20 Mae

"Will you be home tonight?" Dodger asked. I walked Dodger inside school and his grip tightened.

"Mother is going to pick you up, but I will be there shortly after, I promise," Dodgers face still drooped. "I'm sorry… I'll run as fast as I can to see you."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

Dodger let my hand go and sat in his seat at class.

~~

I followed Matilda down our regular route to the dining room but a turtle could beat her in a race. If she had moved faster maybe we could get comfort items for the patients.

"We're short staffed today. This cycling of patients is a smaller group. Only three of us are going to be handling them. The remaining patients will either be locked up or with Quintrell for his group sessions. Today's group is different than yesterdays." She said.

"Who feeds the locked-up patients while we're attending this group?" I asked but my question was quickly brushed aside. I followed her silently until the supply closet was within a few feet. I wanted to prove that it only takes a second to retrieve a few pillows.

"One second." I stopped Matilda. She watched me with confusion I made my way to the closet.

"What are you doing?" She yelled at me. "Evan is already waiting for us!"

"I'm going to show you…" I hurriedly grabbed a few pillows, "That it only takes a second…" As I was being scolded by Matilda I fumbled and dropped one. "…To get a few pillows for the older patients." I picked it up with difficulty. As my body shifted to lift one pillow, another plopped out of my arm. I repositioned my arms and used my legs to hold them together then picked up the other pillow. I raced towards Matilda looking like a lumpy cloud with all the pillows in my arms.

Matilda rolled her eyes, "We can't do that!"

"Why not? It took me one minute at the most!" I pleaded my case and she shut up.

By myself, with no help from Matilda, I set all the cushioning down and the patients thanked me as each one sat their fragile bums on them. Once they were all settled I threw Matilda a look of accomplishment.

"Again. Not even a minute." She left the dining room with no word to me.

Without supervision I continued to serve food. Matilda returned with two other caretakers after all the bowls have been set neatly on each table in front of the patients. The other caretakers took over and Matilda pointed her index finger at me.

"Come, follow me," She said with a sinister smile. "We must help Quintrell."

Her hand beckoned me to follow. She pushed me out of the dining room and through a maze of hallways when we stumbled into a large spa room.

There were no windows, nothing but mortar and tile. Between columns to my left were large wooden sauna's with circular openings large enough for one's neck. A metal lock sealed them shut but they were left open.

"What are the sauna's for?" I asked.

"Those are for our therapy sessions today." My focus changed to Quintrell who answered.

"And the ceramic tubs?" I pointed towards the three rows of ceramic, claw-foot bathtubs.

"Same use. Therapy." He pointed his nose back into a clipboard with notes attached.

I jumped at the sound of the creaking door opening behind me. A line of patients were being pushed into the room by large men threatening them with sticks and foul words from behind.

"Why do they treat them so harshly?" I asked Quintrell. "There has to be a better way to go about taking them places. A shepherd doesn't use fear to herd his flock."

He looked at me dead in the eyes through his rectangular spectacles.

"The shepherd, Mrs. Ember, uses the sharp teeth of a dog to bite at their heels and herds them with its bitter bark. Do you believe that these rabid animals feel? They've lost their minds. Those without the ability to think clearly lost the ability to feel along with it. Their brains do not process emotions as a normal person does." He returned his nose back from whence it came, into the messy scribbles on paper. Quintrell wasn't acting as the same sweet man that greeted me on my first day. "They are animals, test subjects with no sense of pity, love, or hatred. I am going to make them human again."

"How does one obtain humanity when being treated like animals?" I disrespectfully spoke my mind. Before Quintrell could give me the stink eye, one brutish man pushed the redheaded man to the ground, the same man that gave Matilda all the trouble on my first day. The man stumbled on his own feet and fell. He lifted his arms in defense for fear of being beaten before the man ever raised his stick. They don't feel fear, what a load of rubbish.

"Get up!" The man scolded the redhead. Like paintings of warriors portrayed in artwork, he lifted his weapon of fear, ready to strike. Without thinking, I ran and shielded the patient from being beaten.

"Wait!" My palms were open, ready to grab his whipping stick. The caretakers eyes widened with horror as if I had raised a stick to him.

"Get out of my way, woman!"

"No! Let me help him." I wrapped my hands around his arms and lifted him on his feet as gently as possible. He appeared as thin as paper with his frail bones and pale skin, but I had difficulty keeping him up with his weight leaning against me.

The patient, confused of my intentions quaked with fear. He pushed himself off me and awkwardly shielded himself. His dirty flaming hair hid frightened eyes, blackened teeth clenched with anger. Was he angry at me?

Before the men could pick on anyone else, I quickly assisted the old man that I had been chosen to care for on my first day. I lead him to one of the tubs, holding him up as he slipped on water that had spilled from the tub. He too, knew what they wanted of him. He, along with the others followed his lead and stripped down to nothing. I blushed and looked away for privacy while everyone without shame kept watching. Matilda snickered at me.

"The innocence," She mocked with another colleague of hers. "She'll learn. Or she's outta here."

The old man kept his eyes on the ground. Water was filled to the rim and spilled out as he sat in the tub and then lied down. Around the outside of each bathtub were buttons and a tan tarp that draped around the top.

"Button the tarp to the tubs, Mae." Quintrell said. I obeyed and tossed a tarp over each tub. There was an oval opening that kept their heads above water. I'm surprised they would be so kind to keep a hole for them to breathe instead of just letting them all drown.

One other caretaker helped so we could move this along. With all the patients tucked into bathtubs and locked in saunas, Matilda handed me a spell-book. I have read so many books in my day that just by its weight I assumed it to be three-hundred pages. I flipped to the last page, I was right.

Matilda returned to the saunas and read her tome like she had it memorized. Heat rose and steam slithered through the cracks. The patients faces flushed from white to pink to bright red.

At the bathtubs, each patient was waiting for someone to do something. I looked about the room and noticed everyone staring at me and that I was the only other person in the room holding a spell-book.

"Pardon my impertinence. What am I doing again?" I asked, turning to look at Quintrell from behind me.

"We're conducting a therapy session for our patients. There is a spell for it on page fifty-seven, you must cool the water so our lethargic friends here waken up a bit." I didn't understand, but I was not a doctor. I cooled the water with the spell inside the tome. I kept it cold, but cool enough to withstand. Nothing that would freeze their nipples off. The patients were wiggling uncomfortably. Lying stagnant in a cold tub for hours on end was not my idea of a fun time, imagine the aches in your tailbone after sitting that long.

"How long must they sit here?"

"Until they've gotten better." Quintrell answered.

"That could take a while."

"Then 'awhile' is how long they'll stay." Why was Quintrell being so cold? I kept my spell activated with my mouth shut. Talking seemed to make matters worse.

I glanced over, Matilda's patients were beat red. It was becoming difficult to determine between the redhead's hair from his skin. The steam that rose to their nostrils must have been suffocating. They struggled to breathe by avoiding as much steam as possible, but it was all in vain.

"I think your water is too hot." I informed her as if she didn't know. She stuck her nose in the air. She didn't care.

"I can assure you, Mrs. Ember, it's not too hot." Quintrell answered for Matilda. He advanced my tub, unpinned one of the buttons to the tarp and stuck his hand into the water. "Yours is not cold enough." I wanted to speak, my mouth opened but the words wouldn't escape.

"If you desire to help these patients attain sanity you must follow procedures." Quintrells voice was a bit softer. He spoke to educate not scold me. I still couldn't wrap my head around it.

"How cold must it be?"

"Colder than the northern snow."

"That's cruel! I won't do it!"

"Cruelty is allowing these poor souls to suffer a mental illness, to stand idly by and watch their brains deteriorate. Have you ever been wakened by cold water? Effective, correct? These patients are lethargic, depressed, the only way to help them snap out of it is to physically wake them up. Look at Matilda's patients. All extremely hyperactive, uncontrollably energetic. Take a gander at them now." They appeared calm, yes, but they were in agony. "Giving them a hot, relaxing bath calms them down. This way, we can continue on with our therapy and they are all on the same level of energy."

"They're beat red! You're cooking lobsters! Can't we take it down a notch?"

"No, these are affective methods. If you dislike your occupation and don't want to listen to your supervisors I highly encourage you to choose a different career path." He bobbed his head towards the door.

I was being punished. Matilda smirked, I refused to do things her way and she snitched.

I didn't want to give in, I didn't want to be cruel. I said this job wasn't going to destroy me but I couldn't leave without learning anything. If I quit Daniel would continue his streak of overtaxing work and worsen his mental strain. He had been a jerk and cruel beyond reason, but I didn't want to place the blame on him but Mnakaraneh. We had the demon's malevolent essence in our home that tempted the heart towards dark intentions and the stress of my debts was causing him to act out. If I could give Daniel relief, rid ourselves of the evil in our home we wouldn't fight, we would live as we used to – happy and in love.

I pushed my thoughts towards a happier image. One of that morning when Daniel was reading his morning paper and Dodger sat on his lap fiddling with his toy, back when our lives used to be peaceful.

I must stay here. I must work. I shut my mouth and swallowed a large lump of discomfort.

"I guess it makes sense." I said with difficulty.

Quintrell smiled successfully. I cursed silently and activated the spell with more force than before. The chill from the water bit at my skin. The patients squirmed more, moaning out in pain as the ice bit through their skin and tightened their muscles.

"Soon enough, we'll depend on you to do this yourself. We need to know if we can rely on you, Mae. Can we?" I had an urge to turn around and tell him to fuck off and fuck this job. It was my second week and I had hateful grudges against a boss that was once a great mentor to me.

"Of course."

~~

I walked home with regret hanging on my conscious. How would I go back from this? Freezing someone close enough to death then being revived wasn't therapeutic, it was torture.

"Mae!" Dodger bounced and skipped down the hall and slammed into my legs. His bright face warmed my heart and gave me the determination I needed to keep going. I kissed him on the nose.

"Where's mother?" I asked.

"She had to go."

"And she left you alone!?"

"No, she left me with Daniel and he left." Dodger explained.

Nothing could describe how much that fueled the raging fires within me. Hadn't mother heard me when I told her what Daniel did? We were lucky Daniel didn't beat Dodger to death. This proved that I couldn't return to work anymore. I couldn't trust anyone, not even my own family.

I cooked dinner to help calm the burning sensation in my cheeks. We ate while playing tick-tack-toe, I would scoop food in my mouth while he went his turn and vice versa.

Afterwards Dodger helped me clean the dishes and then replaced the water in the bucket by taking a short walk to the pump. When we returned I taught Dodger how to play liar's dice. I enjoyed being alone with Dodger, especially when Daniel and mother have been making me angry with their neglect lately.

A knock on the door caught my attention. I answered the door thinking it might be my drunk husband who could have lost his key. Nothing would give me greater satisfaction to open the door, tell him to scram, then slam the door in his face.

Behind the locked iron chain stood two tall men with scruff on their chins. The scrawnier man had black stubble and short scruffy hair that was untamed. The taller of the two was much brawnier with strapping arms, he had a bushy beard and ragged blonde hair tied back in a braid.

"May I help you?" The look on their faces meant business.

"Is Daniel home?" The black-haired man asked. I shook my head. The air I felt turned dangerous as they exchanged glances. Fear crept into my chest and it paralyzed my body from cooperating with my brain. Dodger tugged on my dress.

"Mae, shut the door." He whispered with eyes wide from fear. Before I could act on his instructions I was knocked to the ground. Dodger was pinned underneath me but I caught myself before I crushed him. The door was kicked off its hinges and smacked against me.

The two men barged in and searched around the apartment. They tossed my plant to the ground shattering the clay pot, they rummaged through cupboards, smashed food that they threw to the ground, and tossed all our other belongings through the windows. The blonde stomped towards me.

"Where's our money!" He screamed in my face. I shivered with fear, my instincts told me to cower and protect Dodger, not talk. "Talk wench!"

"We don't have any money."

"Lies! Daniel has been gambling with our group and hasn't lost once. He's cheating, and cheaters need to be taught a lesson!"

With large, rough hands, he grabbed my hair and pulled me off Dodger. He shoved my face into the floor and curled his hand into a fist, ready to strike. My head was cranked towards the front door. Our neighbors passed by with frightened glances and kept walking like they hadn't seen anything.

"Tell me where our money is!"

"We're poor! We don't have any money!" I cried. Dodger screamed from the corner telling him to let me go. The floor boards cracked as the man's fist landed a centimeter from my nose.

"I won't miss next time!" He threatened. "Now… again. Where's our money, cheaters wife?"

I shook in silence and closed my eyes to prepare for a blow that would break my nose. I couldn't wiggle free; his fingers were knotted into the roots of my hair. If I was to escape I would be leaving my scalp behind.

"Grab the brat! Beat him senseless until the woman talks." The blonde demanded, the other made his way down the hall to Dodger. His fists were clenched ready to beat him senseless.

"No, please! We haven't done anything wrong!" I spewed spit out of my mouth and cried for mercy.

The black-haired man reached for Dodgers arm as leverage to drag him around. His hand contacted Dodgers skin and it released a pulse that echoed throughout the apartment. The man stopped dead in his tracks. His back was turned to me, I could only see Dodgers face written with confusion as the guys hand slowly loosened.

"What the hell was that!" The blonde above me uncurled his fist but kept his hold on my hair. "Dom!" The blonde yelled at his companion.

The other guy took three steps backwards, paused, then stumbled out of the apartment. I caught a glimpse of pure fear in his face before he tumbled to the floor. He lifted his arm in defense as the patients did when they feared the caretakers beatings. He sprinted down the hallway, his screams lessening with distance.

The remaining brute was dumbfounded. He picked me up, tossed me on the ground and pointed a large tanned finger at me.

"Daniel better have our fucking money! We'll be back." He left, chasing after his friend.

I didn't know what Dodger did or what influence his silhouette friend, Mnakaraneh had to play, but I didn't care. Something about Dodger struck fear into that man and it saved us from being brutally beaten. I stared at Dodger thinking he'd be able to explain what he did but he was just as confused as I was.

Knowing those men would be back frightened me. I knew that I couldn't sleep feeling threatened. This home wasn't safe for either of us.

I jumped to my feet and ran to the bedroom. I grabbed a blanket, a loaf of bread, potatoes and whatever food that wasn't completely smashed on the floor and threw them in a sack. I buttoned a jacket around Dodgers shoulders and wrapped his dark red scarf around his neck and threw my shawl around myself.

I grabbed Dodgers hand and pulled him away from this awful place but Dodger resisted.

"Mae!" He wiggled against me.

"What!" I barked at him. His face dropped. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. What is it Dodger?"

"My chimera…" He pouted.

I ran back into the bedroom and grabbed his stuffed toy and Dodger happily left with his toy safely snuggled in his scarf.

~~

The roads outside were lighted by candles hanging in lanterns above our heads, the narrow streets didn't have room for lamp posts so the city had them mounted on the walls of bars, and apartments. Without the light pollution one could make out the constellations in the open sky. It would be cold tonight; at least it wouldn't snow… although, weather was very unpredictable. One minute was clear skies and chilly wind, the next minute it would be overcast and snow would be three inches deep. I didn't know where we were going, or how to get there but we needed warmth from the frigid wind.

"Can we go see Buck?" Dodger asked. He placed his hands on my face, studying my expression to his question. I held Dodger to keep us both warm, it made me sad to think he was getting too big to be carried.

"Buck might not be there…"

"He's there, I know he is." Dodger smiled comfortingly at me. A little warmth in our hearts would do us both good. Buck defended Dodger before, we would be safe with a ton and half sized horse protecting us. I hoped Dodger was right and Buck was still in the plains.

On our way to solace outside the city limits I made note of the closest shelters. The night air grew colder and even with Dodger snuggled so close to me I was getting numb in my feet. I began to regret my promise to take Dodger so far north in the cold, we would catch our deaths being without shelter but I made a promise, I must abide by it.

A few miles outside the city limits and there wasn't a sign of the horse.

"I think Buck left." I broke the news to him.

"He's here, Mae! Have faith." How silly, a child must reassure an adult.

We waited and searched the horizon for our fuzzy friend.

"Dodger... My feet are freezing. Let's go find a home." I avoided the term shelter because it sounded like we were lost.

"BUCK!" Dodger screamed. Seconds later I was pushed by a large white and pink nose from behind. Dodger screeched with excitement. "I told you so."

I was too dumbfounded to respond. Buck was nowhere in sight, suddenly he was behind me? Why was everything surrounding Dodger a mystery?

Buck genuflected, telling us in his horsey language to hop on. Not only did this horse magically appear, but he was well trained.

I lifted Dodger and then jumped on. Bucks back radiated warmth that brought life back into my frozen legs. Dodger had laid his head on Bucks fluffy fur as if he was sleeping on a pillow. This night was stressful for both of us but I was happy I took a chance, I was happy we searched for Buck.

Buck carried us towards the tree of life, around the ravine for a tour, and to an area with four large boulders leaning against a large hill. We made our way through the cracks of the boulders and found ourselves deep inside a cave.

Dodger was fast asleep and I dared not wake him. I gently pulled him off Buck and cradled him in my arms. A deep sadness began to take over as I looked at my growing child. He was heavy, soon enough Dodger would be screaming to get away from me instead of begging to be held. Buck nestled down, making a crevice between his neck and legs for us to lie in but I waited a bit longer, enjoying every detail on Dodgers face before he lost his button nose and his round rosy cheeks.

When my arms became tired I snuggled up to the large horse with Dodger on my lap. I retrieved the large blanket and threw it over us and closed my eyes. It was the first time since I felt safe. That place I used to call home had become so bitter. I dreaded going back, I had to go back. Dodger and I couldn't sleep outside forever.

~~

Mnakaraneh stood over me, staring at me with his hallowed eyes. I couldn't move again, but I still fought it. I squirmed, I forced myself to think of something else but all I wanted was for him to stop looking at me. He hadn't moved from the shadows. He blended in with the darkness but he was a silhouette I could still make out.

The trance felt like it lasted for an eternity but I hadn't given up, I kept trying to thrash my body around. Dodger began to stir and Mnakraneh slowly blended with the shadow until he was completely gone. My arms twitched, and I wiggled my toes instead of flinging up in a fury of movements.

My heart raced with panic at my encounter. I stood quickly when Dodger rose and paced around the cave hoping to calm my nerves and search for any sign that the demon was still around. Dodger pulled out the food from the sack and placed it on the blanket.

"Oh, Dodger wait!" I tried to stop him before he placed the bread down but it was too late. I examined the crust and it was covered in long wavy strands of black and white hairs. I began picking them off one by one. "Hold this, please."

Dodger cradled the food.

"I'm sorry…"

"What are you sorry for?"

"I-I don't know…"

"I'm not mad, Dodger. I was just hoping I could stop you before the bread got covered in hair."

"Oh," Dodger chuckled. I moved the blanket away from the food and shook it as much as possible but getting rid of all the hair was a lost cause. With how much hair that covered me I might as well trot around on all fours and go neigh. Dodger made sputtering noises and spit out a large glob onto the ground.

"Yuck!" He stuck his fingers in his mouth and pulled out a tuft of hair. "EW!"

We worked hard getting as much hair away from the food as possible, and then ate until we were full while occasionally picking hair off our tongues.

"Let's go home, Dodger."

"Ok…" Dodger sighed. He didn't argue, thankfully. I would have cried if we started our day fighting. I wanted to stay. The horse was warm, but a nice fire and heated water to clean off the dirt and hair was essential to my sanity.

The skies were still cloudless and cold, and the ground was without three feet of snow inching into my boots; I was thankful. Buck carried us back to the city limits and stopped dead in his tracks. Smart horse, he knew that he was not supposed to follow us. Owning a horse was a sign of luxury. Luxury in the slums was a big red target on my back.

We made our way home, the closer we got the slower I walked. I regretted every step. But I had to go back.

Up the stairs to the apartment, my heart pounded against my chest. I thought of every scenario. Were those big guys back? What would Daniel say? Is mother home? Where was she going all time anyway? Mother never spent this much time out of the house.

The front door to our apartment was slightly unhinged and the chain had not been removed for replacement. I lifted the door to get inside and placed it against the wall. The mess created by our attackers had not been cleaned, every sign that they existed marked our floors in dirty boot-prints.

Wanting nothing but warmth and comfort within my own home, the letdown was a bitter stench, one that was not nostalgic nor welcoming. Walking into the kitchen was a bigger disappointment as glass bottles littered the counters. Tall bottles, stout bottles, and small bottles of alcohol covered the counter. The answer to all the money the gamblers claimed we had had been answered. My fears had been confirmed, I never wanted to admit that Daniel would ever drag us down this far.

"Mae... I thought you said we didn't have the money but it stinks of alcohol?" Dodger asked me.

"We don't." I stormed into the living room to find Daniel resting on the couch with an empty jug of beer on his lap. He cradled it as if it was the child he never had.

"Daniel!" I yelled at him. He had not stirred. I grabbed a throw pillow and swung it at his face. "Wake up!"

He stirred but made minimal effort to sit up.

"What the hell?" He grumbled as he tossed the pillow off his face. He knew what he had done, I refused to explain my anger.

"Am I not allowed to take a nap?" He mocked.

"It's not the nap that's pissing me off, Daniel! Where did you get this alcohol?" I didn't need him to answer that question, I knew already. I wanted him to feel trapped like a fish in a net. He must choose his words carefully or I would show the world a fish that could drown. "You gambled, again!"

"And what's so wrong with that? We can afford to eat and have things we want."

"You want to know the harm in gambling?" I crossed my arms. My face boiled with rage. "Two men broke into our apartment, kicked the fucking door down, and threatened to beat us until we paid them!"

Daniel didn't speak, he sat on the edge of the couch in disbelief. He looked around the place with groggy eyes. I knew know that he was black out drunk, how else could someone with two perfectly good eyes miss the mess that those brutes caused. Bruises didn't mark my body but I ached in places he couldn't see. I was scared and tired, all I needed to feel alive again was Daniel's love and he was without his heart.

"Why can't you lose?" I asked trying to suppress my anger. I was on the verge of being the abusive spouse. The darkness in my heart returned as the light faded. The desire to smash a bottle, tightly grasp a piece of glass until my fingers bled, then stab him in his left eye ball became almost impossible to control. I fought my temptation to wrap my fingers around his tiny neck and strangle him.

Daniel met my gaze. He lifted his shirt. Staining his skin was a white circular scar with three lines pointing towards the middle connecting shapes inside. A hieroglyphic character sat in the middle, I never saw anything like it before.

"It's a good luck charm. As long as this thing is on my skin I can't lose."

"You mean cheating...." I couldn't believe Daniel would resort to gambling, descending into an even lower level to cheat was beyond scum. He was a stranger to me now. The man I stood before was not someone I could ever love. I have lost my husband.

"It's not cheating if I worked for it. Call it compensation." He put his shirt down again and sat on the couch.

"And what, may I ask, did you do to earn this?" Tears rimmed my eyes.

"Just a deal I made. It's none of your business."

"It is my business! Daniel, hexes that involve scarification is a mark of the dark arts! It's forbidden and you broke the most severe law that the church strictly prohibits us from breaking!"

Daniel stood back up. His nostrils flared and his shoulders tensed up.

"I have been keeping this family afloat while you do what?! Take Dodger on walks? Go to the plains and pet a pretty horse?"

"I'm at work! My job is terrible, so I need to get away and clear my head!" I screamed back at him.

"How should I know what your job is like? You've stopped talking to me!"

"Because you lack empathy! You have no clue what it's like working in an insane asylum. I'm trying my best to be sympathetic to the patients and helping them when they need it most while fighting the cruelty of the staff. You wouldn't even believe what I've been through!"

"How can I show empathy if you don't tell me what's going on?"

"I did! I tried and you mocked me!"

"Is this about the ghouls and ghosts you've been seeing in your dreams?" Daniel finally pieced the puzzle together. It hurt to hear him call it a dream, but I expected that from someone who didn't listen.

"The fact you've called them dreams proves you didn't take what I said to heart." I exited the living room and went into the bedroom to be alone. My tears burned through my eyes and blurred my vision.

I hadn't noticed that Dodger retreated from the argument until now. He sat in the corner, his eyes shoved into his arms, and his knees to his chest. He didn't make a sound, respecting my unspoken wish to be alone. I understood his fear of Daniel so I ignored my desire solitude and kept Dodger close. I squeezed him tighter than he clutched his stuffed chimera to his chest.

An hour had passed and I mentally prepared myself for work. I accumulated enough strength to dress in my uniform, wash my face and storm out of the apartment with Dodger. I dropped him off at school and left for work.

"Will you pick me up today, please?" Dodgers strong grasp would not lessen if I hadn't promised.

"I promise. You might be here for just a minute. But I will get you." I kissed his soft cheek and sent him on his way.