When I turn back
5840 days and 140,160 hours
at school past time
"I am James Heaven White, from Quezon City,Philippines I with my mom migrated here in San Francisco USA because we want to be with dad.I believe that if we all have love, loving each other then we will have an amazing world where negativity will not grow, thank you" As I introduced myself in front of the class. One of my classmate ask me about me being skinny. I also have a pale skin, dark and brown not suit to my Surname. They laugh at me, and the teacher say something to stop it.
it's my first time here at USA, I don't even know their beliefs. Character and any. I am confused why we go here at state. I am grateful that my mom taught me on how to speak English. First time in class, I have friends , I have foe also. Everytime I was walking on the pathway of the school there's that big guy block my way. They have big muscles, big fist, big eyes, big bullsh*t. They want me to lend them money. My mom won't lend me money again if I am giving money to others. I want to fight back, the guy hold my shoulder and arms. He used his strength and he ripped my pocket and throw my bag. People are just walking, passing like they don't see me with a bully guy. I am only 16 that day.
I have skinny body. Tall but dark.
How could I really, oppose, fight or defeat them.
Then a girl appear.Do you belief at first sight?
it's my first time that my heart throbbing fast. She just shout I think she will help me but
no way she just pass me, she shout because she call someone. ahh that feeling boo.
1 hr later
"Oh son you're here already!, how's your day?"
Exhausted
That's what I wanted to tell my mom. But no to that, I have to be strong. I am strong anyway.
I said " Yeah, It's good, I'm fine mom"
then she just smile at me she's busy, I know it.
I stir my coffee, and I eat hotdog again.
pass few days. walking on the pathway I found out that girl, who just passing by------ nope---- not a help for me. Then while looking at her, I found out that she has a boyfriend, it's hurt, it's really hurt me much. That day my heart broke , melting point comes... that was a shame for me. I walk a little and I accidentally dump someone we both on the ground. She wear a glass, looks good, it suit to her, she has dimples and she's like me. She is skinny too haha funny. I said "Sorry, sorry, I'm ....." as I look her eyes, it just shining,, I whine to the wind, how beautiful the day it is. I gradually found another one. That day the hurt fade after she smile at me and say "It's okay, I'm fine" then she run faster, I think she has classes to run off.
I am not sick in that age. not til I turn 19
July 20, 2017
I was closing my locker, and look what I found it's a ball.
It's small like a jackstones, I open it and pick it from the box and I concomitantly drop it, it's rolling on the floor and it's enter in the .music room. There it is, thanks to the ball I found her. She is singing a "it's okay song" I love her voice, her hair, her hands, I want to hold it and kiss it. I want to cuddle with her. I want her for short. Then she stop singing, she look at me, we glare and staring each other. Our eyes met again, and her deep conviction is like a bird singing a lullaby. Her body, I am speechless. That day I know she is the one. I want her, The one who will help me and make me happy. to be my strength and weaknesses, that girl is my forever.
"Hi" she said. "hello" I replied. "What you doing here?" she ask "ahhmm, Nothing I just looking for my balls" I replied like I don't mean it bad, seriously. "what? are you?" she said, she step back and said this again " I have to go". Why? I ask myself. am I rude? I am not mean it cruel. it is just... ahhh! trying to explain but she go away.
"I mean the balls, not my balls" I whispered.
9 hours later
at school
it is night and dark, I see drinks, foods, it's our culmination program. I was looking for her, I am yes. But I can't find her, there's guy black, tall, hunk, yummy. A sexy and pretty girl. kissing there boyfriends and girlfriends. It's quite different from my country, it's okay for them to kiss public, I also saw, their boyfriends touching their boobs, and butt like I wanted to do it to her. This really suck me, it's annoying.
I was seating on a couch, and eat, drink , eat and drink again and again.
"Where she is?" I gasp.
I go to the toilet, I wash my face, and there I found out and hearing a weird sound.
"ahh, ahh, lick it babe, ahh, ahh"
wait what ?
"what's that sound?" I whispered.
I silently walk to where is that sound came from, and It is worst. It's my first time seeing to propel kissing and licking each other. I got wide eyes, goosebumps like I see a ghost. And yet they see my eyes. The guy shout "Hey! get out here boy!"
I ran fast,
I can't swallowed my saliva, It's frustrating, maybe I have to go home.
it's 10 in the evening, my mom is asleep and so do I.
Every single of my eyes, I see that too people. Maybe they called it love, I don't know, I don't really know why. my mom told be only who are married can do that, but maybe it's love controls?
"In a relationship do not give your body, Just respect and love" Your TotoPoy11