1 A mothers wish

On that day, the scent of death would forever linger around me.

It was early in the morning, around ten when the carriage arrived. It was a pretty morning, as pretty as it could be for a 7-year-old. My little brother was playing with a flower while my father met the man at the front door, which at the time I didn't know was a lieutenant. My father and uncle were the ninth generation of an important line of soldiers and generals, so I just dismissed it as just an important person talking to another.

I was taught early to not eavesdrop on 'adult talk', so I remained out of hearing range and just watched. I thought they were here to visit my father and give a gift or something, but when my father clenched his fists and bowed his head as if defeated, and my mother covered her mouth, crying, I felt nervous. My mom was strong and stubborn and I had only seen her cry once, back when Mama Felicia died, so to see her crying now made me extremely nervous.

After the soldiers saluted (which I thought was cool back then), then left, and my mother and father went into the manor. Normally I would gaze at its sheer size, its humble but pristine look, its symmetry, and the beautiful hall that resided within it, but this time it was different. The tension inside was so dense it made it hard to breathe.

"Do you have to go?" my mom asked with her voice drowning in tears.

"Yes, my family has served the royal guard for generations, if I don't go now, then what will fall upon us will be..." he stopped right there. I could feel it, I didn't know what, but I could feel something, either far too big or far too hard for me to understand, and yet I felt it, right in my stomach. It was fear, but one I couldn't understand.

"Those two are far too young for you to go there!" she shouted

" Can you not shout, please, they don't need to think we're fighting" my father said, trying to calm my anxious mom.

"How can I be calm when you're going to--!" my mom stopped, she noticed me. I thought I was in trouble, but she just turned her back and said "3 years, I'll take care of them alone for 3 years, promise me you'll come back."

"I can't--"

"PROMISE ME!!"

"..I promise". That night I couldn't go to sleep.

The next day I woke up and looked out of the window. I was too sleepy but I noticed my father was about to leave so I waved goodbye as I yawned. He waved back, kissed my mom, and left, all the while he had the saddest look on his face. Her eyes were red all day, she often asked me to take care of my brother while she went to the bathroom. She didn't talk much either, normally she would be talking a lot, but she was silent, eerily silent, and when my brother started to cry she didn't notice it until I told her. I found it weird at the time, - maybe she misses dad - I thought. I was wrong

It was noon, December 24, 197, when we received the letter. It was from my father. My mom had been showering the flowers when it came in. "Come here boys!" she shouted from the house entrance with her face lit up. My father had been away for around eight months or so, my mom had begun to act normal again, and it seemed the letter helped her. "It's a letter from your dad, want me to read it?"

"YES, YES, YES!" my brother and I shouted in unison, my mom opened the letter and began to read:

- Dear Eliza,

"I hope you're okay. I'm sending this letter since this is the one chance the commander gave us, and since he said to keep it short, I will. The campaign has been going well here, we've made fast advancements, although I wish it was faster, I miss being with you and the kids. I hope that all of you are fine, and please tell the boys I miss them and that I'll be back soon."

- Love, Alexander

He never came back, as he had died one year later.

My mom was devastated, but I only knew that because I saw when they came in. It was a man in a uniform and a hat that covered his eyes, or at least from the angle that I was looking. He had two other men beside him, they too had suits and swords on the right side of their waist. It took me some time to notice but the man in the hat had a sword and a uniform in his hands. I didn't recognize it then, but my mother did. It was dad's.

She started sobbing silently muttering something as the men saluted and left, so I went down to ask her what was wrong.

"What's wrong mo-" that's when I heard her muttering.

"you broke your promise, Alex, you broke it". I knew what promise she was talking about, and dad wouldn't come back. If it was by choice I wanted to cry, if he couldn't that was even worse. Tears streamed down my face, but I didn't make a sound, as that's all I could as an eight-year-old. I just hugged my mom, and we cried until we fell asleep.

The next day, I woke up to the smell of hot chocolate and went down to the kitchen all drowsy. My mom was making breakfast and she seemed concentrated, so I just sneaked into the table and sat down, waiting for some delicious chocolate. I spent a few minutes in silence, so did my mother, she served me the chocolate and the silence kept going. As I drank my chocolate I thought to myself, there were so many things I wanted to ask mom, but was it really the time to ask those things, I was so wrapped in my thoughts that I had completely ignored my mother's voice "--hey, are you paying attention" she said pulling my ear "Ow! Sorry, I wasn't paying attention, what were you saying?" " I was asking you if you wanted to go to school"

"school?"

"yeah, I mean, your almost nine"

It was a costume to send children to school at age nine, usually, kids were sent to Odeneia, the royal capital. It came as a surprise, jokingly or not, my mom always said that she wouldn't send me to school - He's too much of a wimp, he'd be bullied as soon as he got there. if he would man up, then maybe I would let him - she would say right in front of me, which made me mad.

"But why? You've always said that you would never send me to school"

"Just asking"

" I would rather stay and help you"

When I said that she looked at me so intensely, it pierced every muscle in me, and grabbed my shoulders "NO! DON'T!" she shouted and started crying "mom, what is it? Why don't you want me to stay"

"I just want you to live!"