a life sentence words from the pen

"Will the defendants please stand." I stand up and check out the courtroom, so many of my loved ones came that some had to sit where the victim's family supposed to sit at. I scan the faces in the crowd, dad ,brother sisters GrandPa homies exes and my girl . I dont see mom and automatically assume her anxiety cant take this . I look at the Jury. My peers. My 30 Years my senior , white Suburban peers. I laugh under my breathe, i never seen any of these people in the hood before how the hell could they be my peers? I look at the one black guy on the Jury hoping i can get an answer from his face but he wont look my way . Matter fact nobody is looking my way, Like they are purposely refusing to lock eyes with me. My heart hits my stomach. I knew by picking this Jury that my co defendant And i would get found guilty. IT was nothing like the first trial, with young people with a Mix of diffrent races on the Jury. nope . When they started striking off the young and black folks "my peers" off the Jury i knew what what was going to happen. I look at the only young girl who looked my age on the Jury. She avoiding my gaze but i see Tears going down her face. Damn. I look down at my hands and bite the inside of my cheek. No matter what im not going to cry in front of these people . "Have the Jury found the veredict?" the whole courtroom goes silent to hear my fate. "Yes your honor , we the Jury find the defendant guilty on count one...... my soul died right there at that moment. I couldnt hear anything over my heart beat. The doors swing open and i see my mom, she dont even realize that she just walked in to her son being auctioned to the state. She got my niece with her, i guess my suprise for me coming home. *Im sorry mama*. I look down and see my niece we locked eyes and she instanly gets that big grin and scream "hey bam bam" *im sorry babygirl* "On count three guilty" i watch the soul leaves my mom eyes and she looks at me and say "oh no" i look at my dad and he couldnt even hold his head up . *pop come get me* when they are done convicted me to the state the court room screams out and protest. The room is filled with screams, sobs and the judge's gavel. The D.A have the happiest smile on her face her job protecting the public is finished. Another menace gone off the street. The young juror looks at me and mouths "im sorry" *yea me too* As they Grab me to take me back to the cage i see my girl sobbing her sister is holding her up. "Baby its okay im one step closer to being able to hold you" she can barely muster up a "ilove you" with out chokin up. as the officers walk me out i smile at my love ones. A job well done i didnt let anybody see me shed a tear. But once i walked out the courtroom alone with just myself and the officers i break down . Because i just witness my own death in front of my family. I just watched people mourn me. The only thing i have now is faith and a life sentence--bam