1 Chapter 1
Now Conrad chuckled.“I think a lot of guys would look at a bodacious set of ta-ta’s,don’t you?”They’d watched An Officer and a Gentlemanthe night before.Steven smiled at the joke.
“A few months ago I probably would have tried to put the move on her but now…”Steven traced one finger around Conrad’s nipples.“I mean,I kinda wanted to flirt with her and try to talk to her,but…mostly,I just wanted to come home to you.”
Conrad held him close.“I want you here with me.”
“So?”
“So what?”
“So,does that mean now I’m—gay?”
“You know,sometimes you college boys think too much.”Conrad sat up and reached for his iced tea.The condensation from the bottle dripped on his chest and Conrad flinched.
“Come on,Conrad,don’t tell me you haven’t thought about this.”Steven pressed his face against Conrad’s belly and sighed.He was screwing this up.“I just wanted to talk about it—about us.”
“I don’t think about this shit as much as you do.Really.”
“This shit?”
“You know,us.Being with guys.It doesn’t bother me.But it sure seems to bother you.”
“You act like this is just some handjob in the park.”
Conrad sipped his tea again,his heavy brows furrowed.“I don’t mean it like that.But you have to understand.I’ve been with lots of guys;have beensince I was fourteen.It’s not something new to me.”
“Well,it’s new to me.”Steven plopped back on the second pillow and pulled away,feeling foolish.His fingers trembled.He had this all wrong.Conrad didn’t care,Conrad just wanted to get laid.All this turmoil,all these questions tumbling in his brain were just a waste of time.
He remembered a couple of girls he’d bedded and later dismissed.Jenny,fromjunior year,came to mind:her sweet freckles that peppered her creamy skin all over,the way her face crumpled when he blew her off a week later.Was thiswhat she felt like?Used?Stupid?
Steven sat up.“I’m gonna take a shower.”He didn’t meet Conrad’s gaze.For the first time,being naked in front of Conrad felt—odd,wrong.
“Hey,what’s up?”.
“Nothin’.I just wanna get cleaned up.”
****
Conrad spent the rest of the afternoon mixing new CDs,the headphones over his ears looking too big for his shaved-bare skull.Steven thumbed through the TV with the remote,eyes scanning the images,trying not to look at Conrad.
At seven,Conrad quit with his music,stretched and stood.They shared a quick glance,then Steven looked away.Conrad glided over to the bed and stood next to it.“Look at me,”he ordered.
Steven kept his eyes on the television.
Conrad gently took Steven’s chin in his palm.“I said,look at me.How aboutI take you to dinner?That little Mexican place out on the beach.”
“Nah,let’s just get a sandwich or something.”
“Come on.I’m making an overture here.I know you love the beach.”Conrad ran his palm down Steven’s cheek and neck.He bent low,his breath warming Steven’s forehead.“Don’t make me work so hard.”
“Okay.We gotta change.”Steven smiled a little.Conrad held his face and they gazed at each other for a long time.
****
Casa Lupita was a real,grown-up restaurant,something a step above the little diners and family restaurants Steven and Conrad normally frequented.No ties,of course,but they got out of their normal jeans and work pants.Conrad wore a moss-green polo shirt that stretched against his beefy arms andset off his caramel-colored skin.At a thrift store three blocks from their motel,Steven found a pale blue dress shirt to wear.With his summer tan,it sharpened his blue eyes and he figured for two bucks,why not?
Steven drove them to the beach and they enjoyed the real Mexican food:spicy tortillas,the guacamole was chunky with avocado bits,the rice was brown with cilantro and chiles.Steven started to sweat at the dinner table.
Afterwards,Steven turned to the setting sun.“Let’s walk on the beach.”The sky was violet and purple already.
“Walk on the beach?”Conrad’s voice rose.
Steven leaned closer,knowing Conrad could feel his exhale on his neck.“Allsappy and romantic-like.Come on.”
He crossed the road and pulled off his loafers and socks.Conrad stood across the road,hands in his pockets,his face unreadable.
There was no one else around.It was August.Too hot for any errant tourists,and natives knew better than to brave the heat.They had the twilight to themselves.
Steven slipped off his shirt.It was a little damp under the arms and neck where his meal had made him hot.He tugged up his khakis.He felt itchy and wanted to swim.
And sitting across from Conrad makes me sweat,too.
He smiled and turned back to Conrad.The other man crossed the road slowly,then bent and tugged off his shoes and socks.Conrad’s tawny skin gleamed and when he smoothed his shirt over his head,Steven swallowed hard.
Wow,he is so beautiful.
That he could think another man beautiful was still new to Steven.Since their night together at Conrad’s apartment,new feelings moved through him like the tide.Being with Conrad frightened him and invigorated him and aroused him in a way that no woman ever had.
Conrad trudged through the sand,his face set.They turned south and walked a long time.
The sun was gone and the sand turned gray against the black of the sea.Foamy whitecaps spilled onto the sand.Steven thought it smelled great—salty and fishy;it reminded him of his long days surfing off Daytona Beach when he was in high school.For a second his skin remembered the heat and fire of sunburn and he flushed.
Plover birds skittered ahead of them,their shadows skimming over the sand.Conrad was too quiet.Holding hands would have been sappy,and Conrad kept his hands in his pockets,not responding to Steven leaning against him or jostling.
It made Steven nervous.
Should I push him about all this stuff or swim first?
Fuck it,swim first.
Steven suddenly turned and raced into the water,pants on.He caught just a bit of Conrad’s shout,“Hey!Whaddya doin?”and then the surf overtook himand the water filled his head and he swam in the dark.
He surfaced,sighted the shore with a quick flick of his head and then pushed out.He hoped Conrad would strip off his pants and tumble in after him.A little roughhouse in the water,some heated kisses and then…
Steven smiled until a clump of seaweed twisted in his hair.Uck.He surfaced again,tossed the seaweed then rolled on his back to float.His wet pants wereheavy but he was always a good swimmer,he could work past them.He could see swaying lanterns from the restaurant across the road and knew he was about twenty yards out,not too far.
After a few minutes,he raised his head and spotted Conrad,still on the sand.“What?”He paddled in a little closer;he couldn’t hear the other man.
“I said,get your ass out of the water.”Conrad’s voice was fierce and angry.
“Nah,you come in and get me.”Steven rolled backwards and porpoised through the water,tumbling in the waves.It felt great.Like being a kid again and free.
“Steven!Right now!”
Steven swam in closer until he could touch bottom again.A froth of wave spilled over his head and he bobbed easily in the water.When he could see again through the foam,Conrad was still at the surf’s edge,hands on his hips,his face tight.
Steven stopped moving when the water was waist deep.“Come and get me.”The taunt was real.
