10 Reality check - who am I?

Something was wrong. Both Crea and my sister were incredibly surprised when I walked into a wall and hissed from pain. For me, they were the strange ones for being able to navigate in total darkness easily. They exchanged a few words, ones that I wasn't able to understand since Crea had removed the constant telepathic connection, then the blonde goddess created a small ball of shining particles. It began to orbit around her lazily. The dim white light it produced was enough to avoid further collisions and give me a better understanding of this place.

It was a set of tight corridors carved in a rock. Occasional wooden doors, and rarely a more solid looking metal ones, could be found in irregular intervals. Except for a layer of dust, this place was rather clean, and there were many decorative elements such as marble statues, landscape paintings, and intricate wall engravings located in various niches together with carved benches and tables. For sure it didn't look like a dungeon, and I wasn't so certain about it being a castle's cellar anymore.

Behind one of the open door, I spotted something that looked like a dining room, behind other was a simple bedroom. Medieval cellars were mostly designed for such things as storing food and wine in a cool environment. Well, it wouldn't be strange to find inside a little dirty secret or two. I bet most nobles had a secret tryst or torture chamber - possibly both, or in Crea's case the cradle room. But either Crea had a lot of secrets stuffed behind all those closed doors and liked to keep things pretty, or this place was designed as a pleasant underground living space.

However, except for us, there was no one in here, and that floating ball was the only source of light. There were no sconces attached to the walls to hold torches, no magical crystals, no signs of candlesticks as if providing light to this place was never taken into consideration. But ventilation was. I could feel a draft coming from small holes drilled nearby every crossing. Either we weren't that deep, or there was some mechanism pumping air through those corridors to keep the atmosphere from going stale.

When I started wondering just how big was this place, Crea stopped in front of some door and broke the silence with a few sentences directed to my sister. The latter was breathing heavily, it took her a lot of effort to keep up with the goddess' quick pace, even I was slightly winded despite us walking no longer than ten minutes. A good night's rest should really help with acclimating to this body.

'Your rooms are here.' Sent Crea, and pointed at the door. 'Inside should be everything you need. I will come and fetch you tomorrow. Stick to the girl and don't make me look for you all over the place.' Without giving me a chance to ask any questions, Crea extinguished the light and walked away.

For a moment we stood in silence, listening to the quickly fading footsteps. Even when they were gone, and my sister caught her breath, we still stood without a word. I didn't know what to say, or more like, I had so much to say that I didn't know where to start. It would help significantly if I could at least see her expression and judge my words based on it. Damn, someone had to make the first step, for example, I could ask her about… - blank -.

Why the difficulty went up so much just because we had bodies now, weren't in danger, and were alone?! Shouldn't it be the other way round?!

Hell, anything was better than this awkward silence. One thing, I needed just one thing to talk about, and the first one that came to my mind was… 'can I use you as a body pillow'? Yeah, good idea…

... almost as good as immediately starting to look for a new sister, cuz if I said that then this one would forever look at me with disgust.

I was inwardly panicking, to the point of completely forgetting about the stinging pain of my burns. What if I said something bad? What if I ruined everything? What if she would never open herself to me? What if I was already too far gone in her book? I sacrificed myself once for her and chickened out one time as well. Minus one and plus one equaled zero, right? But ultimately I kept defending her… with words… and would give up if Crea pushed one more time... not good.

It used to be so easy, one peek inside her mind, and I knew exactly what to say and how to behave. Now? Damn, I might as well start from the beginning.

Thank the heaven's she took the initiative. Her voice was slightly tense:

"Do you-"

"- have a name? Yes, my name is Victor Yelvesfor, have we met somewhere?"

Brain meltdown, her words triggered mine.

"- plan on moving? You're blocking the door." She finished her question with a confused tone. It also sounded as if there was some anger mixed within.

The temperature of my face went up by at least ten degrees. All the blood was rushing to it after all.

Right, move, I had to move, I was blocking her way. Why was I still standing here? Damn, another mistake.

I frantically started walking forward but was stopped by a small hand which suddenly grabbed mine.

"You want to smash your tomato face on a wall again?" Her voice sounded kind of worried and troubled, but it could also be interpreted as irritated and unhappy. I desperately kept looking for the true meaning behind her words, for her real thoughts, goddamn soul bond, why it didn't convey them anymore?!

"Calm down!" She pulled me a step closer to her.

I did exactly as she told me to - calmed down. Took a few deep breaths. Focused on the feeling of her warm and soft hand. Made sure that the soul bond between us was still there, it at least allowed me to sense her presence. Hoped that she would forget about my entirely out of place introduction.

"There are no pesky souls around… no irritable goddess… no damn river… no strange plants… so listen well, just this one time, ok?" Her voice was gradually losing its initial strength until it turned into a whisper. "B-brother… this sounds so nice, I'm so glad to finally have one." Her grasp around my hand tightened. "You're not the only one who doesn't know how to behave… but you made it easier for me, thank you."

Our connected hands and her words gave me the push I needed to stabilize myself. She showed me a glimpse of her honest side, and it made me realize that I was an idiot. Why was I even panicking so much? Because I couldn't peek inside her mind anymore? I should know better than anyone that her words and behavior were rarely going to match her real feelings, and that was precisely why I should treasure every single moment when they did.

On the other hand, I was still insecure. Unable to trust without proof. Worried that I would disappoint both her and myself if I started pushing my unrealistic ideal image of a little sister on her. The nasty residue of the person I used to be in previous life. Nevertheless, my goal was set. I was going to make her honest with herself when it was just the two of us.

First step - I had to achieve that myself.

"Sister, my own precious little sister." I whispered and felt her move, then something warm and soft hit me.

It took me a second to realize that it wasn't a strangely weak tackle attempt. This was the world's most awkward hug. Actually, it was even hard to call it a hug. She jumped in, collided her body with mine, jumped out. Didn't give me time to react, neither tried to embrace with hands.

"Wait." I stopped her tries to release her hand, she probably looked no less red than me. "I can't see anything. Please lead the way."

My sister stopped fighting against our physical connection, and a minute later said:

"... can't be helped. Follow me."

Being honest with her was impossible on a long run. Not yet at least. We were both relieved that I found a proper reason to keep holding our hands. But it was all I could manage to do, anything else was too much, and even that short exchange cost me my entire supply of courage.

The first step of the first step - try to talk with her like we did when Crea was around.

Yeah, that should be a good place to start.

"There's a short corridor and four more doors. Give me a moment, I will check what's behind each of them." We moved inside, and she happily described what she saw, firmly pulling me behind, unwilling to separate. "There's a small pantry and storage behind the first on the left… and there's a toilet behind the door opposite to it… and two identical bedrooms behind the second right and second left. I'm taking the left one." Once in a while, her tails smacked against my legs, their swinging movement must have been involuntary. But it was easy to ignore and tolerate… completely different to the pain of my burning face that came back in full force as soon as I relaxed.

"How can you even see anything?"

She didn't answer but took me to what should be my bedroom judging by the way in which we moved. Then led me to a bed and unfortunately our excuse to hold hands was no longer valid. I heard as she walked away and sat down on something about three meters from me.

"Alright." She started with a slightly sad tone, then cleared her throat and continued in her default cold one. I guess that was the end of our today's bonding session. It was time to talk business. "First, I want to talk about names."

"Oh?"

Bonding session bonus time?

"You've said you're Victor Yelvesfor. How come?" A little anger crept into her voice.

"I picked the name myself, kind of. The surname was forced on me by Crea. It's actually a simple wordplay that means-"

"Idiot." She interrupted. "That's not what I want to hear. What I want to know is why you're Victor Yelvesfor? You like it?" Her anger was more perceivable now, and I had no idea why. Just a minute ago everything was going smoothly.

"Are you angry because I asked if we've met somewhere before? That was just a little joke to relax and-"

"You don't get it! Who am I? Think."

Why was I suddenly thrown before a question that felt like a critical one? Who was she? That was simple, she was my little sister. But was that the answer she wanted? How else could I answer this question?

'Think Victor, think. Who is she? A silver elf? A little sister? The girl soul-bonded to me?' I started enumerating various options inside my mind, but none of them felt like the correct answer. She didn't have a name yet, and her past one was lost.

"Looks like I was the only one who wanted to seriously treat you as my sibling." The anger in her voice was still there, but it was being replaced by something grimmer.

I had a bad feeling. Somehow I was hurting her pride and effort, and I didn't know how and why, but I knew that if I allowed this to continue, then she was going to say something that would be like a thorn in our sides.

"Wait, please. Give me five minutes."

"..."

Did I like that name? Who was she? How not knowing the correct answer to those two questions made her feel that I wasn't treating our relation seriously? Did she want me to give her a name I liked? As a sign that I was thinking about her? Then I would be able to answer the question about her identity.

If yes, then she had nothing to worry about. I was thinking about a name for her since the time I picked mine.

Top five that were left after a lot of brainstorming were: Victoria, Argenti, Erica, Luna, and Circe. Victoria was obviously prepared since we were going to be twins, but that didn't apply any longer, and I crossed it out. Argenti and Luna were both connected with silver, but she was already silverish silver and giving her even more silver in her name would be an overkill. Circe was the Greek goddess of magic, a witch, enchantress, I would use it if she made herself look more mature. Erica was included simply because I liked it and it had the best short form out of them all.

Erica Yelvesfor… shit… so that was it.

I just realized why she was so mad. She was right, I was an idiot. An idiot who forgot to ask her for an opinion in this matter, even though I was so hellbent on stopping Crea from doing the same. There was no way she would accept that name now.

Once I stopped focusing on myself and included her into the equation, the pieces all fell into their places.

"Sorry. Let's pick our names together. Yelvesfor's just a placeholder."

"Hmmmmm…" I could literally feel the anger evaporating from her tone with that prolonged sound. "Who am I?"

"The little sister of Victor Yelvesfor. What do you think about Luna Yelvesfor? It would fit you nicely."

"You like it?"

"I do."

"I don't. It's actually a common elven name, heh even our world is called Erluna. I might have liked it more if you didn't take so long to answer. Anyway, Luna's rejected. What's that wordplay you mentioned connected with OUR surname?" Her mood was definitely improving I could hear the rhythmic sound of her tails hitting something in the background.

"Victor Yelvesfor, the harbinger of 'victory for elves'." I said theatrically and managed to tickle her funny bone.

Sitting in an unknown underground room, in total darkness, listening to slightly wicked young girl's laughter that was quickly gaining on strength, joined with a constant feeling of pain due to my toasted face - somehow, it wasn't as bad as it sounded.

*Pfff-hahaha!* "Brilliant!" *Hahaha*. She continued laughing aloud, whispering both the name and its meaning under the nose and inducting wave after wave of laughter.

There was a short, loud, cracking noise mixed within.

"Hey, don't demolish my bedroom. I can't see them, but those tails just broke something, didn't they?"

"*giggle* One sec. *giggle* I'm ok now. It was just a vase or something, nothing important. I was going to reject that surname as well, but it's too good. Now I just need a good name for myself, but don't you dare to make a pun out of it. For sure not something like Victoria, it's too connected with yours, I don't want to overshadow your victory."

"Hoh? Why you're so sure that it won't be me who gains power and glory?"

"Glory? Why not, it's going to be shared between us after all. But power? It may shock you, but I'm already far ahead. You can't even activate your elven traits."

This one hurt. I guess previous elven experience gave her a nice head start. Not that I was going to give up, personal strength was important, and my position as older brother required me to be at least stronger than the little sister I wanted to protect.

"I will catch up to you soon."

"I'm counting on it. But it's going to be hard. There are two main reasons why my body looks like this…" She made a short pause as if wondering if she should share them with me, but in the end, decided against. "Anyway, gimme more names. I want something from your world, not connected with the elven ones I know."

Just as she wanted, I gave her a lot more dummy ones, and as expected she declined them all for one reason or another. Wouldn't be strange if she rejected everything I proposed only to teach me a lesson for that previous mistake and then picked one by herself. But more important than that was the fact that somewhere along the line we started talking normally. All we had to do was to stop actively thinking about how to behave or what to say. Maintaining physical distance and the quiet, private atmosphere helped as well. It was a delicate, unsteady balance, but it worked. It reminded me that our soul bond wasn't created due to luck or by coincidence - we were compatible with each other.

"What about Argenti?"

"Meaning?"

"Silver."

"Ain't that like the fourth or fifth one connected with that color? Come on, give me something more original."

"Circe, the goddess of magic, a witch, enchantress, but you look too young to pull it off."

Was she going to take the bait?

"I guess… it has a Crea-like vibe to it. Give me something opposite to it. I like my young appearance, you know how many enemies can be fooled by it or will hesitate just because I'm a pretty little girl? And something tells me that Victor Yelvesfor is one of such fools."

And that something was right, but I wasn't going to admit it.

"I'm merciless like a machine."

"The merciless you has tears in his eyes... still hurts? Don't rub it, strange that it didn't heal already. But it's just a little burn, why do you act as if you've been doused with boiling oil?" She asked out of curiosity not contempt, her childlike side slowly emerged from within. A pity I couldn't see her. But it was just what I needed to push forward with the 'Eri-Eri' plan. I hoped that I would be able to pull it off without freezing in mid-word.

"Because it's Intense, really intense, the pain in my previous life was set to easy mode. Well, at the moment I've experienced mostly the downsides of superior senses, but there's also one excellent thing I'm extremely grateful for."

"What thing?"

"Without elven sight and senses, I would never be able to fully appreciate j-just how c-cute you are Eri."

That was it, I hit my limit and was able to say only one basic flattery instead of the flowery speech I was preparing on the side. I hoped that the lack of response was a good sign, then proceeded to the next part of the plan.

"Eri, what do you think about it? It's a short version of Erica. And has a youthful vibe to it, just as you wanted."

"Eri… Erica Yelvesfor." Her voice was barely a whisper, but hearing her test the way it sounded was akin to the trumpets of victory. However, the next sentence that came after keeping me waiting for a minute was said in an entirely different manner. "Eyes full of hope, sitting on the edge, carefully fishing for any sounds from my side, you're even biting your lips in anticipation." I was wrong, the only victory was the mocking one contained inside her voice. "A small lesson for you, don't compliment the elven beauty, there's no point. Telling an elf that she's pretty, cute or beautiful will only get you a roll of her eyes. It's only a given that those words can be applied to us. If you want to make an elven maiden blush then attack the point that makes her different from other elven girls, even if it's only a tiny difference. Not to mention that your shy attempt and shaking voice were unsightly."

That would be it, 'Eri-Eri' plan failed. I was an idiot who forgot that my body reflected every emotion and in comparison to me she saw everything. Not to mention that her reaction was completely unexpected. Where was my younger sister who should happily accept her new name after I said that embarrassing line? Or was she just hiding her true feelings? How should I behave in order to conquer this girl? If only I could see anything - irritating.

"Heh, it was worth giving a try, I really like that name."

"Hmm… Are you trying the 'I will be honest maybe then she will change her mind' approach now? Such a cruel fate, I'm not only more talented but also smarter than my older sibling. But you're lucky, you know? For a moment I was about to again get angry since it seemed that you didn't care what name I was going to end with. You were throwing them out without a second thought, like sheep to be slaughtered." She spoke in a way as if I should be grateful to her. It was starting to be annoying, she was getting too full of herself.

"You were planning on rejecting them anyway." There was a sharp edge in my voice.

"That doesn't mean that they could be random ones. Erica's rejected. Continue, but give me only the ones that you really think will suit me." Her tone also gained in severity.

"..."

"You didn't hear me? Continue, now." She was no longer trying to remove her pride and make an active effort to discuss everything together - her last sentence was an order.

"Hell no." I was about to add a few more harsh lines, but ultimately only clicked my tongue. Our conversation wasn't fun any longer, but there was no point in turning it into a fight. Instead, I lied down on the bed and turned my back to her. I could use a good night's sleep anyway.

She kept waiting for me to say something else, but all she got in return was silence.

"Have fun stumbling in darkness." She spat out and stomping loudly went out of the room, closing the door to it with a bang. Now I had to figure out how to see in darkness by myself. And we didn't even touch more pressing topics like where are we, what to do, Crea's plans, elven common sense and more.

This wasn't the way how I imagined our first extended conversation would end like. But it was her fault, she was being unreasonable. If she thought that I was going to jump around her and fulfill her every whim, then she was wrong. I wasn't going to be always afraid of saying or doing something only because it could anger my little sister. That definitely wasn't the way I wanted our relationship to be like. Why wasn't she more like the sister I imagined? Why it was me who had to wreck his brain on thinking how I wronged her, but she gave up in a heartbeat while it was her turn?

I cursed my elven ears for catching every little noise. There was this muffled sound coming from behind the door.

She shouldn't treat me like she was the better one, but I already knew that it was going to be hard to make her see us as equals. She should tease and get teased back in return, but I already realized that she wasn't used to it. She should have her own opinion, yet ultimately always agree with mine, but that was no different from making her a slave. She should be more warm and considerate, but wasn't it me who thought that her wicked and selfish self was better? She should say what she was angry about without playing that little game of 'guess what', but I never told her that. She should treat me better, but wasn't I, in her eyes, already receiving special treatment?

Should and shouldn't, should and shouldn't - a lot more comparisons of my ideal to reality followed. However, I also realized that I was no less unreasonable than her. My values and expectations were contradicting each other. The anger and irritation quickly cooled down and were exchanged with a depressing feeling of not knowing what to do.

Additionally to the ability to scan our minds, there was another thing I liked about the river of souls - any and all negative emotions could be erased before they matured in the background of our minds. It made accepting the other party flaws so much easier. Without it, I had to learn how to cope with them anew. We might have been compatible with each other, but it was easier said than done.

And I wasn't the only one disappointed by the result of this reality check. For a longer while now, Eri was walking in circles on the corridor. I bet the ideal brother in her mind should understand her without words and be an endless source of patience.

True… picking that surname for us was my fault, but that was why I tried to make up for it. Alright, maybe scheming to make her agree with the name I picked wasn't much different from trying to force my opinion on her, but she didn't have to react so badly to it. It was just a small game… no that was wrong. Would I be able to say the same if our roles were reversed? But for sure the moment when she stopped trying to 'talk' and started to 'order' was her fault.

The sounds she made were now joined by entirely new ones, damn silver loli was luring me outside. I guess it was her way of trying to make up for her mistake... This kaleidoscope of feelings wouldn't let me sleep anyway.

"A perfect one would be boring anyway." I muttered silently and stood up from the bed. Then started stumbling in the darkness, looking for a way leading toward the source of those noises and a sweet smell I easily recognized.

It would be an eternal stain on my honor if instead of protecting my little sister like the older brother I always wanted to be, it would turn out that I was the first one who made her cry. However, if there was one thing I was sure of, it was that this proud girl wasn't the type who would openly cry unless she was deeply hurt by someone she really cared about. And unfortunately, I had a long way to go before becoming a person capable of making her cry.

"Eri! Leave some wine for me!" I yelled to the girl who was probably in the process of pillaging our pantry.

"Shut up! Don't call me that!" She yelled back, made a few more loud gulping noises and added. "And come here already, or I will eat your portion!"

She also wasn't the type who would easily apologize, but it seemed that she had other means of doing that. Otherwise, she wouldn't start something that sounded and smelled like a picnic right outside the door to my bedroom.