1 This Kid Must Be Insane

Dadda?" she tilted her head as she looked up at me.

"Where are your parents kid?" She stared into my eyes and stretched her arm out and pointed to the person that was kneeing down in front of her. This kid must be insane.

On my way home from my part-time job, I received a call from my neighbor claiming a kid was sitting at my doorstep crying for her parents. I didn't believe her till I heard the sounds bursting out of my phone. She begged me to hurry back because a kid's wailing is not what she wanted to hear after nine in the night.

I rubbed my temple and hailed a taxi with my groceries in hand, canceling my Sunday plan of finally eating the long-awaited BBQ I saved whole day for.

Entering the alleyway to my home I felt to rip my ears off. There really was a child that could cry this loudly on earth? The neighbor who saw my approaching shadow sprung up from my doorway step.

"She doesn't want me to touch her and I've tried everything from food to toys, she just won't stop crying!"

The little girl sat crouched in front of my door, her head buried within her tiny arms. If she wasn't crying so loudly one would think she's asleep. I sighed as I placed the grocery bags on the ground and slowly approached her.

"Hey there little kid." My voice trembled as I reached out to her. Belatedly she rose her head and visible evidence of how long she cried was written all over her face. Her tears came to a halt as a mask of curiosity spread over her face in an instant.

"Dadda?" she tilted her head as she looked up at me.

"Where are your parents kid?" With my eyes now meeting hers, she stretched her arm out and pointed to the person that was kneeing down in front of her. This kid must be insanely mistaken.

My neighbor and I both simultaneously gasped, I spun around to see her hands covering her mouth and her eyes were clearly judging me. My face became flushed. Never have I been in a relationship much less a sexual one but admitting my virginity to my forty -year old neighbor would be beneath me.

"Ah..um..this child must be really confused!?" Having a kid admit to be your child in front of the person in charge of the neighborhood gossip is really not a good look.

"Well..uh, thanks Mrs. Weber! Ill be sure to find this kid's parents for her!" I snatched the groceries, the kid and my sanity as I ran inside, closing the door shut. With my back against the door my breathing became shaky.

"Oh no why'd I bring the kid inside? Now I'll look like a kidnapper when Mrs. Weber finds out she's not mine!"

"What if I become the neighborhood pedophile?!" My life has already been ruined before it began.

"Dadda!" The clapping noise she made was incessant. This kid, there's no one here for you to fool anymore so stop pretending. I grabbed the dining room chair and placed the suspect to sit and brought forth other props. With the living room lamp luminating her round, chubby face she has now been put under interrogation.

I grabbed the chair across from where she sat in the dining room. As I bore into her eyes I was almost drawn in by the cuteness of the suspect. I snapped out of it and placed my notebook on the table.

What's your name kid? Kay!

How old are you? Ee! she put 3 fingers up in the air.

Where's your parents? Her finger stretched across the table and once again laid upon me. "Dada!"

What the hell...This is going nowhere.

"Listen kid, I may not look like it but I'm only 18 years old and you look like you're either three or four"

"Ee!" she put three fingers up.

"So if I do the math that'll mean you were born when I was 11- no.. 12? I don't know, I'm not good at adding but what I do know is I'm too young to be your dad. You understand?

"Ba-aht!" she stared confused.

Ok I guess that's settled then. Ill just ring the police station, tell them I found some random kid and then she'll be on her merry way. I turned the lamp light off and dug into my pocket for my phone.

"Achoo!"

In the silent darkness I walked over and placed my hand on her forehead.

"The little runt has a fever now?" I turned on the house lights as she thoughtlessly stared at the dining room ceiling with her swollen eyes and runny nose. I looked at the time plastered on my phone screen. Midnight huh..so she must've been out there for a few hours at least. I highly doubt there's any pharmacies open at this hour, what am I supposed to do?

"Achoo-eh!"

With this sneeze her head uncontrollably flung into the table. Her eyes welled up with tears, oh no. My hands clasped together, and I kneeled at her chair with my eyes squeeze shut.

"Please don't cry! You'll wake the entire neighborhood! A few seconds went by without any noise. I peeled my eyes open, and my begging seemed to have worked since she was now staring at me solemnly. As I began to slowly rise her hands locked themselves into my hair.

"Ouch, you son of a-!" Deep breaths, that's a kid. Her fingers refused to let loose of my hair no matter how much I budge.

"This is not a wig kid, let go that's my scalp you're pulling!" Strangely I felt something cool and moist running through my hair. Took me a while but my heart dropped when I realized.

"u-ugh-ah-AHH!" I picked her up still clinging to my hair and ran through the halls. My horror didn't cease till I kicked open the bathroom door, ripped my hair from her palms and placed her on the bathroom stool. The tap turned on as I washed all the mucus out of my hair. The sound of her giggling could be heard through the splashing of the water. That's it, I ran back with a towel on my head to grab my phone. the police were on speed dial.

As the phone rang I glared at the young evil that sat on my bathroom stool. I noticed a piece of paper sticking out of the pocket of the denim jumper she was wearing.

To Whom This May Concern:

This child is yours. Give her up and you're dead.

Love Kacey's Mommy(~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

"911, what's your emergency?"

The call ended