1 Chapter 1

The way Salman's upper half laid limp on the table one would have thought that someone had taken out his spine and thrown him on the table, his left hand on which his head lay for about 2 hours now was numb from the pressure of his head but still he didn't move his head. It was not like he didn't want to; it was just that he couldn't. He had been studying for the last month like a fanatical fool and the night time was the only time free that he could study in peace because from the morning till late afternoon his job didn't allow him to study. That meant less time for sleep. His face right now had the look of a beggar that had been kept hungry for weeks. Inam and his uncle thought at first that may be he might be sick but he just made an excuse and waved the concern like it was nothing. His pale face was now even more paler and his sunken eyes had dark circles which gave the impression of sunglasses without stands but still he had to study.

He still had his books and they were all present under his table completely hidden from view. They were not many just 3 books but those three had to be finished this week and he was only half way through in each of them but worry made his stomach twist in vicious knots that if his uncle knew about the books, he would give him a hard time and this time getting away would not be this easy.

It was not like his uncle didn't want him study. It was just that his uncle didn't let him study and run his shop at the same time.

"Scattered concentration is the main ingredient for chaos in business, boy, and if you want to study. Then study but not in here it's a shop not a library" he would say whenever he found him multi- tasking like this but a lecture from his uncle was not the only reason he was hiding his text books. The real reason was that if this time his uncle knew that he had been distracted from his work, his uncle would not ask but chose his priority for him, work or study.

Both of these things Salman couldn't afford to lose. He knew that if his Uncle would choose his Study over his job for him because he wanted to become a lawyer but his father dragged him into the business, his dream shattered but he thought that may be his children would complete his dream but as they grew older, he again saw his dreams shatter because all four of them had mind for making money but not for math and science.

"You can't even do simple math!" his uncle once screamed on his eldest son Shezan

"Well because I don't have too!" he screamed back but in less aggressive tone, he was his father

"Then how are you going to run the shop you fool?" his uncle roared

"Ever heard of the thing called calculator?" he answered sarcastically

His uncle was speechless on the brilliant sarcastic point made by his son and a small smile touched his lips for a fraction of a second then he screamed "you all are hopeless!" and went out of the shop.

So when Salman and his sister first started to live with them, he again saw an opportunity so he would tell him about the advantages of being a lawyer and make it look like a job that was blessed by the god. Salman was not interested in becoming a lawyer but he didn't have a choice neither his sons in that matter. So all of them had to listen to him for hours praising this blessed job.

If his uncle chose his study as his priority then, he would again become dependent over someone, again become a burden and he didn't want that. And if by a miracle his uncle chose work over his study he won't be able to get his revenge on his father by becoming a successful person.

Their father had left their mother when Salman and his sister were little and had married someone else.

"Probably for money" their maternal grandfather would spit the words, back when he was alive.

His father was happy with his new wife and wanted his mother to leave him alone. He never checked on them nor did he ever call their mother, not even when she became sick, nor he attended the funeral when she committed suicide. That was the first time when Salman had hated someone else more than his father and the person that he hated was ironically his own beloved mother because in his eyes now she was also same as him, at least at first when they were burying her but as the time passed the memories…..her memories became venomous. They coursed in his mind like millions of snakes ready to bite when ever her name sprang up in a conversation or whenever he saw a boy with his mother, playing, crying, or laughing. He then hated her so much because she had promised that she will not leave but she did. His thinking changed at that time he started to think of her as a lair. He thought that all the memories, all the love, all of it was a lie and nothing else.

" She was worse than him, she pretended that she cared, she pretended that she will not leave me but as soon as she heard that he was marrying, she.....she left me" he would say that when ever his sister would want to visit their mother's grave.

"I will leave her like she left me!" he would scream

"she left us" her sister would always correct him "not you, we are tied by the bonds of blood no matter how much you say that you don't have anyone in your life, that is not true. I am bound to you and you to me even if you refuse to accept the fact"

Salman refused to say the words mother and father because both had left them for their own selfish desires, his father for money and his mother for escape. Now he believed anyone he would get close to, would leave him too. So he started to believe that he didn't have anyone even though his sister was alive.

"WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE?"His uncle said when he heard him but he was huge man with rough skin and big beard, his mind molded by the years of hard struggles. In his voice the words that were supposed to be kind would sound as interrogation but at that time his words were meant to be harsh because he believed kindness couldn't heal the wounds only acceptance of the harsh reality could heal the deep wounds.

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANYONE; HAH BOY.....IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYONE, HOW DO YOU HAVE A ROOF ON YOUR HEAD, HOW DO YOU HAVE CLOTHES ON YOUR BACK, HOW ARE YOU NOT STRAVING TO DEATH, HOW ARE YOU NOT IN THE STREETS LIVING WITH THE DOGS…..HAH...TELL ME"

Salman didn't have an answer to that but his sister pulled him out of the room and spared him the humiliation.

That was the time when Slaman thought that everyone would betray his trust. So he became disbelieving of the fact that love is real, that family is real, that friendship is real, that dreams are real.

He had never seen his father after his mother death and at that time he was just eight years old. He had forgotten his face and he probably had forgotten his but his sister remembered his face because she was five years older than him and recalled many things and trips to park with him but those memories….if someone can call them memories, only worked as a fuel to amplify his hatred.

The hatred only grew as the time passed. It changed its forms sometime it would come out as anger sometime it would come out as tears. Her sister tried to comfort him telling him that she also hated their father because he was the reason that their mother did what she did it was all because of him.

"No! She was worse them him" he would argue sobbing between the tears.

Sometimes his sister also thought that she was worse too because their father didn't gave them those beautiful memories of love and care that would haunt them for the rest of their life but she did gave them those memories and they still do haunt them, but she was their mother. No matter how much she tried to hate her she couldn't bring herself to hate her and she believed that someday that he might be able to see that too.

And her wish came true because as the time passed Salman changed for good and bad. At first he thought it was selfish of her to commit suicide. That she failed to realize that she was not the only one in pain at that time, and she also failed to realize that after her heath what would happen to them, but looking at the situation right now. Salman accepted the fact that he also failed to realize something, that her pain was worse than theirs. They lost a father that they don't even remember but she was betrayed by the love of her life, who made false promises and made her believe his lies, even when all of her family told her not to. Was it shame that her family was right about him and she didn't listen or was it the fact that she also thought that she didn't have any one in this world, she had left her family for him and he had left her for someone else or was it us that reminded her of him, was it us, was it me that forced her to do what she did?.

She had often said that his face looked like his fathers and that he was her hope. That one day his father would come back to her and them. They will live like a family again.

Her mental state was on the brink of collapse and that was his father's fault. He had realized the fact late in his life when he had done things that he shouldn't have, when he said things that he should never have said but finally he accepted the fact that his mother loved him, loved them and if she was alive she would still love them.

lman couldn't hate her mother….he tried but he couldn't no matter what he said, no matter how he screamed. No matter how much their grandfather cursed his daughter, he always felt a tingle of anger but he ignored it because his mind told him that he can never be loved.

But now there was only love in his heart for her mother and only hate for his father. That is why he again started studying so that he could take revenge on his father by becoming more successful than he ever was and that is why he was studying that hard but now it seemed that sleep had got to him. He tried to fight the sleep but nothing worked. He tried washing his face with cold water but that also didn't work. He went out for a stroll but mid way when sleep got to him; he found himself standing in the middle of the road and ran back to the shop. Now there was only one thing on his mind that could make the sleep go away but he couldn't do it…or could he.

Once Inam had told him of an event, which had occurred to him when he was small. One morning when he was in sixth grade, he didn't want to go to the school and he was dozing off her and there, while his mother packed his bag and did the chores all at once. She was busy and his father was away on some business with his elder brother. He had made up his mind that no matter what his mother did, he will not go to the school. So he fell here and there acting like sleep was strangling his conscience, his mother did got angry but his baby sister who was crying at that time and the chores that she had perform made it harder for her to focus her anger on him, but when she went to his baby sister to quite her down. Something happened to inam, which made him think that he might not be able to ever sleep again. During his stumbling and acting his hand had fallen on an exposed electric wire which was placed near the table on which he lay sprawled , and the shock shook him to his core, he screamed. When his mother came running he was awake like a dog and looked at her with wide eyes. That whole day he wondered that if he would ever be able to ever sleep again.

As Salman recalled the story he looked at the bulb that illuminated the whole room and followed the path that the wires took. They went right, right…..down and in the end of the wires there it was, the switch board that had the electricity that he was looking for. He looked at the switch holes of the board where the teeth of the electric appliances went in; he raised his pointer finger and looked at it then looked at the electric board like considering something. Then realized that chai might help to get rid of sleep, so he picked up his phone and ordered chai from the shop.