A Blurry Mind

I still can't remember clearly. It's as if my mind has completely pushed away the wretched memory. I keep trying though, again and again to bring the images back, to put the pieces together.

The doctors said it hasn't been that long since the so-called tragedy and probably that's why I seem to have no recollection of what happened. At the moment I am at home, or more accurately the apartment that I have been renting the last few months since there is nothing left from the place I used to call home before.

All of my wounds have completely healed by now, thanks to my abilities but still every day that I wake up I feel a pain in my chest, an ache, as if someone has managed to grasp my heart and is clenching it, intending to break it.

I always open my eyes in the morning and feel my cheeks dump, tears still fresh on them. I am always in panic, looking around frantically, calling my mum but soon after I realize there is no one there, nothing bad is happening because nothing worse could happen than what I experienced before.

The truth is that everyone I loved is already dead. A few months ago, three to be exact, someone attacked the compound we used to live in. Deep into the night he sneaked up on us, killing everyone and then he burned the whole place down, not wanting to leave any evidence.I was the only one that made it out alive, I was the only one that had seen his face, I am sure I had even heard his voice but moments after my escape, exhausted and injured I fainted and now his characteristics, the images of what happened that bloody night are all faded.

A sigh escaped my lips as I threw the covers off of me. I had to get up, it was probably already noon and as my bare feet touched the cold tiles I instantly regretted that decision. My motivation was completely gone, my will to live even seemed to slowly get drained from my body. The only thing that kept me going was managing to remember. Finding out who was the one that dared to do this to my family and ripping out his heart. The only thought that made me get out of bed was revenge.

Looking at myself in the mirror I realized I looked more like someone in rehab rather than an enraged werewolf who was planning to make her master plan. My hair was messy, a dull brown color since I hadn't washed it in a while and deep dark circles were forming under my eyes. I frowned, dissatisfied by my image and headed towards the bathroom. It was probably time to take a shower, I told myself when I remembered the words of my mother.

"Alice, you are the daughter of an Alpha, you should always look your best." She would tell me while she brushed my hair. She always braided it so beautifully, her touch softer than a feather but I had no idea how to do it, she hadn't taught me how and now she was gone.

I didn't want to cry. I was sick of crying but sometimes you just can't stop. As I took my clothes off, my packs tattoo on my back was deformed, there was a huge scar on it, the only one in my body that could not heal because it was caused by a poisoned blade, wolfsbane. Another reminder, just not the right one. I felt it with my fingers, as much as I could, looking almost like an idiot trying to touch the whole surface of my back. I would check to see if it was there everyday, making sure that this was not some kind of dream, a nightmare I had just woken up from.

Sadly though it was always there, rough underneath my fingertips and I thought of the beautiful crescent moon that was once painted on my back. A moon and then a straight line at the end that led to a lotus flower on my back. Every pack member had its own flower, mine chosen by my father. It was said to be the most beautiful one of them all. Exquisite craftsmanship and some had even called it art. Now though it had been destroyed, none of its beauty left.

The warm water felt good as it landed on my skin. It helped relax the muscles and my mind slowly calmed down. It took me a month to be able to spend a whole day without going into crisis mode. Crying, bringing out my claws, scratching the walls. Then the next month I had to learn again how to function. Get up from my bed, eat, go grocery shopping, sleep without thinking that someone will kill me in my sleep.

I had thought about it many times. When the night fell I was sure, someone would burst through my door and murder me the same they did to my family. It wasn't fear exactly what I felt. It was a mix of regret and anger. Regret because I didn't die with them, regret I didn't do anything to save them and anger, anger for feeling this way, for being unable to find out who did it. For being so useless that I couldn't remember the face of the one that ruined my life.

That's why in the third month I decided to simply get it together. Find my old self or the remnants of it and get back to finding who had ruined my life in such an easy way.

"You are the daughter of an Alpha." I whispered in the mirror when I stepped out of the shower. "You need to avenge them, even if it kills you." I continued.

Today was the day, after so long I had decided it, I would go back.

I would travel back to what had survived of my old home and look for evidence of what had truly happened.