1 Depression

Nesrin

I see the nature outside of my window as the wind making the trees dance singing their melody, my messy bed, the stars, those mere objects that I stare making me remind something from the past that i dont want to think about and would rather kill myself than to continue thinking or worrying about it. I can see my pills scattered on the floor, i feel numb, I feel empty.

Smoking secretly inside my bathroom, my tears are escaping at the same time my heart feels like its been broken a thousand times but i didn't made a sound, observing my surrounding reminded me that im alone again. The busy streets and vehicles that come and pass by, there will be someone who's always on a high place staring at the moon wishing something that would not even happen, there will be someone who's walking alone at night wandering, thinking, observing places with empty eyes. There will be someone who keeps staring at the mirror looking not just sad but depressed. 

I remember myself bursting, crying for some simple mistake, I remember how much i clenched my chest while crying, it was so hard to kept quiet even if there was noise inside my room, i tried opening my mouth to shout but not a word escaped. I remember sitting at the very corner of my room while my face was covering my hair, i haven't eaten at all and didn't have a normal sleeping pattern. I am a dysfunctional teen, a mess. I did all the worse habits that i could think of hoping that by doing this i will die soon, i will have a reason to die. I cut myself, i always hurt myself, I always let my demons eat me, I was broken, I am suicidal..

With shortness of breath, I'll explain the infinite. 

How rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist