13 Girly Issues

Dear Jesus,

Sensitive issues have been springing up in my mind and it’s eating on my nerves.

I’m a little ashamed cos I’m like should a Christian girl, a pastor’s daughter at that, be having such thoughts?

You know everything about me. I’m coming out real and naked to you cos I know I really need your help to overcome.

Maybe I’m just overreacting to this whole thing, maybe it’s even exam tension that’s made me so acutely aware.

I feel a little shy talking about this with you, but who else can I discuss this issue with?

My mom? Yeah she’s nice and all that but you know how mothers can fuss about the slightest of things (Mary was so freaking out when she thought you had gotten lost in Jerusalem, right?). She’d just give me advice from a motherly perspective and not with regard to my own point of view.

Priscilla’s just starting out with you and is trying to maintain her freedom from sex-related entanglements, so I can’t tell her.

Kathlyn? Eehn… a better option perhaps but I don’t think I’d want my bestie thinking I’m jealous of her since she’s the trigger of this whole issue.

So, I guess that boils down my options to only you, for now. You’ve told me I can tell you anything and everything. Here goes something.

Just the other day, Kathlyn and I were walking together towards the tuck shop when I espied some guys in our class staring flirtatiously awe-struck at Kathlyn.

She didn’t see them.

At first, I felt angry at those boys for ogling at my bestie but as I thought on it a little more, I grew jealous.

No boy has ever looked at me like that. That was one of the reasons I had associated myself with the popular DD girls (the Dazzling Diamonds) while I was my old self.

I tried so desperately to be noticed by the guys, especially Josh. I tried to debrand myself from the tag of a PK (Pastor's Kid) which spelled ‘No entry’ to all secret admirers .

The prob is, I know that’s in the past and I shouldn’t allow myself to feel my old feelings but I just can’t help this feeling of wanting to be wanted. Please help me.

Well, I think they, I mean the ogling guys, are justified. Kathlyn’s a breathtaking sight to behold. Though she hates to admit it, I’d say ‘beautiful’ is a very poor adjective to use in describing her.

She’s gorgeous, cute, neat, rightly shaped and curved, and absolutely to-die-for. She an half-caste. Her eyes is a striking ocean blue color (She got that one from her mom who's a British)

Her mass of waist-long, curly, brown hair (with a slight hint of wine hue on the tips) complements her slightly tanned, glossy skin. Even in our drab school uniform, she rocks. Plus she has dimples in both her cheeks when she smiles.

Sigh. I guess that’s one of the reasons the girls respect her somewhat and the boys love her to the point of betting on her.

Priscilla is nice looking too but she doesn’t measure up to the natural beauty Kathlyn possesses. Pris is the sort of girl that looks gorgeous with make-up but plain without it. Well, she’s trying to reduce make-up wearing now so it doesn’t suit her new self.

She has black soft hair which she cut to a short length, dark hazel eyes with thick lashes and thin pink lips. She’s light complexioned.

I, on the other hand, am just plain old Jane. Nothing spectacular. I’m just me. With my straight brown hair, large doe eyes, pointed nose, full lips and pimple-free face. At least I’m thankful that I don’t battle with pimples, acne or freckles which is one of the nightmares of teenage girls.

What in the world am I doing? Doesn’t your word say somewhere that a person who compares himself with others is not wise. Sigh. I seriously need to check into the spiritual hospital of heaven.

Off the topic, the exams have been going on really well. I’ve completed three papers and there’s still seven more to go before I’m done.

I’ve been reading in the church. Each day after my paper, I go to the auditorium to read my books till 6:00pm when I follow dad home. That’s one of the privileges of being a pastor’s daughter. I feel more at ease reading there and I assimilate more.

Mrs Carey, an Hispanic woman who works as the church secretary at the Redeemer’s love, has been so nice and fun to be with. I’ve never really gotten the chance to know her one on one.

On the first day of my reading at church, I had fallen asleep due to exam fatigue and she had kindly come to wake me and keep me company.

She encouraged me in both academic and spiritual matters while I sipped the refreshing coca-cola drink she had given me.

“I just thought to talk you dear. I got bored after finished filing the mission programs for this year and I saw you sleeping when I checked on you. Don’t slack in good doing. Keep pushing forward. May the Lord help you,” she said. It was as if she was reading my mind about my stress and persecution issues. I’m certain you sent her. Thanks, I really needed it.

She also told me that I remind her of her daughter, Mary who is now grown, married and is a successful Computer engineer.

She invited me to her’s to keep her company once I’m done with my exams. She’s a widow. Her husband died about 2 years ago during a heart surgery. Still she’s strong in faith and keeps on loving you.

Maybe I should even tell her about my girly issues too. You know, cos she has had a teenage daughter and she’s mature. She should be able to understand and advice me.

That’s all for now. Send my sweet regards to Abba. Tell Him thank you on my behalf that He’s patient enough with my ways and still loves me despite my weaknesses. Also, please tell Him to not be angry that I got unnecessarily jealous. He understands the feeling: He said he's a jealous God right? *Winks and blows goodnight kisses*

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