not only did you almost succeed in almost killing me with that man at the tavern, you did it while managing to make me think I was manipulating you. Heh. Well, I'll admit you've outsmarted me up till now. But I'm still alive. So I suppose, in the end, I win. However - I'm not just going to let someone as dangerous as you live. Any last words?" Rogue grips his weapon tightly.

"Uh… " I try desperately to think of what to say that will not involve me dying. Telling him that I have no idea what's happening sounds unconvincing. It seems like he'll strike me down, no matter what I say. I frantically think of a way to stall. With false confidence, I go along with the story.

"Hah! I'm surprised you managed to see through my disguise. I'll offer you a trade. If you spare my life… I'll show you that."

"That? What is that? You can't mean…"

"Oh, but I do mean it", I say, ecstatically adding an it to the collection of vague definite articles. In reality, I had no idea what I was promising, but it seemed to be working. I enjoyed the look of shock and contemplation on Rogue's face as he struggled to figure out what to do. His thoughts were interrupted by loud footsteps.

"Curses!" Rogue spat. "The police! But perhaps this is for the best. I can't imagine that you are telling the truth. Have fun explaining this."

The doors swung open, and Rogue disappeared, leaving only me and the bloody body of an armored fry-cooker behind me.