1 A Mothers Final Smile.

Here i am... in this white hospital room that seems so serene and calm, yet so filled with chaos. I've been here for a while now and I've had plenty of time to think about what I've done in life... the accomplishments and the set backs, the good and the bad times. I think back to when I was a child...

I was born into a poor family, I've know I was poor ever since I could think. It was one of those things you knew but didn't understand. I knew I was poor as a child, but didn't know what it signified. I only really knew what it meant when I was seven, maybe eight... it meant my parents struggled to work all day just to feed me and and keep me under a roof and in warmth... I used to think and question if I was unlucky to be born in such a family, I wasn't able to realise that... although we were poor, my family still loved me as I loved them... I used to have grand goals in mind like; I will become a gazillion-air and make my family happy and proud... what grand goals I had....

I can still remember the look on there faces when I would shout at them because I was upset we couldn't afford a toy I wanted... I blamed everything on them... at times I shouted at them, at times I would hit them and at times I broke things.... but no matter what... they always had that warm smile on their faces, as if I had done nothing wrong....

I think back now and realise how much of an idiot I was... I wasted that love, I just discarded it... what a fool I was...

Through my later time in school, I distanced myself from my parents... spoke less to them and eventually just stopped talking to them.... I just went on with life, got my qualifications and got a job...

I worked the same job for 23 years and gradually reached one of the highest positions... I had plenty of wealth, a nice house and a nice car. I was happy... but lonely... I had no one... not long after these 23 years... I got a message from my mother saying.... my father had died.

At that moment I remember my mind going blank, I dropped the phone and then... I cried, cried a river of tears... I wanted do go to his funeral, but I couldn't, I felt so much guilt, I didn't dare to look into my mothers eyes... I could only imagine how much shame and anger she had for me... I... i was a coward, I feared the thought of facing her anguish... it scared me.

But, not long after my father death, my mother soon followed. But I managed to say goodbye before she passed... and... it was very different than I expected... I thought she would be mad and upset with me because I didn't come to the funeral nor did I speak to her after the death of my father.... but she wasn't, she wasn't mad a all. When she saw me, she smiled, the warmest and brightest smile I had ever and will ever see was the smile on my mothers face at that moment... she didn't shout at me... she just cried and hugged me... she asked me all these questions about how I was doing and if I was happy, she didn't ask for any explanation of why I never contacted her.... she only enjoyed the time we had left together...

Soon.... I was alone again.... I never got the chance to have kids or get married, the death of my parents caused me to just shut myself away with my work... and that continued till now, when I am laying in the white hospital room, that seems so serene and calm, yet so full of chaos... that I realised... even though I had accomplished my goal of becoming wealthy... I lost the most important things....

And finally, after eighty-three years, I had realised, some things are more important than money. Somethings, like family...