1 C1: Where boundaries are made
I was walking in my room, I want to jump but I can't. I just looking the wonderful city of San Francisco USA. I HAVE a dawn DAYS left TO LIVE in this world. I want to cry but my tears won't drop. I don't know what and how I feel, there's one thing I want to hold on. and it's my family and my girl. But it seems I can't touch them, I am sick, this is a serious challenge for me. I want to kiss my girl.
We talk and see in a video chat, they come here at my hospital for twice a week and what I really am happy is my girl, she came by herself for every 4hrs when her classes are done.My world that I have is at dawn. You can't know where the lights show or dark glow. I wanted to be happy, this is not a challenge for me, this is my destiny. The game were just started, I miss her laugh, her smile, her hugs, the way she tease me, her body.They kiss my forehead and hug me whenever they come or
I want them to be safe, have happy life.
I am dealing with a Achalasia.
When I heard Doctor said that I have a rare disease or symptoms an Achalasia. I ask him if it can be a killing or near to death and my doctor said. "Yes, You've been dealing this Corso many years and you have 2 symptoms. This can be a dark of your life."
I just knee on the floor, got pale skin and I shout and cry that Day.
I researchmore on Achalasia,and this is what I have found.
"*Dealing with Achalasia*
Synonyms of Achalasia
cardiospasm
dyssynergia esophagus
esophageal aperistalsis
megaesophagus
Achalasia is a rare disorder of the esophagus, the tube that carries food from the throat to the stomach. It is characterized by impaired ability to push food down toward the stomach (peristalsis), failure of the ring-shaped muscle at the bottom of the esophagus, the lower esophageal sphincter (LES), to relax. It is the contraction and relaxation of the sphincter that moves food through the tube.
The symptoms of achalasia typically appear gradually. Most people with this disorder experience an impairment in the ability to swallow (dysphagia) as a major and early symptom. There may also be mild chest pain that comes and goes. Some affected individuals experience pain that is very intense.
Retention of saliva and ingested food in the esophagus may often cause regurgitation of these contents; in addition, such contents may also be propelled into the lungs during breathing (tracheobronchial aspiration). Other symptoms of this disorder may include a cough during the night and significant weight loss, because of difficulty in swallowing, in cases that remain untreated. Dry eyes (keratoconjunctivitis sicca) and dry mouth (xerostomia) are not unusual in patients with achalasia.
The aspiration of saliva and food contents by people with achalasia may cause pneumonia, other pulmonary infections, or even death. The incidence of esophageal cancer is significantly increased in patients with achalasia.
source:https://rarediseases.org/rare-diseases/achalasia/""""""""""""
I can't swallow my food. I want to die that die. Every single day I think of if I die who will take care of my family and the relationship that I have?.
Sometimes even if we mean well,a single phrase can lost everything. Love your health and your allies.
14 days Present time
it's 7:47 in the evening, Philippine time. I am busy with my home works. Tomorrow is the deadline for my activities. I have to answer 6 modules but I only answered 1 of my modules. My father is an attorney in USA, we-my mom just us live at home. She work as a account manager in the biggest bank in the Philippines. I just talk with my father on phone calls. He always texted and call me even at nights. I am just 10 years old that day, I feel annoying why at 11 pm my father's calls me. At that night? really. It suck me unwell. Then that night I called my mom and I said "Ma, dad keep calling me, at this time?" . My mom just laugh and smirk at me and I said "Ma!" and my mom responded " It's seems that you forgot? We are here in Philippines, and your dad is at US. Don't you remember what I told you when you are at the living room?" and I replied " aww, I forgot" then I smirk. I answer the phone that keeps ringing.
Cring, Cring, Cring.
"Hello dad?" I said
"Oh, my son you grown a lot I hear it in your voice.' she replied. I laugh a little and said
"shhhh! shut up! love you dad"
I am turning into a 6 year old boy. And I hate it. I hate saying love you or any that can be a fluttered of feelings to them. Yucks disgusting.
I and dad talk to much about my life, my studies.
In morning I cook hotdog secretly because it is my favorite hmm. yummy. Not 'til my mom caught me cooking by myself. Then she just hug me and laugh. I am shook . I thought she will scold me, but she don't did that ever in my life. I am happy that I have a parents like them. Hardworking, Smart, And approachable. They are my first live and treasure.
"Our family is meant for everything, they sometimes scold us, but they really love us."
-TOTOPOY11.
June 22, 2011. It's my birthday. My dad greet me and my mom as well. My mom calls my friends. they prepared a lot but I don't want to, I just want to be with them. They are my treasure, they are indeed. I raised my eyebrows seeing my friends are gathered in my birthday both enemy and real friends. Yes we play that day because it is my birthday, I have to be happy. I show the real me in my birthday. We have games including paper dance and a parlor games. My mom prepared with efforts, and then do I have to be grateful. It's 4 in the Afternoon, my friends were saying "Goodbye archiles, happy birthday again" and they keep saying that word. So, what would I do? I response "Thanks". I remember I hug my mom that day, And I said "thank you and I love you both of you mom and dad "
my mom smile and hug me too.
it's 5:45 am June 23, 2011 past time.
My mom woke me up. It's classes time. I take a bath, she dress me up, and I eat. She then tell me "Be good at school, okay?" LIKE I was a hardheaded kid. I said in my mind "No ma, I am already 11".
I hop in her car, and fasten my seat belt. And I smile to her and said "Let's Go",in an exciting way. My mom again laugh at me. I feel good that day. Yes I am. My mom is my day and my dad is my house. My mom light up my path and dad shelter me.
When I am turning 12, June 22, 2013.
It's 6:00 In the morning, when I am eating I was dizzy and it's like I can't swallowed my food inside my mouth. I called my mom and tell her I can't swallowed, she then give me a water but it goes likely, I cried that day because I feel the pain in my throat and after a minute I can't breathe, I was holding on the chair and I fell down. I heard my mom shouting for help. I just wake up seeing a white and bright light. I am wondering where I am, I tilt my head And close my eyes, I thought I am dreaming but I am not. I don't get it, I don't understand. Why would my mom bring me here? like I am just sleeping. I am sleepy that day. I look at my right seeing a woman wearing a white shirt and white pants. I ask her "Ma'am, Where am I?", the woman wearing a white shirt and a white pants replied "You are at hospital". I widened my eyes. and gasp "hospital"
It is my first time at hospital. I only know that in hospital only those who are sick can enter. I shout and cry, the woman called a doctor. and I see my mom. holding my hands. "It's okay, It's okay. I am here, I will not leave you okay?" she said "But ma, only sick people can enter in this room. I am not sick, I am not ma!". I shout. "Yes, You are not, You are fine. There's no problem with your health okay? later you will be discharge and " she then uttered back but my mom phone rings and it is my dad, that voice that sincere voice, that lovely voice turn into, apprehension.
I don't want that my mom and dad feels that. I
and then I realize to not be a hardheaded again.
"It's okay not to be okay, but it is very okay if we are okay"
-TOTOPOY11
