Days Gone by and Past goodbyes

I was just fifteen. A terrible pandemic hit the U.S. hard, rendering the summer vacation before sophomore year a shadow of what it should've been, the ensuing quarantine only bringing on worry for my dementia-ridden grandmother. To be honest, it was funny at first to even think that someone could in their right mind, ask if you had eaten yet or what your age was every few minutes. Yeah, at first.

In a routine biweekly visit to my grandparents' senior apartment unit, I knocked on the door and was met by my grandma at the door:

"Ma!"

"Hello. Who are you?"

Those words resonated as the thunder does across the heavens, worth a thousand divine revelations in my young sap of a mind. A bit of probing suggested that the disease had already destroyed her mind, with an ax sharpened to execute her at any moment. She did not know her children. She did not know her husband. All that was left was the rudimentary human essences of curiosity and senile decay in a body that could no longer enjoy life.

She was dead to me ever since. To live meant to have consciousness, and consciousness was only complete with memory intact. Weeks became months, months became years, and before I knew it, the next I saw her was in a casket. My former personal caretaker was gone in a flash.

YU DU YAN

1940-2015

A year of pure English in college, a few years of having since dropped out, and now I'm just a financial thorn in my dad's side. I couldn't keep up with schoolwork, and everything just collapsed from there.

Thinking about this crap is giving me a throbbing headache. This calls for a nap.

When I wake up four hours later, it is evening, and I suddenly remember something important. I was to check out a new, innovative, technology that would change my life. I burst out of the sofa for my laptop. The laptop keys click furiously to navigate to the desired website, followed by a decisive tap of the mouse to seal the deal.

DOWNLOADING...

While I wait, I might as well enjoy myself. Isn't this called multitasking? I'm so proud of my newfound achievement.

I decide to observe the activity of old classmates on social media - it's how I "keep up" with them. Bikini pics aside, they had things I didn't: jobs, passions, and romance. But I'm about to close a part of that gap right now.

The software I just installed fills my laptop with pitch darkness at first, before fading into a colorful title screen.

LOVELY NUYOU 2020

START

LOAD

SETTINGS

I click start and commence my glorious odyssey for a beautiful girlfriend. It prompts me to enter my name, in which I enter Ming, of course. It starts me off in a scenario where I am a transfer student at an international school in Hong Kong, with the story progressing through a dialogue box, lively character sprites, and computer graphics. In a matter of five hours, I have chosen all possible dialogue options for my in-game character and dated three female classmates, achieving three endings. What was this? I was supposed to be fulfilled, but I don't feel gratified in any way.

Teeth gritting, I close my laptop and slam it into the garbage bin, which lands with a crash. I sprint to the kitchen, slap my left hand on the cutting board, and acquire a kitchen knife from a counter cabinet with my right. I shut my eyes, bracing for the impending impact.

The door opens weakly, and my father steps into our dilapidated abode. When he catches sight of me, he rejoices exhaustedly:

"What are you doing? Finally decided to cook something for dinner...?"

"Yeah."

As I tell him that, I frantically pull open the freezer to retrieve a yellow croaker.

Eyeing me suspiciously, my dad picks my laptop up from the dump, places it back on the table, and takes a seat there himself.

"I have something to tell you. Your aunts, uncles, and cousins have decided to lend a hand. They're contributing money so you can get help. So in three days, you'll go to a psychiatrist office downtown. You better not waste this chance like the last time."

He leaves to use the shower, but makes a remark in the bathroom:

"Oh, and wash the dishes!"

Why? I never asked for this. I'm fine at home every day. I don't need help. I've never had to leave the house before, so why now...? I don't even know how to talk to people... I don't want this.

I'll think about it when I wake up the next morning.