10 I hurt so I hurt

I hurt from the pain of a first love gone to waste.

Id say it wasnt my first love, if not for the firsts that It'd take.

He took my first relationship, my body, and my time.

Everything else besides the things you'd want from someone you like.

I used to be different, so because of that I got hurt.

I let him use me, abuse me, pretended that it'd work.

I let myself sink so low I couldn't recognize "me" anymore.

Said I would wait for him to get better, but waiting for someone in hopes that they'll change isnt love.

I'd hope for the best for him, and wish for his happiness, but that wasn't enough.

I wished for out but I tied myself down.

His words manipulated me, I was constantly filled with doubt.

I wanted to help him, and he needed the comfort.

So i stayed despite my own discomfort.

I was so terrified of his actions and how I would react to every little thing.

But he didnt even think twice about hurting me.

All my guilt, anxieties; I was riddled with regret.

I shouldn't have set my foot into a place so unfamiliar.

My naivety not only damaged him but me as well.

I dont trust as easily, I have less hope for those around me and myself.

I'm grieving over my old pathetic self.

The one who couldn't say no when he wanted sex more than once.

The one who sat naked and alone once he was done.

Im so shocked by how much I let slip past, how people would take advantage of that.

So I told myself I would change.

I would never be the same way, value myself more than others or at least on par.

Now I see myself as selfish, mean, narcissistic..

Is this how the cycle starts?