11 Reality check - finally honest

"Stop." Said the elven girl as soon as I opened the door. Seeing my sour face, she quickly added: "That wasn't an order, I just don't want you to step on food."

"Why did you set up a picnic on the corridor?"

"Neutral ground, good for negotiations. There's a good spot to sit down, one step forward and half step to the left."

"It's fine to speak normally, the words aren't a problem. Just don't make them sound as if you're ordering a servant who has no right to refuse. I want to make up with you as well." I added a small forced smile to the last sentence so she wouldn't mistake my words for patronizing ones.

While carefully sitting down I heard her mutter 'we're not making up, we're negotiating', followed by the sound of a healthy sip of wine. It reminded me how parched I was, and a little boost of courage wouldn't hurt.

As if reading my mind, or merely deducing it from my expression, she said:

"Thirsty? Stay still."

She moved closer, grabbed my hand and slowly guided to the prepared items that stood nearby. At the same time, she named each of them in her native language and, based on touch and smell, wanted me to guess what it was. There was a jug of wine, a ceramic mug that was already filled, a small metal box, and a bowl of something.

"Some kind of jerky?" I wanted to take one and give it a taste, but her small hand was still holding mine. I would hate to ruin this unexpected pleasant situation by making her misunderstand my intentions.

"Kind of. The rations are made of dried venison mixed with herbs, and leave that for now." She finished explaining, took the metal box I was trying to open and went back to her previous position.

A bit of skinship, free meal, and language lesson - all in one. Her way of saying sorry was way better than mine. But words were all I had at the moment.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have ignored you like that."

"You're right, you shouldn't. But… what was that you said a moment ago? 'The words aren't a problem. Just make sure to actually SAY where I made a mistake instead of silently turning your back to me', am I right?" Her tone was thorny, didn't match the message she tried to convey at all.

A tricky situation. On the one hand, I wanted to return those words right here and now, she also had me spinning wildly for a while by not saying straight what was the problem with the name. On the other, she had given me some hints and extra time to think. However, there was a way to prevent similar situations in the future without ruining our 'negotiations'.

I found the mug, drank the wine, poured myself a second serving since the taste was superb, and emptied the mug again. It wasn't strong, the alcohol was there mostly to help with storing it for extended periods of time, but it had a vibrant blackcurrant taste.

"Our minds are floating toward the ideals. Ideals that aren't us."

"Your point?" She asked coldly, unsure as to the goal behind my words. I heard her drink a few big sips.

"We're going to quarrel, that's an unavoidable part of the process of growing closer, but I want to have a safe line. A promise that will help us to make up every single time quickly. You can think of it as an official treaty signed and enforced by both parties, it's a crucial part of any negotiations."

I gave her some time to think and tasted the dry rations. Damn, long live elven palate, it was finger-licking good. I thought about stopping myself from eating everything at once to relish the taste, but chewing hurt. Those burns could chill out already.

"Hmm… interesting. State your demands."

"First, let me double check. Breaking a given promise is?"

"A death sentence!" Her response was wickedly enthusiastic and full of life.

We were in a complete agreement. A person who broke a verbal promise was as good as dead to us.

"After every fight, no matter who started it or whose fault it was, we…" I paused, searching for the right words, for a way to make it sound like a proper solution.

"We?"

"Remember it's only an idea, a proposal, don't throw anything at me or something, alright?"

"We?" She put more emphasis on it this time, and there was a full of hope undertone mixed within. Nevertheless, I bet she already had her own counterproposal.

I emptied the fifth mug of wine, there was no more left in the jug, a pity. Anyway, it was a 'do or die' situation.

"... after each quarrel, we will maintain some kind of physical contact, for example, hold hands, this way no one can't just walk away before we make up. No matter how long it takes, we will remain in close proximity."

"You shameless pig! In other words, you want to sleep with me in one bed, ain't you?!"

Her voice was strangely happy, and all mugs were still in one piece. It was a good sign, and I pushed onwards.

"Don't play this card now! You're not much different, this is a shared dream! We both want to fall asleep while using each other as pillows!"

"What if others will see us?! You're a perverted monkey. You know what kind of rumors that will start?"

"And I say, who cares about others!"

"I care! You horny dog~."

So happy in fact that I began to doubt myself.

"Then we will make sure no one finds out!"

"... but… but… no. We can't. You uhm… corrupted turtle?" At this point, she stopped even trying to sound serious, and I realized that it was all a farce - one that I began at the time when she emerged from the cocoon.

"We can. It's just sleeping and hugging, nothing more, completely normal for siblings."

"Is it? Oh, found a good one, you unethical horse!"

"It was in my previous world. Now stop using this situation to discover new ways of insulting me with animals and say what you really think."

"I'm happy. Really happy. You're still there. The incorrigible pervert. The person I bet my everything on."

"W-what about your previous behaviour?"

"Act for an act."

That confirmed it. I had been too focused on making our relation normal, while in reality it was far removed from that word. It was time to put away the mask protecting my delicate inner sanctum and face her without it.

Still, I had to take a moment to rethink everything.

If I had just said the first thing that came to my mind back then: 'can I use you as a body pillow'. Then maybe I wouldn't try to unsuccessfully play the role of a nice brother that didn't suit me at all. It caused me to doubt my every move and walk in mental circles. On top of that, she responded to it with hiding behind her thorny wall, scared that I was no longer the person she created the soul bond with. Worried that the 'me' she shared her dreams with was destroyed during that episode with the red soul.

I should have realized it the moment I saw her new body. The fact that I found it extremely huggable wasn't a coincidence. It was a body tailored to my tastes, she wanted to be hugged every single minute when it was just the two of us - to make up for the entire previous life of being lonely.

"Don't tell me... if I had screamed with joy and tried to hug you as soon as I saw you emerge from the cocoon, we would have avoided this entire situation at a small cost of a bruise or two?"

"Exactly, I would have hurt you in front of Crea, but then made it up to you when she was gone. But what I got instead? You were treating me like some kind of a girl to conquer and tried to make yourself look good in my eyes! Screw you! Go conquer yourself!" She paused, redirected her raising anger to a few unlucky pieces of dried rations, gobbled them down, and continued in a calmer tone. "In the river of souls, I made sure to include my every emotion together with the messages I sent, and it worked so well. We accepted each other, right? All our good and bad sides. Then how the heck next time I saw you, you were thinking something along the lines of 'I have to make her slowly open up to me'? Goddamn idiot, as if there was any need for that! You've got a name for me? Say it! You want to hug me? Say it or do it! I will refuse or not, it's my right to do. But don't dare to scheme behind my back or play mind games with me, this I won't tolerate."

"Sure, I will say it! You could have just said it straight. How was I supposed to know all that? What was the point of that 'who am I' question? I thought that you would break all your ties with me if I forced a name on you!"

"How? Don't you get it? That's the beauty of our relationship. It can't be broken even if we wanted to. Our souls are connected with soul bond, our bodies are connected with blood ties, we share the same dreams! You scanned my entire mind, you should know that I ain't perfect… there are times I may get angry and unreasonable, even regret everything, but in the end, there's no method that would allow me to end it all without a trace. Like it or not, something will always remain, something that will force us to negotiate. Yet you still said that our minds are floating in different directions? And I thought I have problems."

I was searching blindly for more wine, I needed it - so much effort was wasted on pointless worries and needles thoughts. Opposite to me, my sister filled her mug, drank from it, and passed the rest to me. I took both her mug and the jug she placed nearby.

"Of course you have problems. You can only say all that after making sure there are no pesky souls around, no irritable goddess, no persistent river, and no strange plants. You would never be able to open yourself to someone who didn't scan your mind first. But why you had to test me despite fulfilling that unreal requirement?" I asked, though I already knew the answer. But she wanted to release all her pent-up emotions and the least I could do was to help her with that.

Wait... was it a type of a mind game? Hmm.

Nope, it was just a pat on the back to help my little sister.

"Really now? You expected me to be true with myself? Even though all that time you were hiding as well? Before, I saw your perverted side in its full glory. You were protecting it like a chest full of diamonds, but then *poof* it was gone. Why? How? Where? Did that red trash damage you beyond repair? Who the hell was this guy who shyly turned his gaze away in front of the naked me? Where was the super joyful scream I was waiting for? Were the dreams we shared also gone? Did you forget about them all? For a moment I thought you became a different person, and it was sickening you know? Infuriating and terrifying. I didn't know how much of you was still there and had no easy way to check. If not for the soul bond that remains… It's just as you've said I can't be true with myself in public or with someone I don't trust…" Accusation, relief, honesty, happiness, anger, and expectation - all mixed together. She finally let them all out and cleared her mind.

There was the sound of jugs, mugs, and bowls being moved away. She removed the little physical obstacles on the road between us.

"Better now?" I asked in a kind tone. No more pretending, it was time to act accordingly with how I truly felt. Though her internal image of me could use some slight corrections. I wasn't that much of a pervert.

"Much better. I'm so glad you finally gave me the confirmation I needed. What took you so long? You should know well that I always wanted to fall asleep while holding hands with someone."

"Wrong assumption. I was convinced that you can only move from 'harsh' to 'meek' with nothing in between. Now I realized that the true you is a mix of those two."

"Of course it is. Both are me. I don't want to remove one mask just to put on another… not when it's just the two of us. What are you waiting for? Start patting already. I already wasted one life away, don't tell me to take it slowly in my second one."

After a moment of blindly scanning my surrounding, I found her way closer than expected.

She was sitting with her back to me, prepared to receive the anticipated caressing. However, despite her brave words she was tensed and shuddered each time my hand brushed her neck or touched her silky hair. For a moment I hesitated slightly, but then remembered her words. She wanted me to be true to myself, and I wanted a bit more than only to smooth out her hair. It would also help her with getting used to my touch.

I embraced her gently and pulled toward me in one swift move. It startled her, and she was trying to resist that sudden pull. But after realizing that if she wanted to, it wouldn't be hard to break out from my embrace, she understood my intentions and leaned against my chest. We were sitting on the floor, my arms locked around her petite body, hers were busily setting our legs in a comfortable position.

"I s-said p-patting…" She kept wiggling around, unable to relax.

"You don't like it?"

"M-maybe taking it a bit s-slower wouldn't be t-that bad..."

"Understood." I bend over her and slowly traced the outline of her long, smooth elven ear with my nose, enjoying both the pleasant sensation and her nice natural smell. The sense of achievement was enormous - to think that this proud girl who not so long ago refused to take my helpful hand was now drowning in my arms, and wanted me to pet her. As I explored her ear's every nook and cranny, she started trembling. A small cute sound escaped her mouth, but she wasn't going to let any more out - a set of sharp teeth dig into one of my arms. Her tails wrapped themselves around my waist, quickly increasing pressure on it. Those ears were more than sensitive, but I feared that she was going to snap my spine if I teased her any more than that. "Eri, that's how I'm going to call you, alright?" I whispered and moved back to hugging alone.

"Never in public, n-never. Got it? I'm Erica Yelvesfor. Eri's reserved j-just for w-when we're alone. You owe me a b-big one for accepting this name. And c-careful now, cross the line, and you will regret it."

Our hearts were beating wildly, I bet she was flushed red both from wine and the surge of new stimuli, but she had nothing to worry about. I was perfectly content with holding her close. That was more than enough, more intense than I could ever imagine. At last, my elven senses were working hard on refining something positive into a genuinely exquisite sensation. We might have skipped the beginning steps, but I wasn't going to rush things now. I wanted to make every single thing memorable and explore this area together, piece by piece. It was way more fun this way.

For the next few minutes, I sat with her snuggled close and enjoyed her warmth and softness. We finally said what we really wanted, stopped moving in the wrong direction, and found the way to interact that felt just right.

"Heey~" She started in a very satisfied voice. "That was on my mind since I saw you… but should I call you my brother… or sister? Which one do you want to be? I would prefer if you didn't take it any further and remained my brother."

"Huh?" Her words broke me out from the charm of the moment. "Where did that come from?"

"Well, male elves have short ears and no scales… if I have to put it in human terms, you've got a handsome face and a nice, well-toned body." She triumphantly rubbed her cheek on my nearby biceps. "But those long ears, they're like a pair of perfectly shaped breasts. And the fairy scales." She took my hand and guided it to trace the ones on her own forehead. The skin in that place was a lot colder and rougher compared to her smooth, burning cheek. "This, it's no different from using lipstick, makeup, and those other things girls in your world did to make themselves prettier."

"... wait. You want to tell me that in the elven eyes I look no different from a tranny?"

She turned back, placed her hands on my forehead, and traced the scales in its corners with fingertips. "A really good looking one..." But then took a look at my ghastly pale, shocked face, and sighed very deeply - my soul was about to depart from the wide open mouth. "You didn't know after all? Ok, that's enough skinship." Eri reluctantly released herself from my limp arms and moved away. "We need to fix your ignorance before it gets you killed. Let's talk business now."

The reason why Crea called me unique - was hard to swallow.

If I gave this body back and covered the production costs, would it be possible to get a new one?