194 Chapter 185

I stared at the person standing in front of me. I knew who he was, but his name wouldn't leave my mouth. I felt my arms tremble and my hands balled into fists.

"No….this is impossible." I whispered.

"Is it?" The person, the Thing, replied. "You should be the authority on what is or is not impossible, right?"

I raised my hand and pointed at him warily. "You aren't real." I declared. "A figment of my imagination." I took a deep breath, steadying myself, gaining a smirk. "Shakespeare's Noble Phantasm is unlikely one to do any kind of physical or magical damage. It's against his nature, and his words were enough for him in the past." I began to voice my thoughts, distracting myself from the 'person' who was infront of me. "The Reason I can't hear Ddraig….why I can't feel my aura." I paused, trying to call up a spell to actualize, even trying to pull on the Kaleidoscope, all to no avail.

In normal circumstances, I would have been panicking if everything of mine had been so thoroughly sealed away like this by an enemy, but my mind raced, going into overdrive before I finally I saw through this Noble Phantasm. "It's a mental attack." I sneered at him. "Or rather, it attacks one's heart. This isn't real, I'm not real, you aren't real. It uses my own…. circumstances, to create this 'world' around us." I waived my hand. "Not a true world, but a projection of my mental state, of my heart." I walked to the edge, smacking the 'side' with no reaction. "I'm projecting myself into this overlayed domain created by his Noble Phantasm. It's why I can't draw upon my Magic, because I'm not truly here while also being 'here'. I'm in my own self-contained world that doesn't actually change anything about the greater world."

I looked back over to him, to the fake 'person' who I never wished to meet. "That's it isn't it" I grinned. "Well, I can praise Shakespeare for casting his Noble Phantasm before we even appeared, setting it up like so."

I scowled, crossing my arms. "Why did his Noble Phantasm summon you of all people. If he's trying to get a rise out of me, wouldn't my Mom work better, hell what about one of my girls?"

"Please, we both know you wouldn't take it seriously if it was one of them." My fake father scoffed. "If it was one of your -- " He air quoted -- " 'Girls', then you would probably just flirt with them regardless of what they said or did."

Yeah, I'd probably do exactly that.

"And if it was my Mom, well, I wouldn't mind seeing her again." I mused out loud.

"You really do like to hear yourself talk." The fake version of my…..Father, glanced back at me, almost appearing uninterested that I was able to understand the whole situation so easily. "Then again, you do always like go on about how you have a flair for the 'theatrical'." He crossed his arms. "You always have to try and explain everything don't you? To prove just how 'smart' you really are?" He took a step forward facing me. "Why don't we just call it what it really is – Attention seeking."

"But that's always been the case." He snorted. "Even 'before'." He added air quotes again. "You joined the Theatre club in school, the one club you could pretend to be important in. The one place you could have everyone focus their attention solely on you." He turned around away from me, facing the blank walls. "You should be thankful, after all, this stage has been set just for you. Heroes of Legend here to witness your 'best' moments."

"Fuck you." I spat out almost unconsciously. "Like you have any ground to bring shit like that up."

"Yes, yes, what a horrible father I've been." He rolled his eyes again. "I'll make it up to you and give you the one thing you so crave." He smirked, turning back towards the walls. "They can see, so don't worry, lets give them a show." He raised a hand up, pointing outwards. "But first, it's important to introduce the cast."

"No…" My eyes widened realizing what he was going to say.

"What, my dear child, are you ashamed of where you come from?" He chuckled. "Are you worried how that Saintess will look at you afterwards? Your hints weren't very subtle when you probed her. Or maybe you think your new 'son' won't like what she has to hear, hmm?"

I…..felt my breathing pick up. I didn't know how to respond.

"I'll take a page out of your book." He threw his hands up. "Allow me to introduce myself to the Audience." He did an exaggerated bow. "I am the father of this bastard." He did an exaggerated gesture towards me. "I am the Ruler of Hell." His grin turned vicious. "I am Lucifer."

***

Mordred POV

As soon as we walked in, Caster of Red's Noble Phantasm went off, none of us expected this. It wasn't an attack in the normal way, and even as we banged on this…..thing that Caster made around the bastard, it didn't budge.

"WHAT DID YOU DO!?" The Cow roared, throwing herself at Caster.

"I give up!" The Caster shrieked, surprising everyone present.

Even the Cow stopped for a moment, but raised her blade to him. "Remove it!" She growled.

"I can't." Shakespeare put his hands up in surrender. "My Master used a command seal so it would activate on your Master as soon as he entered the room."

"Then I will kill you and end it." She declared.

"Killing me won't end it." He chuckled.

"He's lying, do it." Assassin but in, almost bored with their conversation. "No one will miss him, feel free." She tapped her fingers on her throne, sitting so high above us.

Annoying bitch, I resisted the urged to start swinging Clarent at her. But my Master was right behind me, so I had to be smarter. But she didn't make a move and the two 'Rulers' were squaring off. I decided to hold off for now.

The Cow reached over, grabbing him by the collar. "Tell me how to end it or I'll start cutting pieces off."

"There's no way." The Caster looked pale. "He has to break free of it himself."

"Then you're useless." The Cow's expression turned dark.

"There's a better chance of him escaping if I'm still alive." Caster quickly spoke. "If I'm dead, it'll go on forever, but if I'm satisfied, it'll end with the playwright's blessing."

The Cow sneered.

And the Caster gave a cheeky smile.

Sounded like bullshit to me, but some Noble Phantasms are fucking weird. Add on a Command Seal, and even stranger things can happen.

She punched him in the face.

If it was anyone else I would totally cheer for them, but fuck the Cow bitch.

She tossed his body to the side then went over to the…..thing, the dome or whatever that was blocking the bastard inside. It was obvious he couldn't see us, and there was someone talking to him.

They looked alike, so probably his father or something. It's not like I knew anything about his family.

"Allow me to introduce myself to the audience." The strange guy turned to us, obviously speaking to us through the Noble Phantasm. "I am this bastard's father. I am the Ruler of hell. I am Lucifer."

"….What?" I blurted out, but it was only meant with silence.

The two rulers who had been fighting, they abruptly stopped, staring over. The tense atmosphere sort of...disappeared. Even Assassin looked dumbfounded at what he said.

"What a wonderful twist!" Caster shouted happily, but even he was ignored.

"Disgusting." Assassin sneered. "This wretched creature should be removed from the world."

The Cow looked….furious. I knew for a fact that this bitch would rip apart that guy who called himself Lucifer if she could.

"Wilhelm?" the Saintess spoke up, looking at him strange.

"I see, even the Devil tries to stop me." The annoying priest had a weird look too. "It just shows that I'm walking the right path if the creatures of hell stand in my way. I will remove this stain before saving the world."

The bast—

I stopped the thought in its tracks.

He really was a bastard, huh?

The literal bastard of Satan….. Why did that sound familiar?

{Master....the fuck am I supposed to do?} I asked him. He was Magus, he should know more stuff about this.

{This is way above my paygrade.} Master looked...conflicted. {Fuck, this isn't good.}

Does that mean he's a enemy? He's a demon or something, that's bad...right?

But…..even if he was an ass, and an arrogant dick…..he wasn't that bad.

….He's kinda like me.

Was he an unwanted Bastard too?

My fingers tightened around Clarent's handle. "FUCK YOU." I shouted, snapping my head towards the other Ruler. "You fake priest!" I leveled Clarent towards him. "Father chose him as his Queen, you don't get to say shit about him!"

That's right, Father chose him. That mean's he's not bad. And he's nice to me, even if he's a dick, he praised me, and even wanted to help me with my wish. That's not something some fucking 'demon' would do.

My lighting burst out around me. "Let's see you do something with my sword shoved all the way up your ass!" I raised my middle finger up, sneering towards him.

Father wasn't here, so I would protect him in father's place.

He's part of Camelot now, and no one gets to say shit about our people but us.

***

Wilhelm POV.

I could feel my muscles tense, in a mixture of anger and anxiety. "Father? Don't' make me laugh. Do you even know the definition of the word? You absentee piece of shit." I scoffed, trying to shake off his words. "Are you supposed to be my 'trauma' that this Noble Phantasm brings out?" I stood up straighter, straightening my tie. "What makes you think you even deserve to be on that list?" I looked down my nose at him. "You are insignificant."

"Yes, I'm insignificant." He hummed. "Then lets talk about your little girlfriends?" The corners of his lips curled up.

"Don't you fucking dare."

"Oh, am I touching a nerve? How unfortunate, what could someone as insignificant as me say, hmm?" He started walking around, knowing it was giving me anxiety. "Though, can you even call them that?"

"What nonsense are you spouting now?"

"Well, do you even know what a proper girlfriend is? Hell, do you even have a real relationship with any of them?"

"Clearly you don't know me then. I guess this Noble Phantasm only amounts to this much." I said dryly.

"Oh, stop being obtuse, you know damn well what I mean, and you're just scared to accept it." He hummed again. "I know how you need things so blatantly spelled out sometimes." He paused in his steps again. "Are they your 'girls', or are they your 'things'?"

I stopped. "You have no idea what you're talking about."

"You so crave attention in all of its forms." He mocked. "Face it, they're your little emotional support puppets for whenever you're feeling lonely. You're so terrified of being alone that you try to surround yourself with people to fawn over you."

"Bullshit!" I shouted, throw my arm out. "I care about them, I –"

"Love them?" He laughed.

My breathing hitched.

"So, when was the last time you said that to any of them?"

"…..Love is something built over time." I said quietly.

"Uh huh." He mockingly nodded. "Apparently love Is something built up overtime, yet you're so quick to attach yourself to them. Should we talk about Kunou?"

"I fucking dare you!" I uncharacteristically threw myself at him, but something stopped me from touching him. A sort of 'barrier' wouldn't let me even grab at his clothes.

"Consider that nerve touched." He smiled mirthfully. "Well, I wouldn't want to say anything bad about my precious granddaughter, would I?" He lightly poked me, initiating the same barrier around me, almost forcing me on my butt. "But lets talk about the real reason you haven't said it. The truth you refuse to acknowledge."

"No, it's obvious what you're going." I took a deep breath, calming myself down. Was this Noble Phantasm instigating everything, making my emotions flare more easily? "I'm ashamed I let myself be led by the nose for so long. So what, do I just confront the worst parts of myself? All my insecurities are being pulled into the light?" I waived my hands around. "Congratu – fucking – lations. I have some issues because my early life was not ideal thanks to some cunt who wouldn't be arsed to give two shits beyond throwing a child into the corner and forgetting about him. Do you want a medal for pointing that out? Or is it just fun to expose all my personal matters in public?"

He didn't seem phased at all, practically ignoring me. "And you self-deprecate in an attempt to shift the conversation, because you're scared, you know what I'm going to say."

"Well then." I gestured towards him with a sneer. "Go on, regale us with your explanations of why I'm such a mess."

He shook his head with a fake sadness. "It's because you know they don't love you."

"Bullshit." I spat out immediately.

"Meridia." He spoke pointedly. "Do you really think you matter at all to her? How old Is she? She could be called Ancient when this world was born. Do you think an entity like that cares at all about a speck of dust like you?"

"Of course she does." I countered.

"Because you both fucked?" He laughed. "Face it, you're a passing amusement to her. Something she'll forget in a few thousand years when you're no longer an interest to something like her." He continued without a break. "Artoria, lets talk about her. You were the first man ever to show her a romantic interest, of course she would get attached. But do you really think she'll stick around once she gets more confidence in herself, when she realizes that she's actually a good catch? And Jinn? Do I really need to even talk about her? You were her only lifeline out of her literal prison, of course she would 'care for you', she wouldn't want to be stuffed back into her lamp for eternity on a dying world."

"Y-you're misrepresenting everything."

"Am I?" He raised an eyebrow. "Am I really?"

"Of course." I snorted, but for some reason I felt a pain in my chest.

"Okay." He nodded.

"Okay?" I repeated in confusion.

"Lets agree to disagree." He nodded towards me with a chuckle. "For your sake, I won't even mention Kunou." The way he teased it, probably did more to rouse my anger than if he actually said anything.

Calm.

I wouldn't let him get to me.

I was better than this, I don't lose my cool over some stupid words. I'm well aware I have issues, this is nothing new.

"How about we move onto the whole reason you're participating in this war?" He smirked.

And I suddenly felt a pit in my stomach.

"I'm curious, why are you fighting?" he asked.

"Don't be an idiot, you know why." I needed to find a way to get out of this thing.

"No, no." He shook his head. "I get why you're here, you're after the Grail." He began to clarify. "But – Why.Are.You.Fighting?"

"Because – "

"Because you have to?" He scoffed. "Please, we both know you had a thousand different ways to get a hold of the Grail without actually going through this whole song and dance. You just keep lying to yourself, over and over." He continued to mock. "But don't worry, dear old Dad is here with some therapy."

"You're fighting to prove yourself, because you know my words are true." He snapped his fingers, revealing a scene, an image that I wanted to forget, one I tried hard to suppress. It was Scáthach, with my Sword through her heart. "And we move on to your last paramour, your mentor and the woman you killed. Love? Don't make me laugh. Your actions speak loud enough, and the reason is obvious."

He snapped his fingers again, another screen appeared, a memory of mine. It was of Scáthach, the moment she asked me to kill her.

My breathing picked up erratically.

"It's because she chose death over staying with you."

I felt something break inside of me, my legs went limp, barely catching myself from falling to the ground with my hands. I looked down and something splashed down onto the ground below me.

I hesitantly moved my hand up to wipe away something wet running down my cheek.

Was….I crying?

A few more drops of water hit the ground.

…..oh.

I clutched my chest.

Why was it hurting so much? It wasn't just physical pain, I felt like something deeper was seeping into me. Like a crack formed in my armor and a jab went straight to my heart.

"That was easier than expected." His voice still reached my ears. "But I guess I shouldn't expect much from a child who just runs away from all his problems."

I ran a hand over my eyes, wiping away the wetness. Almost instinctively, the same hand went through my hair, a tick I developed whenever I was anxious. I paused when I felt what was binding my hair into a ponytail.

The familiar feeling between my fingers.

It was stupid, a piece of cloth that could be picked up off the street, yet it held so much sentimental value to me.

I pulled it free, letting my hair fall down, pulling it infront of my face.

"You're wrong." I said quietly, clutching the fabric tight. "I have things I need to work through still, I know that." I looked up at him. "Maybe it's an irrational fear that's holding me back from saying those words to anyone, but I know for a fact that my feelings are reciprocated." That kiss we shared, that look she gave me full of sadness. Maybe what we had wasn't a healthy example of a relationship, but I knew she cared for me, just as I did for her.

I took another deep breath, reaching back and tying my hair back up. "I could provide counter arguments for everything you said about them, about the women I've fallen for, but that would acknowledge that you had a point." My breathing evened out. "I get attached easily, I probably crave attention because I was isolated for so long. And I tend to introduce myself as the bastard of Satan as a joke because it's still a sore spot for me. Jokes are often my way of dealing with anxiety and stress."

"At the end of the day all I have to say is – so what?"

"A childish answer." He mocked. "Yes, so what if your life is a lie? The machination of your 'grandfather'. Barely held together by the thin veil of stability you call your emotions. Look how easily I got you down on your knees with a few words? I'm surprised Zelretch hadn't scrapped you and tried to start over."

I let out a chuckle. "Yeah, I've thought things like that too. I probably have a little bit of an inferiority complex with it comes to him. Understandably so due to my circumstances." I smiled bitterly. "It's why I've gone in a completely different direction with my Magecraft and combat capabilities." I shook my head. "But I trust him. I trust all of them."

"Trust." He scoffed. "So, trusting that you open yourself up to betrayal so easily. You tried to reassure Rin before, but it's obvious, you're just a pawn on his board." He looked down on me. "It's what led you here in the first place. Your trust you gave so easily to people because you were scared to be alone. You trust Meridia won't get bored of you in a few years. You trust that Artoria won't simply decide she could do better. You trust that Jinn would care about you if she no longer needs you." He listed off. "So much trust, yet your heart is complete turmoil, does that word even have meaning to you?" The corners of his lips curled up.

"And – " He continued. "You 'trust' that Scáthach will even want to see you again."

"So much trust, yet your heart is complete turmoil, does that word even have meaning to you?" The corners of his lips curled up.

That last one hit hard...possessing many more grains of truth than his other comments.

"I know I'm a contradiction. So easily giving trust to people, yet also being so wary of them that I keep so many secrets to myself. So scared of being alone again. But you're right, I can't keep going on like this, so the decision is a simple one." I lifted my head up, looking him straight in the eyes, then slammed my head onto the ground. My body shuddered at the impact, my vision slightly blurry and I felt a warm sensation start flowing down my face.

"What are you doing!?" He blurted out.

"I'll put it all on the line then." I chuckled. "Even with the ones outside here. I'll admit, I was worried how they would see me. The part of me that desires their attention and affection, but I'll trust them. I won't let my insecurities lead me by the nose anymore." I lifted my head up and slammed it on the ground again. Again, my body jerked at the sudden tremor that ran through my body, the pain that pulsed through my head. "I figured it out...I can't harm you, you can't harm me, and we can't damage the surroundings, so…..I'll hurt myself."

A mental projection I am, but I also represent 'myself' as a whole. This pain, this damage i'm doing to myself, I have no doubt it's actually happening to me.

"You're insane, you're just going to kill yourself?"

"Who said anything about killing myself? This is a mental world forced out through me, even if without my input. I just need to not be conscious, and it should go away, right? This Noble Phantasm is meant to destroy someone, not physically, but mentally and emotionally. Well, why would they care if the same person decides to hurt themselves? It's the same outcome either way."

"You....the others outside will kill you, you'll be completely at their mercy. You're a Devil, do you think any of them will care about your 'friendship' after this!?"

I began to cackle, even as red filled my vision. "That's right, I'll have nothing left but trust in the people I gathered around me. I trust Mordred, I trust Kairi, I trust Jeanne, and I certainly trust Raikou. So, lets roll the dice, shall we?" I raised my head up again and slammed it on the ground, creating a new ringing sound in my ears.

"YOU'RE GOING TO DIE! THEY'RE GOING TO KILL YOU AND FIGHT OVER THE GRAIL THEMSELVES. AND YOU'RE GOING TO LEAVE THOSE GIRLS ALL ALONE, TO FIND OUT THEIR LOVER KILLED HIMSELF FOR SUCH A STUPID REASON."

I barely heard him as a shock went through my body.

"Hah…" I spat out some blood that ran into my mouth. "You're contradicting yourself now." I rocked side to side before slamming my head down again, shattering the stones beneath me.

"You're going to disappoint Zelretch." He hissed.

I let out another laugh, slamming my head down again.

"Meridia –"

Slam!

"Artoria – "

Slam!

"Jinn – "

Slam!

"Kunou's going to lose another father."

That made me pause. My head was throbbing in pain, and I think I cracked my skull. I could barely hear him at this point over the buzzing my hears. "Kunou is going to have a much better father than I ever had." I shakily raised my middle finger at him with a smirk, before reeling my head back one last time and hitting it against the stone ground.

My vision began to fade, and I felt my consciousness slipping.

"It's my win…." I said quietly as I heard the shouts of my comrades rushing towards me.

***

A Noble Phantasm that targets someone's heart. Pretty damn dangerous for anyone who has any kind of regrets, insecurities, traumas or bad experiences.

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