17 Perspective
"Julian, why is he crying?" A deep and even voice asked in a patient manner.
"I just said that the game he came with was stupid! He's crying for no reason at all. I did nothing wrong!" A three years old Julian answered with conviction and spite, a little angry and fearful at being reprimended for something that wasn't his fault.
Marco, Julian's father, furrowed his thick brows. "Why are you defending yourself? I didn't accuse you of anything. I merely asked the reason Alex was crying."
Marco crouched so that he was eye level with Julian and fixed his own eyes in those of his son. He seemingly pondered for a moment before pointing toward Julian friend, who was currently being consoled by his parents on the other side of the parc.
"Tell me Julian, what do you feel seeing your friend crying like that?" Marco asked his son neutraly.
Following his father's finger and where it was pointing, Julian gazed for a moment at his friend who was bawling his eyes out like the world was ending.
Just shortly later, he turned back toward his father, and flatly spoke out. "Nothing."
His father nodded, as if it was expected. "I see. Now, can you tell me why, exactly, do you not feel anything?"
Julian frowned in concentration at the much more complicated question, asking himself why he felt nothing toward his friend's plaight.
However, Julian rather easily came to an answer after analizing the sitiuation.
Frowning, he uttered in a convinced tone. "Because it's dumb. I just said that his game was stupid, and he suddenly started crying."
"Good. Then, another question. Why is your friend crying exactly? Is it because you said that his game was stupid?" His father asked again in the same neutral tone as before.
Julian hesitated, yes was the evident answer he was tempted to immediatly reply with. However, such an obvious answer wasn't following the same pathern as the previous question where he had to ask himself something. So, in doubt, Julian reformulated what he thought was the answer. "Yes, Alex is crying because the game he came up with was called dumb."
His father shook his head with an amused expression, Julian meanwhile confusedly listened to his father rebutal. "No, Alex is not crying because his game was insulted. He is crying because YOU insulted his game. He is crying because you, who is, as far as I can see, his model, and a person he looked up too. Refused to acknowledge and even denigrated an idea he came up with."
Julian was made even more confused by the revelation as his young mind wasn't really able to grasp its significations. Just getting vague impressions and feelings of being someone model, and trying but failling to see his crying friend and his reason to be in such a state in another light.
Marco smiled warmly at the confused Julian. "Still not getting it, it's okay. Putting yourself in someone else feet is a difficult feat. Just imagine it like this. Remember the drawing you made of our family some time ago? We said that it was beautiful and well made right? Then think of when you showed it to us as if and we didn't said that. Visualize it as if we said that your drawing wasn't beautiful, but ugly. That it was not well made, but stupid. That's how your friend felt and is feeling right now."
Seeing Julian just standing in place and seeming lost, Marco helped him. "Go ahead, close your eyes, and think back to the moment you finished your drawing and presented it us."
Listening to his father, Julian closed his eyes and concentrated on his instructions.
-------------
Julian was currently on his knees in his bedroom. On the small table in the corner of his room, he was drawing the final strands of his mother brown hair. Dropping his brown pencil, Julian was happy and rather proud of his creation. As it was saturday, this morning when he was woken by his mother's kiss, he just got the urge to show his parents how good his drawing became since he began kindergarden.
Carefully taking the sheet of paper in his hands like it was something fragile. Julian made his way to the living room where his parents were watching TV.
Arriving before his parents, Julian waited for their attention to be completely on him before saying. "I have something to show you." He said, his tone joyous.
His mother pausing the show they were watching, said in curiosity and with an amused smile. "What is it sweety?"
His father threw a glance at his mother, slided a little on the couch to stick closer to her and said. "Come here and show it to us." He picked Julian up and put him between them.
Julian happily obliged and show them his drawing, pointing at the characters on it one at a time. "Here, This is dad, this is mom, and this is me between you like me right now." Julian turned his gaze from his drawing to his mother and father face respectively, waiting for their words.
His father slowly began in a strange tone and frowned. "Julian, this... why did you make this? I know that you are only three years old. But still, this is the worst drawing you ever made. I mean, did you even put in any effort at all? Because I can only say that it's a rather ugly drawing, even for you."
Julian, barely began registering the words of his father, when he heard his mother add. "You're right dear, not only it's ugly, but it's making is lacking compared to his earlier drawings. I can barely identify myself in there and I think how you draw us can hardly qualify as representing people, even more when it's supposed to be ourselves in this, so deformed it all his."
Julian froze at their words. He was first shocked, not believing nor nearly expecting what he heard his parents utter, then he felt his body and surrounding become just a tad colder. He looked toward his drawing where him, his mom and his dad where all smiling and holding onto his hands. He didn't dare to met the eyes of either of them after that.
It was just a drawing, so why was he feeling like a part of him became empty?
Why was he feeling so sad?
Why was he crying?
---------------
Julian opened his eyes and immediatly brought his hands to his face to rub his eyes and swipe at his tears.
Marco gained a soft look and hugged Julian. "See? Now you have an Idea of why your friend is crying."
Bringing his son to arm's length, Marco said seriously, but in a confidently. "It's not because life made it difficult for you to feel anything toward others that you have to let it rest at that. If you don't seem to find it in yourself to care about someone and this person is in pain. In this case, I want you to do the same thing you did just now. Visualize yourself as the person that is hurting and replicate what is happening to her in your mind, but with people you truly care about. The more details you add to it, the better. You're smart, Julian. But it's not smarts that make you a good man or bring you to have a good life, even if it help. Only the understanding of oneself and of others do." Marco said with a sad, melancholic look.
Julian, despite being smart, or even a kind of genius, was in the end still too young to understand what his father was saying. It didn't stop him from engraving his father's word into his brain. As he could feel the gravita around them.
*snif*
Marco was brought out of his memories by Julian's sniffle, he got up and ruffled his son black hair. Asking him with a semi smile as he saw his puffy eyes. "Do you want to apologize to Alex?"
Julian looked toward his friend and nodded, finally capable of understanding how he felt.
~~~
Julian grogily oppened his eyes and sit up on his bed, his sheet sliding from him to reveal his perfectly sculpted upper body.
He massaged his head to somewhat relieve the headache pounding like a hammer in his cranium.
It only took couple of seconds for it to vanish. Julian blinking a rapidly a couple of time in confusion.
Feeling something wet on his face, he touched it only to realize that it was tears. "Another dream? They seem to happen more often since the this year's beginning."
It was strange, he thought his previous life behind him. A chapter already written and finished. He had a new, better and more exciting future awaiting him. Was there any signification to such reminiscence?
In the end, Julian just shook his head and got up from bed wiping his eyes with his right arm. Since he was reborn, he had so much to think that he got the tendency to overthink simple things. It wasn't because he liked to let himself go with the flow that he didn't think deeply about everything around him. In fact, it was precisely because he was overthinking too much that he often gave up and and decided to go along with his whims and the situation.
Dressing up in a clean white sweater and black joggers, Julian rolled up his sleeves and proceed to go about his morning routine.
Today was an important day, as it was the day where the plot of DxD truly begin. It was the day where Issei was supposed to be killed by some crazy bitch under the name of Raynare.
Absentmindedly thinking back about his dream and the tears he shedded after it. Julian got curious about a certain fact. Or rather, he got curious about a certain aspect concerning himself.
This curioussness led to a self reflection, and this reflection to a strange question. This question was: how many time exactly, in his aproximatively fourty years of combined life, had he ever cried?
The result of him searching through his memories for an answer came back rather quickly.
As far as he could remember. Him, in this life and his previous one, had only ever shed tears three times.
These three times were:
-This morning at his wake.
-When his surrogate mother left him at this home's doorstep.
-And in the very same dream of the lesson he got on how to lead a good life coming from before his death.
Face without any emotions, Julian just hummed lightly at the result. It was just a proof of how empty his previous life was.
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~Downtown of kuoh, 2 pm
Julian was currently watching from afar as Issei was handed a flyer by the familiar of Rias. His eyesore of a date coming soon after.
Today, Julian was in stalker mode. As he followed the false couple throughout their date, not wanting to miss the critical ending of it for some stupid reasons and in fear of the plot having changed in result of Issei slightly different personality.
All thorough the day, he could sense Rias's peerage scurrying about the town, likely searching for him. As vanishing just before the fallen angel move was suspicious for all kind of reasons.
There was no big problem with the date in itself, as it was almost the same as depicted in canon. The only problem Julian had was the growing sickened feeling he had in the pit of his stomach toward the fallen angel act.
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Julian watched as Issei and Raynare left the movie theater and diriged themselves toward a parc where a pretty fontain lay in its middle. Gazing at the strangely comfortable and since recently familiar orange sky of the setting sun. Julian followed the duo much like he did all day. The usual slight smile he always had on his face nowhere to be seen right now, and neither was it there since the moment he woke up this morning.
